Staring at the cloudy grey sky
I silently begin to cry
Is this what's all come down to?
What the fuck is this about though?
Barely past the acute the stage,
Anhedonia and Desidia creep in like a plague.
Drugs used to be what got me out of bed every single day
Ugly moments of hopelessness and despair.
Nowadays I just wanna laugh,sing and play
like a baby in his/her mother's arms
I long for those days so friggin' bad.
Coping with this is extremely hard.
Although something tells me it will be fine
All I want is to see your pretty smile.
Get intoxicated with poetry, virtue or wine...
Slipping [23]
Feeling sorta sick, held on firm at first,
but after a second guess quickly lost my grip, disorientated getting dizzy with the spins on this slippery deck,
no exit off this ship lost my way & my balance, starting to slip, the plot’s starting to twist resolve’s starting to give, woke up in confusion & have been in delusion ever since, the riddle’s not solved at all what kind of storm are we in, what’s going on what memo didn’t I get,
& how’d I get involved at all,
& how is it I was led to ending up in the middle of all this?
Out in the cold looking for something or someone to hold, trying to stand my ground while standing on shaky ground, on quaking earth as the earth turns I search for solid ground, all heard in a surround sound of loud shapes & fuzzy sounds,
in a full house with four Aces still I feel like I want to fold, froze in indecision with blurry visions as insecurities take hold, it’s getting crowded the walls are starting to inwardly close, thinking out loud in this Full House gone as John Stamos, driving on LSD, edgy as Jodie Sweetin on amphetamines, odd as Bob Saget, get off me you f@ggot you’re too close, conflicted as Mary-Kate Olsen’s guilty conscience is, after her suspicious involvement in Heath Ledger’s overdose,
told you before most important secrets will never be known,
finish your main course revenge is a dish best served cold, but bulletproof coffee is best served hot with no grounds, the truth is too abstruse at least for most to figure out,
to tell it straight I’m Bossy like Kelis & it’s bout to go down, can’t hear you when you come ‘round my thoughts’re too loud,
too high, so high,
eyes low head lost in the clouds,
found in the sounds,
between, heart beats & deep breaths, between, surface heat & deep depths, between, making sweet love & having really rough sex,
between, historical passed things & whatever comes next,
suffix, Ms., Mrs., Mr., Dr., Sr., Jr.,
thought you were making progress but that was just a rumor, thought you were an innovator but I guess just a consumer, still on the seashore hear the wake up call like roosters, sands erode plans implode bombs explode it’s all bloopers,
dropped the ball found your boat landed back where you were...
& all these contradictions are creating the perfect storm.
Where were we before we were contained & conformed? Why do all the picture perfect people seem so deformed? When were we reborn reformed as The New Norm? What led us to be stripped of our dignity & clothed in uniform?
Will we realize the American Dream was reborn stillborn, it’s a tragedy still we don’t mourn we just feel worn & torn.
I’m, dying, we’re, dying,
lost my mind & found some time,
though still haven’t found the reasons yet for these rhymes, or the least bit of redemption from sinnin’ in these trying times but I still believe I will achieve because honestly I’m still trying,
but I’m, dying, you are, dying, so far gone, so far gone,
so far gone you even miss you, so far gone I even miss me, so far gone we even miss us, so far gone away getting dizzy.
For real, I feel,
sorta sickish, fading like Jaden Smith is getting Visions of, assassination in public with a Sex Pistol hit with a quickness, but no one knows who did this ‘cause there was no witnesses, & if they do know they’re not snitching, life’s a b!tch b!itches, & that b!tch is vicious, as vicious as Sid Vicious is,
but I’m married to this life so I’m gonna live it not leave it, until I die I can’t divorce it stuck here in this body won’t give in, suffocating in a corset plus stuck in this enormous system, & all of it’s horrors it’s a sickness so I try to keep my distance, from anyone displaying any obvious symptoms of an illness, guess I need to get away from myself ‘cause I’ve got symptoms,
for real I’ll list them,
first of all I’m feeling sorta sick, held on firm at first,
but after a second guess quickly lost my grip, disorientated getting dizzy with the spins on this slippery deck, no exit off this ship lost my way & my balance, starting to slip, the plot’s starting to twist resolve’s starting to give, woke up in confusion & have been in delusion ever since, the riddle’s not solved at all what kind of storm are we in, what’s going on what memo didn’t I get,
& how’d I get involved at all,
& how is it I was led to ending up in the middle of all this?
Δ LaLux Δ