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Using psychedelics to find an answer

C

carbunch

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Joined
Oct 26, 2014
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10
To start this off, I've never tried any psychedelic substances before. I'm considering trying psilocybin to solve this mystery in my head that's been around since I was 10. When I was 10 years old, I began to have this vivid recurring dream of having this entity trying to guide me into another universe by remaining still and silent for an eternity. It would be accompanied by this ringing sound and the most terrifying feeling I've ever felt. I would get close to transitioning over, but then I wake up in a total delirium, mumbling words, running around banging my head into things for about 15 minutes. This entity remained dormant until I started using cannabis when I had an epiphany about the universe. Fast forward to a few months ago, I began to become obsessed with finding out what's going on. I started to see, feel, and sometimes hear this entity around me occasionally. Sometimes it would appear in my peripheral vision as a person for a split second, once I heard it whisper "as soon as you can" directly into my ear. Then I began to feel its dark presence behind me at times, or it would intercept my train of thought with a word in the form of this monotonous almost demonic sounding voice. I believe it's the same otherworldly entity from my dreams finally trying to contact me now that I'm an adult. I want to induce a psychedelic or entheogenic state so I can communicate with it and find out what it wants.

I've told others about this on other sites, and they just say I'm schizophrenic or crazy. I've gone through numerous psychological tests and there was nothing out of the ordinary aside from times when I thought I could predict the future or control the weather when I was a kid, but I think that's kind of normal. Would shrooms or DMT be a good idea as a medium through which to communicate with this entity?
 
carbunch said:
Would shrooms or DMT be a good idea as a medium through which to communicate with this entity?
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The question you should be asking is, "Will shrooms or DMT cause me to completely lose my grip on reality, instead of just partially?"
 
That ringing sound is a safety measure from the brain to make sure you aren't awake, which probably explains the feeling as well. It's a common sound to hear when trying to get into a awake state of sleep, also known as sleep paralysis. Waking up in a total delirium doesn't sound that weird considering the context. Still, one usually doesn't bang his head into things after that.

I'm not a well known user from this forum and nor am I an expert in psychology, spirituality or the universe itself. But I would consider the possibility that you see what you want to see. Everyone can catch a glimpse of something in their peripheral vision then look there and nothing shows up. Trust me, I know. And I were shit scared of it being a symptom for HPPD until I realized I had always seen it, I just didn't care before. But then I gave it a possible explanation and thus it became more probable, you see? I don't really believe in spirits, they seem to human. From my psychedelic experiences I've gained a belief in something. But if I'll ever be able to explain it other than calling it by some wonky name as God? No, I don't think so. There's a certain limit to how far outside of the box I can think when sober, but that's another topic.

Hearing voices is a sign for schizophrenia. It's a retarded fucking diagnosis in the first place but schizophrenia is the best word I have for it. So, since I don't know how old you are I'd tell you to make a very important decision. A psychedelic experience could blow this disease out of its borders and you'd be fucked for live, think of that, could you live with it? It's a long road to walk to be able to cope with the disease once it fully manifests.

But to answer your question, yes. Psychedelics would make you able to communicate with this entity. However, I would look at it more as: It will give your unconsciousness the possibility to further develop your possible illusion. Truth and falseness are hard to distinguish.

As I said earlier, I'm not someone to really listen to. But maybe you could take what I say into mind and decide after that.
 
People are telling you that you're mentally ill because you are. Please seek help.
 
If I'd seen this a year, two years ago, I would have responded as those above me have. However, I now have a different view on these types of things. If indeed you are not mentally ill, which I see no reason alluding to you being so, then you need to start doing research and talking to people that know about spirits. Asante is as far as I can tell the most knowledgeable on this forum. I haven't read as much as I'd like to on spirits, but I have read before that spirits seek humans to merge energies and become healers (such a basic generalization). However, you must make sure it is not a negative energy/being/spirit.

Proceed cautiously and tread lightly.

EDIT: Don't do a psychedelic until you have thoroughly researched the matter and gotten a better idea as to what you're dealing with.
 
A recurring dream is like any other bad habit, it's something your mind keeps doing because it's used to it, like if you always leave your shoes in a certain place when you get into the house. If you always fantasize about something, you'll keep fantasizing about it.

If that's your only "symptom", it probably doesn't mean you're psychotic, but you have to realize it doesn't mean anything and you're gonna have to let it go. It probably isn't a good idea to trip until you're comfortable with that. Alternatively, you are schizophrenic, which really means you shouldn't trip!
 
There is no guarantee that psychedelics will help you solve this mystery my friend. Having suffered from crippling anxiety and depression for most of my adult life, and having tried counselling and the like, I thought psychedelics could give me some answers. While illuminating, I soon found that the use (abuse) of these substances over time, and without any proper guidance, left me with more questions than answers, and brought to the fore some real issues that were buried deep in my psyche. Leave the psychedelics for now. Talk to people on here or in the real world that are in the know on such subjects, do research, and you'll hopefully get a clearer picture what's going on. All the best to you.
 
If you choose to do it. Then DMT, 4 hours of banging the head into something is a bad idea.
 
You may be mentally ill or have schizophrenia; but have you ever talked to a therapist about this?

You wrote about how this is a dark entity, or that it makes you freak out. I would not try to contact it or take psychedelic drugs in order to communicate with it. I have never experienced a ghost, demon, entity, or anything like that; but friends of mine who have while sober, and some who were on Ayahuasca when they experienced them said how there are things out there that you do not want to mess with or invite into your life.

People experience all sort of things in dreams. I've seen portals to alternative universes open up in mine; but I just didn't go through them in the dream. I also have had lucid dreams where I switched bodies, traveled through space, and did astral projection but I was sober at the time. I've never experienced any of that stuff while awake though.
 
I don't think you're necessarily mentally "ill" carbunch, and I hope you're not listening to the posters in here who are proclaiming you as such. The only person who could possible diagnose you as mentally ill is a psychiatrist, and even then there's a lot of grey area. If you're in any doubt, or if you think you might benefit from it, you should talk to a therapist.

I used to get almost the exact same thing as you as a kid to early adult. In a sleep paralysis/dream state I would get the completely overpowering ringing just like you describe, combined with the presence of a dark and engulfing entity, who was inviting me "in" somehow. I would have a feeling of utter terror and fear. The entity would have me surrounded, like I was under a large oppressive dark dome, the entity was the dome itself. Entity beckoned me to surrender to it, to enter into it, but I always resisted, and fought myself back to being awake. Usually when I "awoke" I would be in sleep-paralysis, and could feel the tug of this entity, but I could make moaning sounds until hearing the sound of my own moaning would be the tether that I could use to come back to reality.

Anyways, I used to toy with the idea that maybe I should "go in" to the darkness of this entity, surrender to it, and see what it was about. A couple of times I started to let go a bit, but then backed out. Honestly, I've always been too scared to go in. And I think maybe that fear is there for a reason, that it actually is my own being protecting me from some kind of supernatural invasion from a malicious psychic force.

The entity never "talked" to me outside of dream/semi dream states and I'm glad it didn't. I have to admit that the part you described where it whispered to you does concern me a bit. It seems to me like you might have entertained this entity as being part of reality a bit further than I ever did. My advice would be to tell it to fuck right off, and don't even think about joining it, because it's not healthy.

Anyways I just wanted to share my story, because your experience really reminds me of my own, and I can assure you that I'm very mentally healthy, and I suspect that you are too, just that you've given this darkness a bit more place in reality than I ever did. Exorcise that shit. I did. I continually denied that dark entity any kind of access to my reality, and it just went away gradually, and then suddenly it stopped completely. I do feel like that thing could have represented a small window to schizophrenia that I could have climbed through.

** PS: The rational part of me recognizes that these things are actually coming from some part of my own brain. However, I don't think that it makes it OK or safe to "go in/join" it. I feel that these kind of dark things could be sort of like a neural network "cancer" in your mind, that it is an unproductive or alternative set of cohesive thought patterns that are vying for power in the seat of your mind. Like a kind of psychic coup-d'etat, where an alternative heirarchy of neural circuits (or abstract thought patterns that play on the same set of circuits as your normal conciousness) is trying to occupy the seat of conscious awareness.
 
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perpetualdawn said:
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Just to play with the thought, would you have recognized it as a Tulpa?

The concept of tulpas has always intrigued me since the first time I heard of them. People proclaim on different forums that they have been able to create these things, but not further than as a mental being living alongside themselves in their mind. It is a interesting topic since it could be looked on as a sort of self induced schizophrenia. Only that the creators of these beings doesn't seem to suffer from their creations. I could run of the topic even more and give the consideration that maybe the reason for why these tulpas got created decides the way they act. E.g: A tulpa created after extreme child abuse wouldn't be as nice as a tulpa created for the shear joy of it.

As far as I know there haven't been any real proof of them, so it boils down to one either trying to create one themselves or believing those who say they have. But since multi-personality disorder is said to be a thing it seems likely to me that tulpas also are.

I guess it all boils down to my own preference for scientific explanations rather than discussing something I deem as much more vague and unfathomable, I won't deny that. But I'll leave with my favorite words, who know.
 
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Consulting my Nkisi, which houses a Congolese Forest Spirit:

Nkisi says:

Carbunch now indeed is showing psychotic symptoms, that is how it currently manifests. It is indeed the same spirit, and a spirit it is. It is not malevolent but oh yes it is frightening. As a child Carbunch kept encountering it in the twilight state of sleep paralysis, there is no doubt. It comes now to prominence because it has a message. The psychotic symptoms are the warping of Carbunch's waking reality that enable the spirit to manifest, it creates a kind of twilight state while fully awake. Taking psychedelics and cannabis is not the answer, it would help facilitate the contact but through intensification of the psychotic warping of Carbunch's reality. Right now Carbunch is too afraid and because of this fear the spirit manifests as if it were malevolent. Psychotification of waking consciousness would make Carbunch more afraid still and the psychotic features would magnify the sinisterness in which the spirit manifests, like the state of sleep paralysis did when Carbunch was a child. Carbunch must learn not to fear its presence and not taint its message.

Carbunch:

The way to manifest the spirit is by lying in bed in darkness, eyes closed and to beckon the spirit closer. If a plant spirit is consulted, I strongly recommend use not of psychedelics but of UBULAWU [African Dream Root, Silene capensis, Silene undulata] A piece the size of a bean of the root is to be crushed, put in water and frothed up, and the froth eaten in the morning to induce vivid dreaming in the night. Do not drink the water or eat the root, eat just the froth until it fills you. Take this for up to five days in succession, no more for this purpose. UBULAWU will illuminate your dreams and increase the likeliness of sleep paralysis, enabling you to communicate with the spirit and other spirits in the realm where you first encountered it so that it doesn't have to make a gateway to your waking state. If the exchange is fully made, the communication completed, the spirit will go away and the psychotic symptoms will subside. If you fail in this endeavor the spirit will persist in seeking contact. Most comfortable for you, since you are anxious, is to try have this encounter in your bed, either meditating, in a twilight state or dreaming, as it is less stressful to confront it in that state than when wide awake. If you use cannabis, it's best to let that rest until the exchange took place as it can act as a precipitating factor of psychosis. You may ask your doctor for something to calm your nerves if you are too rattled by anxiety, it would lessen anxiety but not stop the visions.

At this point you are healthy but afflicted by waking psychotic symptoms. You are not in a psychosis, nor need you be there but you are at its fringe, At this point antipsychotic medication is only the answer if you are determined to stomp out the symptoms no matter what. In either case the exchange you so dread will take place, but then likely in a dream. Psychosis is natural. When you dream you are psychotic, psychosis is the mindstate of dreaming. Separate those and do not confuse them. The spirit contacts you from the dream. What you see, and what he says, is dream, not waking reality. It is the two states coexisting that makes this confusing. In the waking state, it is not real. In the dreaming state, it is. Try to accept this dual nature of reality.

Carbunch: I offer to accompany you through this process, if this meets with Asante's approval and your consent. It could help you, though of course it would be the case that you first had one spirit and then you will have two. I would subtly in the background help facilitate the exchange and help intermediate between your soul and the spirit. If at any time you'd wish me gone a sincere and directed BEGONE spoken in either waking state, twilight or dream would have me leave immediately. I may communicate with you directly and would come in some of the many guises of Africa, by that you could recognize me. I would do this only if there was importance to this exchange between us.

Think about this and tell Asante, in public or private, if you want my assistance. If you do, he will fire up his altar and do his part.
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So there, strangers on the internet channeling African spirits and advising you to gobble african roots. Make of it what you wish, my Nkisi's offer stands. I can vouch for its benevolence and power, but its up to you to decide, Discuss in the open or in private, I would prefer the open as others may tag in and for transparency, but its your issue so your call.

Of course you would owe my Nkisi or myself nothing at all, materially, mentally or spiritually.
 
locate your local gestalt institute
in that group there is usually at least one trained shamanic healer
pay that person to guide you to your goal which may not involve any substances.

do not go into the fray alone or with ignorance
 
Get the book Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks, there is one if not multiple chapters dedicated to phenomena that can occur during or just before / after sleep. It does not stop with hypnogogic / hypnopompic hallucinations, sleep paralysis, night terrors and night hags, there are a lot of things that can happen in very sane people. Many incorrectly are diagnosed with mental illness, incorrect because what happens is just as natural as dreaming (which can be quite insane-like if you think about it), it is just not all equally common.

Using psychedelics however is extremely unreliable to find insights and revelations that you want to, and ones you get on the topic may be delusional since it will make you incredibly open to suggestion. If the answer to something lies inside you, psychotherapeutic use of psychedelics may be viable, especially with a proper guide... but I don't think that this is some mystery to which you hav the key... if I were you I would seek the answer in a scientific explanation that relates to sleeping / waking states of consciousness, parts of the brain that are activated that produce emergent phenomena, and things in that geist.
 
Asante said:
Consulting my Nkisi, which houses a Congolese Forest Spirit:




So there, strangers on the internet channeling African spirits and advising you to gobble african roots. Make of it what you wish, my Nkisi's offer stands. I can vouch for its benevolence and power, but its up to you to decide, Discuss in the open or in private, I would prefer the open as others may tag in and for transparency, but its your issue so your call.

Of course you would owe my Nkisi or myself nothing at all, materially, mentally or spiritually.
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I think I'm going to attempt to 'tulpify' this entity. I am aware of the inherent risks of bringing such a thing into reality, but I have this inescapable feeling that I need to do this. I wouldn't necessarily characterize this entity as malevolent in anyway, but of something more ambiguous.

I've yet to bring up this entity to my psychiatrist, but I have mentioned the hallucinations. Schizophrenia was ruled out in favor of a manic episode as part of bipolar. I disagree with this because I was not manic when this was happening. Right now I'm put on medication that's been suppressing these hallucinations, and I'm considering going off of them so I can attempt contact with the entity. I have no idea how long it might take, it could take years before my mental state gets to the point where I can communicate with it. I'm going to try and focus on it as best as I can when I have the time.
 
Do not go off your medication. If you're going to anyway, tell your doctor and follow his advice on how to do it.
 
I'm definitely going to bring up this experience with my therapist first. Of course I know they won't recommend the use of an illegal substance for spiritual enlightenment. Actually, I'm not sure what good that would to if I were to mention it. It would mean more anti-psychotics for me.
 
While continuing to visit your therapist (if you found a good one, that you trust), I would stop using substances and dive into meditation. The best is IMHO to concentrate one the practice (position of your body) and let the thoughts roll by. Thought loops will eventually dissolve, because they get energy from undirected attention. If you bump into problems, seek an experienced practitioner. The good centres don't demand a fee, but let you donate. Knowing that, you can seperate the wheat from the chaff.
 
Ziiirp said:
While continuing to visit your therapist (if you found a good one, that you trust), I would stop using substances and dive into meditation. The best is IMHO to concentrate one the practice (position of your body) and let the thoughts roll by. Thought loops will eventually dissolve, because they get energy from undirected attention. If you bump into problems, seek an experienced practitioner. The good centres don't demand a fee, but let you donate. Knowing that, you can seperate the wheat from the chaff.
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This this this. Meditation is powerful, effective, and healthy. How often do scientists and spiritualists agree?
 
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