May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety

[snortmdma]

Another day clean from psychedelics. I had a couple triggers which I don't care to discuss, but I managed to stay clean from psychedelics. To me that is as beautiful as the sunset, because I'm through with tripping out and fucking my brain chemicals up and going crazy and shit. I won't do it no matter who offers it to me. Obviously I've got a trigger that is close, but I am in love with her so I cannot resist seeing her. But I will not let her make me do molly. I will not let myself do molly, more importantly than anything.

 

[CfZrx]

Who thinks i should reset my alcohol soberiety date if i drank 3 days in a row after 15 months straight sobriety? I'm thinkin just keep goin towards 2 years this December.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I couldn't help but think that it was $200 less I'd be able to spend on drugs IN the event that I relapse.

This is the right thinking! This is why I don't feel bad when I spend money on food, or recreation like a vacation or an amusement park. It's all money that I can no longer spend on drugs.

And eventually you'll realize how awesome all the non-drug things are, and they will appeal a lot more than the drugs used to.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

to celebrate my 7 months, I am going to go somewhere special tomorrow or Saturday

I went somewhere special to celebrate my 6 months and it was amazing

I'll have more time to share later on the matter

 

[AuraLee]

Reply for tripnotyzm

Please follow my advice if you hope to quit using heroin as soon as possible...

1) You need to quit your job. Your co-worker will trigger you, and he's going to continue enabling you if you continue to allow yourself to use/allow yourself to continue to work there. I know having a job is really important, but you can work and end up spending more $ than you're bringing in from that job; but you'll still be able to always continue justifying your use in order to work. When I say "you" I'm not ragging on you trip, it's just that most of us are like this when we're actively using.

In doing this, you have to be able to avoid this person. If you can't, then step 1 will also involve moving away. It is severely unwise to live in an area where the drug you want to give up is prevalent.

2) get on suboxone or methadone, with or without doctor's supervision. You need to get something to satiate the psychological dependency, something that's a lot less reinforcing, so you have some plausible hope of getting clean.

3) you need to reach out to friends or family for support. Without a support network, we are that much closer to relapsing.

^THIS! So much this!

@tripnotyzm
Captain H knows what he's talking about, both as a veteran of this site and a successful opiate kicker. You absolutely MUST separate yourself from this coworker. I know this might not seem doable within your current life set-up but while he is daily in your face, the temptation will be too much to resist and willpower is never enough!

One of the best strategies for maintaining sobriety in the face of cravings is todistract and delay as well as increase everyday fulfillment in life. Going to work is great because the busier you are, the easier it can be to delay using. I found having a job that fulfilled me made it SOOOO much easier to kick my habit. Plus you're too worn out at the end of the day so you eat, fall asleep and then a new day begins.

BUT, if every time you go to work you pretty much already know what will happen (triggered by your colleague), this is not useful. I know it is difficult to rejig your whole life when you're in a nice routine but if you truly are ready to quit, you must engineer your life so you aren't in contact w/ those who use.

Perhaps you could look for other work while staying at your current job in the meantime. Just look around and see what else is out there. They say it is easier to get a job when you have a job... Motivation (and time) might be low but this is one thing you can do (much easier than many of the other remedies) to start changing your situation.

I just reread and saw you applied for a new role at work. I wish you ALL THE BEST in getting this role. Good vibes are being sent your way!

One of the biggest pieces of bs we addicts tell ourselves is "mehhhh, it won't matter. Just this once...". or "let's just get high now and I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes". it sounds to me you're in that in between phase- not fully addicted yet/still have a choice but the use is speeding up, times are getting closer together, more using days and less clean days. Instead of saying "ahh, what the hell? Why not?" you could try telling yourself "not today, maybe tomorrow/the weekend/next week". That's not to say that when tomorrow comes you're good to use. It's more of a delaying tactic so that day after day, you keep lying to yourself and putting it off for another day.

When you don't use opiates, do you get any withdrawals? If not, then please take it from me (and all other opiate dependent people on this site) - you are in a good spot right now. You have the option to not use. Once I got addicted enough to have wd's, I would have days where I'd think "I really dont feel like using today. I wish I could just not use and go about my daily activities without having to be sick." But of course that wasn't an option.

I might be wrong but you seem to be at the crossroads where you still have options/are not ruled by physical w/drawals. If so, or if you've only recently started getting w/drawals in between doses, now is a prime time to get off the train.


If you aren't using daily or are able to cut down your usage, you probably shouldn't try bupe/done (or at least use a low dose for a short time). However if you find yourself completely unable to control your usage and you have a proper w/drawal ahead of you after which you don't have faith in yourself to stay clean, methadone/bupe can be a lifesaver. They cut out the cravings plus block your opioid receptors so you can't really get high off opiates. It was a lifesaver for me but I had done home detox and inpatient detox multiple times, tried naltrexone, counselling etc, even moved to a country town to escape all my contacts and nothing worked. So for me methadone was a miracle cure; within 2 weeks I quit completely.

My biggest advice is this:
1- cut contact with drug users or ppl who will use in front of you, not respect your boundaries/support your abstinence, or will trigger you in any way.
2- Fill your life with other things. Get busy during the day and find other ways to relax at night/weekends. Find activities that fulfill you whether it be a course to achieve something or volunteer work or an online project.
3- Delay and distract - this is an extremely important base tactic for when your resolve is weak. Our minds play tricks on us trying to rationalize why it's okay to use but in return we can play mind games like "I'm not saying I won't use at all but just not today, maybe tomorrow". "Never" is a long time and our minds rebel against it whereas "just for now/today" is doable, even if your resolve is shaky.

If you can rejig your environment a bit, you'll have a much better chance of quitting. Sometimes these things start "just because" or because "why not?" but then you wake up one day in a dark place.

I wish you all the best. You sound like you're in a good mindset to dial it back and the only thing in your way is you (and that damn workmate! Lol!)

You CAN do it if you set some goals and be kind to yourself when you relapse. Yeah, it will be 3 steps forward and 2 steps back or even vice versa but you're early enough in your addiction to be able to swing it. The last thing you want is to look back in 20 years and think why the fuck didn't I back out when I had the chance? It's like someone with their calf stuck in nice warm quicksand thinking "Oooooh, it feels so good and I don't think I could get out anyway" vs down the track, being up to your chest and thinking "technically I could still get out but it's going to be near impossible and what the hell was I thinking when I put the other leg in???"

 

[AuraLee]

@tripnotzym - I just re-reread your posts and it sounds like you might be using enough to hang out. If so, and if you feel a loss of control, bupe or methadone are good choices to stop the insanity in it's tracks. Even if you try to use on it, it won't really work. But my advice would be to not be greedy. When I went on done, I was in that drug seeker mentality and, during the initial titration phase, I kept getting my dose put up. It just wasn't necessary. If you can minimize the dose and the time you're on it, you might be able to avoid getting stuck on it for 15 years like me.

In any case, something needs to change and I can guarantee you your life will be more stable! Maybe bupe is the go. I've heard it is easier to get off of and less side effects.

 

[simco]

so glad to be back on BL... returned last night from one of the most stressful events of my life, relocating my hospitalized mother across the country. many days of prep followed by one epic day of travel.

it was interesting: while out of town, getting things ready, i had no access to dope and was busy enough that i didn't think about it much. and when the shit really hit the fan, stress-wise, i wanted to be all-there mentally. the trip was an awful experience over all. but the interesting part was that for a few days, i felt almost like i used to before drugs became part of my life. it wasn't fun, but it was all crystal clear.

now i'm staring down the barrel of a couple days off work back at home. day 9 clean. but back in the danger zone. i should really get to a meeting today.

well, glad to see everyone continuing to kick ass!
-Sim

 

[P0kemama]

I now have about 36 hours off the oxys and morphine and feel pretty good; however I used a couple of my comfort meds I have stashed, so that is why. I plan to take an oxy in about an hour or two so that I have the energy to walk the dog I am watching today. I plan to abstain from opioids during Saturday, Sunday, and Monday for a period of 48 hours. The posts here are very inspirational and are motivating me greatly!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Really stressful day. I hope everyone is doing reasonably well.

 

[P0kemama]

^^CH: I am hoping your stress eases very soon. I just have to post this news story from here in Denver ( I think it shows how getting clean is so important: A teacher's aide was found passed out in the school's bathroom by 4 little 1st grade girls. (They showed her name and her picture on the news at noon and at 5 today). She was arrested for being in possession of a controlled substance... she was found with her rig in her arm). I am thinking she was probably sick, so scored on her way to work, and the H was stronger than she was used to???) IDK...it triggered a lot of emotions... mostly fear... that the sooner I give up the pills the better. It also made me wonder if she started on pills, etc. CH: you can move this is you want, but I think for all of us who are clean or trying to get clean, it gives us a strong message that we heading in the right direction.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

oh man that's so messed up, to be in a situation where those kids could find you.

I hope she gets help.

I'm feeling better, thank you so much p0kemama

 

[veodo]

2 days and this month is over folks!!!

All my best to you!!!

30 days without cannabis, alcohol, stims, benzos, pyschs and even cafeine!!! wooooahhh I feel clean!! 5kg of fat is lost!!

 

[xburtonchic]

dayy 8 :D

and day 2 off Suboxone. been using weed and have a couple Xanax for the worst of the Sub withdrawals. also ate some mushrooms yesterday, since psychs tend to help me stay in the right mindset when I'm kicking and because they help develop my spirituality (which is a big tool in helping me stay clean)... buuut I see on here that some people are getting clean from psychedelics so I won't talk about it.

it did help tho, I can't lie.

 

[simco]

day 10 off heroin.

yesterday was tough. i've asked my wife to hold my dope for me. (i threw it away before but just bought more, so we thought we'd try this.) after an awful couple days yesterday i caved and, feeling like a total fucking loser, begged my wife for one shot. to her credit, she said she had to go to work for a couple hours. if i still wanted it when she came back, she'd get it.

well, i acted like a total dick to her. mostly i was embarrassed but also i was craving like hell. she left and there i was alone in the house.

then i remembered that i had some old hydrocodone pills tucked away. i grabbed 'em, held 'em for a while. but i managed to step back. admittedly, i proceeded to smoke a healthy amount of weed. but within two hours, the cravings were basically done. when she came home, we didn't discuss drugs. i went to be heroin-free.

now, the craving is still lurking around in my guts. i'm sure i'll ask my wife to go through all this again. but overall, i think the experience was a good one. hell, any clean day is a good day.

 

[snortmdma]

xburtonchic: you are right psychedelics can be helpful to people, especially with addiction, but I am quitting psychedelics because I had a tendency to abuse them frequently which caused me mental health problems. They were problematic for me in other ways too, like being washed out after using. But today I am one month clean from psychedelics!

 

[kevfran]

Are there any opiate-dependent individuals living in New England seeking ibogaine treatment? Working on a news story from a major media organization and would love to speak with you.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

dayy 8 :D

and day 2 off Suboxone. been using weed and have a couple Xanax for the worst of the Sub withdrawals. also ate some mushrooms yesterday, since psychs tend to help me stay in the right mindset when I'm kicking and because they help develop my spirituality (which is a big tool in helping me stay clean)... buuut I see on here that some people are getting clean from psychedelics so I won't talk about it.

it did help tho, I can't lie.

I'm so proud of you X

 

[motiv311]

Im done with all drugs , its official .... Its a miracle really; all of the sudden BAM - the light went on . 3 days ago, smashed all my pizo pipes, gave my shit to a friend, flushed assorted other things....

feelings GREAT!

Its called the present because its A PRESENT; All you have to do is GIVE IT TO YOURSELF

peace and love - don't think ill be around this site anymore

 

[CfZrx]

Im done with all drugs , its official .... Its a miracle really; all of the sudden BAM - the light went on . 3 days ago, smashed all my pizo pipes, gave my shit to a friend, flushed assorted other things....

feelings GREAT!

Its called the present because its A PRESENT; All you have to do is GIVE IT TO YOURSELF

peace and love - don't think ill be around this site anymore

Glad u decided to change! WHy are you leaving the site? Is it a trigger?

 

[CfZrx]

day 10 off heroin.

yesterday was tough. i've asked my wife to hold my dope for me. (i threw it away before but just bought more, so we thought we'd try this.) after an awful couple days yesterday i caved and, feeling like a total fucking loser, begged my wife for one shot. to her credit, she said she had to go to work for a couple hours. if i still wanted it when she came back, she'd get it.

well, i acted like a total dick to her. mostly i was embarrassed but also i was craving like hell. she left and there i was alone in the house.

then i remembered that i had some old hydrocodone pills tucked away. i grabbed 'em, held 'em for a while. but i managed to step back. admittedly, i proceeded to smoke a healthy amount of weed. but within two hours, the cravings were basically done. when she came home, we didn't discuss drugs. i went to be heroin-free.

now, the craving is still lurking around in my guts. i'm sure i'll ask my wife to go through all this again. but overall, i think the experience was a good one. hell, any clean day is a good day.

Sounds intense simco! Just the thought of withdrawal is keeping me clean. Don't you feel scared to use because of that aspect of opiate use?