MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

[Regrets9995]

Can anyone here not work because of this??

 

[ADubbs]

I also had migraine auras disappear and black floaters I get only in the shower now haha.

nice! Sounds like your improving!

Regrets, I could barely work the first couple weeks. But the low dose of mirtazapine they put me on helped me sleep....But I DO NOT recommend going on any meds at least for a few months....This includes supplements too stay away for a few months, just eat right and live healthy.

 

[ADubbs]

The only med I wish I tried earlier was clonodine....I'm prescribed it now but take it rarely.

 

[fnono33]

Adubbs, I wish I could say I'm improving. I can't say definitively. I know that my visual symptoms shift around. And anxiety, DP/DR etc. have remained constant for the last 3-4 months.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

The only med I wish I tried earlier was clonodine....I'm prescribed it now but take it rarely.

I'm curious if clonidine has more promise than it does at first glance.

I know nobody wants dependence, but I feel as though regular clonidine could have been good for me if I hadn't had the lightheadedness issues with it.

 

[ADubbs]

Adubbs, I wish I could say I'm improving. I can't say definitively. I know that my visual symptoms shift around. And anxiety, DP/DR etc. have remained constant for the last 3-4 months.

Sorry to hear that man, but your not alone. I think your visuals moving around is probably a good thing, as it means your brain is in constant change. I'm personally starting to give up hope a little bit of recovering any further, at least anytime soon. Who knows in 10 years I may feel differently. I go through every day feeling like utter shit with a light headedness, a.feeling that someone has shot me up with adrenaline, but still tired.

I also get this awful nauseous feeking right as I'm about to drift off to sleep lately. Anyone else get this?

 

[ADubbs]

Yeah I'm only interested in clonodine because it's apparently helpful for HPPD, sleep, and anxiety all of which I need help with. In addition one poster mentioned​a while back that his doc was versed in MDMA long term issues and said he's had great luck with clonodine for his patients.

Yeah that's why I haven't​ taken it often, I'm worried about rebound hypertension when I taper off. Although I'm sure it's over in a couple weeks it ain't no benzo addiction.

 

[taxflax]

It's about 2 years ago I last posted in this thread. You are probably thinking cool, this lad is probably free again. Sorry, this shit doesn't seem to get over. I don't think I am suffering from the 'LTC' but from something else that is primarily linked to not being able to concentrate. If I cannot concentrate - I cant speak, look people in the eyes or read an article. It has nothing to do with anxiety. Or, sure I get tense when trying to do something like reading and I feel that it's hard to focus and to that.

BUT on the other hand. I have figured out that Aderall or whatever the name is (ADHD meds) can help me get back to normal concentration levels so thats probably the main reason I am still alive. It means my basic smartness/cognitive abilities is still left.

I don't know why I am writing to you guys. I haven't felt this bad in almost 2.5 years now and I am very sad about it. Whatever. I wish you guys the best.

X

 

[WSH]

speaking of MDMA "recovery":

- sero repletion should take a couple weeks at most

- anything beyond that could be from possible neurotoxicty, although animal studies suggest that that should only occur at doses of 400-800mg taken orally in ONE go)

 

[HPPDOFF]

What I've learnt from MDMA is if it fucks you up, it really fucks you up. Seems to be very hard if not impossible to recover.

In in more positive news my headaches and eye strain are at around 2/10 which is fantastic but it has been 7 months in waiting.

Praying for my paliposia to decrease, pailnposia and eye movement problems left now.

MDMA is a vile drug and should be taken more seriously. People on this board think they are invincible. They are wrong.

 

[fnono33]

speaking of MDMA "recovery":

- sero repletion should take a couple weeks at most

- anything beyond that could be from possible neurotoxicty, although animal studies suggest that that should only occur at doses of 400-800mg taken orally in ONE go)

I don't know what I'm supposed to gain from this post. I think it's obvious to most of us that there is some type of 'damage.' If there isn't actually brain matter missing, then it's a rewiring that is difficult to reverse. The 'it's all in your head' stuff has got to stop.

HPPDOFF, I disagree with you. I feel like we are all on a spectrum of fuckedupedness. For the people without visual problems, your goal should be not to get HPPD.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

It's about 2 years ago I last posted in this thread. You are probably thinking cool, this lad is probably free again. Sorry, this shit doesn't seem to get over. I don't think I am suffering from the 'LTC' but from something else that is primarily linked to not being able to concentrate. If I cannot concentrate - I cant speak, look people in the eyes or read an article. It has nothing to do with anxiety. Or, sure I get tense when trying to do something like reading and I feel that it's hard to focus and to that.

BUT on the other hand. I have figured out that Aderall or whatever the name is (ADHD meds) can help me get back to normal concentration levels so thats probably the main reason I am still alive. It means my basic smartness/cognitive abilities is still left.

I don't know why I am writing to you guys. I haven't felt this bad in almost 2.5 years now and I am very sad about it. Whatever. I wish you guys the best.

X

Sorry to hear that man, I would encourage you to talk to a doctor about Ritalin as opposed to amphetamines (it may be more sustainable and help in a bit different manner)

Chronic stress can cause depression which does resemble ADHD in some manners - poor concentration, restlessness and anxiety. SSRIs would be another option to talk to a doctor about as well if stimulants poop out after a few months.

 

[ADubbs]

Sorry to hear that man, I would encourage you to talk to a doctor about Ritalin as opposed to amphetamines (it may be more sustainable and help in a bit different manner)

Chronic stress can cause depression which does resemble ADHD in some manners - poor concentration, restlessness and anxiety. SSRIs would be another option to talk to a doctor about as well if stimulants poop out after a few months.

Your right about the chronic stress.... I'm often stressed over this LTC, which in turn makes everything worse. It's like a cycle.

 

[socrilus]

I am getting WILD mood swings and tbh I think hormones are playing a role and im a guy.

I actually feel A LOT better at night but lately in the mornings I have a horrid depression that doesnt leave quickly. And now im dreading waking up with the depression again the next day.

Mindfulness doesnt help cause whether im mindful or not ill still wake up with the depression and whether i do CBT or not ill still have the
depression despite no conscious thoughts.

God i never understood the whole therapy concept.....this shit is there whether I do CBT mindfulness or not.

Sure I can when i get up pay attention to my brushing and my showering and the feeling of the bed but my mood stays the exact same whether I do those things or not

And then I end up even more agitated that I tried a technique which is supposed to help me over time but didnt help at all and instead just frustrated me more. And if its not supposed to "do" anything then I don't really want to do it. My mind just doesnt mesh well with this philosophy. I just want the medical fix and of course im doing cardio and everything else too.

I DO NOT believe that stopping my rumination improves my mood at night so why are traditional mental health therapies so focused on stopping rumination when it seems like all you have to do is stop the depressive mood and then rumination resolves??

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I wish we had better methods to stop the depressive mood in the first place.

It seems like the main options right now are the various SSRIs, SNRIs, atypical antidepressants like Mirtazapine, atypical antipsychotics (that can see some use in treating depression on their own but mostly just as adjuncts), mood stabilizers like lamotrigine and depakote, and then finally ketamine for treatment resistant depression. There are also alternate modalities like ECT and transcranial magnetic stimulation.


I don't know what exactly to make of the issues with mood in the morning - testosterone peaks in the morning but so does cortisol.

Anyways, RE cortisol, the hippocampus inhibits the PVN of the hypothalamus which normally mediates the stress hormone response.

As the hippocampus becomes dysfunctional with depression and repeated exposure to stress hormones, the stress hormone response is dysregulated and stress hormones rise even further (without necessitating a particular stressful trigger). .

Antidepressant therapies have signicant effects on the hippocampus, probably working to increase the hippocampal inhibition of the PVN/stress response.

 

[socrilus]

I wish we had better methods to stop the depressive mood in the first place.

It seems like the main options right now are the various SSRIs, SNRIs, atypical antidepressants like Mirtazapine, atypical antipsychotics (that can see some use in treating depression on their own but mostly just as adjuncts), mood stabilizers like lamotrigine and depakote, and then finally ketamine for treatment resistant depression. There are also alternate modalities like ECT and transcranial magnetic stimulation.


I don't know what exactly to make of the issues with mood in the morning - testosterone peaks in the morning but so does cortisol.

Anyways, RE cortisol, the hippocampus inhibits the PVN of the hypothalamus which normally mediates the stress hormone response.

As the hippocampus becomes dysfunctional with depression and repeated exposure to stress hormones, the stress hormone response is dysregulated and stress hormones rise even further (without necessitating a particular stressful trigger). .

Antidepressant therapies have signicant effects on the hippocampus, probably working to increase the hippocampal inhibition of the PVN/stress response.

Well I actually had saliva cortisol tested for what its worth and the doc just said it was indicative of some HPA hypofunction which confirmed his suspicion. Problem is just fixing this isnt that simple. My theory was that the "differential" between a strong cortisol awakening response and my awakening response is higher in the morning and then as the day progresses the cortisol levels are "closer" to normal non-mental illneas physiology.

But who knows really. I think the "low" stress hormones mean I got some sort of burnout--isn't cortisol also responsible for feeling good and ready to go in the morning?

Out of all the testing ive had only that and Testosterone related stuff came up with weird things going on physiologically. And even still technically within normal ranges just not ideal. Thats why its really unclear whats causing what and whether the hormonal dysregulation is responsible or an effect of other underlying LTC pathology.

 

[MYH1234]

Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing dizziness/vertigo and how long it takes for it to go away? For me this is the worst part, if I move my head I get an unbearable dizziness, I feel like a constant moving around in my head/body. Doesn't seem like many other people have this symptom. I'm on month 6.5

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Its certainly not like cortisol is the end all be all of depression, I tend to talk a lot of elevated cortisol because thats probably most people's issue but there are thought to be a couple distinct depressive subtypes and elevated stress hormones could be a feature of just some subtypes.

The timeline of elevated stress hormones could be important too - maybe spikes of cortisol throughout the day during panic attacks are significant enough to affect biology even if they won't be measured in an early morning saliva test.

These authors talk about the timeline issue in bipolar disorder https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28237543

"A hyperactive hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA-axis) is a well-known phenomenon in bipolar disorder (BD). However, hypocortisolism has also been described and found associated with depression, low quality of life and cardiovascular risk factors in BD patients.

Although the pathophysiology related to hypocortisolism in BD is largely unknown, hypocortisolism is associated with chronic stress exposure and after inducing an initial rise in cortisol, long-term stress may result in a transition to hypocortisolism.

BD patients are throughout life often exposed to chronic stress. We therefore hypothesized that higher age would be associated with lower HPA-axis activity especially among patients without previous mood stabilizing treatment.

There was a negative association between HPA-axis activity and age in BD, rendering BD patients at risk for developing hypocortisolism. This association was most pronounced among patients without previous or current lithium prophylaxis."

 

[ADubbs]

I see visual snow sometimes after standing up from sitting or laying down, lots of little white stars that zip all around.....And it's only the day after I take any med besides valium or lunesta for sleep.....Anyone else have this? It fades away after a couple minutes.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing dizziness/vertigo and how long it takes for it to go away? For me this is the worst part, if I move my head I get an unbearable dizziness, I feel like a constant moving around in my head/body. Doesn't seem like many other people have this symptom. I'm on month 6.5

I personally think lightheadedness is a common enough symptom, especially upon standing up, but is this more of a vertigo type thing?