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Recovery 16 years oxy user working up plan to get off for good please help have questions

P0kemama said:
I just got off the phone with the contact for a local PA meeting... Pills Anonymous. Wow... the contact's experience is very similar to mine, and to others posting here. She was prescribed meds by her doctor, of course tolerance set in, and she found herself addicted. She now has many years clean and sober. We are on the same page regarding subs, marijuana and alcohol... we choose not to risk substituting one addiction for another.

So, I am definitely looking forward to Wednesday evening.
As I am very familiar with 12 step format, I am confident that I can "take what I want, and leave the rest."
By moving out of my isolation, I am enhancing my chances of lessening the depression//anxiety that create barriers to getting 100% clean, and look forward to having in person support to add to my compassionate and intelligent online BL friends.
Click to expand...


Hi Sista, Dont beat yourself up for a little extra dose i did it too a couple times over my ween. I have 18ft trailered boat and ofcorse i picked the worst time to taper down right during prime striped bass season. So two times i took an extra 7.5 or 15mgs those days it woudnt have happened otherwise. My 17 year old son loves to fish like me so i didnt want him to miss out my god did it kick my ass but was worth it!.

heres a couple pics of my son (my boy) the first pic was from fishing two weeks before i jumped the bottom pic was from a month ago

 
Hi P0kemama- don't be jealous. Believe me, major tradeoffs and I haven't been to the beach in awhile. You know my.health situation. I am happy it's not cold.
 
P0kemama Happy you made the meeting. And that you found a PA individual who you could relate to!
I agree that it's important to shed isolation and exercise!
 
cduggles said:
P0kemama Happy you made the meeting. And that you found a PA individual who you could relate to!
I agree that it's important to shed isolation and exercise!
Click to expand...


Totally agree with CD so dam easy to get depressed shit i use to cry like a baby for no reason emotional fucking nitemare! i still have fast emotions cant wait for this to taper off!! im 6'2 tall looks silly when i have emotions CD im still dam jealous im a southern at heart trapped in jersey well for now
 
tld- great pics and good for you getting out there.
The insomnia and bathroom issues should resolve soon. I'm about a week ahead of you and I am good on both counts. Hope the same will be true for you. Seriously!
Solidarity, CD
 
I'm procrastinating. I have a lot of things to do and I feel overwhelmed. I'll get through it but it will suck! The walls are closing in... ahhhhhh!
 
Thanks CD he is such a good kid not like i was at that age, im not saying i was a bad kid just hes a A-B student takes tougher classes than i did in high school. He does no drugs not even weed the most he will do is drink a beer with me every now and then. He wrestled for three years in high school, he wants to join the coast guard or the navy. CD i would do what you can in the state your in now and not overwhelm yourself to the point it sucks. You have been thru alot in the last month all i can say is (moderation) your health is more important. Solidarity TLD
 
Thanks tld. I actually managed to get a lot (for me) done. I just dread dealing with call menus and trying to get a person who can help me. But I knocked two out.
And I'm back exercising too and that feels great.
It's hard to be easy on yourself! I couldn't believe you went back to work. I just can't imagine it.
Your son sounds great. Good job Dad!
All my symptoms are gone and I feel clearer. The only thing is that I can get knocked off balance easily sometimes. Small price to pay.
I'm trying one day at a time and breaking up my six years of backlog into manageable tasks. Much easier said than done.
Solidarity, CD
 
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Hi... It is me... P0kemama. My regular user name and password no longer work.. I have spent couple of hours trying to wait the 15 minutes to log on... to no avail. Also, I was getting error messages stating "server is busy"... I am so Pi&%ed off!!! I will contact IT support her to see if they can restore my normal username.

TLD: What a handsome and also intelligent looking son you have... you must be so proud! Also, that fish... it is so big! You really are blessed! How wonderful he is to consider being of service to the USA. Good for him, staying away from drugs. You and your wife certainly did a fabulous job of parenting.

CD: You know how irritated I am right now!!! So, do not send me an PM's as of now. Let me see if tech support can get this mess straightened out. I remember when I went cold turkey in 2013 how easily I would feel overwhelmed.... of course, it was accompanied by anxiety. I think I would help calm myself by making simple lists each day, and starring one item that was a priority. That kept me moving forward and at the same time, got all that "stuff" out of my brain so that I was not going around in circles. You know the drill.... just breathe.....
 
P0ke, (allegedly :) ),
Yes I know. I have gotten weird security messages and don't even talk about the server!! I was so frustrated.
I know you tried this but a few times I was rejected as a user and I thought I was kicked off. I reset everything and voila.
It's hard not to be overwhelmed! Six years of unattended chores. What can you do?
Swim and breathe.
 
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lol...Allegedly.... Security question: Who tops my list of most disliked mods.......hahahahahahha.....8(
 
Wait! 6 Years..... 6. Y E A R S..... Damn girl.... do what I am doing.... get yourself a new identity and just start over. Seriously. IS there a name that always appealed to you????

Or....Can you afford a personal assistant? For, oh.... unlimited swim privileges, a 2017 leased Cayenne, and oh...$120,000 I would help you get your life in order. Just kiddin, of course, but if you could find someone local to give you some assistance, I think the moral support alone may help alleviate the negative thoughts and emotions.
 
I'm good enough with support. I just can't fathom doing it all. I should get a new identity!
This is all stuff I have to do. It's not fun.
Sent you a private message on your alternate identity.
Tech should be able to sort it out.
xx,CD
 
Had a cold late night swim. A little rain makes the water cooler. It's not heated, but for some reason I don't mind. I prefer late night because I have the pool and sauna to myself and the sun is really punishing, although I am a sunscreen queen. That is all.
 
Hi LD, nice catch...the fish of course. I love the ocean and everything about it...with a healthy fear that it's vastness and the unknown are intriguing and dangerous. Nice looking boy, you sound like such a proud dad. 2 of my boys wrestled, 1 was a 2x state qualifier and we one the state championship for the first time in history in our county. 1 was an excellent football player, but he changed schools and switched to wrestling, I always wished he had stuck with football. He had been paying since he was 8yrs old and in high school he made the papers every week. Also, I'm happy to know my typing touched your heart. I saw this realy coolike me, I would upload it but I don't know how. It said " don't just slay your demons. Dissect them and find out what they have been feeding on".... how profound is that!!??

Hi CD, I didn't realize you live in Florida also. I'm gulf Coast, greater Tampa bay area. Been here since grade school, I love it...I'll never leave other than vacationing. Glad you are out there swimming. We found a local hotel with an outdoor jacuzzi and soaked in there last night, then went on another drive. John seems well but I'm dealing with internal fears now that I see him feeling better and mom gave him his phone back. I keep telling myself, be supportive and loving while being watchful. At the end of the day, he has to make his own choices. He hates mornings and late night.

Hiya P0ke, glad you got a new screen name to get back in here. I run into the serveroom busy issues often. Certain times I really really needed to be on here while that was going on. It will last for hours, I generally come across it at least once a day for a little while.
 
Edit for above auto correct, that was not correct!!! In the msg to LD, it should say I saw this really cool meme*****not coolikeven me. Lol
 
First thing i wanna say thank you girls!!!!! for the kind words about my son you three girls actually brought tears to my eyes, i live for my kids and one die for them i have a 25 year old daughter who i am very proud of she went to local small college and has a great job now she loves. I finally learned with this site to after i type a post i copy all of it so when i get server is too busy message i dont lose everything lol i know im slow should have been doin it all along.

CD, im happy you got some work done without overloading, and keep swimming you gotta get the dopamine and endorphins going nothing will restore full energy back better.
and i notice my balance is off too. Thanks again for the kind words! Solidarity TLD


Sista, how you doing i miss your pokeman avatar! You must be getting close to jumping soon and when you do you have a whole team here to help mostly girl power and one dude me. Thanks again for the kind words!


Kim, sounds like john is doing great!! wow thats very impressive you should be so proud of your boys wrestling is a brutal sport just the practices alone are very tough. I played football and basketball in high school but my true love is hockey. Im a late bloomer with hockey it all started for me when the first inline roller blades came out i was on the speed team at a roller skating ring when i was young so i have great skating abilities. So next thing you end up with a hockey stick in your hand and the street hockey begins, I played for years after that in inline hockey leauges and some ice hockey too. Funny my father who has now passed away use to come watch me play and say that he screwed up never getting me into hockey when i was young lol i was pretty good. Im a giant NY Rangers fan and my second favorite team is the FL Panthers only because Jaromir Jagr is on the team hes 44 years old and still playing ive been a fan of his since 1991. Sorry tho i hate tampa bay lightining they knocked the rangers out of the playoffs more than once. sorry for rambing but you got me talking sports lol.
Thanks again for the kind words!


update i didnt have the runs this morning or last nite thank god i hope the tap ran out cause i dont wanna take immodium nomore. and one more thing you fl girls are killin me haha i cant wait to move to fl soooon. Please feel for poke its so much harder going thru wds in this cold weather up here.
 
tld and Broken, I'm not in Florida. I'm very west of Florida. Pacific Ocean. That's all I want to say about my location so please leave there.

Two proud parents here and they sound like great kids!

TLD: thanks for the support. It's been easier now that I've started. I'm feeling completely better and clearer some emotional things I normally really wouldn't care about.
I hope this the end of your immodium days. It's actually strange when things go back to normal. Solidarity!

Broken: Sounds like things are getting better. I hope they continue!

P0ke, I hope you're tech issues get sorted out.
 
The cold weather has to make it tougher, but p0ke...you got this!!

Happy hump day everyone

Is alcohol bad during recovery? John never had a drinking problem, at most he drank once every few months, never to excess. We did karaoke last night, we as in...john sings I cheer...anyhow he realy over indulged and it started to scare me, thinking about his recovery. It seemed he was drinking to accomplish something in his head, which is scary. What are your thoughts?
 
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