I see so many similarities too. My family is fucked. Like, they would FREAK if they knew. That's really why I don't use needles I feel like they'd eventually see one and know right away. So I rail very pure #4 still after so many years, and just spend more money on it (sucks). My little bro is 19 and really chill, but he knows opioids are fucked. I want him to know, but it's a risk. He could let it slip. I could just tell him I'm hooked on the oxy's I'm prescribed that everyone knows I take... I think that's a better idea.
I'm an adult too. If anyone found out, it would cause so many problems I might just end my life. Seriously. I'm not going to rehab I'm not a child if I want to quit I will kick at home. But, I don't want to quit. Like, I can't even fucking walk I hurt my back so bad and I'm not even thirty. Fucking facet joint bullshit and the pain is relentless, chronic, and extreme. Heroin treats my excruciating chronic back pain to the point that I forget I even have it (to the point that I'm a jacked 200lb yogi again and still going strong... I'd be 130-150lb over 6ft if it wasn't for heroin). It's actually healthy for me. I have no stress apart from very rare withdrawal. It doesn't numb my emotions like benzos do, I still have feelings. I'll still cry if my girlfriends runs away. I'm still fucking human, and my family would treat me like disgusting scum of the earth (they did even about my chronic weed smoking and here we are legalizing it). It treats my borderline personality disorder completely (I will NEVER cut myself or shit like that when I'm on H, or hurt others like I do when I'm off it). I also have a severe panic disorder... and it helps me cut my benzo intake in half (and those are way the fuck worse). 5 years in, I haven't touched a needle. I've had needles on hand for 6 months. 27G 5/8"tip 20 of them. I always, always choose withdrawal instead and I sniff raw #4 that is seriously fucking amazing quality. The consistency of product has been exactly the same for a year. I have never once come close to overdosing.
I don't need people to know. It literally treats everything that's wrong with me. And I was FUCKED in the head before I even started taking percocets. Honestly, I'm not down for the lifelong battle when I don't even consider it getting high. I consider it a stronger and more efficient form of the medication I am already prescribed, in which case there has not be a SINGLE tolerance adjustment in 5 fucking years. So what do you think I'm going to day. Pay $$$ for street oxy's someone diverts for free? Fuck that shit. If they are gonna fuck me around and script a 5 year pain patient 30mg oxy a day thats fucking tamper proofed like I'm some child, I'm gonna rail heroin all day and show them who's in charge.
If they just gave me the fucking 40's or 80's with some 20mg ir, this never would have happened. Fuck the hysteria. Eventually people will realize that 95%+ of the deaths are due to prohibition, and it does no more harm to society than alcohol or cigarettes and less harm to the user so long as they are not in and out of withdrawal.
Like seriously... 200lb yogi on heroin vs 130lb skinrat when my initial injury was gym related as I was a fucking exercise maniac? I'm keeping on it. I used to run 10km 3x weekly, daily yoga, and gym 10 hrs a week. Plus cycling and swimming. The least I'm going to do is keep up with yoga and I'm doing really well. I can only do it on heroin. The oxy I get is impractical, full of disgusting APAP that will fuck me long term worse than anything since I take 3 percs at a time, and it's not worth shit anymore.
I will never buy in bulk again though, because I overused it hardcore recently. Got a half ounce, overdid it, went through three days of torture. I'm sticking to half grams because I can make them last at least a week, more like 10 days or even 14 if I supplement with oxy. I really, seriously think heroin should be legal. It is my drug of choice, I can only ever function on it, and what's it to anyone else? If I need a chemical in my brain to function because I'm fucking miserable misanthrope? I don't like the modern day world. I am a traditional man and I will stand up for my right to use diacetylmorphine. I don't give a fuck how many people tell me to get clean, if I've been using for 5 years and nobody has noticed a thing, then what does that say? Then they freak if they found out... it's just idiotic. Like nothing has changed except that they know. I'm gonna tell my little bro about how hooked I am on my oxy's because honestly, I was just telling him about my MDMA trip today (and he was laughing, he doesn't care, but he wouldn't use drugs after he saw how my family freaked out at me and kicked me onto the street at 20 over WEED. I can't live there any more and I see my little bro once a week. We are both musicians and should be playing daily together, but I'm the black sheep of the family because I smoked weed. I also am by far the most successful academically having an advanced engineering degree (not that I've done too much with it, I need to get my shit together, but before I could do that, I had to realize I needed heroin in my life. I didn't take that decision lightly...)
And i don't really get people who 'nod' on heroin... I get energized? Weird eh? Maybe my doses are just low... I rail 40mg at a time and have a pretty high tolerance. I never get drowsy like ever, sometimes I have those waking morphine dreams but that's just being more in touch with my subconscious. I never, ever appear wasted in any way. I don't get people who slip into the abyss and nod out, I've seen it on camera but that's just not me. I run around at maximum energy and become very productive and happy... but in withdrawal I can't get out of bed and the pain is extreme beyond words. I do get the super relaxed chilled out kurt cobain voice, but that's just because heroin makes me more chill. Nobody would even mistake me as a stoner, well maybe because of how I dress. But I don't smoke weed nor do I like it.
I also haven't had a good lay in a couple years... it SUCKS. That is going to change, absolutely, I've just been isolated but without heroin or at least oxy that really really gets to me and makes me constantly mopey and miserable. Now how is that going to help anything but I can't stop it. There's just too much going on right now for me to try quitting. When I'm on H I have no problem talking to any women and being friendly and chill. Why the fuck would I stop using it after all this.