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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

I'm tired of people fucking mistaking my kindness for weakness!!
I give 100.00 cash to a brother in distress as a gift but when I borrow 40.00 I was reminded every damned week about it till I paid it back.
18 times I've jumped up and stopped what I was doing to drive 5 miles and put a disabled dude on the toilet and he will NOT let me forget the 20 I owe him from a norco deal (400.00) a month I put in his pocket!!!
My cousins home floods and I'm there in 10 minutes, put all his shit in my truck we could save and he bails leaving me to deal with it.
Had a serious injury and my sister would NOT give me one percocet knowing I was in agony.
Fuck unreliable dealers!
If I do you a solid fuckin say THANKS YOU!
I'm a loyal friend that'll be there for a bro without question but how many would do the same? Not many....
I'm stuck staying another night at Coushatta in Louisiana without a friggin pain pill with a HANGOVER!!! FUCK
That's my rant!!!
 
I had a really bad panic attack in public today. It was more like a rage-out/panic attack. I haven't had one in years and I really need to calm down.

If anyone's up for it, please PM me. I need to talk this out 1 on 1 :|
 
Hit me up Captain. I have a lot of experience in panic attacks and I had NOBODY that understood. I do, anytime hit me up.
 
Atmozfears- I have been a cutter and in extremely stressful situations, continue to be a cutter. I never ever talk about it with anyone so its nice to see you mention it. I'm new to this website, just thought I'd mention. It used to help me deal with my inadequacies and often to "get back" at people who hurt me. I am addicted to poppy seed tea and am a heavy drinker, although I don't consider myself addicted to alcohol. I won't get more into the reason why I cut but I imagine it is similar to your story.I will mention that I use scar treatment patches and a variety of friendship style bracelets that I made, to cover up the scars. Its terrible that someone would be so nosey as to ask about your scars. Not sure if you are male or female but I'm female and have a sort of laid back hippie style goin on so I think I pull off the bracelets, despite them being quite dated for my age (36). Start wearing the scar treatment patches at night at least. Several brands have a clear line so they aren't very noticeable. Also, rub vitamin e oil into the scars. If you can't find the oil on its own, just buy the vitamin e pills and poke a hole in them and rub a small amount into each scar once or twice a day. Along with the scare treatment patches, this routine will greatly reduce there appearance. In the meantime, use jewelry.
 
ajcook said:
Atmozfears- I have been a cutter and in extremely stressful situations, continue to be a cutter. I never ever talk about it with anyone so its nice to see you mention it. I'm new to this website, just thought I'd mention. It used to help me deal with my inadequacies and often to "get back" at people who hurt me. I am addicted to poppy seed tea and am a heavy drinker, although I don't consider myself addicted to alcohol. I won't get more into the reason why I cut but I imagine it is similar to your story.I will mention that I use scar treatment patches and a variety of friendship style bracelets that I made, to cover up the scars. Its terrible that someone would be so nosey as to ask about your scars. Not sure if you are male or female but I'm female and have a sort of laid back hippie style goin on so I think I pull off the bracelets, despite them being quite dated for my age (36). Start wearing the scar treatment patches at night at least. Several brands have a clear line so they aren't very noticeable. Also, rub vitamin e oil into the scars. If you can't find the oil on its own, just buy the vitamin e pills and poke a hole in them and rub a small amount into each scar once or twice a day. Along with the scare treatment patches, this routine will greatly reduce there appearance. In the meantime, use jewelry.
Click to expand...

Hello, thanks so much.. I don't feel so alone now. Welcome to Bluelight, btw. I'm a male dude who wears deathmetal t-shirts haha so I don't think I would pull off bracelets like that but I love your ideas. I'm going to look into those patches right now, I appreciate it a lot. Also I was wondering what that oil was.. because I swore someone I once knew had a bad scar that he pretty much totally got rid of with (I believe) vitamin E oil. I will look into this too. People always ask me about my arms, I mean it's not often you see scars like the ones I do on a 24 year old dude.. hah. I get asked about them at work the most. I don't mind people asking about them as long as they're polite about it and don't make a scene. To someone who doesn't know me, I'm sure they would think I want attention to be drawn to my arms. Not really, at all. I'd get drunk and be addicted to benzos so would totally have no inhibitions. I suffer from pretty severe depression and anxiety and I hate myself quite a bit, a lot, actually. so I hurt myself because I believe I deserve it. It's the worst feeling ever, having complete distaste and hatred towards yourself. I should really go back to see a psychologist and all that but I don't know.. multiple times I've tried and failed and I'm the type to give up easily. I also try to kill myself a few times but I'm always unsuccessful because I do it spontaneously and do not plan anything. I have a plan that would 100% work but I do not plan on going through with it now, at least. The last time I tried I swallowed my whole prescription of Seroquel and just woke up in the hospital a day later with no idea of WTF happened. Scary stuff.

Anyways thanks for listening to me and sharing your experiences with me. I wish you luck with everything - you're a beautiful person!
 
Have you considered looking for medical help? Therapy can work immensely IMO.
 
Atmozfears- About the "giving up easy" part. My husband is this way so I completely understand. My persistence paid off and he finally went to a psychiatrist and got a diagnosis of Bipolar. The doc got him on the proper medication which included a fairly high dose of antidepressant along with some kind of booster for it, not the typical route of meds for bipolar, but it worked. Anyways, it does seem as though you need to talk about all of this and I'm completely anonymous so why not me? Its a start. Sometimes it just feels good to put it into writing, all of your dark feelings. I'm nodding off at the moment with one of my kids sleeping next to me so I'm gonna go soon but I'd love to hear your story. Not about all the suicide attempts, which sound terrible and scary (I've been there btw) but all the reasons you feel you don't deserve to live and what you hate about yourself. That heavy metal music doesn't help ;) no but seriously, cutting feels so satisfying, like you're even with yourself or something. Its so embarrassing because of the scars which can be really hard to explain to someone at work you barely know. I personally am a huge believer in antidepressants, they changed my life.Please please please, go see someone who can listen and prescribe stuff as well. I have no idea how to send a pm but we can talk that way if you like. Let's help each other out. Its also annoying to have to tell your story over and over. Do you live in a hot climate? Could you away with sleeves for a while while you are treat the scars? Anyways, if I knew how to pm you I would have done that but feel free to send a private message back to me. Hope to hear more about your story. Take care
 
To PM is fairly easy, click on the person's name you want to PM to and a page will come up with a place that says send this person a PM or personal message or something like that. Just click it and you're home. Hope this helps.
 
hughesnet_sucks_trucker_hat.jpg
 
I hate it when people post information on bluelight that is utterly incorrect. it just rubs me the wrong way!
 
I'm so tired this week. I guess I'm sleeping 4 hours per day. I get the energy at work but waking up sometimes is a problem.
 
The birds are chirping outside, sun is rising and it is just 04:00 AM and it just set few hours ago. This amount of daylight will eventually kill me by insomnia. At the same time I am thinking I can take my scheduled morning dose of oxycodone within few hours. Argh! This is one hell.

Few days and the sun won't set over 12' degrees below horizon so there won't be night at all for a while on these latitudes. Just dusk for few moments and the endless daylight that also keeps those birds awake.
 
The nerve pain in my foot is becoming a massive task for me to cope with..
I've been off everything for like, 8 weeks now, since my near fatal h accident...
I can't take anything for my nerve pain :'(
I tried Lyrica, didn't really want to keep taking that kind of medication...
Fucking don't know what to do..
Worst. Pain. Ever.
 
Fucking PAWS killing me tonight. Somewhere around 2 months off of Suboxone, but fuck. Though I'd be having an easier time sleeping. Damn invisible bicycle, I'll ride you to hell with me!
 
Really feeling low tonight.. coming back to reality after a long run always instills me with guilt. . I don't know what to do with it :(
rather new to bl also, but been reading on here for a few months
 
pmaczilla said:
Really feeling low tonight.. coming back to reality after a long run always instills me with guilt. . I don't know what to do with it :(
rather new to bl also, but been reading on here for a few months
Click to expand...

Don't beat yourself up - it happens. Feeling guilty doesn't do anything productive and only makes the situation worse. What are you using? Are you interested in cutting back or getting sober?
 
tripnotyzm said:
The nerve pain in my foot is becoming a massive task for me to cope with..
I've been off everything for like, 8 weeks now, since my near fatal h accident...
I can't take anything for my nerve pain :'(
I tried Lyrica, didn't really want to keep taking that kind of medication...
Fucking don't know what to do..
Worst. Pain. Ever.
Click to expand...

Are there any non-narcotic painkillers you can try? What's wrong with your feet? I know how terrible foot pain is. Six years ago I had gout from my beer drinking - apparently 20 beers every other night for years will cause it. On top of it I ruined my feet dancing, so I have Achilles tendinitis and some of my toes curl under so I walk on the nails. I'm going to have surgery on both my feet in three weeks and have been concerned about pain management. I'm hoping to not use anything, but I would like the option just in case. I've been thinking about toradol. The addict in me got excited at the notion of painkillers when we were discussing the procedure so I'm not going to risk anything narcotic.

If your pain is chronic apparently there is an effective pain relieving gel - I don't remember the name as I want the problem resolved, not hidden so I dismissed the gel. I can call him and find out. If your pain is from neuropathy you have my sympathies. I had that back when I was a heavy drinker and it drove me crazy.
 
There are currently no non-narcotic painkillers for neuropathic pain (=nerve pain) except for pregabalin and gabapentin and even those seem to work only if there are atleast some kind opiate at the same time. It isn't caused the same way as acute pain but instead because of nerves getting compressed due some reason such as due trauma to spinal cord or herniated discs and such.

Only in a case in which the compression of nerve is caused by tissue around it being inflammated will NSAIDs help but that isn't the case when the pain is chronic.

I've exhausted every single medical resource I have got my hands into and haven't found anything non-narcotic for neuropathic pain.

The closest is Cebranopadol, a novel drug drug currently in Phase III trials, as although it has some affinity for "normal" opiate receptors it works with ORL-1 (Opiate Receptor Like) receptor mostly and works only for chronic pain due that. It doesn't alter acute pain in anyway and doesn't affect motor cordination or cause euphoria. I was on a clinical trial for this and it worked wonders (yes you can figure out if you are having placebo or control drug instead of the drug being tested if you know what to do).
 
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