12 Step Breakdown - Step One

[Jamshyd]

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread yet.

But step 1 is actually the main reason I have always viewed these programs as being absolutely worthless.

In Social Work theory, one word that keeps popping up over and over again is empowerment. It is maintained that the most detrimental aspect of any social problem is the patient's learned helplessness, and that it is the facilitator's job to help people help themselves.

No wonder, then, that starting a healing process by making the patient admit powerlessness is the absolute antithesis of everything that has ever worked to solve problems. I plainly disagree with this approach, and I'm not even a social worker!

No offense here to anyone who found these programs helpful, I am happy for you. But I'd never admit myself nor anyone I care about to such a russian-roulette approach to healing.

 

[panic in paradise]

if you aren't an addict, or one admittedly, its hard to get, or seems a shame to admit...

i am powerless with alcohol and cocaine,,, and useless.
once i realized, accepted, understood, and grew away from; mostly out of shock, shame, and a round of horrific moments of clarity... i didnt have to fight anymore, fight that anyways

this made further growth, more strong, and more true.

i wrote on my last oxy bottle, "this is power, you are strength."

being humble, accepting what we cant change, develops our inner strength. using our minds clearly, knowing what we can not change brings strength, and wisdom.
admitting our weaknesses is acknowledging our strengths.


i hate for people to hand over the credit of their achievements to, someone or something else. i really do, its a very disturbing, far reaching part of life to me.
AA IS about a higher power, i chose a snow-flake to draw once as an image of my higher-power, to me it represented infinite uniqueness/changes and perfection in a pure most fragile form.

for me GOD, is our (sub)con/science, spirituality is our natural making, what makes us, us, our personal feel and view of the world.

giving credit to someone, or something else may be due, but, it seems not knowing you actually made the choices, steps, and right decisions, did the actual work to create a better life, is the actual fact of the matter, and with this confidence/integrity gained,,, there are many many incredible, awful, endlessly rewarding challenges that YOU can take on with this new knowledge of strength.
if all the credit is given else-where, these beautiful/awful lifes challenges/rewards/soul-food will be avoided with prayers, wishes, and wants.

these steps can help you realize your strengths and weaknesses, and help you understand others more deeply.
from there, the point should be to start living and growing, not fearing, staying consumed with drugs, believing we are only capable with others/gods will.


ohhh, ill stop now...

 

[Jamshyd]

I see what you're saying.

My views on higher power are largely implicit and so I rarely talk about them. But the point is that you can be empowered by being humbled by something bigger than yourself - agreed.

However, I do not see how admitting powerlessness over a drug - over something inanimate and absolutely neutral, is empowering or conductive to humility in any way.

Yes, belief in higher-power is the best medicine against addiction IME (I've been addicted to at least five different substances in the past, and am still entangled with one), and spirituality has always been central to my quitting them. But by this same opinion and experience, I maintain that AA/NA are notdoinitrite.

But, like I said, if it works for decreasing your pain, then I'll do anything to support your involvement in it (that has always been my moral axis), or at the very least I won't stand in your way.

Just wanted to add my 2C, I think I'll stop now...

 

[phactor]

First off I want to make this clear: I believe AA/NA/CA/MA whatever are not the only way to get clean or sober. I have seen plenty of people get sober on there own. However, I would argue that they may not be addicts.

But for me they help tremendously. There is something to be said about group healing/group conciseness. Just a simple nod of the head from a person helps, because you realize that you are not alone.

My addiction has lasted over 10 years, I come from a long line of addicts and alcoholics. My life was unmanageable, my addiction was causing me tremendous problems. I was functioning but I was unhappy and tearing myself, my family and my loved ones apart.

Meetings and the 12 steps combined with medication, counseling and additional small group therapy give the addict a fighting chance. I have tons of shit going on with me and my addiction is a major problem.

I spent years trying to convince myself I had control over my use, I did not. I almost died because of this. I wanted to stop and knew I had a problem. I cannot quit alone. People are out there to help me and I am seeking that help. Getting clean for 6 months does not mean you have control over a substance. I had a few periods of this. However looking at the overall whole of my use, it got progressively worse and heavier as time went on.

When it all comes down to it, you have little control over much of anything. You do have control over yourself though. Problem is when you are an addict you are a slave to that addiction. Once I stopped using I felt better immediately. I now literally feel like I have been given my life back. I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in over a decade (possibly ever). My life has improved tremendously in only 29 days. Meetings play a huge role in this.

I spent and wasted alot of energy on trying to convince myself that AA didn't work and was too rigid. When I finally went into it with an open mind I found it was very flexible and that it is up to the individual to make it work for them. I used to try to rationalize not going by saying it is rigid and dogmatic, when in all actuality it is the exact opposite. I mean look at how many different types of meetings exist. Every meeting has its own flavor. Everyone is on there own journey and AA/NA is now part of mine.

The first step has nothing to do with my/your interpretation of a higher power so I will not comment on it.

Great thread, I am working on my first step right now. I have a great sponsor who serves as a guide. He does not tell me what to do, but helps me realize what I should do. I want to get sober and am putting in the work needed to get me and keep me sober.

In Social Work theory, one word that keeps popping up over and over again is empowerment. It is maintained that the most detrimental aspect of any social problem is the patient's learned helplessness, and that it is the facilitator's job to help people help themselves.

I have a Sociology degree and am a Social Worker. In my opinion you are reading the step completely wrong. AA/NA teach the individual that they can actually overcome something that they did not ever think they could. I know I never believed that I could get sober. In fact this was bringing me to some very bad places and I was starting to feel like life was useless.

anyways, we learn in AA/NA that with the help of others and a true desire to want to quit (The only thing needed for membership) that addiction can be overcome. Not only that, but that a person can restore there life so that it is worth living. Finally the last step teaches the individual that he and she can help others. If that isn't empowerment then I do not know what is. To top it off, the organization is a non-profit and funded via donations. This allows it to not be reliant on local/state/federal budgets (which we know there are not much of right now).

And I agree with you about NA, when I was going to meetings I much preferred the idea of dealing with "addiction" in general rather than a specific substance.

Most AA groups accept addicts of every type. Some NA meetings do not allow alcoholics to attend. Again, it is all up to the individual group. I know that when I share I either say "I am an alcoholic and addict" or "I am powerless over drugs and alcohol" to introduce myself. I have done this at both NA and AA and have never had a problem. Most groups focus on addiction rather then one substance. Shit, most of us know how often drugs and alcohol are mixed.

 

[phactor]

Am i allowed to post either a link or just the URL to a great site with awesome free 12 step materials?

Please Do!

 

[panic in paradise]

it was empowering, because its an impossible battle.

conserving strength and not struggling, i gained control and power over parts of my life, that i didnt before this instills strength and confidence, which reciprocates into further strength and confidence to not struggle, or force will power to get through each day with out drugs or alcohol.

that power initially cane from inside, and is there still, not in the hands of an entity. this is important, incase a prayer fails, and you dont have the faith in yourself to take the "challenge" on,,, alone with your own means.

 

[Jabberwocky]

First off I want to make this clear: I believe AA/NA/CA/MA whatever are not the only way to get clean or sober. However, I would argue that they may not be addicts.

Why? I have an assumption as to why. Its to create a category of people for whom 12 step solutions are the only solution. Their may be people for whom 12 steps are the only practical and readily available solution. Is it useful or accurate to call the group that 12 steps work for for true addicts? Is this something that you would propose be used by addiction specialists in medicine and counseling? I think it is a distinction popular with some 12 steppers as a part of group identity but I'm open to arguments, evidence, or ideas about the nature of this distinction for other purposes.

It does get used by people telling themselves they "can't leave these rooms" or telling others that they can not either. There being no other way of life for "true" addicts is really important to some people both as something they put at themselves and aim at others. Even if you think I don't have the dynamics quite right I'm betting you have seen the very sorts of pep talks people give to self and others including exhortations that there is no other way.

Anyways that is what I think a great deal of the dedication to true addicts vs pseudo-addicts is about as far as group dynamics and many individuals dedication to the principles involved.

 

[phactor]

I am tired and am about to work on my meditation but I will do a quick write up Enki, I will have more tomorrow.

Because if you can stop something by just thinking "well I just don't want to do this anymore" and then do not use anymore then I would argue that you are not an addict. One of the major parts of addiction is compulsive use even in the face of known consequences. Many times I know that using would harm me greatly but I will/would still do it.

Do I think that some true addicts can quit without the 12 steps... yes of course. The 12 steps do not work for everyone.

Addiction Specialists often suggest 12 step meetings in conjuction with medication and counseling. This is because it gives the addict a better chance of getting sober and staying sober.

All I know is that right now, in this moment the 12 steps are helping me. I know this because I am sober right now and did not believe I could be. I wanted to stop on my own for years and totally recognized that I was an addict. I tried many different ways (which are chronicled on this site via my posts) and could not stay sober. I would be off of drugs for different lengths of time but was miserable and would relapse.

As for someone telling others that they cannot get sober with meetings... well I guess just don't listen to them. They are obviously being closed minded, which also does not translate well with AA/NA.

 

[New]

I couldn't stay sober with meetings. I was lying to myself for months thinking that I could. I know that you have the best of intentions, but just because someone can't tolerate a meeting doesn't necessarily make them closed minded. In my case, at least, I had given it a good year of benefit of the doubt. I even started threads like this that were all about the steps and immersed myself completely into the whole culture. I've found people(including myself) to be far more closed minded as an active participant of a 12-step program than out of one. My personal experience showing that the friends I used to have only understand 12-step related solutions and I've had countless people who have been exposed to AA/NA/?A for a fraction of the time that I have acting like I have no idea what I'm talking about concerning the program.

Because, apparently, one cannot understand the program and hate the program at the same time. One can not be angry about how 12-step institutions flat-out lie to people to siphon money out of people's pockets. I somehow am unable to decide for myself I don't want to become like the people who have 10 years sober, whose heads are in the clouds and hearts frozen over because they've seen so many people relapse in this "simple program" that they've been relegated to a leperous status in their mind. Not wanting to be like that makes me unspiritual. Apparently criticizing the program as vehemently as I feel towards it at this point in my life invalidates what I say.

I don't understand how you can claim that people in the program are open-minded when the very act of questioning it opens you up for ridicule. When separating from meetings turns you into an untouchable. I mean, fuck, there are probably thousands of people who went to meetings right up to the point of death by overdose who believed in their very hearts that the 12-step philosophy was the only thing keeping them alive. And then when the people who were going to the same meetings as those who died, they curse the disease and warn people that if they don't believe enough they could relapse and die, disrespecting the dead in the process.

And 12 steps or not, the individual has to make the decision to quit, so I don't know what difference you were trying to highlight. What you've written basically says that the difference between an addict and a "pseudo-addict" is that being a true addict guarantees death. Why would you label yourself as hopeless and helpless and expect to maintain any length of sobriety or self-esteem?

And someone will probably come along and tell me that somehow doing the 12 steps twice over wasn't enough to understand the "principles", someone will accuse me of being angry(which doesn't actually invalidate my point, but whatever), someone will accuse me of being an active addict which still doesn't invalidate my point, because the way a significant minority of people go on about the program(including myself, as evidenced by this thread), the program is as infallibe as God and Jesus Christ and the person who dare question the 12 steps is an enemy of life.

All I saw were some good people doing what their friends were doing(going to meetings), some people using AA/NA/?A as a way to artificially inflate their arrogance, and some people who just don't know any better. I'm guessing the overarching theme of this post is that I have found my 12-step involvement to be the most abusive, invalidating and patronizing experience of my life and to suggest that anybody who doesn't like the program didn't give it a fair shot is anywhere from ignorant to offensive. I would personally recommend that people stay far away from any 12-step meeting because they're simply a waste of time after the first, say ten.

 

[phactor]

As for someone telling others that they cannot get sober with meetings... well I guess just don't listen to them. They are obviously being closed minded, which also does not translate well with AA/NA.

Whoops, I meant as for someone telling others that cannot get sober without meetings... don't listen to them. It is not a perfect program at all. I have plenty of reservations and question many things about the process. Right now though I am just working on keeping myself sober on the day to day.

Kinda embarrassed, hope you didn't write that whole reply because of that statement.

But anyways, I do not believe that a person addicted to drugs can just stop whenever they want to without some form of help. Wether it be from family, friends, meetings etc.

Fuck, if it was that easy (I could just stop) then I would have along time ago. I know many people that continued to use well aware that they had a problem. That was me. I was trying all the fucking time to quit and I could not. I

Finally, when I did quit I honestly had no fucking idea how bad I was. Thats how deep my denial and rationality was. I was in literal shock for days with what had gone on over the past 8 years (when my use started to get bad). Then I had a fucking seizure.

I am not hopeless by any means, in fact I believe that I will be sober for the rest of my life. I feel like this is it for me and even if I slip up that I will quickly come back. However, I have enough evidence that I personally cannot do it by myself and that I need help. Right now, the help that is available to me is my program and meetings. That is what I am using to keep me sober. I am a very strong person. Shit, I admitted that I needed help, which is something that many cannot do. That is the true measure of courage IMO.

Thats me though, its different for everyone. However there does appear to be commonality in people that are addicts and the experiences they go through. That is a major part of what makes meetings work.

I have seen plenty of people stop using without meetings as I stated in the beginning of that statement.

In my personal experience though, I was close minded until I had my seizure. Why? Because I kept telling myself that I could do it one my own. I tried and tried and tried and would have kept trying I'm sure. In fact I had a ton of xanax when I had my seizure because I was trying to "ween" myself off of alcohol. But I was also using coke which makes me want to drink, its fucking crazy but whatever.

Anyways after I had my seizure, I decided at the hospital that I had to do anything possible to not use. Simple as that. For me that includes going to meetings and getting a sponsor. Who is to say that I will finish working the steps or will be even attending meetings in six months? Shit who is to say that I will not be using in six months (I hope I won't be). All I know that meetings are helping me right now.

I personally was close minded before because I would not give them a chance. Look backing on meetings I went to years ago, they would have helped. However I convinced myself that they would not work, were a cult, too rigid whatever. Later when I personally went in with an open mind and received the message I found them helpful.

I share at almost every meeting I go to, I stay after and talk to people, I try to help others. These are things I would not do before. These are the things that are helping me the most.

Essentially, its me at the meetings, but I am a completely different person then I was at the meetings I went to years ago. I am 27 years old now, not some idiot 23 year old coming off a dope habit convinced he can drink responsibly.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I apologize about the mistake I made in my wording. Great thread though

By the way my sponsor said: "The only thing good about rehab is you learn is all it takes is a dollar in the basket". I disagree because the program I am at is unbelievably helpful. But it is very different from the cookie cutter rehab facilities. I totally agree that most of them are not worth two shits. I do not agree with court ordered meetings either.


Finally, and I put this at the bottom because I want you to notice it. Find different meetings or programs that allow you to question if you can. I know that I and the other people in my program question everything. Why? Because it allows you to learn. That is even why I am participating in this thread. It allows me to learn. My sponsor urges me to question everything.

I have been to places like you describe. More of a "Don't question, just do place". This is most likely because the facility has many patients and just wants to pump people in and out. The program I am in now never has anymore the 15 patients at a time. We have three small groups, so you get alot of personalize attention.

This is working for me, where nothing else has. It is a perfect fit for me. This same program operates on honesty, no slips needed to be signed. I am allowed to go to whatever meetings I want to. This allows me to find ones that fit me.

So it appears that I am having a very different experience then you have/are having. I know for me that this time around feels completely different then any other length of sobriety I have had.

 

[New]

You have no idea how many people have said your typo as is, meaning what they said.

And in my experience, it is quite the cult. When I was a part of the scene all was well. Once I tried to express my honest misgivings about the program and separate myself from it, I had people talking to me like I was a 15 year old at his first meeting, unable to comprehend the awesomeness that was the program because they were able to convince themselves that I hadn't given it a fair shot after being balls-deep in it for a year. I'm sure there are people waiting to hear about my "inevitable" OD because I quit the program. I watched a beautiful, intelligent, inquisitive woman pretty much cede her life over to the program and watch all non-NA related ambition go out the window.

And you're still assuming that because a decision requires only one step it's easy. Just because you can decide to quit doesn't mean you will. If you really want to take that example to its extreme, I could start exercising any time I want to. I just don't value it enough to make time to exercise. Likewise, just because it's possible to make the decision to quit using doesn't mean I will. It doesn't mean I want to quit strongly enough to vastly alter my lifestyle, until something bad enough happens. From the way you told the story of when you stopped using, it sounds like you stopped using when the gravity of the consequences registered in your head - nothing special, I can certainly relate to valuing my pleasure more than my health and well-being. I can certainly connect with the concept of sharing at every meeting that I go to and feeling involved in the program. I used to be that guy. I'm not the same jackass that I was at 15, or 18 that thought he knew everything and wasn't willing to listen to anybody telling him to not do something. I matured in the program.

But eventually I had to stop lying to myself about "how much I believed in the program". To be honest, I don't value sobriety over everything else in my life. I don't value it very highly at all. I don't value being part of an unusually transient community who aren't interested in concrete research concerning the focus of their life. I just am unable to fathom at this point in my life how anyone could honestly put medical stock in a therapy that has irrevocable religious ties(don't try to pull the spiritual, not religious line on me, seeing as they describe the same concept) and proceed to tell other people that something that doesn't work(or even worse, can't be tested) is the best thing in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're finding success in life. I just can't ethically or morally justify myself being a member of any 12-step program at this point in my life.