Bright_Star*
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2017
- Messages
- 14
Hi,
my mum recently made a post about my addiction to heroin, and suggested I join this site. So I'm new here. I want to tell you about my struggle with heroin addiction. Now I'm 20, and I just got out of this 5 day rehab thing.
This started like, a few months ago because I had been depressed for a long time and suffer from anxiety. Also, my life is pretty boring, and lonely. I got into heroin for those reasons. I just wanted to feel some kind of happiness. I just wanted to feel something, anything... That would make me forget about everything else. First time, I picked some up from the town. I was scared and nervous, but also excited and anticipated. What would happen. So he gave me a little bag of the stuff and first time I tried it made me feel really sick. I guess I took too much at one time or something because of my inexperience with drugs. Also I IVed it even the first time so that might have contributed. But I still had some left and figured I shouldn't waste it and I should use the rest. I thought I had the willpower not to get addicted, but I was wrong. Because the second time I did it, it was amazing, I can't even describe it. It was like, all of my worries just melted away, into nothingness, and I felt sooo relaxed. It was just a really warm feeling – probably, the best I’ve ever felt. After that, I became so relaxed I immediately fell asleep. But after waking up, I felt like I needed it again. That was when I knew I was hooked.
I always went to the local park or the public bathroom to get high or do it late at night when everyone else is asleep so I don't get caught by anyone. Even then, as time went on, it became hard to hide it... I felt better for a little while. I felt like I finally had something to live for. Finally I had a reason to wake up every day. Knowing this made me count down the hours every day... But even though it made me feel good for a little while, my problems didn't just disappear. I started to need it rather than want it, and realise that I all I wanted was to feel the same way I did that second time I tried it. And I never did, really. It’s disappointing. Especially as I Ived it. That was what made it so much more intense. But as time went on, maybe a few months, maybe weeks, of using it, it no longer really felt pleasurable anymore. After taking it, I started to feel really good for a little while, but then I would just become really tired and drowsy really quickly. And I would have to take even more to even get the same level of euphoria. In the end, I didn’t want to go on using it, but I needed to, because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t.
my mum recently made a post about my addiction to heroin, and suggested I join this site. So I'm new here. I want to tell you about my struggle with heroin addiction. Now I'm 20, and I just got out of this 5 day rehab thing.
This started like, a few months ago because I had been depressed for a long time and suffer from anxiety. Also, my life is pretty boring, and lonely. I got into heroin for those reasons. I just wanted to feel some kind of happiness. I just wanted to feel something, anything... That would make me forget about everything else. First time, I picked some up from the town. I was scared and nervous, but also excited and anticipated. What would happen. So he gave me a little bag of the stuff and first time I tried it made me feel really sick. I guess I took too much at one time or something because of my inexperience with drugs. Also I IVed it even the first time so that might have contributed. But I still had some left and figured I shouldn't waste it and I should use the rest. I thought I had the willpower not to get addicted, but I was wrong. Because the second time I did it, it was amazing, I can't even describe it. It was like, all of my worries just melted away, into nothingness, and I felt sooo relaxed. It was just a really warm feeling – probably, the best I’ve ever felt. After that, I became so relaxed I immediately fell asleep. But after waking up, I felt like I needed it again. That was when I knew I was hooked.
I always went to the local park or the public bathroom to get high or do it late at night when everyone else is asleep so I don't get caught by anyone. Even then, as time went on, it became hard to hide it... I felt better for a little while. I felt like I finally had something to live for. Finally I had a reason to wake up every day. Knowing this made me count down the hours every day... But even though it made me feel good for a little while, my problems didn't just disappear. I started to need it rather than want it, and realise that I all I wanted was to feel the same way I did that second time I tried it. And I never did, really. It’s disappointing. Especially as I Ived it. That was what made it so much more intense. But as time went on, maybe a few months, maybe weeks, of using it, it no longer really felt pleasurable anymore. After taking it, I started to feel really good for a little while, but then I would just become really tired and drowsy really quickly. And I would have to take even more to even get the same level of euphoria. In the end, I didn’t want to go on using it, but I needed to, because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t.
I used to get withdrawals. When I hadn’t used it for a day or two, sometimes even less than that, I would start to feel really horrible. Like, I would feel sick, my tummy would hurt, I got these muscle cramps, in my legs and arms and my back, and I had panic attacks. I got hot and cold flashes like the flu too. I couldn’t get to sleep if I hadn’t used it for a while, either. I would literally have done anything to get high.
I also feel really bad about lying and stealing because of it... I lied to my family. I lied about the money. I told them I was saving it all up when really I wasted it all on a false dream I was forever chasing...
Anyway, it was really scary getting the courage to tell my family about this. But I’m pretty sure my mum already noticed something was up, even though both my parents knew about my depression. Because she sat down with me and she asked me if anything’s wrong, I said no, she said tell the truth. And then she brought up the money thing, and mentioned how I was nodding off, and acting not myself anymore, and so I just came out and told her. Even though it was still good to talk to her. And I thought my parents would hate me but they didn't get angry or shout at me. And now I just feel really selfish, and like a bad person because I lied so much and stole things...
So, I was sent to this 5 day rehab centre where I was given Naltrexone to help (mainly with the withdrawals, because I got them pretty bad) and even though that was hell, and I was scared, I am now back.
I can't say that I am no longer a heroin addict. I still get cravings for heroin all the time, and I think I always will, but at least now I don’t have to live with withdrawals. And every time I think about going back, and relapsing, I just tell myself that it will never be like that second time I tried it. And I have to remind myself that everybody’s support and all the work I have put into coming off it, will have been thrown back in their faces. That makes me feel selfish, so I can say, I think I am off heroin for good. It’s honestly not worth it. Heroin is not a substitute for loneliness, because in the end, the problems you face, are still there and don’t go away magically just because you take the drug. So I’d say, just try to make your life better in any way you can, and don’t give up and turn to drugs. It might be the easy way, but it’s not the right way!
Honestly, using heroin wasn’t the best choice I ever made. Sure, it did make me feel good, and it did help with my loneliness and depression in the short term, but every time I came off I would feel horrible, and it started to be the only thing that made me feel happiness. But, it certainly caused me more trouble than good... But in a way I have risen up stronger. See, I just made a mistake. I found a way out of my unhappiness the easy way, the dangerous way, by using drugs. But I accept that it was a mistake, and I have now learned from that mistake, in order to be happy and I know there’s still a future for me. That's what I would say to anyone else.
And my family have been really supportive of me, so I really don't want to give up... I'm trying to stay strong. And I'm really sorry that I've done this... Because I affected people around me, my family as well as myself. As I said I have so many regrets and I feel so selfish.
Also, my mum wanted me to thank all you guys on here for helping to support me, so thanks on my behalf. I'll hopefully be a regular on here to learn more about how to cope with this, and at least now I know I don't have to go through it alone. Even though I get the heroin cravings every day, I am in a constant battle with myself every day. But it's for a reason. It's because I don't want to go down that road again. I want to live.!
Wow, this was a long post, I hope you whoever read it all, I appreciate you taking your time, to read all of this!! I'm trying not to give up on hope, even though it's hard!
I also feel really bad about lying and stealing because of it... I lied to my family. I lied about the money. I told them I was saving it all up when really I wasted it all on a false dream I was forever chasing...
Anyway, it was really scary getting the courage to tell my family about this. But I’m pretty sure my mum already noticed something was up, even though both my parents knew about my depression. Because she sat down with me and she asked me if anything’s wrong, I said no, she said tell the truth. And then she brought up the money thing, and mentioned how I was nodding off, and acting not myself anymore, and so I just came out and told her. Even though it was still good to talk to her. And I thought my parents would hate me but they didn't get angry or shout at me. And now I just feel really selfish, and like a bad person because I lied so much and stole things...
So, I was sent to this 5 day rehab centre where I was given Naltrexone to help (mainly with the withdrawals, because I got them pretty bad) and even though that was hell, and I was scared, I am now back.
I can't say that I am no longer a heroin addict. I still get cravings for heroin all the time, and I think I always will, but at least now I don’t have to live with withdrawals. And every time I think about going back, and relapsing, I just tell myself that it will never be like that second time I tried it. And I have to remind myself that everybody’s support and all the work I have put into coming off it, will have been thrown back in their faces. That makes me feel selfish, so I can say, I think I am off heroin for good. It’s honestly not worth it. Heroin is not a substitute for loneliness, because in the end, the problems you face, are still there and don’t go away magically just because you take the drug. So I’d say, just try to make your life better in any way you can, and don’t give up and turn to drugs. It might be the easy way, but it’s not the right way!
Honestly, using heroin wasn’t the best choice I ever made. Sure, it did make me feel good, and it did help with my loneliness and depression in the short term, but every time I came off I would feel horrible, and it started to be the only thing that made me feel happiness. But, it certainly caused me more trouble than good... But in a way I have risen up stronger. See, I just made a mistake. I found a way out of my unhappiness the easy way, the dangerous way, by using drugs. But I accept that it was a mistake, and I have now learned from that mistake, in order to be happy and I know there’s still a future for me. That's what I would say to anyone else.
And my family have been really supportive of me, so I really don't want to give up... I'm trying to stay strong. And I'm really sorry that I've done this... Because I affected people around me, my family as well as myself. As I said I have so many regrets and I feel so selfish.
Also, my mum wanted me to thank all you guys on here for helping to support me, so thanks on my behalf. I'll hopefully be a regular on here to learn more about how to cope with this, and at least now I know I don't have to go through it alone. Even though I get the heroin cravings every day, I am in a constant battle with myself every day. But it's for a reason. It's because I don't want to go down that road again. I want to live.!
Wow, this was a long post, I hope you whoever read it all, I appreciate you taking your time, to read all of this!! I'm trying not to give up on hope, even though it's hard!
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