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Getting my life back (withdrawal and recovery journal)

Try and find some Tiger Balm or something. That really does help with RLS issues (like, it's amazing).
 
Britt, that dark mental place is the worst. For what it's worth, I always found it helpful during that stuff to keep things as light as possible--distract myself with TV, video games, anything easy and non-serious. The main thing for me was avoiding introspection during detox, as that always got me feeling worse.

We're all pulling for you!
 
TPD, I have voltaren so I'm hoping it works similar to tiger balm!
simco, I have been keeping things very minimal today and have distracted myself with watching documentaries on my phone. It's helping for sure!
 
It didnt post. Im having problems today. Sheesh. And sorry for the delay-Im dealing w the aftermath of hurricane Irma.

I know you re stressed. I detoxed- twice to tbe bitter end - having seizures and hallucinating naked on the filthy floor in jail. Thinking about it still makes me shudder. Like PTSD. And it was 3yrs ago

I was clean for 1.5 yrs and I started chipping over a year ago. Doing dope for 3 days straight on average 2 times a month. I'm trying so hard to stop. Im really disappointed in myself.

I didnt.plan on telling you all that-I just went with it I guess. You can do this Britt. I'm rooting for you.
 
TPD- Do you rub the Tiger Balm all over your legs? My legs, wrists and arms are bothering me w RLS. I"m going to get some. Thanks.
 
10YearsGone -- Are you a Zeppelin fan?

Brit -- Good luck! The mentally dark place was the worst part of WD for me. I read your thread today, and you are fortunate to have people around you who know what is happening. Nobody knows about my use and for big reasons I could never tell those closest to me about my secret habit. I hope they can help you through the worst of it.
 
^^^Yes lol. I love that song. I was listening to it while creating my account.

My original username is Stargazer-which is my favorite Mother Love Bone song. For some reason Im unable to sign in to my original account.

You're on the ball. People have asked what my username meant. I'm impressed that you figured it out.
 
10years, I'm so sorry you had to feel the wrath of hurricane Irma. I have been watching it from my tv (I live in Toronto) and my heart just breaks every time I see it. Then my mind always takes me to the people having to deal with the hurricane while detoxing, that would be HELL!! I hope your family and friends are safe and your home isn't to devistated.
I couldn't imagine detoxing in jail let alone a detox centre. I was fortunate when I was first arrested since I had no prior convictions and the physical/mental state I was in they let me detox at home. But my heart goes out to the unlucky ones who had to go through that experience, it's hard enough detoxing in your home...
I'm sorry you have fallen back into the grasp of opiates again, as we often do, unfortunately, but I have tons of faith and hope that you can pull through and not give up and make it to the beautiful clean side of things. It's gonna be tough but its worth it! (You now since you have had clean time) you got this!! Please let me know how your progress goes!
 
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MP- thank you for your kind words. I am very lucky to have a good support but believe me it wasn't always like that...
I hid my addiction for years before Because i couldn't bear to let my family down (they are straight edge, drugs horrify them) but when I was arrested I had no other choice, it was a terrible day coming clean to them (and myself) but it was worth it in the end. No loved one wants that for you and would hopefully do what they can to help.
This last overly long relapse I couldn't bring myself to tell them I have fucked yo yet again so I hid it from everyone even my boyfriend. He caught me and almost ended things. I tried tovclean up a handful of times but I didn't have the support like before and I wasn't strong enough to do it alone. So I had no other choice to finally tell my rents and let's just say it never gets easier breaking that nightmare to loved ones but sometimes it's the only way to not end up dead.
I don't know your situation but I hope you can get the help and support you need through your family or friends or even just us on BL <3
 
Morning update: didn't sleep the best lastnight, took a clonidine and a ton of weed to which didn't help me sleep much either, maybe an hour or 2. Then I was tossing and turning all restless, mom gave me a benzo. Relaxed me but didn't help me sleep. Hung out in bed til about 9ish. Got up made a decaf Earle grey tea. So far I feel pretty decent minus the sheer boredom and depression. (So far this has been the easiest detox I think, I still would recommend using Kratom for coming off strong opiates like I did then come off the Kratom for a softer landing)
I'm a bit worried I might need to take a dose of Kratom tomorrow because I have a client coming to my house and I can't move her appointment, I will need the energy to do her services(gel manicure/gel pedicure and waxing)
So I'm hoping if I take a bit just to get through the services that it won't set me back much.. in hoping I can just power through without but I'm not sure I have it in me.
I have bad anxiety just thinking about tomorrow.
 
Britt - big hug to you. I know it sucks. Take it just little at a time.

I had no priors wben I got arrested. I happened to get a really strict judge. I was handcuffed watching my house burn down. I got arrested for paraphernalia. Unbelievable. That's a story for another time.

Today I'm not bad because I took Lyrica. SoI'm a little out
 
Dammit.

Cont...

of it. I'm in Florida because .my husbands dad died. Im from Philadelphia (in Pennsylvania) so this visit has been stressful. I haven't been here in 11yrs. I am stressed out.

We have to hang in tbere. I know you can do this. ❤
 
Wow no priors And they held you like that.. do you live in the states? Maybe the Canadian justice system is a little easier in first offence drug abusers (I was only 21 at the time and my parents were involved so maybe they let me detox at home for that treason). Idk. I'm sorry you had to go through that it's so inhumane!

I have read many threads about lyrica and gabbapenten(sp?) and how it's very helpful for withdrawal. If I need it in the future I think il try and get some from my dr..
 
Answered my own question about you living in the US. Didn't realize there was more to your post!
That's hard to be somewhere you don't want to be while going through this. Makes it a lot harder but you seem to be keeping positive and powering through. It's inspiring!!
 
Hey, Britt. How are you feeling about that kratom dose for today? Of course it would be for the best if you can avoid it. But don't beat yourself up if you decide you do need it. If that's the case, my advice is to think a bit about how you change things next time so you are less likely to wind up in a situation where it's necessary.
 
Simco, it worries me that I might need a dose tomorrow to get my client done but I'm going to try my hardest to troop without any because I don't want to set myself back in the withdrawal process. It's eating at me but I'm still going to try my best and not dose before my client tomorrow, hopefully I can pull through!
 
Yes its beyond horrible to be detoxing-and detoxing hard-with strangers. And locked in a cell w no toilet when vomiting. I had to keep buzzing tbe CO to unlock the cell -then run to bathroom area. Like every 10 mins. <shudder>

If you need to take a little something to work - that's understandable. Get gabapentin prescribed. It will do wonders for you.

Hang in there Britt. You're doing great. ❤
 
10YearsGone -- Of course I knew right away. Led Zeppelin was the defining band of my late HS / college years, and I often think of that song when I ruminate on my drug use... It's just always seemed appropriate.

Brit -- I can never tell anyone in my life about my use. For some specific reasons it would be seen as the worst kind of betrayal by my wife, and I'm sure she would leave me. That's why I signed up here, to talk to all of you :) I hope things are going well for you today.
 
74 days sober today. almost had a year about a year ago. 13 days shy and went out and got fucked up. really trying hard to nail this recovery thing.
 
MP-it is indeed the perfect song. I actually am unable to listen to it sometimes because it makes me so emotional. Esp during my current shenanigans.

Hockey- good luck. We're all going through it w you.
 
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