tigerlillie
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2015
- Messages
- 7
Hi guys
i'm Abi. I'm 33, a farmer, a competitive high performance rower and the owner of a successful laboratory business.
I have always had a mental health issues and struggled if i'm honest with the attraction of something to help numb the shit I have to deal with. I have worked every day of my life to support my mother and the family farm. Even at university I had no money and was having to come home a lot to work on the farm. I've never really been happy.
I guess I fit fairly well into the demographic of people at risk of drug abuse and addiction.
I recently started dating someone that used to be a fairly big time user of just about every drug under the sun I think. She's 36 now and has a daughter and has been clean for years but i'm intimidated by the fact that she has had a lot of fun with drugs and I've never had a day's fun in my life.
She gets cross with me because I judge her for being a former dealer and user. I don't mind so much if she'd just taken a bit of coke, but to have supplied heroin is not nice for people that are susceptible. But the other thing she can't understand is that by seeing her now as a successful woman and a good mother it makes it look like it's perfectly ok to shoot up a load of smack every day for years with no issues or risks. Which has made me go from a position of being ok to having just been out and got a 1g of heroin and a heap of coke off the darkweb, and a load of stuff from Exchange Supplies to shoot up. She's also made me think it's ok to dope myself up on a load of amphetamines to try to cope with depression and just because I'd actually quite like to enjoy a few minutes/hours of this happiness thing that other people talk about.
this is a slippery slope i'm on here isn't it...
How do I cope? Does anyone have any words of advice? Please?
If I get drugs tested then that's my rowing career over in a heartbeat.
I'd be shooting up heroin alone which obvs has its risks.
Abi x
i'm Abi. I'm 33, a farmer, a competitive high performance rower and the owner of a successful laboratory business.
I have always had a mental health issues and struggled if i'm honest with the attraction of something to help numb the shit I have to deal with. I have worked every day of my life to support my mother and the family farm. Even at university I had no money and was having to come home a lot to work on the farm. I've never really been happy.
I guess I fit fairly well into the demographic of people at risk of drug abuse and addiction.
I recently started dating someone that used to be a fairly big time user of just about every drug under the sun I think. She's 36 now and has a daughter and has been clean for years but i'm intimidated by the fact that she has had a lot of fun with drugs and I've never had a day's fun in my life.
She gets cross with me because I judge her for being a former dealer and user. I don't mind so much if she'd just taken a bit of coke, but to have supplied heroin is not nice for people that are susceptible. But the other thing she can't understand is that by seeing her now as a successful woman and a good mother it makes it look like it's perfectly ok to shoot up a load of smack every day for years with no issues or risks. Which has made me go from a position of being ok to having just been out and got a 1g of heroin and a heap of coke off the darkweb, and a load of stuff from Exchange Supplies to shoot up. She's also made me think it's ok to dope myself up on a load of amphetamines to try to cope with depression and just because I'd actually quite like to enjoy a few minutes/hours of this happiness thing that other people talk about.
this is a slippery slope i'm on here isn't it...
How do I cope? Does anyone have any words of advice? Please?
If I get drugs tested then that's my rowing career over in a heartbeat.
I'd be shooting up heroin alone which obvs has its risks.
Abi x