Kellyfendiloxphine
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2018
- Messages
- 35
I'm brand new to bluelight. I have come across it on google many times and it's been helpful. Now I feel the need to express myself so I decided to join in the fun. I have been off and on opiates for a few years. My first time trying opiates was when I was 11, and I'm lucky to be alive from it. Acetaminophen, mixed with many prescribed opiates, is dangerous!... but you don't have any clue about that stuff when you're 11 and just want to 'feel good'. Years later, I never much cared which drug got me there... cocaine, crack, mushies... loved esctascy.. but opiates have become too easy to get ahold of as of late. What started out as a minor Percocet addiction has turned into a full blown opioid dependency for which even some of the strongest of opioids do not provide much relief... What makes it harder is when you go in for surgery, and the doctors aren't sure how to provide pain relief because you're so tolerant to pain meds. Most of the healthcare personal don't want to look at me because I hear this: I have never seen anyone use that many drugs. So I'm ready to put an end to it. Lots of the stories are like this, but mine is the same: I was once a great young lady lol I was good at school.. top of the class. In college was the same... although college is when I started my demise.. the teacher pulled me aside one day and said "you could be so much more if you would apply yourself. you are the top of the class, but you're never here." I did not stay top of the class and eventually dropped out. I was a good athlete.. at most sports.. won awards and competitions.. I was great in music, winning lots of awards.. I was good at writing, reading, etc. I was good at my jobs.. always getting promotions, raises, and recognition by the men in charge wherever I went. I was apparently a looker--asked to model in my younger days.. later to strip.. later to work the rub and tug... haha.. I was active within the church. I volunteered with the senior citizens. I became a mother to two lovely children and landed an amazing husband! The opioid dependency has left me with none of that now. I lay in bed day after day after day, my life revolving around the drugs.. shakes.. pukes.. sweats.. drugs.. shakes.. pukes.. sweats.. drugs.. day after day. I decided that if I continue this, the only way out is death. So I have decided to sign up for a clinic. I have quit CT in the past.. a few times, actually. It wasn't that hard if you put your mind to it. This is different... body is too dependent and tired of being sick. I tried CT.. I made it 10 days and the sick wasn't going away. It always got better after 4 days. Not this time!! And the w/d is so much more pronounced. I need help. I am very excited to go to the clinic! All of the things I thought were hard in life, I now long to have back. I am ready to face my problems instead of continuously trying to cover them up or escape them. I am excited to learn how to do this, because my growing children.. so sweet.. still tell me that I am a good mom. I want to change before they figure out what's going on and lose trust and faith in me. I want to show them how to live a healthy life and conquer it instead of hiding in the shadows. I want to show my husband the wife that I am capable of being.. that hardworking, fun loving, good looking, champion that I was talking about earlier.. not this shaking, angry, miserable, ugly, wreck of a person, laying in bed because I'm too cold and goosepimply to come out of the covers!!! I know I can do it because I am certain that there are many people here who have had it worse than me and have overcome it
Questions:
1. Can someone tell me what suboxone is like? do you become tolerant to it in the same way you become tolerant to the other opioids? Can I wean off it right away? I'm sure I can kick this habit, because I'm sooo tired of it and I don't feel like I crave it.. just feel like I want to end the sick.
2. How about methadone? Does it work? sounds to me like I'm better off to wean off what I'm on instead of switching the methadone.. but I really have no idea.. as I said.. I usually go CT but can't this time.
3. Clinic wise, I'm thinking of doing the 12-step program for 42 days. Has anyone done this? If so.. did it work? is 28 days enough? 90 days the way to go??
4. Anything else anyone wants to input, I'm much appreciative I hope to be able to help others overcome their addiction one day.
Questions:
1. Can someone tell me what suboxone is like? do you become tolerant to it in the same way you become tolerant to the other opioids? Can I wean off it right away? I'm sure I can kick this habit, because I'm sooo tired of it and I don't feel like I crave it.. just feel like I want to end the sick.
2. How about methadone? Does it work? sounds to me like I'm better off to wean off what I'm on instead of switching the methadone.. but I really have no idea.. as I said.. I usually go CT but can't this time.
3. Clinic wise, I'm thinking of doing the 12-step program for 42 days. Has anyone done this? If so.. did it work? is 28 days enough? 90 days the way to go??
4. Anything else anyone wants to input, I'm much appreciative I hope to be able to help others overcome their addiction one day.