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May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety

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I have to clean my room today, there are things in there that just make my situation a lot harder..
I did it once before... Then I relapsed, and I haven't really cleaned up since then. ugh.
Getting the motivation to do it is the hardest ever though. I guess logging off the computer would be a start. lol

I hope everyone has a good day, I'm gonna try to be productive. ^^
 
Monday Monday.... Back to square one. Was suppose to take suboxone all weekend (took it Friday morning) but ended up using Friday night, sat, and today bc some unexpected, fucked up shit that happened after I dosed my sub that Friday morning so I ended up using. Sooo back to day 1 tomorrow. I think this will work out better bc I have off tomorrow and off wed n thurs. So that way I'll have a few days to chill if I don't feel good. I'm also emotionally over all the drama that happened on Friday. So I feel like I'll be in a better emotional spot to do this detox

I im jus trying to do a quick 5 day or so subutex detox and then after stopping that on the 5th day or so, gonna take my gabapentin and some lope.
I can never make it past 3 days bc of this or that but I think I need to try taking subs so it forces me not to use and to get a few days under my belt and then I think I'll be more enthused to stay clean bc I've never gotten past 3 days in over 7 years

I really wanna do this... I can taste it. It's jus finding the right way to capture and slowly tame the monkey. I've been Goin to Na meetings every chance I get and its jus growing in my heart that I'm done using!

Today I even erased drug dealers phone numbers! I have off tomorrow and I can't wait to go to Na meetings! Uhgg I jus have to tackle work... It's such a trigger... It jus makes me wanna use. Not sure if I hate my job or what?!? Jus wish I could do something different

But everyone keep up the good work!!! In gonna try n get it this time! NEVER give up!
 
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Has anyone else experienced a huge increase in their sex drive since becoming sober? My wife hates me because all I want to do is fuck her. I could fuck her 5x a day, every day and not have a problem, and do whenever I can.

I mean, I always had a high sex drive, but this is crazy.
 
Hell yea. Especially coming off opiates. Makes me a bit embarrassed because I simply am not able to hold on longer then a minute even though that's not my natural state :/
 
P0kemama said:
Olypen: You asked who paid my 60% wages.... our company made us pay a ridiculously small monthly premium on both short term disability insurance and long term disability insurance. That company that we paid the insurance premium to paid my 60% wages. I did have to speak with their case manager assigned to me, but she was very nice and gave me no trouble... she would just request a medical form be filled out by my doctor every so often. The way it worked is everyone would start out on short term disability, and I think that was good for about 12 weeks or so, to coincide with the same length of time as FMLA allows. Then, you applied to the same company for long term disability after you exhausted the short term benefit, had a different case manager... she was a little stricter, it felt like, and the same insurance company paid my wages. They would send a check via the mail every month, after receiving the payroll information from HR on the hours I did work. Feel free to PM me if you need more info, although I don't mind posting here.
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Thanks. I dont have such a plan unfortunately. Besides now i am certain they are just trying to fire me. sue to a letter i received stating :

1. You are being placed on an unpaid investigative suspension, effective immediately;
2. The duration of that investigative suspension is at the moment indefinite. We need sufficient time to investigate your actions, and to evaluate our response to your actions;

because:

"We have learned that you have reportedly made an extremely threatening remark to another (Facility) employee, regarding your plans with respect to our Facility and employees. We are committed to protecting our Facility, as well as our employees. We take such a threat seriously. We have therefore begun an investigation of your remark, and any other threats which you may have made."


So i think they just want me gone for whatever reason. I have responded that i believe this to be retaliatory and i will comply fully with their requests during their investigation including any off campus interviews so they can complete a full and thorough investigation. I asked how i can get possessions like my phone charger back and some other personal items while maintaining compliance. I fully intend to make them either fire me and attempt to collect unemployment, filling appeal after appeal if necessary and/or wait out the suspension and get back pay for the time i was suspended.Every performance evaluation i have had has been exemplary.

Either way it's got me really really fucking down. Im like a 6'4" teddy bear. i'm not a threat to anyone. Total made up bullshit. Thankfully i already have some temp jobs lined up so i can wait out their "unlimited investigation." I just cant afford to lose my medical insurance right now.

But through it all, I still have my 50 days clean today!!
 
Oly: First of all, congratulations on 50 days clean... that is HUGE!! I am sorry to read how your company is trying to fu&k you over... it sounds like one of those "he said" "she said" things that they are using, as you said, to try and get rid of you. There is an excellent chance that even if you get fired you will still qualify for unemployment. A friend of mine recently was fired for the same kind of bullshit... "someone" heard her say "something" about a student ( it is a private school) in public. No way to prove she said it, and yet there was no way for her to prove she did not say something. Anyway, I strongly encouraged her to file for unemployment and she was approved first time. She did not have to appeal. May I ask if this place of employment is on the Olympic Peninsula, or have you moved? Remember, if you lose your medical insurance you qualify for health insurance through Obama care. (sorry if I offend anyone by using this term, but I honestly do not know how to refer to our national healthcare system). You may need a letter from your insurance company stating you are no longer enrolled. I just don't want to see you worry about your insurance too much, as you will be able to get coverage if you do happen to lose your job. Who knows? You may be cleared and can keep your job and thereby have your same health insurance.
 
I am having killing fantasies around my visiting relative. She is so f*&king demanding I would like to slap her. I am not overdoing it but I also did not taper today, just took as prescribed. I took the oxy for emotional reasons, not physical pain and I really cannot blame anyone but myself. The pills didn't help anyway.. so I may as well taper.
 
wooooow I feel like SHIT today :! very very bad mood.... 13 days sober....

Sry for post that negative feeling, hope tomorrow I'll wake up recovered.
 
I will not do hard drugs again, I refuse. They were terrible for me, they almost destroyed me. I will not succumb to addiction or poor decisions again. I'm through with them, I never want to see a hit of them again. 1.5 weeks clean from them and I'm grateful for every new day without being under the influence of hard drugs. I'm still kinda in a daze of marijuana which I find not optimal, maybe when I come down from my high I'll take steps to quit weed too, who knows. I doubt it, I find that I'm more habitual with smoking weed than I am with any other drug, but at least it's just a benign plant.
 
Girlfriend just decided to go to a halfway house and decided that she needed to focus on herself and not be in a relationship. I understand this but I am in total shock, a few hours ago I thought she was coming home on Monday. This has been a terrible fucking week for me... also, I went to pickup my medallion and keytag yesterday at my homegroup and of course my sponsee brother forgot to bring them.

HOWEVER:


NONE OF THIS IS WORTH USING OVER! I cannot believe I am saying this, but I really do not feel like using anything. I feel uncomfortable, shitty, sad, heartbroken and angry but feelings cannot make me use. I am going to go buy a black and mild, but that is it.
 
phactor said:
Girlfriend just decided to go to a halfway house and decided that she needed to focus on herself and not be in a relationship. I understand this but I am in total shock, a few hours ago I thought she was coming home on Monday. This has been a terrible fucking week for me... also, I went to pickup my medallion and keytag yesterday at my homegroup and of course my sponsee brother forgot to bring them.

HOWEVER:


NONE OF THIS IS WORTH USING OVER! I cannot believe I am saying this, but I really do not feel like using anything. I feel uncomfortable, shitty, sad, heartbroken and angry but feelings cannot make me use. I am going to go buy a black and mild, but that is it.
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dude I'm really happy for you

you handled this well and are still clean

that's such progress man

I'm in a relationship and I don't know how I'd handle it if it ended. But I expect it will go on for a long time.
 
I'm on Day Four off Heroin and back on Suboxone. I had some clean time but fucked it up by picking up. What had happened was I was smoking a bit of tar throughout the night on foil in the bathroom of the bar I was at. I folded it and put it in my shirt pocket. Well, later, I'm kissing my girlfriend and she puts her fingers right in my pocket and feels it. She freaked out understandably, since I was "supposedly" clean. I'm just getting her trust back but she doesn't know that I'm coming across 3.5g of #3 Heroin and I know I should just sell it all at a mark-up but deep down I know I'll use some.
 
Thanx poke yea im coming up on 100 days benzo and opaite free
I am very proud of myself it was very hard and still is and is doable
It definetly gets easier i would say at around the 3 month mark is wheb i stopped thinking about getting high all day evreyday
I think its more that once you hit 3 months you really dont want to give that time back
Also the fact that i did it myself this time without going to treatment also makes me want to keep going
I hope youre doing well dont let your relative get to you to much
 
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