Why hello! I didn't see you standing there relaxation001. You snuck up on me. This time, you skate free... next time, I harvest your body for the exogenous Opioids it contains, as my understanding of biochemistry is such that this sort of thing is possible.
Now, down to business. Please be aware that throughout this explanation, I am in no way trying to patronize you. In fact, my knowledge of and experience with drugs is not something to be proud of (outside of application to HR principles yay!
). For your own good, I need to start by saying that your rationalization of BZD use is already leading you in a bad direction. I am assuming you've never been through a bout of BZD withdrawal, but correct me if I'm wrong. It is a nightmare hellscape in which no happiness, joy or relief may exist. It's very, very bad.
"Antidepressant" means whatever the prescribing doctor says it means. One could be prescribed 40mg Fluoxetine (Prozac)/day for erectile dysfunction. He's not taking an antidepressant, he's taking ED medication. My point is that there is a definite grey area and off-label prescribing is a hallmark of many antidepressants. I'm assuming you've been through SSRI withdrawal. SSRI withdrawal
can be shitty, but it is a leisurely walk through the park compared to BZD withdrawal.
Cracks are already forming in your plans by the way. You say you really want to keep this prescriber because he writes you for Alprazolam (Xanax). The problem is that Benzodiazepines are not meant to be prescribed for long-term use outside of special circumstances. This isn't my opinion. Also, if we're using the same nomenclature, which I think we are, antidepressant medications are not addictive. BZD's and AD's are not even comparable.
In general when someone is prescribed BZD's for the first time, they realize everything they've been missing in life. They should say hi to that cute girl in the cube next to you. You're going to walk up to your boss who normally intimidates you and you're gonna tell him you want a raise. Your bills are all overdue? No sweat, you'll figure it all out, right? It's much like how new users of Amphetamine "realize who they truly are" after taking a pill. It's a major pitfall and I say this not to degrade you but to hopefully enlighten you:
Unlike certain other psychiatric drugs, the SSRI/SNRI drugs, usually require some time before noticeable effects present; at least a few days, but generally a couple of weeks. When you take a BZD, you are experiencing instantly, the full impact of that drug. It is exerting all of its effects until it wears off. You can probably understand why someone who has been attempting SSRI therapy with little success might discover Benzodiazepines to be their own personal wonder drug; that key that fits; that one attribute that they had been lacking their whole lives
BZD's are powerful sedatives/anxiolytics/muscle relaxers and more. They are highly addictive because they are highly effective at just what they claim to be. It's not a "maybe it will work, give it a shot" it's a "I have 90% confidence that this drug will arrest anxiety as soon as it is taken". They work well and much like how Opioids are the silver bullet that kills pain, Benzodiazepines are equally effective at halting anxiety.
First off, if this prescriber does care first and foremost about your health, he/she will not be prescribing you Benzodiazepines for very long. The clinical indications are clear and ~6 weeks of daily use is considered to be the maximum before cost begins to outweigh benefit.
I'll put it bluntly, on paper, everything you're saying makes sense, but if I may channel Freud, I think you might be referring to antidepressants as addictive in the hopes that you can rationalize taking Benzodiazepines. They really are not comparable. I do believe that someone who has never experienced withdrawal from drugs might thing SSRI withdrawal is "terrible", but in life, all things are relative.
There's not a lot of room for comparison. Benzodiazepines are not the "answer" in any genuine psychiatric practice, they are only part of an equation. The idea is that the sedatives might give the user the necessary time to collect themselves and engage in intensive therapy, because once the drugs run out, they're gone. I and everyone else here cares for you and can empathize with your situation. We don't want you to end up completely dependent upon BZD's and have your life struggle shift to the daily procurement of illicit Benzodiazepines.
I have rambled considerably, my apologies. Please, don't take BZD's, feel better and do no further work on yourself, otherwise, you've really just wasted time.
Most of this was totally subjective. Take it all with a grain of salt please guys.