• TDS Moderators: mafioso | mal3volent | Xorkoth

Lost Words can't describe how fucked up this is.. GF of 4 years pushes me to the brink.

CantTrustEM

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
2
I don't even know where to start but I need to type this shit out and get this out of me. I can't even explain the pure lack of consideration, emotion of any sort of conscience. I can stand before you right now having done a lot of fucked up things, and this takes the cake.

So me and my girlfriend had had an up and down relationship, lots of goods times, lots of fights and some break ups, but overall we both had eachothers backs no matter what. That's the shit that mattered, to have someone who would be there. And she was for a lot of it. I went to jail for 6 months and she visited every week and never missed a call. She stayed with me through rehabs and relapses, she'd find me snapchatting or texting other girls on occasion. I understand all of this, I was far from the perfect boyfriend.

At the end of the day though - if I fucked up and I knew it was gonna hurt her, I fucking told her the truth.

To me, that is important. Granted, doing the right thing and changing behaviors is important as well, but fuck at least OWN YOUR TRUTH.


About a month ago I relapsed from the occasion drink to heroin and cocaine. I went in pretty deep quickly and was not doing good. She became incredibly aggressive and angry about it all, and she used to be the most soft spoken person. She would basically become violent, confrontational and hostile. I understood why she was angry.. but her changes in behavior were a bit scary.

I've ALWAYS told her she is not obligated to be in this relationship and to WALK AWAY if she felt she had to.

As always with most addicts, once they get back on drugs that is the priority ... and as long as I had what I needed I was good.

About 2 weeks into the relapse her anger just disappeared. She was all easy going and happy, a complete 180. She almost didn't even care, I mean I was taking steps to stop .. getting suboxone and not getting more cocaine.

So we have eachothers locations on our phones, have for years. All of a sudden she flips the script on me about not trusting her and fucking loses it. So I try and loosen up, but her iphones not sending texts shes disappearing all this shit. It doesn't take a rocket scientist at this point to know something is not right.

So I call her one night after her phone isn't working - at this point I'm still getting high, so I'm not "at my best" so to speak. The whole hour phone call I hear all these noises, her whispering and muting me and I come to the conclusion someone is definitely with her at her house. At some point in the call I accuse her of this, it goes south, I try to facetime her .. and she does but when I ask her to show me her room she refuses.

THIS IS WHERE I FUCKED UP. The drugs had me weak, I wasn't my strong confident self, and I didn't think in the moment to record the phone call. In the end I end up apologizing and hoping she was right that she would never do that and I was wrong.

Me being the drug addict and her a squeaky clean, smart girl has both my parents basically wrapped around her finger. For months now if we got in a fight she would drag them through the mud. Very manipulative and just ... evil.

So a few days go by and her phones still all tweaking out.. which in my head I know means shes doing something behind my back. It's a pretty simple concept. So I call her I'm pretty upset asking her what's up, this time more coherent. At this point my parents have taken my car keys until I could pass a drug test so I couldn't go to her house (her parents house).

About halfway through the phone call I realize the kid is fucking her. Like straight out of a porn movie my girlfriend is on the phone talking to me while fucking him. I do my best to remain cool recording the phone call.. and granted they're being pretty quiet but I'm not a fucking idiot. So I try and make sure I have some decent evidence of recording and remain calm.. It's a complete blessing looking back that I was using heroin still because it kept my composure. So I freak the fuck out, tell her I know what's happening and she calls me crazy this and that - IMMEDIATELY involves my parents who already are ready to kick my ass out, so basically I'm a fucking puppet being played with minimal options in this moment. But I still have my phone and why she didn't turn hers off is beyond me. I manage to not allow her to leave, and her parents come home. They're not my biggest fan because of my past (heroin, jail ... ) But I'm facetiming her while she sits in the kitchen with this guy off camera. I dont say anything I just absorb it all and try to comprehend what's going through her parents heads they know shes dating me and this isn't some study buddy at fucking 9 at night.

Once I had had enough I hang up, go on facebook drop our relationship status and in a drug induced rage post a status about it all essentially saying it's sad the people you count on the most are sometimes the ones to stab you hardest in the back.

So she starts blowing up my parents, telling them all sorts of bullshit. I'm threatening her, I told her parents I'm gonna kill her, etc. I did none of this I'm not that stupid. So she tells my mom her parents called the cops which ends up with me running into the woods for the next few hours and hiding... I wasn't in the best state of mind and had no intention of dealing with the cops because she really can be crazy and I'm worried she could have said some dumb shit like I had a gun or something.

If I wasn't ;an idiot I would have ended this shit right there. But being in a dark state of mind I didn't. I really did love this girl and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I was trying to be reasonable and thought maybe we could work through this. I looked back on all the mistakes I made and I tried to be compassionate. The bottom line is I fucked up a lot, not to this level of disrespect, but still. She comes over the next day and I am 100% positive about what happened, even if the recording isn't crystal clear I know.

So the next few days we fight, cry, she's blaming me for it all saying I don't trust her and it's never gonna work and I'm at the point where I just want to fucking know. I just wanted the truth and I thought maybe with the whole story we could get past it. That wasn't fucking happening. She was doing everything she could to basically put me in a box. My parents didn't believe it happened, they're talking about putting me in a mental hospital cause of all this shit and I'm basically in a fight with my hands tied behind my back. I'm fucked. I partially just let it go in the moment and we sort of left it on good terms.. talking about the future we wanted together and we can rebuild and make it happen still. Because I love this girl and I wanted to believe this fantasy that the girl I fell in love with was still in there. The innocent, pure girl who wouldn't hurt me so blatantly. I wanted to believe her so fucking bad but I know what I know and it's so fucking painful to be lied to over and over and over when you know what happened. I ride this fucking mental sanity suicide train and try and bite my tongue. To be honest I just wanted to know who the guy was that was my goal at this point.

It's a real blessing I was not sober because I can tell you right now I would be in prison right now.

So you think that's gotta be the end of it right? No. No it's not. We're doing OK, I cleaned up and lowered my sub dose was getting a little better and she was supposed to come over after her class at 11 am. I told her I'd rather her come later on at like 3 pm. She starts crying saying how I always just think about myself and blah blah blah. I try and calm her down.

At this point I'm worried but I figured shit she already basically got caught doing this she knows better maybe she will cut the kid off ...

This is what really fucking pisses me off and I can't even begin to understand. I have no idea why shes continuing this, like I said I messed up but to do this to significant other is unfathomable. She tells me shes just gonna go home and change and come over and she doesn't care if I'm sleeping or whatever. This guy must live basically on the way home for her, but I'm trying to have some sort of hope and faith. I mean shit it's 11 AM most guys work right?

This time it's not quiet. It's fucking obvious, and it's right in my fucking face. I don't hesitate I tell her I know she's getting fucked. She keeps up the same fucking shit lying over and over as this is happening. It's like she wanted me to fucking go through that shit of being unable to do absolutely anything about it in that moment and know the girl I love with all my heart is basically broadcasting her getting fucked right to my fucking face. Her house is 30 minutes away or yes I would have been there. I can hear it all clearly shes on speaker and I'm yelling at the guy that he's a fucking coward doing this shit. I tell him when I find out who he is he's dead hoping to provoke him to respond. He didn't. She tells me to facetime her and she'll prove shes not. She doesnt
' answer the fucking call for 8 minutes and then picks up telling me shes on her way to my apartment. Acting like nothing happened, all nonchalant.

She shows up to my house completely unphased. Like a black fucking hole of no emotion with a fucking written script in her head of, "you're crazy, you're parents are gonna send you away, why the fuck do you do this to me"

It honestly was almost like she was getting a rush out of putting me into a state of fucking chaos. I've never physically put my hands on a woman but I honestly feel like she wanted me to hit her. I still can't even comprehend why anyone on this earth would do this. Why ANYONE would do this to a human being. It's like a flip switched in her head and she's a fucking sociopath trying to watch me burn alive.

She left and we're all done for good but I still can't even fucking wrap my head around this shit. What kind of evil spirit possessed her to carry this shit out. She basically put me through 7 days of straight hell for absolutely no logical reason. She could of just broken up with me and done her thing I've always asked her to just be honest and civil with me.

I prayed that maybe that innocent girl would come back. Maybe all this shit could go away. She's telling me I'm the reason we don't have a future and "if this is what you want than so be it. I won't be called a liar and a cheater."

Absolutely no remorse, no feelings. She didn't a single fuck if I blew my brains out right there. I just can't even understand why someone would prolong all of it.

What kind of sick fucking animal would force their significant other to listen to them having sex MORE THAN ONCE. KNOWING full well I can't do a god damn fucking thing about it. I don't know who it is she deletes all the evidence and blankly looks at me like I'm the fucking problem. She calls my mom telling her I'm going on an episode again and losing it.

At this point my only option was to laugh through this shit. Because if I didn't let go of all this shit right there in that moment I would have snapped. Over the last 7 days she's probably said same bullshit excuse story to my face 5,000 times. I try and tell her God knows the truth and the truth is the truth regardless of what she says but she shows nothing.

Such fucking darkness and corruption like she was getting high off of the power of putting me in a cage. She had the whole world manipulated around me my parents still think I'm full of shit and she has no problem turning my world upside down before leaving. It all just makes me fucking sick deep to my core. It makes me want to just hop on my motorcycle and ride far away from this shithole and never look back. Everyone around us is on her fucking puppet string. I didn't even bother asking her parents who her friend was because honest;y I think they would lie to my face too.

And now looking back on it all I just can't even rationalize a single piece of it. My faith in anything human is dead. My mental state of health is not in a good place after dealing with all this shit for days on end all the while trying to sober up. She knew I was doing everything I could to get off of the heroin... none of it fucking mattered. I just don't know man how someone could do that stone cold sober to someone they spent 4 years with. Despite my fuck ups I loved her and I would have done anything for her before all this. I would die so she could live at any point no questions asked.

It's a good thing I was on heroin cause I can tell you 100% right now if I was sober or on a stimulant I would have severely beat that guy. As I reflect on it all it's not even really his fault, I mean yes I still would love to kick his teeth in for that level of disrespect but ultimately she was the fucking ring leader.

I was half sleeping when this all started but she WANTED me to hear it. She made sure we stayed on the phone and then showed up at my house without taking a shower. What kind of sick twisted whore would do that. I didn't provoke this, I didn't cheat. We broke up for a few weeks about a year ago and I had sex with 2 girls and I told her that. When she asked I told her.

I'm sorry for this long ass post I just don't even know where to be right now I'm lost in a state of shock. Has this chick always just been ruthless and cold hearted she just hid it so well for so long? I mean we fought before this happened but I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy.

In the end I tried to get her to speak up just for her sake of just telling me like it is. I even promised I wouldn't go talking about it or rell anyone she admitted it. After doing a little more I'm pretty confident the last month she's been having sex with 3 or 4 people.. and I just don't even get it. She's not even that sexual of a person. When you gotta pull out a condom on your own girl, it's time to go.

I'll pray for her because to pull some sick twisted shit like this she's in some bad bad place. Karma will do it's thing though. I'm moving outta this state I need a fresh start.

TD/LR - Girlfriend of 4 years went from loving, pure and innocent to manipulative, evil and dark. Had sex with other people multiple times while having an everyday phone call with me. Still won't admit a thing, who needs closure right?
 

Mafioso

Moderator: TDS
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Joined
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Messages
3,732
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At the end of the day though - if I fucked up and I knew it was gonna hurt her, I fucking told her the truth.

To me, that is important. Granted, doing the right thing and changing behaviors is important as well, but fuck at least OWN YOUR TRUTH
I agree with this, consequence has a way of catching up whether the truth rises to the top or not.

To be completely honest with you though, it sounds like you guys were both on a downhill journey for quite a while
About a month ago I relapsed from the occasion drink to heroin and cocaine. I went in pretty deep quickly and was not doing good. She became incredibly aggressive and angry about it all, and she used to be the most soft spoken person. She would basically become violent, confrontational and hostile. I understood why she was angry.. but her changes in behavior were a bit scary.
Sounds like she had set up some personal boundaries, whether communicated or not. Maybe you absent mindedly made promises like "it'll never happen again" and she silently made plans for if it did. Not sure, but definitely sounds like she was either suppressing or harboring some resentment about your drug use- it would make the rest of the story make a lot more sense to me. Or maybe she really doesn't understand addiction and is just trying to hurt you back... it's hard to say.

Reading deeper into your story, and it sounds like she has some deep issues, especially surrounding manipulation and control(could explain why she freaked so hard at your relapse, as she may have believe she was the one who 'cured' you). It's pretty sad that your parents have more trust over her than you... then again I don't know the history, but she is clearly highly manipulative to a sociopathic level almost..
So she starts blowing up my parents, telling them all sorts of bullshit. I'm threatening her, I told her parents I'm gonna kill her, etc. I did none of this I'm not that stupid.
Sucks you were high for all this because you could have gotten her charged for filling false police report/false accusations. Then again, without enough evidence it could all go nowhere, or somewhere worse- but with all the digital footprints.. idk.
f I wasn't ;an idiot I would have ended this shit right there. But being in a dark state of mind I didn't. I really did love this girl and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I was trying to be reasonable and thought maybe we could work through this. I looked back on all the mistakes I made and I tried to be compassionate. The bottom line is I fucked up a lot, not to this level of disrespect, but still. She comes over the next day and I am 100% positive about what happened, even if the recording isn't crystal clear I know.
I don't think you were an idiot, maybe made some bad choices, but sounds to me more like that you were lonely and either high or in withdrawal.
Why ANYONE would do this to a human being. It's like a flip switched in her head and she's a fucking sociopath trying to watch me burn alive.
Just my guess, but it does sound like a sociopath getting her revenge for betraying her "trust" by relapsing. A perspective of someone who doesn't understand addiction. And the way she has your own parents on her side.. highly indicative of sociopath.. Maybe if you've had episodes of psychosis in the past, I could see why your parents might be more inclined to take her side, but if you have evidence of her being unfaithful and your parents still don't dispose of her- then I'd think it might be time to put some distance betweeen you and your parents to be honest.

The best thing you might do for yourself is do your best to put this BS aside, and try to use it to motivate you to succeed. Get some distance between you all. Prove to everyone who has doubted you that you are not the person she painted you as. If she really is as you say she is, she will reveal herself by repeating the behavior. I'd make your perspective public, but withholding a lot of emotion and details, just let people know you are distancing yourself to move on past this mess, if that is what you choose to do.

Even if you don't leave town, at least put some major distance between you and her, she really sounds vindictive... probably holds all your drug problems against you, as it affects relationships as well as the user.

I'd try to focus on getting a few weeks of sober time under my feet and allow my emotions to level out before approaching my parents. Depending on your relationship with them, it may or may not be a good idea to try and make reparations, explaining you were dating a manipulative, vindictive sociopath who held your drug problems against you. Even then it might be too early. and you'll still sound like the crazy one. If you can get sober, or at least stable on low dose of subs, and your parents still want to take your ex's side, I wouldn't even bother arguing it just try to laugh it off in the moment. At this point, any anger or instability from you is just going to feed into their suspiciouns and work towards furthering your ex's lies.

If you have a place to go where you aren't going to go on a bender, like a buddies couch to crash on for a week while you clean up a bit.. might not be a bad idea. You can't fight crazy with crazy... that never ends well. Take a minute to get your feet planted firmly back on earth, and in control of yourself before you do anything.
 

KS78

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
642
I can't comprehend how you don't fucking throw up once you know that she is getting fucked while she is on the phone with you. What fucking love or getting past the situation are you talking about once you experience that phone call? Why do you wait for her to end the relationship? How can you stand being in that relationship yourself?
WTF man? That person should have become a reason to vomit for you after that phone call but somehow you decided to stay with this even after knowing what was going on? Sorry but this is the kind of thing that I will never understand.
 

Soso78

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
1,328
Your like her little cuck bitch now.
The guy who’s fucking her while she’s on the phone to you has humiliated you in the worst possible way and he knows it.
 

CantTrustEM

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
2
I agree with this, consequence has a way of catching up whether the truth rises to the top or not.

To be completely honest with you though, it sounds like you guys were both on a downhill journey for quite a while

Sounds like she had set up some personal boundaries, whether communicated or not. Maybe you absent mindedly made promises like "it'll never happen again" and she silently made plans for if it did. Not sure, but definitely sounds like she was either suppressing or harboring some resentment about your drug use- it would make the rest of the story make a lot more sense to me. Or maybe she really doesn't understand addiction and is just trying to hurt you back... it's hard to say.

Reading deeper into your story, and it sounds like she has some deep issues, especially surrounding manipulation and control(could explain why she freaked so hard at your relapse, as she may have believe she was the one who 'cured' you). It's pretty sad that your parents have more trust over her than you... then again I don't know the history, but she is clearly highly manipulative to a sociopathic level almost..

Sucks you were high for all this because you could have gotten her charged for filling false police report/false accusations. Then again, without enough evidence it could all go nowhere, or somewhere worse- but with all the digital footprints.. idk.

I don't think you were an idiot, maybe made some bad choices, but sounds to me more like that you were lonely and either high or in withdrawal.

Just my guess, but it does sound like a sociopath getting her revenge for betraying her "trust" by relapsing. A perspective of someone who doesn't understand addiction. And the way she has your own parents on her side.. highly indicative of sociopath.. Maybe if you've had episodes of psychosis in the past, I could see why your parents might be more inclined to take her side, but if you have evidence of her being unfaithful and your parents still don't dispose of her- then I'd think it might be time to put some distance betweeen you and your parents to be honest.

The best thing you might do for yourself is do your best to put this BS aside, and try to use it to motivate you to succeed. Get some distance between you all. Prove to everyone who has doubted you that you are not the person she painted you as. If she really is as you say she is, she will reveal herself by repeating the behavior. I'd make your perspective public, but withholding a lot of emotion and details, just let people know you are distancing yourself to move on past this mess, if that is what you choose to do.

Even if you don't leave town, at least put some major distance between you and her, she really sounds vindictive... probably holds all your drug problems against you, as it affects relationships as well as the user.

I'd try to focus on getting a few weeks of sober time under my feet and allow my emotions to level out before approaching my parents. Depending on your relationship with them, it may or may not be a good idea to try and make reparations, explaining you were dating a manipulative, vindictive sociopath who held your drug problems against you. Even then it might be too early. and you'll still sound like the crazy one. If you can get sober, or at least stable on low dose of subs, and your parents still want to take your ex's side, I wouldn't even bother arguing it just try to laugh it off in the moment. At this point, any anger or instability from you is just going to feed into their suspiciouns and work towards furthering your ex's lies.

If you have a place to go where you aren't going to go on a bender, like a buddies couch to crash on for a week while you clean up a bit.. might not be a bad idea. You can't fight crazy with crazy... that never ends well. Take a minute to get your feet planted firmly back on earth, and in control of yourself before you do anything.
Thank you Mafioso. I've read your replies on other threads and you really do analyze things in an incredible way. 100% right she is a sociopath it's really the only explanation.

My parents are on my side sort of and shes all done so it's all good.

Run and don't look back
True

I can't comprehend how you don't fucking throw up once you know that she is getting fucked while she is on the phone with you. What fucking love or getting past the situation are you talking about once you experience that phone call? Why do you wait for her to end the relationship? How can you stand being in that relationship yourself?
WTF man? That person should have become a reason to vomit for you after that phone call but somehow you decided to stay with this even after knowing what was going on? Sorry but this is the kind of thing that I will never understand.
Good question idk, if i was sober I know instantly she'd be all done but I was in such a shitty spot and I hate asking for help from other people it's like I felt I had no other option.. IDK I can't explain why I would either. It's pathetic

Your like her little cuck bitch now.
The guy who’s fucking her while she’s on the phone to you has humiliated you in the worst possible way and he knows it.
He'll get his
 

Soso78

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
1,328
I’m only fuckin with u mate. Just leave them to it. Focus on getting yourself right. That’s just a whole load of shit you can do without.
Theyre both cunts so just cut them out your life.
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
673
shes fucking evil. Man you have alot more restraint than i did when i was younger. Cut everybody out make some plans to find a job somewhere else and get some cash and move the fuck out from that toxic environment. This chick has some serious issues and probably wants to see you dead.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
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It sounds like your 'innocent, squeaky clean, smart' girl is anything but. Yes, you've got your faults but it sounds like she's holding all the aces at the moment. You're best off without her while you concentrate on your recovery.
 

Mafioso

Moderator: TDS
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If you focus on your recovery, let karma handle the vindication- with the exception of taking note of extreme crazy/deception. As time goes on, the truth will rise like oil in water, and it sounds like certain family member will owe you a major apology. The ones that don't apologize after being exposed as being wrong/mistaken are the ones you no longer need in your life.

Sucks man, it really does, can't imagine your hurt. I'm going through a lot of bs with my family and life as well. My past record doesn't give me much credibility, despite torturing myself to try and hold my family together. Everyone else is fairly passive, and can't understand why I get upset to the point of using- or maybe they realize getting that upset isn't productive. It's easy to use this as an excuse to get high, but it can also be used as motivation to stay clean and prove yourself(to yourself, fuck everyone who doubts you when you are weak- they will only offer fake smiles when you are strong again).

It's hard times like these when you really get to find out who people really are, not just how they talk or act or say they will act. Do your best to stay strong even when you are weak... and self-care over self-destruction....only way out of the mess...
 
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