Iv'e been shooting hydromorphone for about five year's. I have severe back pain and there's day's i can't even get out of bed. If i get off them..my quality of life will diminish. Just moved to bristol TN. Left my doctor in florida. No doctor's here seem like they have no compassion. fuck the fact i'm in pain. YES I"M A JUNKIE. but you only have one life and i'll be damn if i'm going to spend it in bed, in pain. I've got Gabapentin 300 mg for restless leg sendrome. well i ate like 6 of them and i'm actually a little high from them. Anyways..addiction is a beast...everyone has there reasons...life sucks!! being fucked up makes it a little more tolerable until your sick from not having your med's and then you would rather be dead then go threw the withdrawal's. But i say do what ever makes you happy..
Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷
- Thread starter brutus
- Start date
gollum.i.am
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2016
- Messages
- 1
First a little background: I am a 51 year old male, happily married for 27 years, three brilliant kids in college. I own a successful engineering firm employing 40 people and I live in a nice house with all the man-child toys. I teach part time at one of the local high schools. I do not suffer from depression or any medical afflictions. I have a good life. I write this not to brag but to show that the monkey does not discriminate when it chooses whose back to climb upon.
My addiction started about 15 years ago when I threw my back out starting a push mower and the doctor gave me a prescription for 30 Darvocets. It was the first time I had ever been prescribed painkillers and after taking the first two my life changed forever, and not for the good. Not only did my brain like the fact that those little hot pink pills took the pain away, it really liked the euphoric feeling that came with. In fact, it really, really liked it. I progressed from the baby stuff like Darvon to the really good stuff like Oxy and Percocet. I found that doctors really have no way of knowing how much pain you are in and a good job of acting would usually result in pills. I could have won an Oscar for some of those performances.
I can give you the whole sordid tale of my constant quest to feed the monkey, but it is probably not too different that your own stories. I suppose the thing that I am most proud of (or least proud of) is the fact that I have been able to hide my addiction from my family and friends for over 15 years. I suppose “hide” is not completely correct. There were times when someone would ask if I felt OK or note that I looked very tired or “out of it”, but I always had a bevy of excuses on hand. I got really good at lying, especially to people I love.
At one point about four years ago, I stumbled upon a website that discussed how to make poppy seed tea. If I ever had a chance to go back in time and stop my past self from doing something stupid, I would pick the day I pulled up that website. If you take nothing else from this account, take this at least: Do not ever try poppy seed tea. If you have addictive tendencies, it will turn that monkey on your back into a King Kong sized gorilla.
So for the past 4 years I have been doing poppy seed tea, at first it was just once a week on Friday nights as a reward for a long week, then every 5 nights, then 3, then every day. I maxed out at 3 pounds a day every night. I would go for days without sleeping or crapping. At some point, the highs were really not that great and I was doing it just to keep the withdrawal away. I convinced myself that I needed it to function and it was no different than having a glass of wine or two at dinner. But it was different, very different. If you drink too much wine, you get to feel bad for most of the next day and then normal returns. If you stop drinking poppy seed tea, you get three months or more before normal even thinks about coming back, if it ever does.
The thing that I got really good at was financing my problem. My wife is an accountant who keeps track of every penny that flows in and out of the house and the Controller at my company was also very good. I could not finance a $30/day habit with just ATM advances or taking from petty cash so I devised a couple of schemes that made it somewhat transparent. For example, I told my secretary that I would start getting coffee for the breakroom every week. So I would go to the local food service store and buy seeds, then I would tell my wife I was picking up some groceries and would buy two or three cans of coffee to replace the ones my company thought I was buying. Since my wife only reconciled receipt totals and not the items she never noticed.
We all know that trapped feeling once we get hooked. The cravings, the fear of withdrawal, the little voice in our heads telling us it’s OK, convincing ourselves that “This is the last time” when we know it is not. I knew I needed to stop, I wanted to stop, but just could not seem to find the will power to do it. I hated myself for being so weak. I am a true Type A personality and won state in wrestling when I was younger by committing myself to training and dropping two weight classes. What happened to all of that discipline? I was certain the person staring me back in the mirror each day was not the guy I wanted to be, or should be.
Yet I continued in my addiction.
But then something weird happened. You will probably think it dumb, but I would call it an epiphany: I am one of the two people on Earth who had not watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and my daughter was simply appalled by that so she asked me watch them with her on New Year’s Day since there was nothing else to do. I agreed, but not before sneaking out to my secret corner of the garage and mixing up some tea. Now this is where it gets weird. As we progressed through the trilogy I started to realize that Gollum is an addict. In fact, I realized that I was Gollum and the poppy seeds are my “precious”. Did I look like him? My skin began to crawl and I started to cry. My daughter was delighted, thinking I am so moved by a CGI character, but the truth is I begin to think back over the past fifteen years all of the life I had either missed or only seen through the fog of an opium high. My God, I was high when she learned to walk, at her birthday parties, when I taught her to ride a bike, when she graduated high school, when she left for college. The same was true for events in my son’s lives. I had been high for his Eagle Scout ceremony, during my mother’s surgery. I had been high at both my grandmother’s funerals, at my sisters wedding. I had been high when I received an award for charity work. I had made excuses to blow off fishing trips with my father and sons and trips with my wife because I didn’t want to be too far away from my drugs. I used to build Craftsman furniture as a hobby, but had done nothing for over five years. What had I missed? Was I really there at all?
My heart was pounding and I started to think I was having a heart attack. Something deep down in me that was still normal was clawing to get out: The good side of Gollum (Smeagol?), the light side of the force, good karma, God, whatever you want to call it. The epic battles between good and evil in the movie were very similar to what was going on inside my brain. I faked that I received a text message and told my daughter our server was down at work and I needed to go reboot it. What I really did was go to the garage and gather up my 50 pounds of seeds and all of my mixing tools and put them in a garbage bag. I then drove to a nearby river and dropped it off the bridge.
That was last Friday, January 1, 2016, the day I reclaimed my life and began my own journey through Mordor. I cannot begin to describe the hell and horror of the past five days. The night terrors, the insomnia, chills one second, and sweating the next, the diarrhea, the anxiety, the nervousness, the headache, the sneezing, the running nose, the restless legs and arms. But the hardest thing to deal with is the constant negotiation with my brain. It is an interesting organ, a very good debater. More than once it almost had me convinced that “one more time” would be OK. Just drive over to the food store—in an hour, all of the pain would go away. But it is a lie. There is no such thing as one more time.
But to push forward I keep picturing that tortured creature Gollum and seeing my head on his shoulders and I stay strong knowing that this too shall pass. I will reclaim my life and the person I was and want to be. I will not be a slave to a little black seed anymore.
I am not man enough to tell my family and instead chose to give them one last lie: that I had the flu. I am sure they would be shocked to know the truth, but maybe they already do. And I think they would ultimately be supportive, but why give them any more grief than I already have? It is weird to think that for most of my kid’s lives, they have really not known their father. Was I a good one? I find myself questioning every memory I now have from the past 15 years.
I hope this helps someone. I am not sure why I felt the need to share it. The old adage misery loves company was certainly written with addicts in mind. I suppose in our darkest hours we reach out for support from others who can understand our pain and stupidity. God speed to those of you starting the New Year clean as I am trying to do.
My addiction started about 15 years ago when I threw my back out starting a push mower and the doctor gave me a prescription for 30 Darvocets. It was the first time I had ever been prescribed painkillers and after taking the first two my life changed forever, and not for the good. Not only did my brain like the fact that those little hot pink pills took the pain away, it really liked the euphoric feeling that came with. In fact, it really, really liked it. I progressed from the baby stuff like Darvon to the really good stuff like Oxy and Percocet. I found that doctors really have no way of knowing how much pain you are in and a good job of acting would usually result in pills. I could have won an Oscar for some of those performances.
I can give you the whole sordid tale of my constant quest to feed the monkey, but it is probably not too different that your own stories. I suppose the thing that I am most proud of (or least proud of) is the fact that I have been able to hide my addiction from my family and friends for over 15 years. I suppose “hide” is not completely correct. There were times when someone would ask if I felt OK or note that I looked very tired or “out of it”, but I always had a bevy of excuses on hand. I got really good at lying, especially to people I love.
At one point about four years ago, I stumbled upon a website that discussed how to make poppy seed tea. If I ever had a chance to go back in time and stop my past self from doing something stupid, I would pick the day I pulled up that website. If you take nothing else from this account, take this at least: Do not ever try poppy seed tea. If you have addictive tendencies, it will turn that monkey on your back into a King Kong sized gorilla.
So for the past 4 years I have been doing poppy seed tea, at first it was just once a week on Friday nights as a reward for a long week, then every 5 nights, then 3, then every day. I maxed out at 3 pounds a day every night. I would go for days without sleeping or crapping. At some point, the highs were really not that great and I was doing it just to keep the withdrawal away. I convinced myself that I needed it to function and it was no different than having a glass of wine or two at dinner. But it was different, very different. If you drink too much wine, you get to feel bad for most of the next day and then normal returns. If you stop drinking poppy seed tea, you get three months or more before normal even thinks about coming back, if it ever does.
The thing that I got really good at was financing my problem. My wife is an accountant who keeps track of every penny that flows in and out of the house and the Controller at my company was also very good. I could not finance a $30/day habit with just ATM advances or taking from petty cash so I devised a couple of schemes that made it somewhat transparent. For example, I told my secretary that I would start getting coffee for the breakroom every week. So I would go to the local food service store and buy seeds, then I would tell my wife I was picking up some groceries and would buy two or three cans of coffee to replace the ones my company thought I was buying. Since my wife only reconciled receipt totals and not the items she never noticed.
We all know that trapped feeling once we get hooked. The cravings, the fear of withdrawal, the little voice in our heads telling us it’s OK, convincing ourselves that “This is the last time” when we know it is not. I knew I needed to stop, I wanted to stop, but just could not seem to find the will power to do it. I hated myself for being so weak. I am a true Type A personality and won state in wrestling when I was younger by committing myself to training and dropping two weight classes. What happened to all of that discipline? I was certain the person staring me back in the mirror each day was not the guy I wanted to be, or should be.
Yet I continued in my addiction.
But then something weird happened. You will probably think it dumb, but I would call it an epiphany: I am one of the two people on Earth who had not watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and my daughter was simply appalled by that so she asked me watch them with her on New Year’s Day since there was nothing else to do. I agreed, but not before sneaking out to my secret corner of the garage and mixing up some tea. Now this is where it gets weird. As we progressed through the trilogy I started to realize that Gollum is an addict. In fact, I realized that I was Gollum and the poppy seeds are my “precious”. Did I look like him? My skin began to crawl and I started to cry. My daughter was delighted, thinking I am so moved by a CGI character, but the truth is I begin to think back over the past fifteen years all of the life I had either missed or only seen through the fog of an opium high. My God, I was high when she learned to walk, at her birthday parties, when I taught her to ride a bike, when she graduated high school, when she left for college. The same was true for events in my son’s lives. I had been high for his Eagle Scout ceremony, during my mother’s surgery. I had been high at both my grandmother’s funerals, at my sisters wedding. I had been high when I received an award for charity work. I had made excuses to blow off fishing trips with my father and sons and trips with my wife because I didn’t want to be too far away from my drugs. I used to build Craftsman furniture as a hobby, but had done nothing for over five years. What had I missed? Was I really there at all?
My heart was pounding and I started to think I was having a heart attack. Something deep down in me that was still normal was clawing to get out: The good side of Gollum (Smeagol?), the light side of the force, good karma, God, whatever you want to call it. The epic battles between good and evil in the movie were very similar to what was going on inside my brain. I faked that I received a text message and told my daughter our server was down at work and I needed to go reboot it. What I really did was go to the garage and gather up my 50 pounds of seeds and all of my mixing tools and put them in a garbage bag. I then drove to a nearby river and dropped it off the bridge.
That was last Friday, January 1, 2016, the day I reclaimed my life and began my own journey through Mordor. I cannot begin to describe the hell and horror of the past five days. The night terrors, the insomnia, chills one second, and sweating the next, the diarrhea, the anxiety, the nervousness, the headache, the sneezing, the running nose, the restless legs and arms. But the hardest thing to deal with is the constant negotiation with my brain. It is an interesting organ, a very good debater. More than once it almost had me convinced that “one more time” would be OK. Just drive over to the food store—in an hour, all of the pain would go away. But it is a lie. There is no such thing as one more time.
But to push forward I keep picturing that tortured creature Gollum and seeing my head on his shoulders and I stay strong knowing that this too shall pass. I will reclaim my life and the person I was and want to be. I will not be a slave to a little black seed anymore.
I am not man enough to tell my family and instead chose to give them one last lie: that I had the flu. I am sure they would be shocked to know the truth, but maybe they already do. And I think they would ultimately be supportive, but why give them any more grief than I already have? It is weird to think that for most of my kid’s lives, they have really not known their father. Was I a good one? I find myself questioning every memory I now have from the past 15 years.
I hope this helps someone. I am not sure why I felt the need to share it. The old adage misery loves company was certainly written with addicts in mind. I suppose in our darkest hours we reach out for support from others who can understand our pain and stupidity. God speed to those of you starting the New Year clean as I am trying to do.
sh3llshock
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2015
- Messages
- 12
Stay away from inhalants. I am an addict, and my drug of choice is opiate pain medicine. With that said, the one thing that has caused me the most trouble was canned air which you can buy at most stores like wal-mart. Compressed air can be huffed which can cause a short lived high. In just 3 weeks of doing this nasty shit, I lost my job and almost my life. I had to go into the hospital to get off the shit because I overdosed. If you take any advice, it is to get off glue which can cause the same issues. It got so bad for me I was severely sick after doing dozens and dozens of bottles. Easily one of the dumbest things I did ever in my life. Everything that I did while on that shit makes me more embarrassed than anything else. In the month that I basically did tons of inhalants, I lost a lot of teeth even though I have always brushed twice a day. It just ruined my whole situation.
I now can't even think about that shit without getting sick. Good luck. I see this was from December so I hope you are ok.
Last edited:
sh3llshock
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2015
- Messages
- 12
Sadly, the least worst thing that could potentially happen to you is meth mouth. I personally have lost the majority of my teeth from drug abuse, but I never tried meth. It is very embarrassing. The worst thing that can happen to you, is you lose your life or become so addicted it ruins people you love. Trust me. What you typed is the start of a bad addiction that will lead down a path to despair. I was on "legal" medicine for a while and I ended up loving it to much and needing that euphoria, I went out on the street. Now my life was ripped away. Take my advice and slow down and look at alternatives if you can. But, slow down! Meth is one of the worst drugs out there. It is made from chemicals so that can't be good...
Brief Background
My house was always pretty different I lived with my parents and my older brother (22 years older) and 6 of his friends who were also called my brothers, my brother was a dealer and since I was very young I always looked older and was mature simply because I had to be (I cooked everyone's meals, cleaned after everybody and different kinds of things as I got older) my parents barely left their room they were either scared or just didn't want to deal with my brothers and all the trouble they made, I first smoked pot when I was nine and I hated it I told myself I'd never ever do it again or anything else, especially after one of them ended up overdosing on heroin I was so upset he died he had lived with us my life whole life and he was only 23, I started smoking pot regularly at 10 it was pretty much everywhere so I just did it which I do regret, when I was 11 my real brother got put in prison and the rest still lived with us but my brother had a lot of people who didn't like him, while I was at the park some guys found me and got a gun on me and raped me. I pretty just started acting out from there I never told anyone because I knew for a fact they'd kill them, I started going to some parties at 12 and found the wonder of cocaine and alcohol, I drank a lot for a while until I got into some of my dads lortabs, and that was it. When I couldn't take anymore from my dad or brothers I went through a friend to get some but soon they stopped working, then I tried heroin for two years but stopped because although I was always very functional I knew it was hurting me and I thought I'd stay sober, I matured physically early and thongs at home got really abusive with one of my "brothers", and I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend that I'm still with, I was scared but we were happy and I was happy I was sober and happy I was gonna have a baby and I'd make sure it wouldn't be in my situation ever, but I had a miscarriage from getting beat, then I started diluaded and snorted that for months, then it turned into pretty much any pills I could find and any drug I could get at parties until two years ago I started promethazine, lortab, fioricet(Codiene, butibital, caffeine, and tylenol), somas, and lorazepam and I still can't seem to kick the habit I know it's a dangerous mixture but I've never had anything so great it's like it changes my emotionless desensitized self to more caring and kind and open and creative
Substance(s)
Weed, cocaine, ecstasy, heroin, lortab, oxycodone, opana, dilaudid, heroin, Xanax, Valium, lorazepam, soma, flexeril, fentanyl, fiorecet
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
It's been different things for nine years now, but I've been trying to stop I now only get high twice a day and get out a weeks worth at a time (my REAL brother keeps the rest locked up for me), so I'm limiting myself like if I do it three times a day, I'll have to have a day where I only can once a day even tho I feel like shit, I'm trying to regain control and hopefully stop completely soon
Adverse Effects
There's so many, my boyfriend of five years is addicted to meth and heroin now despite everything I tried to keep him away from it and from my family and hid my habits and he's a whole new person now I've helped him quit heroin but can't help him with meth he's just got out of rehab and started the day after it breaks my heart and I NEVER EVER do anything in front of him, never keep anything out, never talk about it, never promote it nothing but I still feel awful, I've had many er visits I was testing the fentanyl to sell (very smart of me) and to just jump to the end the liquid I made from the transdermal patches spilled all over my arm and I overdosed, I snorted so much cocaine at a party I had blood going down my throat to the point I couldn't breathe anymore and got taken to the hospital, and now I've started to get regular seizures and in general just ill I can't drink alcohol at all it feels strange like I know my body can't take it and I'm sure that's the case I mean I'm a 19 year old 5'9 girl I do want to stop
Warnings and Advice
I can't say it enough if you want to do these things or have people around you who try to get you too just don't it ruins relationships, it ends you up in bad situations, it tears up your health, it can make school or work hard, it can kill you it's a horrible horrible thing to get into and if you have the choice not too right now then chose not too and if your already addicted to anything, rather if your functional and nobody notices or not somethings gonna give whether it's your health or anything and I hope and pray you can quit soon I know it's hipocrytical for me to say considering my situation but you can do better!
My house was always pretty different I lived with my parents and my older brother (22 years older) and 6 of his friends who were also called my brothers, my brother was a dealer and since I was very young I always looked older and was mature simply because I had to be (I cooked everyone's meals, cleaned after everybody and different kinds of things as I got older) my parents barely left their room they were either scared or just didn't want to deal with my brothers and all the trouble they made, I first smoked pot when I was nine and I hated it I told myself I'd never ever do it again or anything else, especially after one of them ended up overdosing on heroin I was so upset he died he had lived with us my life whole life and he was only 23, I started smoking pot regularly at 10 it was pretty much everywhere so I just did it which I do regret, when I was 11 my real brother got put in prison and the rest still lived with us but my brother had a lot of people who didn't like him, while I was at the park some guys found me and got a gun on me and raped me. I pretty just started acting out from there I never told anyone because I knew for a fact they'd kill them, I started going to some parties at 12 and found the wonder of cocaine and alcohol, I drank a lot for a while until I got into some of my dads lortabs, and that was it. When I couldn't take anymore from my dad or brothers I went through a friend to get some but soon they stopped working, then I tried heroin for two years but stopped because although I was always very functional I knew it was hurting me and I thought I'd stay sober, I matured physically early and thongs at home got really abusive with one of my "brothers", and I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend that I'm still with, I was scared but we were happy and I was happy I was sober and happy I was gonna have a baby and I'd make sure it wouldn't be in my situation ever, but I had a miscarriage from getting beat, then I started diluaded and snorted that for months, then it turned into pretty much any pills I could find and any drug I could get at parties until two years ago I started promethazine, lortab, fioricet(Codiene, butibital, caffeine, and tylenol), somas, and lorazepam and I still can't seem to kick the habit I know it's a dangerous mixture but I've never had anything so great it's like it changes my emotionless desensitized self to more caring and kind and open and creative
Substance(s)
Weed, cocaine, ecstasy, heroin, lortab, oxycodone, opana, dilaudid, heroin, Xanax, Valium, lorazepam, soma, flexeril, fentanyl, fiorecet
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
It's been different things for nine years now, but I've been trying to stop I now only get high twice a day and get out a weeks worth at a time (my REAL brother keeps the rest locked up for me), so I'm limiting myself like if I do it three times a day, I'll have to have a day where I only can once a day even tho I feel like shit, I'm trying to regain control and hopefully stop completely soon
Adverse Effects
There's so many, my boyfriend of five years is addicted to meth and heroin now despite everything I tried to keep him away from it and from my family and hid my habits and he's a whole new person now I've helped him quit heroin but can't help him with meth he's just got out of rehab and started the day after it breaks my heart and I NEVER EVER do anything in front of him, never keep anything out, never talk about it, never promote it nothing but I still feel awful, I've had many er visits I was testing the fentanyl to sell (very smart of me) and to just jump to the end the liquid I made from the transdermal patches spilled all over my arm and I overdosed, I snorted so much cocaine at a party I had blood going down my throat to the point I couldn't breathe anymore and got taken to the hospital, and now I've started to get regular seizures and in general just ill I can't drink alcohol at all it feels strange like I know my body can't take it and I'm sure that's the case I mean I'm a 19 year old 5'9 girl I do want to stop
Warnings and Advice
I can't say it enough if you want to do these things or have people around you who try to get you too just don't it ruins relationships, it ends you up in bad situations, it tears up your health, it can make school or work hard, it can kill you it's a horrible horrible thing to get into and if you have the choice not too right now then chose not too and if your already addicted to anything, rather if your functional and nobody notices or not somethings gonna give whether it's your health or anything and I hope and pray you can quit soon I know it's hipocrytical for me to say considering my situation but you can do better!
Background: Came up a poor emotionally fucked child. Saw my father and sister murdered in front of me and was injured in the fiasco. Leaving me with my mom who was scared for our lives and basically running from the bad guys. 5 different Highschools where I was injured as a amateur skateboarder for Zorlac Skateboards in Dallas Tx. Yes I have met Pushead. and I received my first dose of morphine/ demoral. But I was a hellion and drinking was just part of me. I actually listed AA in my yearbook as I had been caught so many times at schools drunk.
Substances: You name it I have done it. Eaten so much LSD that they thought I was lying in rehab. Alcohol and psychedelics, Mushrooms, peyote and mescaline and herb have always been my favorite until a few years ago when I was in an accident. I had a love affair with pain melds before I was a user and had lost many friends to heroin so I had never tried it. Well the opana formula changed and Roxie's weren't cutting it anymore so I dove straight into heroin. I sniffed for a couple months and then became an IV user. All the while I'm running several successful businesses and have sole custody of my son.
Duration: alcohol and weed since I was 12 however quit after 28 day program for three years. Heroin been the better part of three years. Cocaine MDMA and other recreational not a problem Bc I liked heroin.
Adverse Affects: Nodding out in front of family when you are the Rock is pathetic. My whole family counts on me in one way or another. I did an Ibogaine flood back in June after my family confronted me. I was not done and I love psychedelics as stated before so if it didn't take after that, I was in denial about wanting it. Now 200k of savings probably a lot more,I just don't want to admit it's probably 3. I sold two of my successful businesses that were very lucrative but I dint want to deal with books anymore. So now here I am. I had four days just a little slip but I'm ready to move forward. Edit: My health is deteriorating at abysmal speed due to the lifestyle I lead. I never shared needles but I was hit with a narcan shot that had been used previously so I have that test to look forward too.
Advice: I can't tell you not to do something but I will say I used to swear I would never touch Heroin or would never take up that junkie lifestyle loosing many friends over the course of that thinking. I have isolated myself into a private prison which my dealer and two junkie friends even know about I bought my shit by the oz and never sold shit. Not even my best friend knew but I will tell him soon as I'm good and ready. Heroin became my bestie my girlfriend my everything. Every free minute I had I was high with her and no one else. Well I'm sad to say that I was around my son on occasion but rarely was high around him. It was a love affair kept so private the only way my family new was because I was nodding out in front of them. I didn't steal I wasted a fucking house worth of money on a quick fix. I can't flip anymore houses Bc that money is gone. I did sell a home remodeling company and a landscape company to start a new venture. And now I'm done with it so I just decided last Thursday that I wouldn't use that day and here I am with the same stubborn feelings. Not going to do I it anymore. Hope you learned something from my story. Please feel free to PM me although Ima green lighter I don't know if I have that privilege.
Substances: You name it I have done it. Eaten so much LSD that they thought I was lying in rehab. Alcohol and psychedelics, Mushrooms, peyote and mescaline and herb have always been my favorite until a few years ago when I was in an accident. I had a love affair with pain melds before I was a user and had lost many friends to heroin so I had never tried it. Well the opana formula changed and Roxie's weren't cutting it anymore so I dove straight into heroin. I sniffed for a couple months and then became an IV user. All the while I'm running several successful businesses and have sole custody of my son.
Duration: alcohol and weed since I was 12 however quit after 28 day program for three years. Heroin been the better part of three years. Cocaine MDMA and other recreational not a problem Bc I liked heroin.
Adverse Affects: Nodding out in front of family when you are the Rock is pathetic. My whole family counts on me in one way or another. I did an Ibogaine flood back in June after my family confronted me. I was not done and I love psychedelics as stated before so if it didn't take after that, I was in denial about wanting it. Now 200k of savings probably a lot more,I just don't want to admit it's probably 3. I sold two of my successful businesses that were very lucrative but I dint want to deal with books anymore. So now here I am. I had four days just a little slip but I'm ready to move forward. Edit: My health is deteriorating at abysmal speed due to the lifestyle I lead. I never shared needles but I was hit with a narcan shot that had been used previously so I have that test to look forward too.
Advice: I can't tell you not to do something but I will say I used to swear I would never touch Heroin or would never take up that junkie lifestyle loosing many friends over the course of that thinking. I have isolated myself into a private prison which my dealer and two junkie friends even know about I bought my shit by the oz and never sold shit. Not even my best friend knew but I will tell him soon as I'm good and ready. Heroin became my bestie my girlfriend my everything. Every free minute I had I was high with her and no one else. Well I'm sad to say that I was around my son on occasion but rarely was high around him. It was a love affair kept so private the only way my family new was because I was nodding out in front of them. I didn't steal I wasted a fucking house worth of money on a quick fix. I can't flip anymore houses Bc that money is gone. I did sell a home remodeling company and a landscape company to start a new venture. And now I'm done with it so I just decided last Thursday that I wouldn't use that day and here I am with the same stubborn feelings. Not going to do I it anymore. Hope you learned something from my story. Please feel free to PM me although Ima green lighter I don't know if I have that privilege.
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Sexual abuse as a child, pregnancy and termination, rape and many other issues brought me to this state. I have a history of mental health problems, as I'm guessing most drug dependent people are. I look like a regular girl, in a regular family with regular friends and a job. Underneath the perfect life is a very disturbed person. I've abused so many drugs, made so many cocktails and for someone who has a degree in the area, I thought I could escape the fate of many. In some ways I have been lucky enough to do so.
But I under estimated the withdrawal of tramadol, I guess I became too cocky with leaving no trace or suffering from any drug abuse.
The last time I had a 200mg x2 dose was Monday night, set in the dizzy spells and chill by Wednesday. My boyfriend had/has no idea, he tried to take care of me but had to take me home. By today (Thursday morning) I've had to call in sick, barely left my bed until I took a reg dose of co codamol. Chills have been extremely severe, tremors, nausea, increased heart rate, some anxiety and breathlessness, headache, loss of appetite and just feeling awful mentally as a result. For the first time in 8 gears I had to call my gp because I was afraid and felt so awful. I've been told by a friend (pharmacist) or shouted at that no co codamols, body needs to flush out, but I'm in such a state. I work in a pharmacy myself and I have to return to work tomorrow. I have been drinking a lot of water and tried to eat as normal and I last took co codamol around 12pm, Im 90% likely to do so before bed to take the edge off.
I'm in a desperate state. How long does this last? It's been almost 72 hours and I have been at my worst, does anybody have any advise about dealing with this?
Drugs? Never again. The withdrawal is one of the worst things I've experienced and I urge that no one takes this route. No matter how smart you think you're being..
But I under estimated the withdrawal of tramadol, I guess I became too cocky with leaving no trace or suffering from any drug abuse.
The last time I had a 200mg x2 dose was Monday night, set in the dizzy spells and chill by Wednesday. My boyfriend had/has no idea, he tried to take care of me but had to take me home. By today (Thursday morning) I've had to call in sick, barely left my bed until I took a reg dose of co codamol. Chills have been extremely severe, tremors, nausea, increased heart rate, some anxiety and breathlessness, headache, loss of appetite and just feeling awful mentally as a result. For the first time in 8 gears I had to call my gp because I was afraid and felt so awful. I've been told by a friend (pharmacist) or shouted at that no co codamols, body needs to flush out, but I'm in such a state. I work in a pharmacy myself and I have to return to work tomorrow. I have been drinking a lot of water and tried to eat as normal and I last took co codamol around 12pm, Im 90% likely to do so before bed to take the edge off.
I'm in a desperate state. How long does this last? It's been almost 72 hours and I have been at my worst, does anybody have any advise about dealing with this?
Drugs? Never again. The withdrawal is one of the worst things I've experienced and I urge that no one takes this route. No matter how smart you think you're being..
wonderlandgrl
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2016
- Messages
- 25
Im a 27yo female from eastern KY. Im a college graduate and unemployed. I have been addicted to oxycodone for 3 years. I currently take percocet, smoke pot, and occasionally do a Xanax or Valium. Percocet is something I wish I had never done. I have always been able to stop using or atleast pass up other drugs without an issue. I want to stop using opiates but the withdrawal keeps me using. I need a 30mg pill every 8 hours or ill withdrawal. My symptoms within the first day of not using include stomach cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, restless legs, anxiety, and insomnia. Along with flu like head cold symptoms. These are so severe I give in to pills or suboxone by the third day. In 3 years I don't think I've went longer than 3 days without an opiate or opiate blocker. I grew up around drugs, my family are on pills, have been on them, or other hard drugs. I moved after high-school and went to college and was proud of myself. My father was in prison most of my teen to early 20s. I think I started doing pills because my sisters and parents did them. Now my parents are on suboxone and have tried getting me to take it but I just use it as a crutch. A way to curb my symptoms til I get my next pill. So family influenced my decision even though I was repulsed by the way they acted when they were sick. I didn't understand what they were going through. For many years I just did a pill or 2 on the weekend so I thought I could control it but it took over my life. Everyday I have to take opiates just to function. I detoxed a month ago for 3 days but have relapsed since. I live a viscous cycle of using wanting to quit and being sick. I need a miracle to save me.
theabidingdude
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2011
- Messages
- 23
I am certainly not a recovery poster boy, but I feel very strongly about HARM REDUCTION and REAL TALK. I have been to thousands of meetings of NA and AA, and they do work for some people. Other people (like me) tend to make new connections there. If you go down that dark tunnel, you gotta go ALL the way thru to get to the other side. Many don't make it.
Responsible use in moderation is where it's at. If youo gotta give your stash to friends you trust, then do that. I think with some experience, many of us do learn how to moderate their use, regardless of what the program says. But once you get to opiates, it's a real slippery slope.
Good luck to any of you out there trudging the happy road of destiny.
Brief Background
I came from a very confusing family. One that was piously righteous and while also struggling with more demons than I could count. One of those demons was me. Another was drug abuse. My mom became an ardent diet pill user in the 90s, and in the early 00s became a severe ambien addict - an addiction she's maintaining 13 years later. I remet my real dad in 2006 and he started snorting painkillers and xanax shortly thereafter, I'm pretty sure he's moved up to heroin recently.
By the age of 10, I had overdosed twice on ritalin. I really fucking hated ritalin, honestly. I hated everything about it and it was very much administered against my will. After the second overdose, they switched me to adderall. I was also placed on sedatives to counteract the influence of the stimulants.
In my teens, I was very ardently anti-drug. Then, by some gracious miracle of god, I was hit with wave after wave of uncontrollable nausea that left me bedridden for months on end. One of my doctors pulled me aside and said to give marijuana a try if I were down with that. Big deal for a southern state in late 2008. Alas, I did not give in until my real dad finally got tired of hearing about my nausea and smoked me up one day. Shit. I lasted almost 19 years without recreational use of anything. If only I would have known, lol.
I started drinking later in 2009, and in early 2010 had my first experience with percocet, that beautiful devil.
Add some sexual abuse to the mix in the 2011-2012 period and the end result was someone very strung out on amphetamines of various sorts. I also started drinking very heavily around early 2012. I gradually became quite fond of amphetamines between that percocet experience at 19 and roughly 23. oh, morphine, how I love you so~
Substances
In chronological order, first abuse, not first use: marijuana, percs, xanax/kpins, cocaine, amphetamines, alcohol, morphine, heroin.
Duration
2009 - present, though mostly paused at the moment. (I don't now, nor did I ever have the intention of quitting everything.)
Adverse Effects
I don't have a family anymore. I never had much of one to begin with (that's probably a part of the problem), but my relationships soured with them so drastically that I basically ended up variously living with them and being totally out of contact with them. One of them I haven't talked to in years, one I haven't talked to since December 2014, and another since December 2015. (It's not that complicated, adoptive+biological.) I don't have any contact whatsoever with my brother, now 15ish, outside of fb. Haven't seen him since mid-2014 and we were close as fuck so that one really hurts. I don't know my younger sisters or youngest brother, haven't been allowed around them.
I woke up one day in 2012 and all my friends were just... gone. It's like my entire history as a socialite just vanished into thin air. Nobody was left. In three years. lol. It took until late 2015 to even start recovering that shit.
My health was never the greatest but it's definitely a lot worse now, exacerbated by some of these drugs. I don't know which ones relate to what but I have an ulcer from the drinking, shitty memory from the ganja, weird moodiness no doubt related in some way to the amphetamines or opiates, and of course, the main ongoing problems with lovely lady addiction herself.
I failed out of university when the drug use got extra serious. I've lived with various friends for the past few years floating around the country but never been able to hold down a job or have my name on a lease. Plus, my use of drugs to cope with things and avoid emotional development seriously stunted my growth, which I only started to recover in late 2015. it's hard as fuck to even get into a relationship if you basically froze your development at 19, which was effectively a big 15 anyway.
Warnings/Advice
I have the obligatory "don't do heroin" message. It hasn't yet been as much of a problem for me as it has for many of my friends that I've seen come and go, but I still say to everyone that asks me about it: don't fucking do it. Just don't. Even if it doesn't get you right away (didn't get me right away), it verrrrrrry likely will get you. I haven't even used it in a while and it's been on my mind so much the past little bit that I know exactly where I'm going.
That being said, I did the whole "my idols used it!" thing too and very much know that it's hard as fuck to beat that romance once it starts. So fuck my advice there, I guess.
If you're somebody who hasn't done drugs at all, which is weird as fuck for a place like this, don't start. If the only thing I had done was weed, I would still be considerably worse off than I ever wanted/needed to be. Some people will disagree with this because there's this thing where everyone wants to pretend that weed is a pure and golden angel which can do no harm. I will say that for some people that's pretty wrong. It enabled my worst tendencies in a way very few hard drugs could touch. That's where the shittiness in weed comes from. It's mostly benign healthwise, I guess?
Potentially unpopular message: do whatever the fuck you want to do anyway if you don't give a fuck about life and death. As I indicated earlier, I don't ever want to quit everything, even with all of these negatives and stuff. Why? Because I would be considerably more dead from suicide without drugs. CONSIDERABLY. LIKE. COMPLETELY. When it's accidental overdose vs. death by your own hand, which one is the losing option? I'm not here to choose for anybody.
Misc
I moved in early 2015 to escape all the drugs and all the negative shit holding me down where I was originally from. I accidentally moved in with a guy who sold weed. From the day I got out until October, I was always at least stoned, often doing a dance with morphine, my one true love. Then in October, I said I'm tired of doing drugs every day and just... stopped?
Yes, it sucked ass. Morphine withdrawal is never a fun thing.
In the time since, I've stayed mostly sober, no real solid relapses in the sense of going back to something. You can't relapse if you never really intended to quit, right? Well, wrong, but whatever.
I think since October I smoked weed a few times (keep in mind that weed was, I believe, my biggest problem *mentally* speaking), had some vicodin, some liquor... and somehow managed to live with a straight edge person without them kicking me to the curb? I think that's a hella accomplishment in itself.
On the bad side of things, I feel heroin calling me. I never really had problems with it like I did other things, probably because I never had consistent access to it, but now that I made certain friends... well... damn. That's basically why I came to post this. Heroin is some scary shit and I know where I'm headed. Onward to the next adventure in literal nightmares!![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I came from a very confusing family. One that was piously righteous and while also struggling with more demons than I could count. One of those demons was me. Another was drug abuse. My mom became an ardent diet pill user in the 90s, and in the early 00s became a severe ambien addict - an addiction she's maintaining 13 years later. I remet my real dad in 2006 and he started snorting painkillers and xanax shortly thereafter, I'm pretty sure he's moved up to heroin recently.
By the age of 10, I had overdosed twice on ritalin. I really fucking hated ritalin, honestly. I hated everything about it and it was very much administered against my will. After the second overdose, they switched me to adderall. I was also placed on sedatives to counteract the influence of the stimulants.
In my teens, I was very ardently anti-drug. Then, by some gracious miracle of god, I was hit with wave after wave of uncontrollable nausea that left me bedridden for months on end. One of my doctors pulled me aside and said to give marijuana a try if I were down with that. Big deal for a southern state in late 2008. Alas, I did not give in until my real dad finally got tired of hearing about my nausea and smoked me up one day. Shit. I lasted almost 19 years without recreational use of anything. If only I would have known, lol.
I started drinking later in 2009, and in early 2010 had my first experience with percocet, that beautiful devil.
Add some sexual abuse to the mix in the 2011-2012 period and the end result was someone very strung out on amphetamines of various sorts. I also started drinking very heavily around early 2012. I gradually became quite fond of amphetamines between that percocet experience at 19 and roughly 23. oh, morphine, how I love you so~
Substances
In chronological order, first abuse, not first use: marijuana, percs, xanax/kpins, cocaine, amphetamines, alcohol, morphine, heroin.
Duration
2009 - present, though mostly paused at the moment. (I don't now, nor did I ever have the intention of quitting everything.)
Adverse Effects
I don't have a family anymore. I never had much of one to begin with (that's probably a part of the problem), but my relationships soured with them so drastically that I basically ended up variously living with them and being totally out of contact with them. One of them I haven't talked to in years, one I haven't talked to since December 2014, and another since December 2015. (It's not that complicated, adoptive+biological.) I don't have any contact whatsoever with my brother, now 15ish, outside of fb. Haven't seen him since mid-2014 and we were close as fuck so that one really hurts. I don't know my younger sisters or youngest brother, haven't been allowed around them.
I woke up one day in 2012 and all my friends were just... gone. It's like my entire history as a socialite just vanished into thin air. Nobody was left. In three years. lol. It took until late 2015 to even start recovering that shit.
My health was never the greatest but it's definitely a lot worse now, exacerbated by some of these drugs. I don't know which ones relate to what but I have an ulcer from the drinking, shitty memory from the ganja, weird moodiness no doubt related in some way to the amphetamines or opiates, and of course, the main ongoing problems with lovely lady addiction herself.
I failed out of university when the drug use got extra serious. I've lived with various friends for the past few years floating around the country but never been able to hold down a job or have my name on a lease. Plus, my use of drugs to cope with things and avoid emotional development seriously stunted my growth, which I only started to recover in late 2015. it's hard as fuck to even get into a relationship if you basically froze your development at 19, which was effectively a big 15 anyway.
Warnings/Advice
I have the obligatory "don't do heroin" message. It hasn't yet been as much of a problem for me as it has for many of my friends that I've seen come and go, but I still say to everyone that asks me about it: don't fucking do it. Just don't. Even if it doesn't get you right away (didn't get me right away), it verrrrrrry likely will get you. I haven't even used it in a while and it's been on my mind so much the past little bit that I know exactly where I'm going.
That being said, I did the whole "my idols used it!" thing too and very much know that it's hard as fuck to beat that romance once it starts. So fuck my advice there, I guess.
If you're somebody who hasn't done drugs at all, which is weird as fuck for a place like this, don't start. If the only thing I had done was weed, I would still be considerably worse off than I ever wanted/needed to be. Some people will disagree with this because there's this thing where everyone wants to pretend that weed is a pure and golden angel which can do no harm. I will say that for some people that's pretty wrong. It enabled my worst tendencies in a way very few hard drugs could touch. That's where the shittiness in weed comes from. It's mostly benign healthwise, I guess?
Potentially unpopular message: do whatever the fuck you want to do anyway if you don't give a fuck about life and death. As I indicated earlier, I don't ever want to quit everything, even with all of these negatives and stuff. Why? Because I would be considerably more dead from suicide without drugs. CONSIDERABLY. LIKE. COMPLETELY. When it's accidental overdose vs. death by your own hand, which one is the losing option? I'm not here to choose for anybody.
Misc
I moved in early 2015 to escape all the drugs and all the negative shit holding me down where I was originally from. I accidentally moved in with a guy who sold weed. From the day I got out until October, I was always at least stoned, often doing a dance with morphine, my one true love. Then in October, I said I'm tired of doing drugs every day and just... stopped?
Yes, it sucked ass. Morphine withdrawal is never a fun thing.
In the time since, I've stayed mostly sober, no real solid relapses in the sense of going back to something. You can't relapse if you never really intended to quit, right? Well, wrong, but whatever.
I think since October I smoked weed a few times (keep in mind that weed was, I believe, my biggest problem *mentally* speaking), had some vicodin, some liquor... and somehow managed to live with a straight edge person without them kicking me to the curb? I think that's a hella accomplishment in itself.
On the bad side of things, I feel heroin calling me. I never really had problems with it like I did other things, probably because I never had consistent access to it, but now that I made certain friends... well... damn. That's basically why I came to post this. Heroin is some scary shit and I know where I'm headed. Onward to the next adventure in literal nightmares!
Znegative
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2010
- Messages
- 6,019
Brief Background
I'm a 27 year old male that picked up heroin one night when I was drunk. Fell in love, then into a hole.
Substance(s)
right now I'm waiting to get on some formula of buprenorphine, but I'm using kratom to ease my withdrawals. a week ago I was shooting goofballs (meth and heroin) and taking massive dosages of benzos. I've also had periods of crack abuse, and when I was about 19 I had a real problem shooting cocaine.
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
I've been an on and off again heroin, coke, methadone, Alprazolam and buprenorphine user. Basically I'd just substitute heroin for a maintenance drug, and then substitute the buprenorphine or methadone for heroin. However for the last 2 1/2 years I'd been a homeless heroin addict living under overpasses and bridges in west oakland, I used every day of those 2 1/2 years, except for three days when I was sent to fucking santa rita- but when I got released at 1:00am my boy and my girlfriend were waiting outside with a 2mg clonazepam and two shots of heroin for me..that story makes me sad because it reminds me that my girlfriend really did love me (but clearly not as much as the heroin)
Adverse Effects
I've overdosed several times on methadone, heroin and benzodiazepines. I once walked straight into my front door and broke my nose, then woke up in a hospital three days later as a nurse shoved a catheter into my penis. My veins got so shot from shooting meth and black tar that I even burned out the ones on the bottom of my feet, and ended up smoking the meth for a month and muscling the heroin. Then one fateful day some junky showed me how to hit my deep femoral vein which I continued to use for 1 1/2 years as well as my deep brachial. I've missed into the artery multiple times and have been lucky that nothing much but 3 days of limping around happened to me. Also due to the conditions I was living in, in tents under freeways and bridges I develop sepsis once, as well as multiple stomach troubles, and asthma attacks from the break dust that saturated the air of every homeless camp I lived in
Warnings and Advice
If you're thinking about trying opiates, or in particular heroin, just don't. It seems like such a manageable cheap high at first but its a costly mother fucker that steals your soul. You'll find yourself doing things you thought you'd never do, and worse than that, I cannot imagine not going back to dope and meth at some point. The last few weeks in oakland i was walking around with shoes with no shoelaces, and had been free balling it for months, not to mention I'd acquired body and head lice and I didn't give a fuck about myself. It's got me at this point, and I wish this kratom could get me more than well.
I'm a 27 year old male that picked up heroin one night when I was drunk. Fell in love, then into a hole.
Substance(s)
right now I'm waiting to get on some formula of buprenorphine, but I'm using kratom to ease my withdrawals. a week ago I was shooting goofballs (meth and heroin) and taking massive dosages of benzos. I've also had periods of crack abuse, and when I was about 19 I had a real problem shooting cocaine.
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
I've been an on and off again heroin, coke, methadone, Alprazolam and buprenorphine user. Basically I'd just substitute heroin for a maintenance drug, and then substitute the buprenorphine or methadone for heroin. However for the last 2 1/2 years I'd been a homeless heroin addict living under overpasses and bridges in west oakland, I used every day of those 2 1/2 years, except for three days when I was sent to fucking santa rita- but when I got released at 1:00am my boy and my girlfriend were waiting outside with a 2mg clonazepam and two shots of heroin for me..that story makes me sad because it reminds me that my girlfriend really did love me (but clearly not as much as the heroin)
Adverse Effects
I've overdosed several times on methadone, heroin and benzodiazepines. I once walked straight into my front door and broke my nose, then woke up in a hospital three days later as a nurse shoved a catheter into my penis. My veins got so shot from shooting meth and black tar that I even burned out the ones on the bottom of my feet, and ended up smoking the meth for a month and muscling the heroin. Then one fateful day some junky showed me how to hit my deep femoral vein which I continued to use for 1 1/2 years as well as my deep brachial. I've missed into the artery multiple times and have been lucky that nothing much but 3 days of limping around happened to me. Also due to the conditions I was living in, in tents under freeways and bridges I develop sepsis once, as well as multiple stomach troubles, and asthma attacks from the break dust that saturated the air of every homeless camp I lived in
Warnings and Advice
If you're thinking about trying opiates, or in particular heroin, just don't. It seems like such a manageable cheap high at first but its a costly mother fucker that steals your soul. You'll find yourself doing things you thought you'd never do, and worse than that, I cannot imagine not going back to dope and meth at some point. The last few weeks in oakland i was walking around with shoes with no shoelaces, and had been free balling it for months, not to mention I'd acquired body and head lice and I didn't give a fuck about myself. It's got me at this point, and I wish this kratom could get me more than well.
morphine-dreams
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2015
- Messages
- 1,392
I started out with a cup of kratom here and there, 5 months ago. I'd had pills/iv morphine in the hospital before but never cared that much for it, then I got a 3 week oxy script (over 30mg for a, at the time, 100lb teenager). That was when I first felt the magic (also had codeine way before but got nothing from it), but being a scared, naïve kid, I left it alone after my script ran out. Didn't even want to ask for connects because I was afraid of what people would think of me, LOL. Well back to the point, I developed quite the kratom habit. It was cheap but so time consuming and taxing on my stomach that I quit pretty quickly. Got through wd's, no biggie. Then I tried poppy seed tea. Again, messed around for a while, then quit, but this time the wds were getting worse, so I figured I'd buy enough kratom tincture for a 2 week binge and then do a rapid taper. It worked, for 3 weeks. It's ironic because I was so preachy about getting clean and was sure that my little stint with opiates was over. After all, I had no connects, no idea where to find them, and I would NEVER take to the streets to cop pills, let alone heroin. But what harm could a little kratom as a reward do, right? With my now much higher tolerance, the kratom did nothing, and I was disappointed to day the least. VERY shortly after, I was on a daily PST/smoking opium habit, but that became too expensive and time consuming. It still didn't feel like a huge deal though, the psychological addiction was there but not fully. So I spent 2 nights driving around the sketchy parts of my city rolling down my window and asking anyone who looked suspect if they knew where to score. It didn't take very long to find a dealer, really chill dude actually. That night, I ended up not only doing heroin but also crack. I went from weekend kratom use to doing speedballs with strangers in a matter of 5 months. I get it now. I don't know what it is about heroin and crack, but somehow they're just different than pharms or coke. I'm not a daily user right now but this shit already has me. I can't picture life without ever experiencing that again. So yeah, addiction sneaks up on you fast and hard. Two drugs I swore I'd NEVER do were heroin and crack, and now they're my absolute favorite combo. I never thought I'd spend nights trying to score on the streets and avoiding cops, but here I am. I just fucking hope I don't end up on the needle.
tritonenneptunus
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2016
- Messages
- 59
Brief Background
I grew up with a father who smoked marijuana, unfortunately both my parents were very abusive (sexually, mentally, physically) and I had a really rough childhood. When I hit 12 I started to experiment with huffing (which was really stupid) with cans of aerosol spray in the school bathrooms and found that I loved being high. When I was 14 my father introduced me to marijuana which I (still) use fairly regularly. From there it was a downhill spiral. I started hanging out with the wrong kids of people and ended up smoking crack when I was 15. Eventually I ended up shacking up with this guy and he introduced me to meth for the first time. During all this hardcore drug abuse I screwed around and got addicted to pills as well.
Substance(s)
Meth and Crack
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
I was addicted to Crack from 15-20, and then Meth from 18-21 and pills (Opiates and amphetamines) from 14-(still)
Adverse Effects
To be honest, I have lost everyone I've ever cared about because of drugs. My best friends have all left, family has given up on me. I've given up on myself. I have overdosed 3 times. I have ended up in some really fucked up situations... I've gone through withdrawal with the pills.. I've ended up in numerous detox and rehab programs as well as mental hospitals.
Warnings and Advice
Just don't pick up... just ...don't... do it. It's not worth it. Addiction will destroy you from the inside out.
I grew up with a father who smoked marijuana, unfortunately both my parents were very abusive (sexually, mentally, physically) and I had a really rough childhood. When I hit 12 I started to experiment with huffing (which was really stupid) with cans of aerosol spray in the school bathrooms and found that I loved being high. When I was 14 my father introduced me to marijuana which I (still) use fairly regularly. From there it was a downhill spiral. I started hanging out with the wrong kids of people and ended up smoking crack when I was 15. Eventually I ended up shacking up with this guy and he introduced me to meth for the first time. During all this hardcore drug abuse I screwed around and got addicted to pills as well.
Substance(s)
Meth and Crack
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
I was addicted to Crack from 15-20, and then Meth from 18-21 and pills (Opiates and amphetamines) from 14-(still)
Adverse Effects
To be honest, I have lost everyone I've ever cared about because of drugs. My best friends have all left, family has given up on me. I've given up on myself. I have overdosed 3 times. I have ended up in some really fucked up situations... I've gone through withdrawal with the pills.. I've ended up in numerous detox and rehab programs as well as mental hospitals.
Warnings and Advice
Just don't pick up... just ...don't... do it. It's not worth it. Addiction will destroy you from the inside out.
Ilove2nod
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2014
- Messages
- 894
Brief Background
I am a 26 year old male from Florida. I grew up in a small rural/suburb area and had a great childhood, in early high school I became curious with drugs.
Substance(s)
In this order. Weed. Benzos: Xanax, Valium, Klonopin. MDMA. Opiates/Opioids: Oxycodone, Oxymorphone, Hydromorphone, Hydrocodone, Morphine, Heroin. Cocaine both powder and crack. Suboxone and Subutex. Amphetimines (only a few times).
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
From 14-20 I just smoked weed and drank a little bit with friends. From 20-23 I was hooked on opiates and benzos of all kinds. mainly roxy30s and OCs before they were OPs Sniffing them, smoking them off foil, and later injecting them when I found dilaudid, opana, morphine, and H. I tried all the main benzos, mainly liked Kins and Xanax tho. Crack and cocaine at that same age and still occasionally. Currently am on subutex and klonopin prescribed to me thank god! Subs saved my life!
Adverse Effects
Losing friends and family I was close to. Going to jail. Losing my car. Losing many jobs. Ruining relationships with girls I loved. And most of all ruining my brain and becoming addicted to dope of all kinds, never forgetting the feeling of each drug I have tried.
Warnings and Advice
Don't go beyond weed. Don't feel that pressure to use!
I am a 26 year old male from Florida. I grew up in a small rural/suburb area and had a great childhood, in early high school I became curious with drugs.
Substance(s)
In this order. Weed. Benzos: Xanax, Valium, Klonopin. MDMA. Opiates/Opioids: Oxycodone, Oxymorphone, Hydromorphone, Hydrocodone, Morphine, Heroin. Cocaine both powder and crack. Suboxone and Subutex. Amphetimines (only a few times).
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
From 14-20 I just smoked weed and drank a little bit with friends. From 20-23 I was hooked on opiates and benzos of all kinds. mainly roxy30s and OCs before they were OPs Sniffing them, smoking them off foil, and later injecting them when I found dilaudid, opana, morphine, and H. I tried all the main benzos, mainly liked Kins and Xanax tho. Crack and cocaine at that same age and still occasionally. Currently am on subutex and klonopin prescribed to me thank god! Subs saved my life!
Adverse Effects
Losing friends and family I was close to. Going to jail. Losing my car. Losing many jobs. Ruining relationships with girls I loved. And most of all ruining my brain and becoming addicted to dope of all kinds, never forgetting the feeling of each drug I have tried.
Warnings and Advice
Don't go beyond weed. Don't feel that pressure to use!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
Childhood and most of my life was great. Met my late husband at 19. He was military. Got married. I enlisted everything was great. Then after one tour he killed himself. After that I held up a while n started drinking. Work (army) sent me to rehab. Never drank again. Got injured in 09 and started with oxy for pain. Odd considering that's what he killed himself with. Now I do that for pain and other drugs just cause I hate being sober
im really good at avoiding people other then dealers so not many even suspect I do drugs. So bad effects are isolation from family and non addict friends
im really good at avoiding people other then dealers so not many even suspect I do drugs. So bad effects are isolation from family and non addict friends
darthjello
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2012
- Messages
- 8
I cannot really say I have "Quit" Meth. I use it from time to time, but I make sure to keep my job and my family does not know or really suspect. (I don't think). I know this is spoken like a true addict, but I feel like I have it SOMEWHAT in check. Let me explain!!! Forgive my rambling as I'm a little spun as I type this all on my crappy phone. 
I am a 23 year old guy living in one of the Midwest are hillbilly states. not rural area at allbut I recently spent a year in Prison. I got out on parole about 5 months ago. The few years leading up to my incarceration were literally what any NORMAL person or non tweakers (or as I always called them "muggle" people) could imagine as ROCK BOTTOM. BUT AT THE TIME I WAS SO "ATE UP" that in my fantasy "Dope game" world I was living the dream!! A little bCkground on my area.... I live in the state that is they refer to af meth capital of the USA.... And in said state I live in the county that has most meth in state!!!! Literally an epidemic, literally are NO OTHER DRUGS IN THIS TOWN.... And Tweakers walk the streets with hoodies up, and sunglasses at all hours, sporting headlamps and backpacks full of electronics like its a damn fashion statement!!!!! I SWEAR TO YOU.... This whole town, which you WOULD KNOW if I said the name (very very popular FAMILY vacation destination) Is a Methhead colony after dark. I was born in this town, and Went all through school here, and been here my entire life.
And so I got involved in this whole "dope game" scene. Details bot important. I remember the first few times I used, I'd tell myself, "JUST this ONCE l! This ain't weed"!!!!! I smoked for a couple days straight and then broke my pipe (glass dick, pizzo, etc). After a COUPLE HOURS PASSED , I realized I was digging it out of trash to scrape the pieces....
Literally went on auto pilot. Didn't even FATHOM what I was doing was not good ifea. The addiction was swift and insane. I Can't explain to anyone who hasn't experienced the crazy, twisted way meth addiction works..., just Seemed like one long day.... Like I Was going in auto pilot, and begore I accepted it I always felt this crazy twisted evil presence come over me, and my mind would get twisted badly, I was ATE THE F UP. Insane Weird evil and perverted thoughts. when I finally had a "REALITY CHECK" (If u are/been hardcore meth user u kno what I mean by that) I had been homeless for 2 years.... ... Doing nothing but smoke meth, in Wendy's bathroom stall, often times with people right outside. Wasnt couch surfing. Everyone I knew robbed me. Noooo. I mean at first id sit 4 days and nights inside 24 hour mcdonalds coloring on my backpack, and finally crashing when I couldn't smoke enuf to stay awake. I'd stay hi so I didn't need a home. Wander around all night, no need for a bed or food. .... Eventually got kicked out of everywhere and sat up a tent in woods behind a walmart. I Would have to Pick up dirty, wet, abandoned clothes off the side of road, and dry in resteraunt bathrooms hand dryers to have something warm to wear. I LITERALLY surviving on nothing but shoplifted candy bars and dr pepper, and meth.... would eat out of the trash (when I DID eat), and panhandle for meth money with cardboard signs. I did that at the SAME INTERSECTION EVERY SINGLE DAY, for the entire 2years straight that I was on the streets. ALL OF THIS WAS an INCREDIBLY FUN adventure TO Me!!! Cops, snitches, hidden cameras, shadow people, guns, paranoia, hookers, strange cars passing by, conspiracys, and everything was a big joke!!!!!!!!! I made begging a LITERAL profession... Easy money, even easier than hustling!!!! I would dress in different roles, had multiple aliases each with crazy extravagant background story's so I could always be seen like a helpless victim. I Had hundreds of cardboard signs with things like "Homeless, but not HOPELESS, thank god! Or Need a miracle, anything helps, or stranded no as card or birth cert. etc etc. keep in mind I lived in this town my entire life...., people I went throufh school with, my Parents and siblings, ex girlfriend, EVERYBODY knew that I was a strait junkie. which was like a freedom, or a relief to me.
And so EVERY SINGLE DAY
from sunrise to sunset in 2013-2014 u would find me sitting outside that walmart putting on my act, making $500 at least a day, often times food and gift cards and brand newcclothing..... . AND then EVERY NIGHT, as soon as it got dark I'd go to the woods, climb in my tent, and shoot a half gram of dope. Then EVERY NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD MYSELF BEFORE HAND.... ID SWEAR THAT PEOLLE COMING!!!! So the tweaker war games would commence. Id sneak, and crawl, climb way up trees, and run for my life.... from imaginary cops (called them Dream Police) and/or dealers, with shadow people and tree people. It got so real that I couldn't deny it. I've done acid and shrooms and NEVER HAD AS INSANE VIVID HALLUCINATIONS like i did In the woods, at night, on meth.... Sometimes shit got so real, I'd end up so scared if b crying hysterically,so sure i was gonna b killed or go to prison for 25 years, and end up desperately praying to whatever god would pisten, "MAKE IT STOP!!!! ILL NEVER DO METH AGAIn if u make this not real".... Sun finally comes up, I feel dumb, find my glasses case with my rigs and my phone that I threw in woods, repeat entire cycle. AND I MEAN LITERALLY...,,,,,
So now I had a year in prison clean and clear. decided to just smoke weed like I used too! Stoner!!! Well all was perfect and then I failed a UA for pot, yet was still dappling with meth an Only failed pot. So now u gotta do 4 Na meetings by this Tuesday (it's 2am Sunday ) all for the POT!!!!! It's 2am I have to work at 6. I go in high as hell all the time and nobody notices!!!! I'm a housekeeper and so it works out alriht! My mom is my supervisor, and was a meth junkie for 8 years, and tho she's been clean for 15 now, she knows how to diagnose a twackstar!!! And so far so good!! I go to work 5 days a week, wether I'm spun or or coming down.
I am a 23 year old guy living in one of the Midwest are hillbilly states.
not rural area at allbut I recently spent a year in Prison. I got out on parole about 5 months ago. The few years leading up to my incarceration were literally what any NORMAL person or non tweakers (or as I always called them "muggle" people) could imagine as ROCK BOTTOM. BUT AT THE TIME I WAS SO "ATE UP" that in my fantasy "Dope game" world I was living the dream!! A little bCkground on my area.... I live in the state that is they refer to af meth capital of the USA.... And in said state I live in the county that has most meth in state!!!! Literally an epidemic, literally are NO OTHER DRUGS IN THIS TOWN.... And Tweakers walk the streets with hoodies up, and sunglasses at all hours, sporting headlamps and backpacks full of electronics like its a damn fashion statement!!!!! I SWEAR TO YOU.... This whole town, which you WOULD KNOW if I said the name (very very popular FAMILY vacation destination) Is a Methhead colony after dark. I was born in this town, and Went all through school here, and been here my entire life. And so I got involved in this whole "dope game" scene. Details bot important. I remember the first few times I used, I'd tell myself, "JUST this ONCE l! This ain't weed"!!!!! I smoked for a couple days straight and then broke my pipe (glass dick, pizzo, etc). After a COUPLE HOURS PASSED , I realized I was digging it out of trash to scrape the pieces....
Literally went on auto pilot. Didn't even FATHOM what I was doing was not good ifea. The addiction was swift and insane. I Can't explain to anyone who hasn't experienced the crazy, twisted way meth addiction works..., just Seemed like one long day.... Like I Was going in auto pilot, and begore I accepted it I always felt this crazy twisted evil presence come over me, and my mind would get twisted badly, I was ATE THE F UP. Insane Weird evil and perverted thoughts. when I finally had a "REALITY CHECK" (If u are/been hardcore meth user u kno what I mean by that) I had been homeless for 2 years.... ... Doing nothing but smoke meth, in Wendy's bathroom stall, often times with people right outside. Wasnt couch surfing. Everyone I knew robbed me. Noooo. I mean at first id sit 4 days and nights inside 24 hour mcdonalds coloring on my backpack, and finally crashing when I couldn't smoke enuf to stay awake. I'd stay hi so I didn't need a home. Wander around all night, no need for a bed or food. .... Eventually got kicked out of everywhere and sat up a tent in woods behind a walmart. I Would have to Pick up dirty, wet, abandoned clothes off the side of road, and dry in resteraunt bathrooms hand dryers to have something warm to wear. I LITERALLY surviving on nothing but shoplifted candy bars and dr pepper, and meth.... would eat out of the trash (when I DID eat), and panhandle for meth money with cardboard signs. I did that at the SAME INTERSECTION EVERY SINGLE DAY, for the entire 2years straight that I was on the streets. ALL OF THIS WAS an INCREDIBLY FUN adventure TO Me!!! Cops, snitches, hidden cameras, shadow people, guns, paranoia, hookers, strange cars passing by, conspiracys, and everything was a big joke!!!!!!!!! I made begging a LITERAL profession... Easy money, even easier than hustling!!!! I would dress in different roles, had multiple aliases each with crazy extravagant background story's so I could always be seen like a helpless victim. I Had hundreds of cardboard signs with things like "Homeless, but not HOPELESS, thank god! Or Need a miracle, anything helps, or stranded no as card or birth cert. etc etc. keep in mind I lived in this town my entire life...., people I went throufh school with, my Parents and siblings, ex girlfriend, EVERYBODY knew that I was a strait junkie. which was like a freedom, or a relief to me.
And so EVERY SINGLE DAY
from sunrise to sunset in 2013-2014 u would find me sitting outside that walmart putting on my act, making $500 at least a day, often times food and gift cards and brand newcclothing..... . AND then EVERY NIGHT, as soon as it got dark I'd go to the woods, climb in my tent, and shoot a half gram of dope. Then EVERY NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD MYSELF BEFORE HAND.... ID SWEAR THAT PEOLLE COMING!!!! So the tweaker war games would commence. Id sneak, and crawl, climb way up trees, and run for my life.... from imaginary cops (called them Dream Police) and/or dealers, with shadow people and tree people. It got so real that I couldn't deny it. I've done acid and shrooms and NEVER HAD AS INSANE VIVID HALLUCINATIONS like i did In the woods, at night, on meth.... Sometimes shit got so real, I'd end up so scared if b crying hysterically,so sure i was gonna b killed or go to prison for 25 years, and end up desperately praying to whatever god would pisten, "MAKE IT STOP!!!! ILL NEVER DO METH AGAIn if u make this not real".... Sun finally comes up, I feel dumb, find my glasses case with my rigs and my phone that I threw in woods, repeat entire cycle. AND I MEAN LITERALLY...,,,,,
So now I had a year in prison clean and clear. decided to just smoke weed like I used too! Stoner!!! Well all was perfect and then I failed a UA for pot, yet was still dappling with meth an Only failed pot. So now u gotta do 4 Na meetings by this Tuesday (it's 2am Sunday ) all for the POT!!!!! It's 2am I have to work at 6. I go in high as hell all the time and nobody notices!!!! I'm a housekeeper and so it works out alriht! My mom is my supervisor, and was a meth junkie for 8 years, and tho she's been clean for 15 now, she knows how to diagnose a twackstar!!! And so far so good!! I go to work 5 days a week, wether I'm spun or or coming down.
darthjello
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2012
- Messages
- 8
I cannot really say I have "Quit" Meth. I use it from time to time, but I make sure to keep my job and my family does not know or really suspect. (I don't think). I know this is spoken like a true addict, but I feel like I have it SOMEWHAT in check. Let me explain!! I ramble so bear with plz!!! I'm a little spun as I type this all on my crappy phone.
I am a 23 year old guy living in one of the Midwest are hillbilly states. not rural area at allbut I recently spent a year in Prison. I got out on parole about 5 months ago. The few years leading up to my incarceration were literally what any NORMAL person or non tweakers (or as I always called them "muggle" people) could imagine as ROCK BOTTOM. BUT AT THE TIME I WAS SO "ATE UP" that in my fantasy "Dope game" world I was living the dream!! A little bCkground on my area.... I live in the state that is they refer to af meth capital of the USA.... And in said state I live in the county that has most meth in state!!!! Literally an epidemic, literally are NO OTHER DRUGS IN THIS TOWN.... And Tweakers walk the streets with hoodies up, and sunglasses at all hours, sporting headlamps and backpacks full of electronics like its a damn fashion statement!!!!! I SWEAR TO YOU.... This whole town, which you WOULD KNOW if I said the name (very very popular FAMILY vacation destination) Is a Methhead colony after dark. I was born in this town, and Went all through school here, and been here my entire life.
And so I got involved in this whole "dope game" scene. Details bot important. I remember the first few times I used, I'd tell myself, "JUST this ONCE l! This ain't weed"!!!!! I smoked for a couple days straight and then broke my pipe (glass dick, pizzo, etc). After a COUPLE HOURS PASSED , I realized I was digging it out of trash to scrape the pieces....
Literally went on auto pilot. Didn't even FATHOM what I was doing was not good ifea. The addiction was swift and insane. I Can't explain to anyone who hasn't experienced the crazy, twisted way meth addiction works..., just Seemed like one long day.... Like I Was going in auto pilot, and begore I accepted it I always felt this crazy twisted evil presence come over me, and my mind would get twisted badly, I was ATE THE F UP. Insane Weird evil and perverted thoughts. when I finally had a "REALITY CHECK" (If u are/been hardcore meth user u kno what I mean by that) I had been homeless for 2 years.... ... Doing nothing but smoke meth, in Wendy's bathroom stall, often times with people right outside. Wasnt couch surfing. Everyone I knew robbed me. Noooo. I mean at first id sit 4 days and nights inside 24 hour mcdonalds coloring on my backpack, and finally crashing when I couldn't smoke enuf to stay awake. I'd stay hi so I didn't need a home. Wander around all night, no need for a bed or food. .... Eventually got kicked out of everywhere and sat up a tent in woods behind a walmart. I Would have to Pick up dirty, wet, abandoned clothes off the side of road, and dry in resteraunt bathrooms hand dryers to have something warm to wear. I LITERALLY surviving on nothing but shoplifted candy bars and dr pepper, and meth.... would eat out of the trash (when I DID eat), and panhandle for meth money with cardboard signs. I did that at the SAME INTERSECTION EVERY SINGLE DAY, for the entire 2years straight that I was on the streets. ALL OF THIS WAS an INCREDIBLY FUN adventure TO Me!!! Cops, snitches, hidden cameras, shadow people, guns, paranoia, hookers, strange cars passing by, conspiracys, and everything was a big joke!!!!!!!!! I made begging a LITERAL profession... Easy money, even easier than hustling!!!! I would dress in different roles, had multiple aliases each with crazy extravagant background story's so I could always be seen like a helpless victim. I Had hundreds of cardboard signs with things like "Homeless, but not HOPELESS, thank god! Or Need a miracle, anything helps, or stranded no as card or birth cert. etc etc. keep in mind I lived in this town my entire life...., people I went throufh school with, my Parents and siblings, ex girlfriend, EVERYBODY knew that I was a strait junkie. which was like a freedom, or a relief to me.
And so EVERY SINGLE DAY
from sunrise to sunset in 2013-2014 u would find me sitting outside that walmart putting on my act, making $500 at least a day, often times food and gift cards and brand newcclothing..... . AND then EVERY NIGHT, as soon as it got dark I'd go to the woods, climb in my tent, and shoot a half gram of dope. Then EVERY NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD MYSELF BEFORE HAND.... ID SWEAR THAT PEOLLE COMING!!!! So the tweaker war games would commence. Id sneak, and crawl, climb way up trees, and run for my life.... from imagin cops (called them Dream Police) and/or dealers, with shadow people and tree people. It got so real that I couldn't deny it. I've done acid and shrooms and NEVER HAD AS INSANE VIVID HALLUCINATIONS like i did In the woods, at night, on meth.... Sometimes shit got so real, I'd end up so scared if b crying hysterically,so sure i was gonna b killed or go to prison for 25 years, and end up desperately praying to whatever god would pisten, "MAKE IT STOP!!!! ILL NEVER DO METH AGAIn if u make this not real".... Sun finally comes up, I feel dumb, find my glasses case with my rigs and my phone that I threw in woods, repeat entire cycle. AND I MEAN LITERALLY...,,,,,
So a year in prison clean and clear. Wanting to just smoke weed like I used too! B a Stoner!!! That's how my mom quit meth (15 years mean) Well all was perfect and then I failed a UA for pot, yet was still dappling with meth an Only failed pot. So now u gotta do 4 Na meetings by this Tuesday (it's 2am Sunday ) all for the POT!!!!! It's 2am I have to work at 6. I go in high as hell all the time and nobody notices!!!! I'm a housekeeper and so it works out alriht! My mom is my supervisor, and was a meth junkie for 8 years, and tho she's been clean for 15 now, she knows how to diagnose a twackstar!!! And so far so good!! I go to work 5 days a week, wether I'm spun or or coming down.
I am a 23 year old guy living in one of the Midwest are hillbilly states.
not rural area at allbut I recently spent a year in Prison. I got out on parole about 5 months ago. The few years leading up to my incarceration were literally what any NORMAL person or non tweakers (or as I always called them "muggle" people) could imagine as ROCK BOTTOM. BUT AT THE TIME I WAS SO "ATE UP" that in my fantasy "Dope game" world I was living the dream!! A little bCkground on my area.... I live in the state that is they refer to af meth capital of the USA.... And in said state I live in the county that has most meth in state!!!! Literally an epidemic, literally are NO OTHER DRUGS IN THIS TOWN.... And Tweakers walk the streets with hoodies up, and sunglasses at all hours, sporting headlamps and backpacks full of electronics like its a damn fashion statement!!!!! I SWEAR TO YOU.... This whole town, which you WOULD KNOW if I said the name (very very popular FAMILY vacation destination) Is a Methhead colony after dark. I was born in this town, and Went all through school here, and been here my entire life. And so I got involved in this whole "dope game" scene. Details bot important. I remember the first few times I used, I'd tell myself, "JUST this ONCE l! This ain't weed"!!!!! I smoked for a couple days straight and then broke my pipe (glass dick, pizzo, etc). After a COUPLE HOURS PASSED , I realized I was digging it out of trash to scrape the pieces....
Literally went on auto pilot. Didn't even FATHOM what I was doing was not good ifea. The addiction was swift and insane. I Can't explain to anyone who hasn't experienced the crazy, twisted way meth addiction works..., just Seemed like one long day.... Like I Was going in auto pilot, and begore I accepted it I always felt this crazy twisted evil presence come over me, and my mind would get twisted badly, I was ATE THE F UP. Insane Weird evil and perverted thoughts. when I finally had a "REALITY CHECK" (If u are/been hardcore meth user u kno what I mean by that) I had been homeless for 2 years.... ... Doing nothing but smoke meth, in Wendy's bathroom stall, often times with people right outside. Wasnt couch surfing. Everyone I knew robbed me. Noooo. I mean at first id sit 4 days and nights inside 24 hour mcdonalds coloring on my backpack, and finally crashing when I couldn't smoke enuf to stay awake. I'd stay hi so I didn't need a home. Wander around all night, no need for a bed or food. .... Eventually got kicked out of everywhere and sat up a tent in woods behind a walmart. I Would have to Pick up dirty, wet, abandoned clothes off the side of road, and dry in resteraunt bathrooms hand dryers to have something warm to wear. I LITERALLY surviving on nothing but shoplifted candy bars and dr pepper, and meth.... would eat out of the trash (when I DID eat), and panhandle for meth money with cardboard signs. I did that at the SAME INTERSECTION EVERY SINGLE DAY, for the entire 2years straight that I was on the streets. ALL OF THIS WAS an INCREDIBLY FUN adventure TO Me!!! Cops, snitches, hidden cameras, shadow people, guns, paranoia, hookers, strange cars passing by, conspiracys, and everything was a big joke!!!!!!!!! I made begging a LITERAL profession... Easy money, even easier than hustling!!!! I would dress in different roles, had multiple aliases each with crazy extravagant background story's so I could always be seen like a helpless victim. I Had hundreds of cardboard signs with things like "Homeless, but not HOPELESS, thank god! Or Need a miracle, anything helps, or stranded no as card or birth cert. etc etc. keep in mind I lived in this town my entire life...., people I went throufh school with, my Parents and siblings, ex girlfriend, EVERYBODY knew that I was a strait junkie. which was like a freedom, or a relief to me.
And so EVERY SINGLE DAY
from sunrise to sunset in 2013-2014 u would find me sitting outside that walmart putting on my act, making $500 at least a day, often times food and gift cards and brand newcclothing..... . AND then EVERY NIGHT, as soon as it got dark I'd go to the woods, climb in my tent, and shoot a half gram of dope. Then EVERY NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD MYSELF BEFORE HAND.... ID SWEAR THAT PEOLLE COMING!!!! So the tweaker war games would commence. Id sneak, and crawl, climb way up trees, and run for my life.... from imagin cops (called them Dream Police) and/or dealers, with shadow people and tree people. It got so real that I couldn't deny it. I've done acid and shrooms and NEVER HAD AS INSANE VIVID HALLUCINATIONS like i did In the woods, at night, on meth.... Sometimes shit got so real, I'd end up so scared if b crying hysterically,so sure i was gonna b killed or go to prison for 25 years, and end up desperately praying to whatever god would pisten, "MAKE IT STOP!!!! ILL NEVER DO METH AGAIn if u make this not real".... Sun finally comes up, I feel dumb, find my glasses case with my rigs and my phone that I threw in woods, repeat entire cycle. AND I MEAN LITERALLY...,,,,,
So a year in prison clean and clear. Wanting to just smoke weed like I used too! B a Stoner!!! That's how my mom quit meth (15 years mean) Well all was perfect and then I failed a UA for pot, yet was still dappling with meth an Only failed pot. So now u gotta do 4 Na meetings by this Tuesday (it's 2am Sunday ) all for the POT!!!!! It's 2am I have to work at 6. I go in high as hell all the time and nobody notices!!!! I'm a housekeeper and so it works out alriht! My mom is my supervisor, and was a meth junkie for 8 years, and tho she's been clean for 15 now, she knows how to diagnose a twackstar!!! And so far so good!! I go to work 5 days a week, wether I'm spun or or coming down.
Speed King
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Messages
- 6,074
That's fucked up