Cj, may I ask you about the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?
I mean like do you often have had unstable relationships in which you at one time adore the person you are in relationship but then suddenly you hate that person like hell?
Not really. This is the one symptom I don't think I have. I don't usually split on people as it's called.
Do you feel that you avoid being abandoned even so much that you might try to break up promising relationship in the first place?
I break up relationships and friendships by being overly clingy. Like if someone doesn't answer my text in 15min it means they hate me and never want to see me again.
Do you have unstable view of yourself?
Yeah I think so. I go from thinking I'm a good person to thinking I'm an awful person pretty often. I go from thinking I want sobriety and a boring life to thinking I want to shoot heroin and live on the street. Shit like that.
Do you have a lot of impulsively behaviour that is bad for you?
Yes. I'll make horrible decisions without thinking them through. Example: left a comfortable rehab to go be homeless because I was having a bad day and wanted to die. Then once on the streets I made a series of awful decisions that left me with no Suboxone.
Are you constantly on edge or being in a fighting mode often?
Yeah I go from calm to murder someone angry in the blink of eye.
Is it hard for you to engage in activity in which you get the reward in a long term?
Impossible for me to delay gratification. I often say that past me has no regard for future me
When in stress, do you sometimes feel paranoid?
Sometimes.
Do you feel "empty" often?
All the time