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Would it be a euphoric end??.

Mini Chef

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
8
Location
Victoria Falls
Hopefully not an inappropriate thread.

Would having a high dose of opiates, say heroin, morphine, pethidine cause a euphoric death?

Only wondering at the moment, and making last resort plans.
Years of Chronic pain, and now not being able to treat it legally, due mainly to the economic situation in my country and unavailability of medication and understanding doctors, have lead me to getting where I can (it's hard and experience to find off the street) or moving to a country where I can obtain a bit easier. A heroin friendly country is my hope.

On the last resort side of things, if it comes to a stage where I can't manage the pain, and the use, would opiates be the way to go? I would make it a memorable one, mix in a bit of coke, mushies, k.
What I don't want, is to be in pain in my final moments, end up a veggie, or suffer in a prison.

This would, suffice it to say, be an absolute last resort.

The pain meds I am on now are, paynstop, 10mg codeine, otc stuff. Which does absolutely nothing for me, even with WE and super high doeses.
Weed is the only thing that kind of helps, doesn't take pain away, just keeps my head away from it, and occasionally amplifies the pain where I feel stuck and can't show it. Also totally not able to work with the pain and being high.

Any tips would be highly appreciated too.

Another fear, I don't want to be come what people see as a "junkie" I hate the word, understanding what we go through and how addiction takes a hold.
I don't want ignorant friends and family, or my community to label me as "that drug addict who died on an overdose, I bet he was stealing and selling people TVs to get high"

One last thing. I have seen that ketamine infusions could help for my type of pain. My doctor's said it's not available here, but if one managed to procure k, could it be done DIY?

Thanks!
 

Mafioso

Moderator: TDS
Staff member
Joined
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Messages
3,566
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TDS
Opioid overdoses aren't as romantic as some like to believe. There are plenty who survived a fatal OD, some with life-long consequences to deal with as a result, some with large medical bills, and pretty much all who survive wake up in far more pain and discomfort than what they wanted to end. There is no guarantee with this type of thing, so chances of you waking up will always be there.

It truly is a permanent problem to a temporary solution... it doesn't seem like it in the moment, but nothing, including feelings, is forever. Things can and will change... it may be hard to be hopeful, but just know things can be different. Things like physical therapy and yoga can be a more effective way at treating chronic pain than daily opioid use- there are other options.

We can't assist you in suicide, but we can assist you in emotional support.
 

Zonxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2019
Messages
1,101
Location
Somwhere
Hopefully not an inappropriate thread.

Would having a high dose of opiates, say heroin, morphine, pethidine cause a euphoric death?

Only wondering at the moment, and making last resort plans.
Years of Chronic pain, and now not being able to treat it legally, due mainly to the economic situation in my country and unavailability of medication and understanding doctors, have lead me to getting where I can (it's hard and experience to find off the street) or moving to a country where I can obtain a bit easier. A heroin friendly country is my hope.

On the last resort side of things, if it comes to a stage where I can't manage the pain, and the use, would opiates be the way to go? I would make it a memorable one, mix in a bit of coke, mushies, k.
What I don't want, is to be in pain in my final moments, end up a veggie, or suffer in a prison.

This would, suffice it to say, be an absolute last resort.

The pain meds I am on now are, paynstop, 10mg codeine, otc stuff. Which does absolutely nothing for me, even with WE and super high doeses.
Weed is the only thing that kind of helps, doesn't take pain away, just keeps my head away from it, and occasionally amplifies the pain where I feel stuck and can't show it. Also totally not able to work with the pain and being high.

Any tips would be highly appreciated too.

Another fear, I don't want to be come what people see as a "junkie" I hate the word, understanding what we go through and how addiction takes a hold.
I don't want ignorant friends and family, or my community to label me as "that drug addict who died on an overdose, I bet he was stealing and selling people TVs to get high"

One last thing. I have seen that ketamine infusions could help for my type of pain. My doctor's said it's not available here, but if one managed to procure k, could it be done DIY?

Thanks!
this post made me feel so fortunate to be able to be treated for my pain i now feel i take my medications for granted, i don't think it'll be a euphoric end, more like a cold dark snap and thats it, you should keep your hopes up, you say you can find street drugs, so find them and do them, not everyone is happy but theyre here.. i'm a poly drug addict, opiates, stimulants you name the drug.. fuck being a junkie'
you have to know that there is a line between recreational use and Dependency
if you can use a pain relieving drug to make your life functional and better then thats the way to go, its not the end of the world to use drugs, use them as safely as you can, and you know when too much is too much.
i can't reccomend or advocate anyone to follow in my footsteps but among prescription pain medications that i use daily i use cocaine and amphetamines to manage my pain
YOU SAY WEED HELPS, well i have a great suggestion, THC concentrates aka shatter. that shit'll blow your mind away, and you'll feel great, invest in a dab pen and find a good guy to get them off of, currently i pay 20-30/g for a half ounce which is pretty great
when i was asked how it feels i could only say that when i smoked 'i lost my legs' give that a go, its a great option if you find weed helps that'll be even better, i also make these hash shatter sandwiches for on the go smoking, i'll flatten out some hash, melt shatter onto it and roll it up and it's strong as fuck.
hang in there, and give things a go before you consider other things.
if you need any information or advice regarding shatter you can message me, not for a source but i can instruct you with it.
~zonxx
 

nznity

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
363
Location
Raves.
Hopefully not an inappropriate thread.

Would having a high dose of opiates, say heroin, morphine, pethidine cause a euphoric death?

Only wondering at the moment, and making last resort plans.
Years of Chronic pain, and now not being able to treat it legally, due mainly to the economic situation in my country and unavailability of medication and understanding doctors, have lead me to getting where I can (it's hard and experience to find off the street) or moving to a country where I can obtain a bit easier. A heroin friendly country is my hope.

On the last resort side of things, if it comes to a stage where I can't manage the pain, and the use, would opiates be the way to go? I would make it a memorable one, mix in a bit of coke, mushies, k.
What I don't want, is to be in pain in my final moments, end up a veggie, or suffer in a prison.

This would, suffice it to say, be an absolute last resort.

The pain meds I am on now are, paynstop, 10mg codeine, otc stuff. Which does absolutely nothing for me, even with WE and super high doeses.
Weed is the only thing that kind of helps, doesn't take pain away, just keeps my head away from it, and occasionally amplifies the pain where I feel stuck and can't show it. Also totally not able to work with the pain and being high.

Any tips would be highly appreciated too.

Another fear, I don't want to be come what people see as a "junkie" I hate the word, understanding what we go through and how addiction takes a hold.
I don't want ignorant friends and family, or my community to label me as "that drug addict who died on an overdose, I bet he was stealing and selling people TVs to get high"

One last thing. I have seen that ketamine infusions could help for my type of pain. My doctor's said it's not available here, but if one managed to procure k, could it be done DIY?

Thanks!
I actually tried this way to commit suicide 2 years ago, bought 20 20mg/ml morphine ampoules, a blister of alprazolam 0.5mg and 4 fentanyl vials 0.5mg each. I actually asked for 2mg clonazepam blister at the pharmacy but they didn't have em(I think it was God that did this because if I would have taken 20mg of clonazepam instead of 5mg alpra I'd have died) so I went to a cheap hotel with a box of syringes, took all the pills, and started banging all the meds, by the time I had the 400mg of morph in my body, everything started to look hazy. when I commenced to bang the fentanyl at one point I blacked out, I didn't feel anything I just nooded off into another world, that was at 3pm. at midnight the girl from the hostel when to check out on Me because I only rented the room for half a day and she found me unconscious and called teh police. they took me to the nearest hospital and the doctors put a tube down my throat a catether I think it's called. Anyway I woke up and they handcuffed me to the bed so I didn't take the catheter myself, it hurt so much, they told me they were baffled at how I survived that OD, a normal person would have died from thst high dose of opiates. They didn't even use narcan on me because in my country there is no opiate crisis or heroin available, it's not that common. So I stayed at the hospital for a week, I was on observation by the psychiatrists and wanted to rule out thst I was fine on the head, they thought I wanted to harm myself. I told em I accidentally took too much, didn't tell em I did thst intentionally because they would hsvr put me on a psych ward if that was the case and would have stayed there for a month at least.they discharged me after a week. that was the last time I tried to kill myself. But well to answer your question it is in fact the best way to die I think, I didn't feel anything, no pain, no anxiety, just fell asleep and woke up at the hospital. Anyway don't try it man, life is so much worth it to fucking kill yourself like that, I'd only try that again if I had a terminal diseasr like cancer or something else that had me with a lot of pain. Hope my experience gave you some insight, Regards
NZN
 

nznity

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
363
Location
Raves.
this post made me feel so fortunate to be able to be treated for my pain i now feel i take my medications for granted, i don't think it'll be a euphoric end, more like a cold dark snap and thats it, you should keep your hopes up, you say you can find street drugs, so find them and do them, not everyone is happy but theyre here.. i'm a poly drug addict, opiates, stimulants you name the drug.. fuck being a junkie'
you have to know that there is a line between recreational use and Dependency
if you can use a pain relieving drug to make your life functional and better then thats the way to go, its not the end of the world to use drugs, use them as safely as you can, and you know when too much is too much.
i can't reccomend or advocate anyone to follow in my footsteps but among prescription pain medications that i use daily i use cocaine and amphetamines to manage my pain
YOU SAY WEED HELPS, well i have a great suggestion, THC concentrates aka shatter. that shit'll blow your mind away, and you'll feel great, invest in a dab pen and find a good guy to get them off of, currently i pay 20-30/g for a half ounce which is pretty great
when i was asked how it feels i could only say that when i smoked 'i lost my legs' give that a go, its a great option if you find weed helps that'll be even better, i also make these hash shatter sandwiches for on the go smoking, i'll flatten out some hash, melt shatter onto it and roll it up and it's strong as fuck.
hang in there, and give things a go before you consider other things.
if you need any information or advice regarding shatter you can message me, not for a source but i can instruct you with it.
~zonxx
Zonxx is right, even though he has a love/hate relationship with crack cocaine and hard opiates and has chronic pain, he doesn't want to die. I can relate to him, we have a lot in common, we as humans are bound to suffer but that doesn't mean we are gonna kill ourselves. We have a lot to live still and we should be grateful to be alive. 🥂
 

Zonxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2019
Messages
1,101
Location
Somwhere
Zonxx is right, even though he has a love/hate relationship with crack cocaine and hard opiates and has chronic pain, he doesn't want to die. I can relate to him, we have a lot in common, we as humans are bound to suffer but that doesn't mean we are gonna kill ourselves. We have a lot to live still and we should be grateful to be alive. 🥂
amen, and bluelight isn't just a site it's a community so if you need support bluelight is here (y)
 

tracedwards313

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
41
Dont kill yourself.

But, it would be painless. You would just lose consciousness and pass away, if you did enough that is.
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
7,198
Dont kill yourself.

But, it would be painless. You would just lose consciousness and pass away, if you did enough that is.
As mafioso said, there's no guaranteeing that. Plenty have tried and failed and now must live with the consequences.
 

cdin

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
492
can always fuck up, just have brain damage, limbs that dont work. the only way to do that right is with a mammoth dose (tho im not trying to influence anyone to do so)
 

schizopath

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
152
Location
Finland
can always fuck up, just have brain damage, limbs that dont work. the only way to do that right is with a mammoth dose (tho im not trying to influence anyone to do so)
This exactly. Damaged my already benzo and pregabalin damaged brains even more, got pain now etc, but for some reason wanna die less than ever.
Basically gave myself will to live with "suicide attempt".
 

Phenpsycho

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 28, 2015
Messages
95
I understand the last resort style of thinking. Many people who have experienced some deep pain and mental trauma procure a foolproof way to go out on their terms. It makes the pain of living sober more bearable imo, because you always have an out. If OP were to do this, just make sure you lock that shit up from yourself in a safe place, and do the needed research to make sure you have the correct gear to make absolutely certain if you ever needed that last resort option, it won't leave you worried about fucking up your last moment.

This post is absolutely not advocating suicide, it's just a brutal truth. Years of trauma and addiction and countless painful circumstances, can make you feel more vulnerable without some sort of escape plan that has good odds of working. If you have a way out that isn't temporary, it can make living life seem less daunting, because you always have that way out. In my experience, drugs are a temporary solution to a seemingly permanent problem(emotional/physical pain), that actually bring more suffering in the end. Sobriety though, isn't any less painful, it's just more drawn out, to those of us who have been on one substance or another for most of our lives.

So what than can be done about this? Any of us men/women from the land of broken toys can try our very best and grasp at everything positive when the time feels right. Meditation and spirituality can give a strong foundation to better deal with everyday life, and having good support of friends who are also well versed with the addiction cycle can foster a sense of human connection that makes living a damaged life less painful(i.e. friends in recovery, or friends who are at least trying to battle their demons in their own way, the best way they know how). The list goes on and I won't mention too many cliche's, because I know they don't fucking work for everyone(including myself) most of the time. But we can exhaust all positive ideas we can think of to cope, and if tragically nothing seems to work, there's always an exit button.

I know this post will probably get some hate, but I'm not one to panic at the prospect of suffering individuals trying to secure a way out. Most of society wants our ilk dead in their unconscious minds anyway(at least in my country), or to stick around as nice examples of what not to be. Well that can be a painful reality to live in day in and day out, since I truly believe addiction is heavily stigmatized and those of us who struggle with addictions don't deserve such a callous disrespect from people who have no idea what pain being in an addiction cycle can bring. We're not all stealing for our fixes, so we shouldn't be treated like animals, and even those who do steal/harm for their fix, they must go through some serious shit to get to that point, be it mental or physical, so they don't deserve that treatment either. The goal should be to pull people out of addiction, not demonize people who get caught up in it. I hear all too often, even in rehabs/meetings the attendees themselves playing the part by humbly demonizing themselves and dwelling on their negative past choices, not loving themselves for their mistakes. Show me one human who hasn't made a mistake and I will gladly change my viewpoint on this issue. To me those with the most severe addictions need the most compassion, not stigma and pious advice from people who never walked a mile in one of our shoes. If the shoes doesn't fit anymore, and we feel we can no longer walk in them ourselves, I think having an escape is a good deterrent in all honesty that can keep one from actually turning back to chronic drug usage to cope, and feel more confident bearing the pain of sobriety, sans any DOC.
Then again, it can probably work the other way, and propel someone to be more reckless because they have a well laid plan...I suppose it all just depends on the psychology of the individual. For me, I would have never been able to get sober without having a backup plan, and even a backup stash tbh. Just knowing I had two different escapes(temporary/permanent) if I could no longer bear things gave me the confidence I needed to get this far out, at just past 90 days clean.

No amount of 12 steps and 'fake it till you make it' was persuasive enough for me, I needed several different options to fall back on while I took the recovery communities bait and switch techniques, trying not to grit my teeth at some of the dogma that gets passed around as fact in those circles. I can overlook the stupidity inherent in the meeting rooms now, but only because the whole time I knew I could go down a different path if it got too ridiculous.
 

Lucy20

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Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
415
Location
49.8175° N, 15.4730° E
Wasn't to long ago i was in so much mental pain suicide was on my mind. I was still on drugs, no family, no future and was brutally ganged raped with noone to support me. I gave up and started to make preparations to end it all.
1 chance encounter with my now boyfriend changed everything. I was alone but then i had someone who saw me in that state and did everything he could to help me out of it.
Now im drug free, good job and besides ife stresses im actually happy, something I thought i could only get from drugs.
If i wouldn't have given up then i would have regretted it because things do get better, just hang in there.
Sorry about your pain , doctors should get in trouble for putting people like you in this situation.
I truly hope things get better for you and bluelight has saved thousands so keep coming back because you will find some of the kindest, caring non judgmental people you will ever meet
 
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