ill tell my "story" when it comes to living the double life.
well, I am 32 now.. I first got into opiates back when 80's ran rampant around the Boston area in early 2000's. I just graduated high school in 2000 and didnt want to work; working man is a sucker, right!? so why not sell drugs, its what I've done before, but never opiates, but these things were MOVING and MOVING FAST, so I needed to get in. well, I started buying 80's upon 80's upon 80's from a cop who would take part is house raids and then take from a good portion of what was found and illegally sell to ME! well, from 18-21, I was so caught up in this life, living a double life, money flowing EVERYWHERE; had over 100k saved under my bed in my parents house! they had no idea what I was doing; I told them I was playing poker professionally and thats why I had the money I did, went on the vacations I did, bought what I did, etc.
as all of that went on, I was doing drugs pretty hard; crystal meth, special K, E, GHB, coke, and once in a while I would even do the 80's I had. I lived more of a "party" or "club" life when I was selling these, so the 80's were NOT my #1 at the time. well, after 3 years of rolling in the dough, some kid eventually set me up and had me sell to him and an undercover fed agent. they had the phone tapped, followed me for 6 months, and all that other shit that comes w/ a case. I picked up on them following me and planned to moved to NY to get out of the state; well, 2 days before I was about to move they picked me up because they knew I was on the move.
I ended up in fed. camp at Fort Devens; Fed "camp" is NOT BAD; I actually had fun for the 2 years I did on the inside; ended up serving 3.5 total between house arrest, sober living, etc. I played it out the typical way a drug case is played and did the programs, sober housing, etc, all before I got my time, and already had 1.5 time served, so only did 2 years on the inside.
well, on the "inside" is where I met MANY who were "junked out" or fighting the opiate battle already. esp. those who I met in the sober living places, programs, etc, so they were my "new" friends since I couldnt be within 20 miles of where I once lived; well, w/ my new friends came new "things" I needed to give a TRY! everyone I met in the programs did dope; not just 80's, but they were doing dope. they told me dope is way better and that 80's were nothing compared to a good SHOT of dope. well, what they didnt understand is I did NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, I was not an "addict" in my eyes, I would never touch a needle or try "dope". so around 07 I decided to sniff a line of dope; everyone told me it was great and I was finally off parole and could do whatever I wanted. so I finally sniffed a half G, or maybe less. and yes, I got "high". felt good and eventually ended up moving from doing 30's to doing dope daily. as time went on my habit picked up and I was sniffing around a gram a day. that gram ended up being 2 grams, which led to more and more. I was working a "real" job and actually making money legally, so seeing all this money spent on dope made me sick, but I had a problem and didnt know what to do.
FINALLY I figured out a way to maybe save some cash and save myself in ways; lets start SHOOTING HEROIN! yes, that sounds great. its exactly what I needed back in 08 because I was blowing/wasting my money otherwise. so why not shoot dope, right? rather than waste/sniff 2+ grams a day, I could shoot 1/4 a G and get the same high I was told, so lets hurry up and do that. well, I dont want my friends to know I decided to do this, nor my family, who has yet to catch on to this killer habit I had. so I came to Bluelight and the internet in general to learn to "shoot dope". well, I learned.. and yes, it took me some time. many of my first shots were missed and bumps/bruises were everywhere, but I had to keep shooting cuz I know I could eventually find those veins and get that high that everyone speaks of. and yes, before you know it I could shoot dope w/ a fucking blindfold on. but wait, I thought I only need 1/4Gs. the 1/4G's became 1/2G shots and then 2/3G shots. and yes, before you know it I was going through those same 2G's I wanted to get away from but now I was shooting them throughout the day.
I lived w/ my GF at the time and she would come home and find me OUT LIKE A LIGHT w/ needles stuck in my arm; well, as you can see here the story is starting to come forth and people are catching on that I am doing BAD THINGS! the GF told my mom, who told my dad, who spoke w/ me about drugs, how it ruined our family in the past, and that my future would be a mess if I kept fucking around. that was back in 09, and its 2015 now and I still shoot dope. over the last 7-8 years I've been a heavy fucking user; in and out of detox but never could stay clean more than a week tops. back in 2013 after coming off an OD I was checked into a Psych Ward because they heard I wanted to "kill myself", or at least my mother told them that, and I was given bupe/suboxone for the first time and it kept me in check for 9 months. I tapered too quickly and was back on dope before you know it.
to this day, I am still using, and its well known throughout family and friends that I have junkie ways. but at the same time I am scripted bupe and able to get by day by day and live on my own, take care of myself, etc. so people MAY THINK I am doing somewhat OK, but I still use. not daily like I once was for years and years at a time, but thanks to the bupe I am able to get away w/ shooting twice a week tops. and yes, the bupe blocks the dope a bit, but I live w/ it. I am TRYING to get away from dope but just fucking cant. its driving me nuts that I cannot walk away from this life and just save money and get away from the needle; it has me by the balls at times. then there are times were I feel I am GOOD and can BEAT THIS; boom.. next thing you know a needle is in my arms!
everyone has a different story; lives their junked out lifestyle differently. some are street hustlers, some live on the street, others live w/ their parents in the basement, and then some live on their own. we all play the game differently, which I find so interesting at times when meeting other addicts. yes, we may have the same thought at times and somewhat of similar experiences, but each addict lifestyle can be viewed differently depending on that person.
