that's how i felt when i started on dark and didn't realise i could get even more dead inside. repeated the mistake when i started IVing. after that was frequently surprised to be alive when i came round (was doing mostly speedballs and still have ringing in my ears 9 months after my last one). i really feel for you. it can get better but not by stepping up your use.
i hate to say this but no matter how bad it gets, it can and likely will get worse until you get help, not just with the drugs but with what it driving you to use them.
use fucking alcohol wipes, don't let your needles hit the ground or touch anything, don't boot it, remember to undo the tourniquet. sterile spoon, sterile water. there should be more safe injection advice in the threads above.
doesn't matter though, if you keep going it won't be too long til you're picking used pins that might not even have been yours off your floor, using the same spoon for days, and generally fucking off every thing you should do that puts more time between you and the hit.