Kinda long, but im desperate for advice. So Ive been taking 6 mg a day of xanax for a little over a year. 2 mgs every 4-5 hours. Im not prescribed it, i was self medicating. But now they have become extremely scarce and people have started home pressing fake ones. So I've gone through a few days of wd's the last month and it was HELL. Had to do a few ER visits to get some ativan. And im embarrased to go back there. I wasnt honest for fear theyd turn me away. I just said panic attack. As of now I have a few bars left, but im so sick of this whole situation. I sincerely want to be done with this. But any type of rehab is out of the question. Not by me, my family. Ive been to rehab for heroin twice (4 years sober now, well from h) and I've made huge strides in my life. If my family found out about the xanax, everything I worked for would be gone in an instant and id be back on the street. Without a doubt. I have to do this on my own. But 2 weeks ago i tried to quit on my own self will and failed. The withdrawls were too much and i ended up going to the ER the second day. I know tapering fast doesnt work, i tried that. And i only have 4 bars. But i have 90 100mg gabapentin. So I guess ill get to my questions: If I go to the ER and tell them the truth, that ive been abusing xanax for a year at a high dose, will they give me enough whatever benzo to taper myself off slowly? Will they make me stay in-patient? Im on medi-cal so it takes a month just to get an appointment with my normal Dr so doing that is not possible, would urgent care taper me off slowly? Should i just exhaust my last bars then try the gabapentin at 900 mgs a day? Please any advice would help im at my wits end. Oh yeah im in california if that makes any difference.
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