Oh lordy I'm clicking hearts all round now..! Thanks to both of you for being so generous. Mr Krinkle do you think maybe I (we?) read things wrong? Madness you've been particularly generous with what you wrote... Thank you. It's crazy how I can read stuff into things. And OMG you're ON Lamictal! -Look I don't think I've bipolar, and perhaps maybe someone like me might come across as though I'm copping out from the responsibility of managing my external affect. But f.ck man, that 5 years of weekly psychotherapy... God knows I've tried. The psychiatrist insisted this was a 'vent your angst about your parents' job. He permitted me to continue on an AD, but he's always insisted medication wont fix me. But, well fuck.. It hasn't worked. I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I worry about my 13YO daughter and what impact I might have had on her as she gets older. It's so hard for teens these days. Thank God her mother is a really engaged mum. She's the one who chucked me out. She protected her kids from my ongoing emotional outbursts. I accept that. I mentioned my brain injury theory before. Ive taken drugs for a long time. Well I did stay clean in NA for nearly 10 yrs. But when Ive used its been IV meth mostly and that stuff can fuck a limbic system right up (IMO). deficiT thanks for being the voice of reason within this. I see now how you've been very fair. Is this the beginning of not one, but two friendships where people say "Oh we couldn't stand each other when we first met" ha ha. Those types of histories I don't have with many people, but those I do are strong. Mr Krinkle it's looking like group hug time here. You coming dude? There so much potential for not reading things correctly here Krinkle.. Do you think maybe a bit of that is woven into your history online here too?