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Mental Health Depression MEGA Thread - DepressionTalk + Over 100 Links of Info
- Thread starter dilated_pupils
- Start date
We are precious, and we are all in this together
Empty words.
^^ That's a very disappointing response to a post which is clearly very personal and sincere.
Good luck at the vocational rehab appointment today, I hope you had a good chat with them and that you're feeling good today
dilated_pupils it's great to see you post in here again man. I hope you're doing well. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with neurontin
SpecialK I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. You know the drugs aren't doing you any favours. I know from personal experience that it's really really hard to get back in to our hobbies/passions when we've been down for so long. Do you manage to get out and socialise much at all at the moment? I find that really helps me when I'm really struggling. Again, it's super hard to drag yourself out there and to paste the smile on your face and pretend that you're doing swell. But it actually does help a lot.
Thanks mate
Good luck at the vocational rehab appointment today, I hope you had a good chat with them and that you're feeling good today
dilated_pupils it's great to see you post in here again man. I hope you're doing well. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with neurontin
SpecialK I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. You know the drugs aren't doing you any favours. I know from personal experience that it's really really hard to get back in to our hobbies/passions when we've been down for so long. Do you manage to get out and socialise much at all at the moment? I find that really helps me when I'm really struggling. Again, it's super hard to drag yourself out there and to paste the smile on your face and pretend that you're doing swell. But it actually does help a lot.
onthebeach
Greenlighter
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- Nov 21, 2012
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- 27
Is it possible to ever fully recover from depression?
onthebeach
Greenlighter
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- Nov 21, 2012
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- 27
^ Well that is very depressing 
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
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- Jul 26, 2011
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- 14,942
Depression can be completely situational, partially situational or chronic and without a known or specific cause. Because it is life threatening when it is really bad or even when it just persists for years at a low level, it is imperative for the sufferer to try to discover the cause or causes to the best of their ability. Working with a proactive therapist, learning to self-talk in a positive voice etc. can help no matter if it is situational or not.
Whether it can be completely "cured" I don't know but I do know that for me at least, it is very manageable with habits and adaptations I have put into place. When I start to let those slip, it comes slamming back into my life. Then I have to do all the things that I know to do: sleep, exercise, force myself to go out and do things both alone and with friends and eat right. Exercise is the key for me.
Whether it can be completely "cured" I don't know but I do know that for me at least, it is very manageable with habits and adaptations I have put into place. When I start to let those slip, it comes slamming back into my life. Then I have to do all the things that I know to do: sleep, exercise, force myself to go out and do things both alone and with friends and eat right. Exercise is the key for me.
I've got to admit herby, no amount of self-talk changes the way I feel.
No amount of thought changes this inherent state of mind.
All of this is predicated on wanting to live, valuing your existence and wanting to continue.
I wish exercise affected me that way it does many others..
Anyway, just popping in to celebrate my birth because this is a lovely gift and I'm so glad I was given it, along with the compulsion to keep it even though it disgusts me.
I've had enough of this, time to get through yet another day. Maybe I want to hurt
No amount of thought changes this inherent state of mind.
All of this is predicated on wanting to live, valuing your existence and wanting to continue.
I wish exercise affected me that way it does many others..
Anyway, just popping in to celebrate my birth because this is a lovely gift and I'm so glad I was given it, along with the compulsion to keep it even though it disgusts me.
I've had enough of this, time to get through yet another day. Maybe I want to hurt
spork
Bluelight Crew
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- Mar 12, 2004
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- 14,190
^There might be a bit of truth in that last sentence. I know for myself, I was only able to get better when I really *really* wanted to for myself. My moods do fluctuate quite a bit and I still do find myself in a negative mindset on a fairly regular basis. I let myself feel it, because depression does comfort me and I get depressed at times when I do need that comfort but eventually I need to let myself be happy again and am reminded that I do have the strength to turn things around. It can be difficult and not something you can just snap out of, but reassuring yourself that you have control of your own life can bring about some really positive changes.
I hope that you do have a good birthday and a happy year ahead of you.
I hope that you do have a good birthday and a happy year ahead of you.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
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- Jul 26, 2011
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- 14,942
Both of you (abject and Spork) are making me think about how we subject our moods to language that places a positive value on happiness and a negative value on anger, sadness, fear etc.
I like the way you acknowledge that depression can actually be comforting, Spork.
I have always felt an affinity with my so-called "negative" emotions. Obviously, I don't like to be afraid or angry of depressed but when I can see them as perfectly natural responses to my environment, my perceptions, etc. I am more comfortable feeling them and it becomes easier to let them go again. It is the whole range of emotions that I love.
I like the way you acknowledge that depression can actually be comforting, Spork.
I have always felt an affinity with my so-called "negative" emotions. Obviously, I don't like to be afraid or angry of depressed but when I can see them as perfectly natural responses to my environment, my perceptions, etc. I am more comfortable feeling them and it becomes easier to let them go again. It is the whole range of emotions that I love.
You should save your hopes for others, spork
I think we(stern society) do that, sure. The thing is, feelings are deeper than language.
I know that in my case, there have been times where I thought it was good that I felt so depressed. As if all my isolation and loneliness and hurt would amount to something, somehow made me special and different to others.
What is someone meant to do when seeing people just makes them lonelier?
When all of these things other people use to control and regulate their moods barely affect me, it's quite discouraging.
I think we(stern society) do that, sure. The thing is, feelings are deeper than language.
I know that in my case, there have been times where I thought it was good that I felt so depressed. As if all my isolation and loneliness and hurt would amount to something, somehow made me special and different to others.
What is someone meant to do when seeing people just makes them lonelier?
When all of these things other people use to control and regulate their moods barely affect me, it's quite discouraging.
Yeah, everything was fine. Then it stopped being fine, for no reason at all.
At first, it gave me empathy/understand, compassion, and deepened my appreciation for the entire spectrum of emotion.
Now I am so disconnected, and disjointed. There is an infinite, a perpetual void.
It doesn't matter whether I'm with other people or on my own, whether I'm doing something or not. Whether my music is slow or fast, crusty or smooth, hateful or loving, sad or happy.
I feel like all I can do is act on an intellectual level, devoid of any real emotion. That's not to say I don't hurt, or experience these incessant feelings, but when I am interacting with others it feels so wrong.
I cannot connect, there is no passion, it's just noises and movements.
I am just so sick of this. I am disgusted by myself, the source of all these emotions. This inherent state of mind.
When I make the juxtaposition of things I need more of, like love, inspiration, passion, care, desire, reason, meaning, a goddamn point. When my existence gains worth, when I want my time, when I'm okay with existence.
I cannot resist this, so I try to accept it. It's all I really can do, simply surrender.
I need catharsis. I need love. I need meaning.
It is all an infinite distance away, whilst I watch everyone around me in such a better place, with all of that.
I am in a different place to you. I don't even want my life, to live. I don't want it at all, I'm just not ready to kill the potential future me. This isn't worth keeping, but I'm not ready to throw it away yet.
Even in the times I am utterly disgusted by everything, and crave the annihilation of myself, I'm just not ready to let it all go yet.
I wonder when I will be. Even when it feels so right, I hesitate enough to continue on....
for what?
Fucking nothing.
At first, it gave me empathy/understand, compassion, and deepened my appreciation for the entire spectrum of emotion.
Now I am so disconnected, and disjointed. There is an infinite, a perpetual void.
It doesn't matter whether I'm with other people or on my own, whether I'm doing something or not. Whether my music is slow or fast, crusty or smooth, hateful or loving, sad or happy.
I feel like all I can do is act on an intellectual level, devoid of any real emotion. That's not to say I don't hurt, or experience these incessant feelings, but when I am interacting with others it feels so wrong.
I cannot connect, there is no passion, it's just noises and movements.
I am just so sick of this. I am disgusted by myself, the source of all these emotions. This inherent state of mind.
When I make the juxtaposition of things I need more of, like love, inspiration, passion, care, desire, reason, meaning, a goddamn point. When my existence gains worth, when I want my time, when I'm okay with existence.
I cannot resist this, so I try to accept it. It's all I really can do, simply surrender.
I need catharsis. I need love. I need meaning.
It is all an infinite distance away, whilst I watch everyone around me in such a better place, with all of that.
I am in a different place to you. I don't even want my life, to live. I don't want it at all, I'm just not ready to kill the potential future me. This isn't worth keeping, but I'm not ready to throw it away yet.
Even in the times I am utterly disgusted by everything, and crave the annihilation of myself, I'm just not ready to let it all go yet.
I wonder when I will be. Even when it feels so right, I hesitate enough to continue on....
for what?
Fucking nothing.
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
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- Feb 9, 2013
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- 4,317
That described me in a number of ways.
As a child, I felt as if I was somehow different than the others. Then as I grew up, I started to understand what was wrong with me. Depression.
One day, we WILL find peace. We just can't give up so easily- it's something we need to work toward.
Im 23 years old and ive been depressed ever since i was a child. It was made worse when I turned 16 and met this girl that i dated for about 6 months. She cheated on me, used me, lied to me just to serve her own ends. She told me she didnt want a relationship with me and just wanted me for sex then dumped me for the other guy. I really liked her too, I havnt touched a girl in 7 years. I think my broken heart wont let me move on. I dont even know why i still think about her.
Sometimes it feels like im walking through deep heavy mud, trying to find my way through a thick dense fog.
Sometimes it feels like im walking through deep heavy mud, trying to find my way through a thick dense fog.
I know that feel.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
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- Jul 26, 2011
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- 14,942
That was a horrible way to be treated at any age but as a young boy you are so vulnerable. I am so sorry that this happened but all you can do is to try to use your rational mind to help you move forward. I had a very bad sexual experience when I was young and I know that it affected me for years (and still does no doubt) but after a few years I realized that the experience was over but that the effects of it were ruining my present experiences and that it was me that had to lay it all to rest. That was hard on an emotional level but that's where the rational mind comes in; you can open the lines of communication between your emotional mind and your rational mind and, just like a parent guiding a child, use one to retrain the other. Good luck and hang in there. It can, and I think it wil, get infinitely better.
Prisonerofself
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2013
- Messages
- 5
I didn't know so many others feel this way
I wouldn't kill myself but any night if I knew I wouldn't wake up I would welcome it. I used to see beauty in life and people but I have become so full of resentments and distrust that all I know how to do is numb it each day.
I don't want to keep living like this
I wouldn't kill myself but any night if I knew I wouldn't wake up I would welcome it. I used to see beauty in life and people but I have become so full of resentments and distrust that all I know how to do is numb it each day.
I don't want to keep living like this
For me it was a severe blood clot that started a year long downward spiral of loneliness, anxiety and insomnia. For me the worst thing was that I tried to be so positive and happy that I ignored the signs and never sought help/was ashamed of how i felt.
I had a bad day and ended up trying to OD on codeine, sleeping tablets and alcohol. Im pretty sure the only reason im alive is because codeine has a relatively minimal effect on me. For someone who had never done drugs minus weed a few times the high I ended up being on was amazing. I felt midly euphoric, warm, and peaceful with everything. Eventually I couldnt feel my breathing, my heart was barely beating and I collapsed. It was in what I thought were my last moments I had a sudden regret about all the amazing things I was giving up and had not yet experienced.
Opening up to a psych was really hard but in the end one of the best things as was opening up to some close friends about things. It helped me realise that I have had a tendency for anxiety and depression all my life and taught me alot more about myself and my emotions. Psycs are great at connecting aspects of your life to how you handle things emotionally and helping explore emotions that youve not self addressed properly. Despite this the turmoil that the suicide attempt had thrown my life into and the debilitating anxiety and shame it sparked meant I could barely go outside without crying all the time, and my motivation and social life suffered for a long time after.
It was eventual experimentation with LSD, MDMA and weed that turned my life around although periodic abuse and judgements from my parents and others caused their own share of problems. Its about a year and half on from that day and Im now more confident, more content, and more able to handle life than Ive ever been, everything is back on track and I am happy again like I never thought Id be.
I had a bad day and ended up trying to OD on codeine, sleeping tablets and alcohol. Im pretty sure the only reason im alive is because codeine has a relatively minimal effect on me. For someone who had never done drugs minus weed a few times the high I ended up being on was amazing. I felt midly euphoric, warm, and peaceful with everything. Eventually I couldnt feel my breathing, my heart was barely beating and I collapsed. It was in what I thought were my last moments I had a sudden regret about all the amazing things I was giving up and had not yet experienced.
Opening up to a psych was really hard but in the end one of the best things as was opening up to some close friends about things. It helped me realise that I have had a tendency for anxiety and depression all my life and taught me alot more about myself and my emotions. Psycs are great at connecting aspects of your life to how you handle things emotionally and helping explore emotions that youve not self addressed properly. Despite this the turmoil that the suicide attempt had thrown my life into and the debilitating anxiety and shame it sparked meant I could barely go outside without crying all the time, and my motivation and social life suffered for a long time after.
It was eventual experimentation with LSD, MDMA and weed that turned my life around although periodic abuse and judgements from my parents and others caused their own share of problems. Its about a year and half on from that day and Im now more confident, more content, and more able to handle life than Ive ever been, everything is back on track and I am happy again like I never thought Id be.
spork
Bluelight Crew
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- Mar 12, 2004
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- 14,190
I made an appointment with my psychiatrist on March 20. After a few months of having pretty serious mood swings and realizing that other ways of dealing with it are only offering a temporary fix, I think I need to go back on meds. I'm not sure which ones this time around and I know that most SSRIs/SNRIs haven't really worked for me, but I want to see what other options I can find. It's been hard for me to function on a day to day basis and even getting out of bed is a huge process every day (though I still manage to do it). I want to fix this before I dig myself into a deeper hole. I hope I can and it's not too late. I'm terrified of going back to where I was before.