100mg Morphine (IV) + 100mg MDMA + 60mg Diazepam + 12mg Clonazepam

[TheCuriousOne]

Hello, what I'm writing about is absolutely no safer USE. The combination is totally dangerous and i did it in a pretty depressedl condition.

To make things clear:
I was a relative opioid naive at this point. I used to take maybe about 5-10mg oxycontin once per week orally. I also did not have a huge benzo tolerance.

So, just a few days ago I used to get my hands on some morphine ER pills (100mg) and I did not give a shit about anything. I just wanted to nod off and forget all my worries... regardless if I would end up not breathing or whatever

I went to the drugstore, gotmyself some 3cl syringes and went straight home. I just wanted to IV for the first time, because why the hell not? I did not give a shit. Took my shirt off, took my belt off and tied it below my arm...

Took a spoon, took some NaCl and crushed the 100mg morph pill. Was a pain in the ass to peel off the coating but finally I just put the whole content into the solution and heated it with a lighter for a couple seconds.

Keep in mind this was all totally intuitive and impulsive. I did not research how to IV properly and I just did not give a shit.


... Then I noticed. The content had not dissolved completely. It was full of little residual chunk. The solution was very gooey and thick. I thought to myself 'What the fuck'?
Took a strainer and let the solution flow through it. Then put a cigarette filter in the spoon, drew it all up and stang it in my vein. It was the first time I ever did such a thing.

I was really really nervous about the whole thing and I just pushed down the plunger a little bit and my whole arm instantly ached and burned really incredibly fucked up.. I took out the syringe and my arm was in a seizure mode. It burned really bad and my arm was shaking uncontrollably, I did not know why. The injection site was swollen up and I thought I would get an abcess.
I was extremely frustrated, took out the needle and just shot the whole solution into my ass. Estimatedly about 80mg morphine rectally without a tolerance. After that I took 100mg pure MDMA just like that. I was bored and I was not in the right mindset and setting to do MDMA but I didn't care.

Just a couple minutes later I swallowed valium after valium after klonopin with several beers and ran outside yelling and screaming at people and randalling for no reason. I also talked to random strangers and exchanging life stories with them. Told random people that I loved them yadda yadda. BLACKOUT

Next thing I remember is that I wake up in the hospital. I was told that I just fell at the ground and stopped breathing. After that I had to sleep over at the psych ward for a couple of days.

 

[etnies]

Dude, what?> you're so lucky to be reading this right now.

 

[Jesusgreen]

Dude, what?> you're so lucky to be reading this right now.

^ This. No offence but that was really really stupid, I'm not trying to be mean but there are ways to deal with depression, people to help talk you through it, medicine to help you with it if you don't want standard therapy, therapy like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and all sorts, and if it's a break up in particular you know yourself that you'll work through it over time, you need to stay strong, and get your friends to be there for you and look after you.

You're lucky that you messed up really bad, it sounds like you took an extended-release pill, didn't break the ER mechanism whatsoever, then didn't get it into solution but rather just had the gooey wax, didn't filter it properly, didn't even get in a vein just in your arm, and basically as a result you didn't get much of an effect from the Morphine - thank fuck, but you better hope you aren't going to lose your arm now, because people have lost their arms doing a LOT less stupid things than that - missed shots with pills can leave your arm looking like it does after some krokodil, it's not a matter to be joked about. That's missed shots with pills that have actually been filtered and broken down properly, now when you've got chunks and wax and all that shit and you haven't even broken the ER mechanism, and you're not even hitting a vein and getting it in the skin/muscle.. well lets just say I'd expect you to have no arm by now, so you got off extremely lucky, and unless your arm looks 100% normal now I would go to the ER *RIGHT NOW* and get it checked out because there's still a very good chance you've done serious damage.

As for the doses, once again, luck was on your side big time. Had you actually known how to IV, that 100mg Morphine would have probably killed you. When I at the peak of over a year of opiate addiction 60mg IV Morphine was a *high* dose for me, and 100mg would have likely been an overdose for me, this was with quite a high tolerance. So be thankful it didn't work properly.

Now that's just the Morphine, adding benzos to opiates massively potentiates the effects, and had you even got 50mg of the Morphine to work, with that Diazepam and Clonazepam you wouldn't have been breathing for very long. You're lucky that you probably didn't IV efficiently because you would have stopped breathing sooner if you did and the ambulance wouldn't have got there on time.

---

Now, I don't want to go on at you and make you feel worse than you already do, you made a mistake, we all do when we let ourselves get down, so just learn from it:

You've basically just ran straight into traffic and somehow managed to dodge about 20 full speed cars, count yourself one of the luckiest people alive, and please if you have even an ounce of respect for yourself don't do something like this again. Don't let someone you lost mean that your life has to be lost too. If you're a good enough person to have cared about someone so much that you'd get this down and try and kill yourself over them, then you're clearly someone with a big heart, and it's people like you the world needs, because it's people like you who end up making people happy, bringing people back up when they're down, keeping sadness out of the world and bringing all the positivity in.

I recommend you head on over to The Dark Side, it's our forum dedicated to depression, sadness, all the bad things in life, and how to deal with them. The folks over there are loving and caring and they'll be happy to help you out. Make a post about your recent break up and ask for some people to talk to, some advice. People will listen, and people will be there for you to help you out, and you will get through it. I've been there, and it fucking hurts, oh fuck does it hurt, but I promise you that in a few years you'll look back and think "Wow I really nearly killed myself over this person? To think, I wouldn't have the great life I have today if I didn't get lucky" and be able to be proud of where you've gotten to. Trust me, I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, I mean I don't know you, I don't have any obligation to post this or to try help, I'm saying this because it's true and because you deserve to hear it - you will get through this and come out of it smiling.

As I said, check out our forum for help with these kind of issues, The Dark Side, they'll help you out a ton. They've helped me with a lot of these kind of things, including a break up of my own and I can tell you they're amazing people. Give them a chance to help you out, don't let yourself become a statistic because of a failed relationship. You have family and friends who love you and would be devastated if you were lost. Be safe, and stay strong.

 

[Jesusgreen]

It took me longer than 4 months to get over splitting with my ex. It was not a pretty thing and I definitely took it harshly and went on some binges and benders as a result, I did a lot of stupid things, and so I can see where the motivation for such things comes from - you want to hate them or forget them but you can't, so you want them back, but you can't have that, so you want to hate yourself instead - and you can have that, so you do it and treat yourself crappy when you should be working on getting better and moving forward.

My advice is to take a week, the entire week, and spend it on holiday somewhere or just a week off work laying at home watching comedy movies and silly things. The entire week just take a break, from everything, forget all your responsibilities, your ex, and any problems you're facing at the moment, and just concentrate on having a relaxing week. If you need to, face those emotions, cry your eyes out, for hours if you have to, use the week to really focus on unwinding all the bad and getting some rest and recuperation.

Then after that week focus on living your day to day life in a normal manner, put aside your doubts and sadness as best as you can, and focus on your job or school or whatever it is you do from day to day. Spend time with friends, and fill up the time slot that used to be spent with your ex with new and exciting things you've always wanted to do, or old things that you've always loved doing.

One thing that is commonly seen in both addiction and in love is that when we lose what we love, whether that be a person, or a drug habit, we find we're pining for it for a long long time because we used to spend all our time with that person or drug - and so now we don't know what to do with ourselves, and this boredom creates a constant cycle of "damn I'd be spending that time with [insert name] right now doing [insert hobby]" or "damn I'd be shooting up right now like I always did after getting home from work" and people get really sucked into that vicious circle. That's why you have to focus on replacing all that time you now have open and finding new things to do. Socialise with your friends, play video games, watch movies, get some extra work, write some fiction, take up drawing or painting, learn to code, spend time chatting on forums like this one and instant messenger programs.

Just make sure it's safe, fun, and that it takes up the time you previously spent with her. You'll notice that once you've preoccupied yourself with new activities and don't have *time* to stop and say "Damn I can't go to [insert place] with [insert name]" now or whatever because you're too busy with your new life. That'll make the healing process much faster, and soon enough you'll notice that you've moved on, found someone new, or just gotten happy with spending some time single for a while before you go looking for the next person. You won't forget her, you will likely always miss her at least a little, but you'll be happy with your life and you won't want to go back and change things or go chasing after her trying to get her back. You'll be you with your own life and one you can enjoy.

Embrace the change, I actually had some of the best times of my entire life when I finally started filling up the time that I used to spend with my ex each day and it helped me move forward so much faster. I still love her, she was a great friend to me, amazing to love, and a wonderful soul in general - she's still someone I'd love to become friends with again some day should she ever give me the chance, but she's not at the front of my mind clouding my thoughts any more, I can live without her, I can live as myself and not think about her all the time. Will I ever forget her? Of course not, but I'm happy and only think about her on the rare occasions when I stop and take a break from my very busy life now. I'm able to go out and flirt with new girls and I'm able to have fun each day without her having to be a part of my thoughts or actions. You'll get there too very soon I promise