FnX
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2009
- Messages
- 749
So I broke up with them. It felt like the only right choice at the time. Now a couple weeks later they're dead. I am simply at a loss for words, shocked and surprised even if part of me could always predict that the possibility for an outcome like this was significant. You just never fucking think it's actually possible no matter how high probability you think it is. Flooded by so many emotions it's overwhelming, first instinct is to call them and talk but they're NEVER going to answer again. You just spent their last 3 years of life with them. They practically were my life for those same years. Yesterday I felt like I was still rightfully angry, now I feel like I have no right to even be angry. They just wanted me to be angry at them so it would be easier to take their own life.
They had decided when they were 10 years old that they are never going to live past 30 years old. I gave them almost a full year longer, but am I supposed to feel fucking good or something? I could have tried harder, longer, whatever, but I felt positive it would only result in two corpses eventually, instead of one or zero corpses. My last memories are nothing but arguments with a psychotic person who is completely out of touch with reality, me thinking we would resolve our issues when they get a little better. It's so goddamn painful to think how they were feeling during those last days of their life, and I will never ever know for sure either. What am I supposed to do? I guess I'll figure it out eventually once the shock is gone. Right now everything just feels surreal, until it really sinks in that they're actually dead, at which point it becomes surreal again.
They had decided when they were 10 years old that they are never going to live past 30 years old. I gave them almost a full year longer, but am I supposed to feel fucking good or something? I could have tried harder, longer, whatever, but I felt positive it would only result in two corpses eventually, instead of one or zero corpses. My last memories are nothing but arguments with a psychotic person who is completely out of touch with reality, me thinking we would resolve our issues when they get a little better. It's so goddamn painful to think how they were feeling during those last days of their life, and I will never ever know for sure either. What am I supposed to do? I guess I'll figure it out eventually once the shock is gone. Right now everything just feels surreal, until it really sinks in that they're actually dead, at which point it becomes surreal again.