Hey OP,
Everyone is different, but i'll tell you what happened to me...
Read the short version if you just want a quick read pertaining to the OP:
Short Version:
I would definitely, 100%, FOR SURE move far, far,
far away from that "lifestyle" as you call it and as I used to call it. You definitely do
NOT NEED to hit rock bottom before you change the way you operate your life. Simply put, Quit while you are ahead, man.....
Not to sound harsh, but you would have to either be a fucking fool or in some seriously denial to truly think that this lifestyle is sustainable, especially long-term. But hey, on the flip side of the coin, I am sure there's some rare exceptions where opiates/opioads can be used successfully long term, I just doubt that you're an exception. I once thought I was one of those people who could use everyday and be completely fine and functional, and to be completely honest, for a very long time as long as I had an adequate stash of pain pills, I was functioning at a high level. but it didn't last and I ended up pretty fucking bad off. So, I wouldn't bet my money on your experience leading anywhere positive (with prolonged, consistent use).
From my experience, I arguably, don't think I truly hit my "rock bottom" but I turned my self around because I ended up pretty fucking miserable and lost it all. Spoiler alert, that cliche story is fucking true AKA start off by taking a few hydros, which leads to oxy, which leads to heavier shit and heavier shit and before you know it you're IVing heroin on the regular. LOL.
Long Version:
So, I started using 5mg, 7.5mg, and 10mg hydrocodone/ Norcos throughout my college career. At first, I was using only a few times per week.
Look man, the way you describe how it makes you feel; all the benefits and alleviation....I used to feel the
exact same way, man, because it is all TRUE, at first. And I'm sure a lot of other experienced opiate users will agree with that.
It used to make me comfortable in my own skin, quick on my toes, witty, confident, etc. It essentially helped to solidify really great friendships and relationships that i still actually have to this day. It helped improve my hobbies, including preforming live music, writing, drawing, etc. Bro, so many endless late night conversations about philosophy and creative ideas with my roommates. At that point of time in my life, I would have sworn to my own mother that this drug had absolutely zero negative effects/side effects hahaha... For me, it provided so much depth.
Dude, I specifically remember the first point of time when I had the realization that if I stop taking the hydros, I would have w/ds
and just like you, I was saying the same thing, "
The negative aspect of opiate addiction so far is that I have to live in perpetual fear of withdrawal when I'm using again
" (For whatever reason, this post really reminded me of myself back in the day and it resonated with me).
I genuinely wish that realization was enough for me to quit. Instead, it was only a foreshadow into what was to inevitably happen, i.e.-extreme sickness and w/d.
So, I used pills for about 7 years in total before moving to heroin, which I used for a little over 2 years.
For the first 3 years I was only using hydrocodone. I would describe it as manageable and light-hearted...super chill/low key...etc.
I wouldn't have ever considered it as an addiction, even though i had experienced a couple minor w/d at that point; the birth of my denial lol.
Side Note: If you knew me IRL, you'd never peg me for the type of person who has been through this kind of shit, like literally AT ALL. In other words, I am just saying that it can happen to literally anyone. Addictive drugs have no preference of who uses them. And no matter who you are or how strong-willed you may be, just know that there's a chance that your situation might end up ultra fucked. I learned the hard way (even though it could have been way worse which i understand).
Anyways....one day my college roommate unintentionally stumbled across a guy who had a steady supply of 10mg methadone and 15mg roxy connect for insanely cheap prices. I won't list the pricing out of respect for BL, but just to put the methadone price in perspective, it cost more to buy a Swisher Sweet cigarillo than it did to obtain 1 pill and at the time, I really viewed it as an amazing thing...Go figure.
From that day forward, my tolerance totally sky rocketed and my "addiction" steadily progressed; Unintentionally and blindly.
Fast forward to the fifth or sixth year of my pill use. I was popping multiple pills multiple times a day which consisted of around 50mg or more of oxys on the daily (they turned out to my preferable DOC), or morphine, hydomorphone, methadones, and/or I guess hydrocodones if it was the only thing available.
SO, the point I am trying to make is that you can clearly see the unintentional process of my tolerance as it naturally went up and up and up, as I had to increase the dosage more and more and more. Which it all started out to maintain my awful anxiety/depression, social awkwardness, my relationship with my gf, my witty persona, etc. -- It was everything that I needed to become successful and maintain my happiness...
So yeah man, as the years progressed, for the entire time, that is what I continued to tell myself ^ even though I knew that my motives and intentions had changed. I didn't want to face the real truth and reasoning behind my actions so it was buried deep down inside my psyche.
That is how I seriously viewed it for many years because that is how it all played out during the beginning when all I would do is pop a couple hydros on the weekends and maybe a couple times during the weekdays if I needed to socialize or if I wanted to reward myself with a half-assed exam grade, or if it was homies birthday or whatever lol.
Oh yeah...Also, at this point of time I had tried heroin I think like twice or three times. It blows my mind to this day how I was so blinded to red flags that the universe gave me. I just continued down the same path, and I straight up never even thought to reconsider my actions. Heroin was never my go to drug of choice. I would only do it when it was the only thing available, unfortunately. The fear of getting sick from w/d grew ten fold in my experience and sometimes it was too much to handle.
To wrap this up, within a year or two span, the hydrocodone guy passed (dope OD in Thailand), the methadone seller's uncle stopped getting prescribed/got clean, therefore he no longer had inventory to sell anymore, and my oxy guy burned me on literally such a
massive purchase, which was the straw that broke the camels back. Being that broke and in desperation, what ended up happening was I started smoking black tar heroin. It wasn't the same but I learned to love it. Then I found a guy that could get tan powder. See ya later black tar. I always had rails chopped up on a plate in my nightstand drawer. Once I switched over to dope, that is all that mattered. Pills just didn't make any sense at that point. I no longer got that feeling from pills, unless it was a large dosage which would have been too expensive once i found out about heroin and all the money I could have saved (sarcasm).
I went from being an ignorant college student using hydrocodone to unwind, feel good, and enhance relationships -- saying to myself and homies who may have been concerned, "aw man, that shit won't happen to me lol you gotta be an idiot to do that shit, it's not like that" -- fast forward 7 years to me shooting heroin like basically all the time, removed all close friends, ended a relationship of 5 years, and wasted a handful of serious life changing career opportunities that I will never get back. I just resided in complete chaos and desperation for a little while.
Currently, I've been clean from all opiates/opioids since April 1, 2019 (no joke) and i am still going strong. I actually just lowered my dosage to 4mg of suboxone last week (bragging bitch yuh). It is a proud feeling... So, if anyone is in a similar situation and you're bored enough to read all this shit, just know this situation can be negated if you just stopped bullshitting yourslf about any drug issue and stopped navigating this life based off fear. Reach out to the ones you keep close if you aren't sure what to do because if you don't they'll probably end up finding out anyways lol -- So, from the get go, just kept it 100%.
Look...to each there own, for sure.... but i wanna wrap up this story on a positive note by saying that through my journey, it turns out that tha dope life was only cool for so long until it inevitably brought me a lot of pain.
Nowadays, opiates just ain't for me any more. Check this shit out --- I realized literally the biggest lesson ever. The lesson I learned is that I have to face adversity head first with zero excuses.
See, it seems to me like there is a certain stage of drug use when a lot of fucking people, including myself, start to resort to tha heroin, oxys, hydros or whatever when they are faced with any type of adversity; as it enters there consciousness the addict (myself) found it easier to alter my consciousness to manipulate that adversity in a temporary fashion... I think that in order to grow internally as a human being, it is important to understand that overcoming adversity is the only thing that allows us to grow and that literally can not be done through drug use even if it is to mask social anxiety or to ease the nerves before you go on that date, or whatever mann. So yeah, If you resort to drugs, it will definitely bypass that adversity that you are faced with.. And that is why I got so involved with opiates. I never really knew how to articulate that until now, really.
Ending Notes: I was compelled to share my story and hope to portray the importance of how these types situations are becoming more and more common as the years progress. I mean, the shit I went through literally could not have played off any more cliche; beginning with recreational light pain pills and ending as an IV heroin user. Not trying to exploit my situation but to address the fact that it can happen to anyone especially those you'd least expect. This type of shit happens all the fucking time. Obviously, y'all know this shit! So, to the OP or anyone else who has actually read all of this -- I am just spitting an obvious, basic story, I do not think what happened to me is special and so hopefully it's just a refresher as to what can happen but if it ain't so obvious, hopefully you're at least able to see the subtle changes opiates have on the mindset through out the course of time. Hell...my motives definitely evolved into something uncontrollable throughout the years. So, Just do what you gotta do to get your priorities in order. And never dismiss adversity.