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Recovery Witness Me!

I havent had any withdrawal symptoms in the past 4 hours...it feels good, it feels....weird. Is this a lull or is it over?!? Please god let it be over.
 
Night two I've woken up with terrible restless arms and feeling like I cant breathe, heart pounding....panic attack. I dont get it, during the day, my symptoms are almost gone, Its like the demon lives in dreamland and when I try to sleep....he comes out to play. I have tried most everything for sleep. Kpins are the best, but I dont want to rely on the benzo. Im scared shitless to take benadryl or hydroxyzine as I've read it can make the restless limbs worse, which for me is the worst. I can get more fentanyl tomorrow...the voices tell me to put on a little patch and it will be ok. I dont want to give in but I am going insane with lack of sleep...
 
Hey, man. Sorry to be joining your party late. As you noticed from my own thread, I've been--ahem--distracted.

Man, you're fucking killing this. I was really impressed, reading through your whole thread just now.

One tidbit food for thought kind of thing...take it for what it's worth. I personally wouldn't sweat the klonopin too much. Obviously, you need to avoid developing a benzo addiction, and only you know what will or won't lead to that. But if you think the clonnies are safe for you, and more importantly, if they're helping, I say, go with god. To me, these things involve a balance of merits. Yes, benzos carry real risks. But if used responsibly, the risks aren't awful. On the other hand, the risks involved in letting the fent etc become normal again are pretty clear, and pretty bad. So, you gotta make the call. But if a few well-timed klonopins can help get you through... well, you get the idea. [/end sermon]

peace.
sim
 
Thanks sim, I appreciate the kind words. I ended up taking some hydroxyzine around 7am, and slept off an on until about 11:30am. I did wake with harsh RLS. Looks like the hydroxyzine is a blessing and a curse.

I totally agree about the kpins. I think the worst of the withdrawals are over, which is hard to believe I actually felt worse than I do now. I dont have many kpins, so like you said, using them sparingly, when needed, I should be OK.

Happy new year everyone. Carpe diem!
 
Man, your artwork is killer! I'm struggling.... Hope you guys are hanging in. L$r
 
I've decided I've been going about this the wrong way, for me atleast...I dunno if I am a puss or what, but I cant take the withdrawal. I got a hold of a 75mcg patch...

For reference, I was on 75mcg patches every 48 hours while using 60-90 mg of oxy a day. The old me, the me from just 10 days ago, woud have slapped that puppy on and waited until I was riding the wave.

But, I've leaned alot about my usage and myself in the past year trying to quit. I know enough to know that I dont want to do this anymore, but the consequences of quitting cold turkey are too much for me to bear. I need to be smart about this, but being smart will test my resolve, my will power.

After getting the patch yesterday, I cut it into quarters. Now I have 4 doses of 18.75 mcg. I put on one of the quarters yesterday around 2pm. By 6pm, the withdrawal was gone. I didnt get any euphoria, but because the withdrawal was gone I felt amazing. I slept for 12 hours.

I plan to use 3 of the quarters for 48 hours each. the last quarter I will cut in half and use each of these for another 48 hours each...giving me enough for 10 days. after 10 days, I will reassess. I hope I can stop completely after the 10 days, and withdrawal will be minimal. I can get another patch if needed.

I am just not strong enough to face the withdrawal. I never get sick, so the withdrawal kicks my ass (I suppose tolerance works both ways). I think this will be the best course for me.

What do you all think? The slow gradual taper will lessen the withdrawal, but increase my opportunity for abuse. Can I do this or am I just deluding myself?
 
Man that's what I'd have liked to do, but I don't wanna risk losing my family so I'm riding this vicious fucking wave.. Where are you located big poppa? You a fellow Canadian?
 
Hey BigP!

Isn't it amazing how it can take so much to make us feel "good" but so little to make us feel "ok" in acute wds? If you can make a 75 mg patch last you for ten days...well I would say do it! Any amount that you can taper is going to help you soften your landing. By the way, were you ever able to check out Kratom? It's so hard for some of us to taper off of our DOC. Or what we are trying to get off of. So make sure your honest with yourself about how this is working.

I had no idea you were cold turkey in off of 75mgs of fent and 90 of oxy. Jesus Christ, you are the opposite of a piss for making it through an hour of that cold turkey! It would do you well to taper a bit.

Whats up with that job that you got? Are you going to have to taper while working? Keep on going, BigP. You are moving the right direction no matter how you look at it!

- VE
 
I'm with VE...if you can stick to the taper you've outlined, that seems like a good plan. It's both medically realistic (i.e. it sounds like it has a good shot at giving you a softer landing), and, I think, well timed. The twin heads of the hydra, though, are obviously gonna be
a) Sticking to the taper through ten days.
b) The softer, but still-probably-not-awesome landing you'll find at the end.

I can't say too much about point a. But for point b, maybe it's a good idea to start prepping yourself for war in 10 days. i.e. Gathering comfort meds and lots of mental preparation.
 
Yo Big Poppa!! Just from my experience if you know you want to end it in your mind your done! go for slow taper it is difficult i did it for 3 months actually over a year and half but aggressively the last 3 months, i would feel wds two times a day a couple hours before each next dose but it was bareable i went to work thru it all. And i only used my roxy ir 15 mgs pills the last 3 months no long acting oxys, i started dosing 3 15s at a time 45mgs 3 times a day. Every other week i would lower my dose then a week to normalize some. On weekends when i needed to do things i would cheat a couple mgs here and there it didnt set me back at all, during my last week i was cutting 15 in half only dosing 7.5mgs 3 times a day and in the end with lyrica, clonidine and weed brownies it really didnt have much for me!. During some of my weens were worse than the end. I do agree with how much less you can get by on, at one time i was on two 80mgs oxycontin with 4 30mgs roxys and even morphine i dont remember the exact mgs morphine all that a day and i would still supplement a little extra when i could get some. I started cutting doses in half and didnt feel anything different actually i didnt get wds till the last 3 months when i stopped oxycontin and did only roxys. I even remember when i went to one 15mgs roxy doses i would get wds 3 hours before each dose then i would take my 15mg dose and i would actually get a rush like 20 years ago god that was fucking evil that it would do that to me at that point but i didnt let it bother me. Keep at it poppa you will get there the more you ween the less the wd will be in the end.

Simco whats up!! how u doing, simco is right about gathering comfort meds and lots of mental preparation you can do it poppa
 
Trying kratom this time. 3rd times the charm right? 48 hours in....only slight hot/cold flashes. Usually I want to tear my skin off by now. Fingers crossed...just hoping i dont replace one demon with another.
 
Awesome! Glad to see you back. Man, kratom is very helpful through this. And I dunno if I'd call it a demon... More like Casper the ghost. It's peanuts compared to fent or oxy.. good for you man!
 
It has been working so far. I woke up this morning with the dreaded RLS. it is the worst of all WD symptoms for me. Its only been mild though. I last took kratom at midnight...11 hours ago. Trying to decide if I want to take a dose and be productive today or not take any and just lounge.

Waking up with RLS isnt bad, at least it means I slept. 63 hours. I like suing hours instead of days, makes it seem longer. Mentally im ok, but im feel everything physically. My bones hurt, my joints hurt...my soul hurts. My only cravings are for the pain.
 
So glad you're back, man.

A healthy bit of concern about the kratom seems like a good idea...it certainly is possible to get dependent on it. But I agree with Sixx that the real demon here is the family of full-bore opioids. Getting those out of the picture seems like the right priority to guard.

Keep us posted!
 
THanks sim...its a bittersweet return. I am here because I want to quit, which means I feel like crap. Yeah the kratom is curbing the WDs, but I think a kratom taper will be easier to achieve than an oxy/fent one. I got a sampler pack of kratom, it all tastes like dirty butthole. I've been toss and washing...I am going to try a tea next. So far just in pain, have a headache, random cold/hot flashes, but waaaaaay better than my last 2 attempts. Time seems to be crawling. Welp it's tea time. Any suggestions for how long to use kratom and when i should taper?
 
Take ort as long as you need man.. It's infinitely better then oxy or fent. Don't even stress it right now.
 
BigPoppaGoonie said:
THanks sim...its a bittersweet return. I am here because I want to quit, which means I feel like crap. Yeah the kratom is curbing the WDs, but I think a kratom taper will be easier to achieve than an oxy/fent one. I got a sampler pack of kratom, it all tastes like dirty butthole. I've been toss and washing...I am going to try a tea next. So far just in pain, have a headache, random cold/hot flashes, but waaaaaay better than my last 2 attempts. Time seems to be crawling. Welp it's tea time. Any suggestions for how long to use kratom and when i should taper?
Click to expand...

I agree with Sixx...don't sweat it for now. Just do what you gotta do to get away from the ops.

I also agree that toss-n-wash kratom tastes like ass. That alone kept me from getting very into it.
 
BigP -

i am so fucking proud of you for picking yourself up each time and trying again! Kratom is a fucking godsend (for me) - and it's too gross for me to get hooked on. Personally, the method I finally found that worked best was a sort of toss-and-wash that was a bit modified. I read about it somewhere and tried it - I've never gone back. I just add a bit of water to my dose - a bit being like literally a few drops until the consistency is like wet sand. That prevents the powder consistency from shooting up your nose or getting stuck in your teeth if you, god forbid, sneeze or move your tongue a fraction of an inch. I find the tea to be way too bitter and it also makes my mouth numb. It's not terrible if you chug it, but try not to breath through your nose. I do think the tea hits a bit quicker but also doesn't last as long.

Dont worry about Kratom too much, unless you notice you are taking more, or if you are a month in and can't taper off of it. I used it as a parachute for the first weekish, then it was pretty easy to push through the remaining lingering acute wds without the Kratom - but it did feel like I cut my 'chute about ten feet off of the ground instead of 100.

you are almost at the 72 hour mark, BigP! Keep it up. How far did you make it the first time, if you don't mind my asking. Also, is Kratom the only comfort med that you have access to?

It's so great to have you back!

- VE
 
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