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Mdma recovery! Please help.. anyone with similar experience ? Please! This is hell

You must be so close though! What month are you on now? I'm glad you've almost got your emotions back.. that gives me some hope. Hopefully an ssri will help me some..
 
It only took you 6 months ? Lucky... and lexapro made it worse ? I wasn't on anything for the first 3 months. That's the longest I could hold out for. I had to try something though and they put me on Wellbutrin which isn't even an ssri , it's a ndri. So I'm going to have them switch me to an ssri..
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
You must be so close though! What month are you on now? I'm glad you've almost got your emotions back.. that gives me some hope. Hopefully an ssri will help me some..
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Perhaps..sometimes I seem to be fine then other times I go much worse, it's confusing but others have also noted this kind of wave-like to-ing and fro-ing. Thanks, but not more glad than me! I suppose I'm leaps and bounds better than I was but I'm still not where I'd like to be.

One infinitely infuriating symptom I have which started at a similar time is this incessant crackling/popping noise in both my ears almost every time I swallow, or so much as send air through my nasal cavity. Sometimes this gets me down more than the emotional flatness. I've been to the doctor and an ear-nose-throat clinic and they tested my hearing, ear pressure and looked into it and nothing abnormal can be observed from the exterior, yet it continues to happen. I'm wondering if anyone here has any advice...it's almost laughable how resilient I've been to everything else yet an apparently harmless sensation brings me to my knees. Anyone got any ideas about what I can do about this? Even mindfulness is failing me on this one... Cotcha? For instance, I'm mindful of it all the time and my reaction to it but my reaction never seems to fade, it's always something like 'fml why do I have to have this gratingly loud and strange sensation appear every waking hour and why is there nobody on this green earth that can help me overcome it or advise me otherwise?'
 
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Ihatenotfeeling said:
It only took you 6 months ? Lucky... and lexapro made it worse ? I wasn't on anything for the first 3 months. That's the longest I could hold out for. I had to try something though and they put me on Wellbutrin which isn't even an ssri , it's a ndri. So I'm going to have them switch me to an ssri..
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Yea idk, it seems to go both ways for people. There have been some people who got emotions back with SSRI too recently though.

Everyone has unique chemistry and trial/error is unfortunately there sometimes...
 
8BitTrip said:
One infinitely infuriating symptom I have which started at a similar time is this incessant crackling/popping noise in both my ears almost every time I swallow, or so much as send air through my nasal cavity. Sometimes this gets me down more than the emotional flatness. I've been to the doctor and an ear-nose-throat clinic and they tested my hearing, ear pressure and looked into it and nothing abnormal can be observed from the exterior, yet it continues to happen. I'm wondering if anyone here has any advice...it's almost laughable how resilient I've been to everything else yet an apparently harmless sensation brings me to my knees. Anyone got any ideas about what I can do about this? Even mindfulness is failing me on this one... Cotcha?
'
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A dentist may have something more to say (there are dentists that specialize in TMD and head pain as well) but you may want to try another ENT or a neurologist that treats trigeminal neuralgia.

There is a lot of weird anatomy going on with the neck/throat. If it's something that can be reproduced when channeling air through your nose (closing your palate) then I think we have the same thing going on as far as the noise. I get a crinkling sound in my ears when I yawn and move my palate around and stuff.

I used to do a lot of singing so I'm used to weird stuff going on with the throat, and I think a lot of people do get these random noises, but it could just be indicative of some sort of neck/throat musculoskeletal issue - in this sense the crinkling is merely a symptom of musculoskeletal dysfunction that could be causing issues with the cranial nerves.

Pain with wind blowing against the face is supposedly one of the classic trigeminal neuralgia complaints so there could be something weird going on at your craniocervical junction. This is supposed to be more of a neurologist thing so hopefully you can find a good one. There are different theories on the cause of trigeminal neuralgia, and some of that seems to overlap with chiari malformation which you should also Wikipedia, but the surgeries seem to focus on opening up that junction.

For what it's worth, a neck MRI a few years ago showed I had weird angulation at the craniocervical junction. Have had various neck and head problems for a few years now.

My neck/head theory remains steadfast
 
@Cotcha Yankinov

Thanks for your detailed observation and insight.

It's interesting that you suffer from something similar - yes that's how mine can be produced. For me it's not only a noise but a definite sensation, as in I can feel something like a flap, open and then close. I've ruled out the massively vague and broad 'ETD' diagnosis with pressure tests on the Eustachian Tube, but the doctor at the ENT clinic said it could be a problem with the 'round window' - a structure of the inner ear.

Mine started after I went on a quite high-altitude bike ride and did the 'valsalva maneuver' (cover your nostrils and exhale) with too much force. I think you're on the right lines about it being musculoskeletal.
I didn't know that was a classic symptom of this trigeminal neuralgia however I've not had any pain since this one occurrence, and since the definition of that condition is pain I'm tempted to write that explanation off. To be honest I think that excess gurning from MDMA may have strained the trigeminal nerve, which caused the facial pain at the time but my current jaw symptoms actually seem to relate to degradation of muscle around the mandible. I've googled diagrams of the trigeminal nerve and the craniocervical junction but neither seem to be related to either of my problems. My intuition tells me that I've irreversibly damaged a part of my ear with brute force and also severed some muscle fibers in the jaw.

While it's useful for me to explore possible causes and widen my understanding, helping me better cope with them to a small extent, even if I came to a definite conclusion about their origin, say if I got one of those key-hole cameras in my ear, which would no doubt cost a small fortune in medical bills and I found the exact cause, there's still no guarantee that a practical solution even exists. And the chance of me pursuing this route of arguably inane investigation, especially knowing the likelihood of disappointment is pretty much nil. I do appreciate your technical acumen, you are obviously very insightful, but I'm starting to think that science/medicine has drawn a blank for me with this one.

So I'm stuck with it, which is why I'm trying to work with it mindfully. But so far not so good. From a Buddhist perspective, it is a lot like the breath, in carrying the 'three marks of existence'; unsatisfying, impermanent and not-self. But unlike the breath it's not fulfilling a life-endowing function. Perhaps I have to pretend that it is? - like the up and down of the lungs. I've been mindfully observing it for over 12 months now when it began but it's like trying to acclimatize to another head, I just can't accept it's there and I can't seem to accept my reaction to it either. It's an endless annoyance. Or maybe it can't be overcome and I'll just be really infuriated by it for the rest of my life? And when people ask what's up I'll have to say 'Oh there's this clicking noise when I swallow' and they will think 'Is that all they're worried about- evidently that person has it easy.' - This is how ridiculous and isolated I feel by it, like it's absurd that I'm posting it here but I'm really just clutching at straws as it aggravates my already temperamental state of mind! Apologies in advance for the self indulgent seemingly hypochondriatic rant. Looking for any sort of advice here, from cheap Chinese proverbs to old wives tales or deep ancient wisdom, I'd be grateful of anyone's two cents.
 
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Yeah well hopefully something works for me. Today was a pretty decent day today, no suicidal thoughts, I went on two runs and binge watched game of thrones. ?? I'm actually getting to where tv actually interests me! I also took two valumes. Idk if that's how you spell it but w.e. First decent day in 4 months.
 
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Ihatenotfeeling said:
Yeah well hopefully something works for me. Today was a pretty decent day today, no suicidal thoughts, I went on two runs and binge watched game of thrones. ?? I'm actually getting to where tv actually interests me! I also took to valumes. Idk if that's how you spell it but w.e. First decent day in 4 months.
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Good to hear. You spell it Valium - also known as Diazepam.
 
another example of how GABA seems to implicated as a part of this LTC somehow....

And everybody is always talking about serotonin.
 
Well I didn't have suicidal thoughts because I kept myself busy all day by running and watching tv but yeah they did help.
 
Come on anyone else with this happening to them that are months in? I feel like the emotional numbness is a rare ltc symptom.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
Come on anyone else with this happening to them that are months in? I feel like the emotional numbness is a rare ltc symptom.
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I have been going through something similar since the start of February, caused by overdoing it with untested pills on a night out. I was emotionally numb (probably due to ending of my relationship to coincide with all of this) and there was a period of 2-3 months where I thought I was going to be stuck like this forever, however things are starting to look on the up though as I have some days where I feel relatively fine and other days where it is not so good, I'm just going to keep pushing through but I can slowly feel my emotions coming back as I am spending a lot more time with my friends lately compared to the first few months of my recovery. It is a slow process but you just have to keep pushing through and not give up.
 
Cb1234 mine has been going on since feb too, no change yet though for me. Glad your emotions are starting to come back ? We're you put on any meds ?
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
Cb1234 mine has been going on since feb too, no change yet though for me. Glad your emotions are starting to come back ? We're you put on any meds ?
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I wasn't put on any meds, I didn't really want to go down that path and possibly mess with my recovery, I have been trying to do it as naturally as possible. I have just started supplementing myself with 5-HTP this week so I am going to see how I go with that, I've hear it can elevate mood and alleviate anxiety.
One of the major problems I have had in regards to my mood throughout my recovery is bouts of anger and irritability.
My best advice is to keep busy, I find that being at work has helped to take my mind off things and I have also been going to the gym and weight-lifting between 3-5 times a week for the past 2 or so months. Also what I have found to help is avoiding all possible stimulants, especially caffeine as I found that it was a trigger for my panic attacks. Hopefully within the next few months to a year I will be able to re-introduce stimulants back into my diet with no adverse effects.
 
Well I wish I could have went without meds but my mom made me get on them and Ive been pretty suicidal so I had to give them a try. I tried 5htp and saint Jhon's wort and I didn't notice any difference at all.
 
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