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Lost 120hrs + opioid free, it seems to be getting worse. It's in contradiction with my past withdrawals. Feeling like I'll never find peace sober

soulwentmia

soulwentmia

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 2022
Messages
54
Hi guys I felt like reaching out on here. In February I ended a mutually toxic 3 years relationship. Since March, I've been on and off opioids constantly, namely kratom and codeine. I would use the codeine to get rid of kratom but ultimately started getting attracted to the warm hug.

Also since June I started using stimulants kinda heavily. From August onwards it got much worse as per frequency and quantity. Used baclofen and gabapentin to nullify comedowns and of course it worked. Opioids helped too.

Last thursday was the last time I used stims. Friday afternoon I had my last codeine dose. From past withdrawals I experienced ugly symptoms until day 4-5 ish where things would quickly get better. Now I,m at day 5 and i just started to get the goosebumps, coldness, irritability and a huge hole in my heart.


I failed to mention that in the middle of July, a dear friend of mine died via opioid OD. We were supporting each other and talked very frequently. I suppose that accelerated my use without me knowing. It really presses on me and I remember his words saying smth like I can't live without substances and I kinda feel the same and that I will join him in less than 5 years.


I'm lucky to be in eastern eu and only used pharma codeine and kratom, had oxy off. DW once but wasn't really my thing. So very low chances of randomly OD'ing unless i Heavily take lyrica again. I was in a GCS 3 coma a year ago and I guess one had to go either me or my departed friend.

i'm ok with taking a huge stimulant break but otherwise rn I feel extremely depressed. I don't see a point in anything and at night i'm bombarded with the fails i had in life, be it thru my actions or lack thereof.


I lowkey realise that this is still opioid withdrawal and in 10 days tops I'll smile and feel warm again. I cannot imagine how people withdraw from shit without having a timeline and exact scientific info about what is happening. If I wasn't a drug nerd, I guess i would have killed myself durig the first withdrawal.
 
wirkdy said:
my one month without heroin seemed like a few hundred years, no joke. Hold on tight if you have any real reason to stop.
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codeine is harmless taken in reasonable doses my two actually three issues are cost, local police going insane with roadside drug testing and the fact that i take it as nurofen plus, sometimes 24x200mg ibuprofen but usually 12. still enough to give me a serious disease with time

using once in a while doesn't seem to hurt but the day i stopped i was sick al day and vomiting

and yes I i know about CWE but no one has time for that in active addiction
 
Congratulations!!! it takes a minute to wander out of the deregulated state we created. It does fix itself. We can do things to promote this. Exercise both promotes neurotransmitter production, regulation and neuroplasticity.


Hit the gym 5 days a week or something similar.

Don’t forget to remind yourself of the amazing results you’re achieving!!

The acute withdrawal is the initial condition that most people focus on.. but post acute withdrawals and psychological addiction is the real battle.


Fire up a strong comprehensive plan to address these and if you use don’t beat yourself up, make sure you don’t OD ❤️ and adjust the plan you have created to address the what that lead you to use.
 
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Hang in there. It does get better.

I came off Methadone and I remember just staying up feeling shitty, trying to find ways to occupy my mind. All I wanted to do was ease the pain.

2+ years sober, and there is zero struggle.

Just grit your teeth and grind through this. Hours turn in to days.
Days turn in to weeks.
 
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I wish I had the right thing to say, but really all I can offer is that I care about you and I'm wanting you to hang in there so that you can have some peace (soon). With Love, Gigi.
 
Keep reminding yourself that this is just dopamine depletion. It's a predictable consequence of extended heavy use, but it is also reversible. Your dopamine levels will regulate themselves again, but this takes time. To get all the way back to normal means a full year or more abstinent on average. Certain medications may help during this time. Just know for a fact that this state isn't permanent.
 
Nobigdeal19 said:
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I wish I had the right thing to say, but really all I can offer is that I care about you and I'm wanting you to hang in there so that you can have some peace (soon). With Love, Gigi.
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i actually relapsed after 7 days spent a day siber then did it again then another day or two sober and today right back on it. it feels different and makes me very angry tho i actually felt better in withdrawal. surely won't do it again tomorrow and i'll abstain as long as i can
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Keep reminding yourself that this is just dopamine depletion. It's a predictable consequence of extended heavy use, but it is also reversible. Your dopamine levels will regulate themselves again, but this takes time. To get all the way back to normal means a full year or more abstinent on average. Certain medications may help during this time. Just know for a fact that this state isn't permanent.
Click to expand...
yes i do know i'm actually a problematic drug nerd. what makes things worse tho is that stim abuse coupled with opioid use. also used baclofen heavily for months which apparently also has phenethylamine activity too
 
some dude said:
Hang in there. It does get better.

I came off Methadone and I remember just staying up feeling shitty, trying to find ways to occupy my mind. All I wanted to do was ease the pain.

2+ years sober, and there is zero struggle.

Just grit your teeth and grind through this. Hours turn in to days.
Days turn in to weeks.
Click to expand...
glad you're better brother/sis
 
neversickanymore said:
Congratulations!!! it takes a minute to wander out of the deregulated state we created. It does fix itself. We can do things to promote this. Exercise both promotes neurotransmitter production, regulation and neuroplasticity.


Hit the gym 5 days a week or something similar.

Don’t forget to remind yourself of the amazing results you’re achieving!!

The acute withdrawal is the initial condition that most people focus on.. but post acute withdrawals and psychological addiction is the real battle.


Fire up a strong comprehensive plan to address these and if you use don’t beat yourself up, make sure you don’t OD ❤️ and adjust the plan you have created to address the what that lead you to use.
Click to expand...
thank you for writing this but i can barely walk let alone gym. at the 15 day mark i guess it becomes possible
 
some dude said:
Hang in there. It does get better.

I came off Methadone and I remember just staying up feeling shitty, trying to find ways to occupy my mind. All I wanted to do was ease the pain.

2+ years sober, and there is zero struggle.

Just grit your teeth and grind through this. Hours turn in to days.
Days turn in to weeks.
Click to expand...
very beautifully written (the thing about hours morphing into weeks eventually)
 
Sorry about your friend. Congratulations on getting sober. There's been times withdrawal hasn't hit me for 5 days. I made a post about not getting symptoms and 2 days later i started getting them.
Exercise really helps, i never thought it would but even if you have to force yourself for a walk even you will feel a bit better.
 
soulwentmia said:
i actually relapsed after 7 days spent a day siber then did it again then another day or two sober and today right back on it. it feels different and makes me very angry tho i actually felt better in withdrawal. surely won't do it again tomorrow and i'll abstain as long as i can
Click to expand...
Still thinking about you. Hope you're doing okay. 💕
 
If you mess up, it's ok. Just keep trying again and again. Don't give up, you're worth it 🙏
 
I relapsed for months now I'm at it (detox) again after abusing like 1.5g of mdma rock and 100mg of diazepam over three days. I'm nearly 72 hours in again but also on escitalopram for the same amount of time. I feel alot of contradictory things and will start therapy 2 weeks from now. This time I feel like i'm truly done. Escitalopram inhibits cyp2d6 so codeine wouldn't work anyway..
 
soulwentmia said:
I relapsed for months now I'm at it (detox) again after abusing like 1.5g of mdma rock and 100mg of diazepam over three days. I'm nearly 72 hours in again but also on escitalopram for the same amount of time. I feel alot of contradictory things and will start therapy 2 weeks from now. This time I feel like i'm truly done. Escitalopram inhibits cyp2d6 so codeine wouldn't work anyway..
Click to expand...
Wishing you good luck, I hope everything goes well 💜
 
soulwentmia said:
I relapsed for months now I'm at it (detox) again after abusing like 1.5g of mdma rock and 100mg of diazepam over three days. I'm nearly 72 hours in again but also on escitalopram for the same amount of time. I feel alot of contradictory things and will start therapy 2 weeks from now. This time I feel like i'm truly done. Escitalopram inhibits cyp2d6 so codeine wouldn't work anyway..
Click to expand...
It's only a weak inhibitor. It won't stop the metabolism of codeine to morphine.

30 mg a day of diazepam is a reasonable dose. I wouldn't call it abuse.
 
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