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Recovery My journey starts today (hydromorphone)

Thankyou Sim--I am fallling apart. I have no words for the devestation, terror and utter heartbreak Im experiencing w my daughter. We are very close-but she rarely dpends any time w me. Shes i deep w meth.

POkemama- I am so happy and proud of you!!!! You did it. You deserve every bit of happiness-toy earned it. Its hard as hell-I know, I wish we lived near eachother so we could help w support.

I am feeling worn out, shattered and need a genuine, comforting hug. I am the strength, the comforter, therapist- cheerleader etc for the people in my life.

While in bad w/d this week-on of my friends wanted beauty advice and then went on to unload her issues on me. I felt lik I was losing my mind. I don't mind under bormal circumstances. ButI need someone I can talk to right now.

Anyway- thank you all for the encouragement and support. Mama you are a boss! Please PM me when you can. Love ya BL family.
 
Also Im starting a business-in the beginning stage-meeting w investors, lawyers drawing up contracts etc.

I want to get the vivatrol shot as I feel it would be wise I dont want to blow this opportunity by using. Any input and information is welcomed. Thankyou

I
 
10, you're doing awesome! In another week or two your mind will start slowing down as well as your emotions. That was the hardest part for me. I bawled my eyes out for a week for no reason. What a mind fuck!

For now, other then your daughter... Tell everyone to beat it. You need to do you!

A new business.., that's way cool! And an awesome goal. You can do it! How many days are you at now?

It'll be cool if this forum gets a chat room, so people can have live support. I know I didn't leave the forum for three weeks, reading and trying to kill time. I still check every day to keep an eye on my pals.

Hang tough 10, you got this!

Sixx
 
^^
Well said, Sixx.

And how are you feeling today, brother?
 
Man I'm OK. Just got over the flu... Which drained what little energy I had, so I feel a tad better now that I've recovered. Even a speck of energy is better then none.

I have zero motivation and just feel like shit all the time.. Man I hope it lets up sometime. Trying to quickly taper what little benzos I have left. I'm not sleeping much at all. Couple hours a night. Anxiety is really starting to kick in.. Fun!

But I'm plugging away. Still sober.
 
Six,
So sorry that I was using your thread to chat with 10years... I will move to PM's. I want you to know I have read your story... due to my own severe w/d issues, I do forget the beginning but will read again; however, can hold the most recent thoughts you posted in my head. My condolences on the suffering you have had to bear so early in recovery. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you on your journey and want you to know I have nothing but positive thoughts for you.
 
Sixx-

Im sorry for talking about my issues on your thread-it just kind of came out. Ive been withholding that info about my daughter-which is what played a large role in backsliding.

Thankyou for your support and kindness. Ive followed your thread from day one-and thought "this guy is badass" - I think so even more now. Sorry you were sick. And yeah this emotional stuff is crazy. Love ya Sixx.
 
Ladies, please feel free to chat openly is this thread. I vented as cried in everyone's thread. I found it easier to relate to others in similar circumstances. Shit, I still do.

I think of all you guys lots.. and gives me reason to keep reading and posting.

Xoxo hang tough ladies
 
You players Six ;)

You ladies and gents are fucking so awesome folks :) I am so honored to be a part of such a supportive, compassionate and caring community of hard working, honest, dedicated individuals from so many different background! So much <3 to you all!

Keep up the good work Six!
 
Six: Thank you so much for letting us be a part of your thread. I cannot believe how much your withdrawal has been like mine. I was sniffing oxymorphone ER because I read how sniffing it increased the oral bioavailability to 30-40% from 10% for taking it orally, as prescribed. I am on day 3 of being clean and sober, and have been withdrawing for almost 3 weeks now!
I started with a very rapid taper, going down 75% on my dose. My worst symptom was brutal stomach cramps. I only got relief after taking my taper dose, and that did not work the first 5-6 days. After tapering, I had one or two good days, and then I started getting sick again, the w/d kicked in. That meant I needed to jump off, which I did Thursday night. I used oxycodone for a day or two, but they were worthless. So I now have 3 days clean off of everything, and 5 days off the oxymorphone ER.
I used to try and taper when I was just taking oxycodone. I was such an idiot for not jumping way back when. Oh well... at least I am clean now. It has helped to read your thread b/c you have suffered so much as well. I still haven't had RLS... I hope the stomach cramps are a substitute, b/c I need some sleep soon. I cannot sleep from midnight til 6am, as my cramps are the worst, along with the anxiety. I usually pass out around 6am for an hour, until I wake up with stomach pain or something else bad.
The fact you have a beautiful daughter is such a wonderful reason to stay on this course! Congratulations! I just had a new grandbaby a little over a week ago... it was my motivation to get clean. Thank you for posting the details of your c.t. experience... I hope somebody reads how horrific sniffing is before they decide to do it, and avoid going to hell on earth.
 
Pokemama,

Good for you! And smart of you to do even a quick taper. That's really does help a lot. I personally just don't have the will power. The instant reward gratification from opiotes is unlike anything else to me..I suppose why we get addicted.

Day three, fully clean.. That's wicked. But I get a pit in my stomach reflecting on those first 2-3 weeks. That shit was rough. I'm not sure if this is your first time clean?? For me, after 3 weeks things started to improve physically. Mentally I'm still not right. But I will say that I'm feeling slightly more alive some days. Keep plugging girl, it will get easier!

Today marks 2 months free of dilaudid. That's pretty cool! All though it feels like a lifetime lol.

Cravings aren't as strong these last few days,i think because I got over the flu and got a nut hair more energy back. Which ain't much.

I find I'm struggling most with motivation and energy. I have fucking none. I've just been trying to work and maintain. My back is starting to go out... That'll be fun without pain meds. But it is what it is.

I'm super worried about going of benzos still. I'm not sure what I'll do there. I still have a couple weeks worth and also a few xanax. I'm just taking them as a taper now, not for comfort. It sucks lol. I may hit the street to find some to use as a longer taper to avoid any withdrawals. I can't stand the damn anxiety.

And, my step son has shingles.... Port little bugger is covered in painful blisters and in a lot of pain. Which will probably give my daughter chicken pox. I'm trying to steer clear as I'm physically and mentally in no shape to be getting sick again... I find that makes me want to use. Opiotes will take away all the pain and concerns... Sneaky little fuckers they are..

My ol lady has been doing most of the house work as I've just been wiped, but I can see it's starting to wear on her nerves, so I'm trying to push myself to help out as much as I can between work and whining.. two kids, three dogs, two businesses...I dunno how she doesn't use speed daily lol. Seeing her high on life everyday is motivating me to keep fighting at hopes of freedom one day...

Wahh..K I'm done ?

Hang tough guys/girls... And please update me on your Progress, right here if yes like. I enjoy keeping in the loop with all you crazy cats!

Sixx
 
Congrats on those two months, man! You are making fantastic progress.

It's a long fucking slog, dealing with the low energy, depression, etc. Frankly, I'm fighting those too. But I have noticed that as I get a little more distance from dope, those feelings don't go away but they do start to ebb and flow. That is, at first, things were just rough. Now I find that I have quite a few good days mixed in with more familiar crap. I'm assuming that the farther we get from our DOC, that we'll find balance.

Anyhow, mazel, Sixx.
 
Sixx: Thank you so much for your kind and supportive post... it has lifted me up!! I am sorry to hear your family is dealing with the shingles, and possible chicken pox. I so hope you are not affected with any disease, as you have enough physical and mental issues to deal with. I think you are wise to continue to taper the benzos as slowly as possible.... you are still healing from the opiate withdrawal. So, I vote: take it slow, my new friend!

Two months clean: Wow... from where I sit at 4 days clean that seems like you won the jackpot!! Congratulations!! You asked if this was my first time clean... no.. in 2013 I got clean from a mild hydro oxycodone habit... I was back to work on day 8 or 9! What a fool I was... but PAWS was unrelenting and I did not take action to decrease those symptoms... that was on me. Anyway... good for you on stepping up to help your wife... that is being so supportive and kind!!
 
Sixx i know what your saying i get tired just watching my wife i dont know where she gets the energy. Back when i was on oxy i always was able to out walk her now she waits up for me lol.
If im not mistaken sim is 4 months clean im 3 months and your 2 months were all blazing trails.



Poke, Hi Sista you got a whole crew here to help you thru this keep up the great work!
 
TLD, SIM. and Six: You guys are just amazing!! Your support is so appreciated! I did not realize that the withdrawal process for me is three steps forward, two steps back. I just had a very rough night, stomach cramps and so much dizziness and those damn cold chills, where it feels like ice through my veins. Anyway, I was prescribed baclofen, clonidine, and gapapentin. I had used a little more of my baclofen in my earlier days of the withdrawal, so now I must be very careful I don't run out. And the clonidine is losing its effectiveness. So that just adds to the anxiety. But the dizziness is the most troublesome right now. Is it true exercise will speed up the withdrawal process? Is there anything else I can do?
Thanks, guys!! Also, I have read each of your threads... Sim: My condolences on the loss of your mother. I have so much respect with how you handles this major life loss and continued on your path of recovery. TLD: You know how much I think of you: You have such a strong mind, to taper the way you did. I hope many people find your thread, and use it as an inspiration. You were wise enough to avoid all the physical suffering that I am experiencing... your strong mind and determined will will serve you well as you face your challenges. And Six: to come off a monster dose of his DOC...well, he killed it.
 
^^
Hey, @POkemama. You asked about exercise... I've never heard anything convincing about exercise shortening WDs, but it is, for most people, strongly the case that it will improve your mood and outlook. Last time I detoxed, I started going to the gym around day 5. I didn't do anything very hard, just some cardio stuff. But I was amazed what it did for my mood. (Now if I can just get myself BACK to the gym :\

You also mentioned the meds you're taking, which sound spot on...except I noticed there are no anxiolytics (anti-anxiety drugs) on the list. I'm afraid I can't remember--do you prefer not to take benzos? If you're OK with them, something to knock the anxiety and agitation down, and to help with sleep, has always been an important part of early recovery for me, FWIW.

Seems like everyone is doing pretty well. Let's keep up the momentum, even if it doesn't feel like momentum all the time.
 
P0kemama said:
TLD, SIM. and Six: You guys are just amazing!! Your support is so appreciated! I did not realize that the withdrawal process for me is three steps forward, two steps back. I just had a very rough night, stomach cramps and so much dizziness and those damn cold chills, where it feels like ice through my veins. Anyway, I was prescribed baclofen, clonidine, and gapapentin. I had used a little more of my baclofen in my earlier days of the withdrawal, so now I must be very careful I don't run out. And the clonidine is losing its effectiveness. So that just adds to the anxiety. But the dizziness is the most troublesome right now. Is it true exercise will speed up the withdrawal process? Is there anything else I can do?
Thanks, guys!! Also, I have read each of your threads... Sim: My condolences on the loss of your mother. I have so much respect with how you handles this major life loss and continued on your path of recovery. TLD: You know how much I think of you: You have such a strong mind, to taper the way you did. I hope many people find your thread, and use it as an inspiration. You were wise enough to avoid all the physical suffering that I am experiencing... your strong mind and determined will will serve you well as you face your challenges. And Six: to come off a monster dose of his DOC...well, he killed it.
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Hi Sista, thanks for those kind words you made my eyes watery im still more emotional now than before wds thank you!, maybe this is normal now for me. Gapapentin and balcofen can make you dizzy, i stopped taking my muscle relaxer after the first day of wds i wasnt getting bad rls and i dont like the effects from muscle relaxers. Im not sure if you were on gabapentin before wds just because of the tolerance you build. But if you were not it should work great, what dose of gabapentin are you taking daily. Lyrica makes me a little dizzy throws my balance off some, but call me nuts cause i love the effects from lyrica. Try to go out and walk the most you can and listen to music wear headphones just walking and listening to music increases dopamine and spirits greatly. Hang in there Sista you got this things will start getting better soon! TLD
 
^^
TLD, sounds like we've got similar stuff going on in that I also am a watery emotional whirlwind. Gets tiring, no?
 
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