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Angry Why is the way I decide to live my life everyone else's main topic of conversation and concern? WTF

OpiateKiller

OpiateKiller

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
2,364
So when I went on suboxone I had my mother gossiping, my girlfriend gossiping, everyone I know talking down on my choices...

Like going from a savage fentanyl/heroin IV drug habit to suboxone is some crime?

Why is it that when I try to make decisions based on my life history to try and better my outcome and my ability to function and succeed that I'M GETTING NEGATIVELY TALKED ABOUT AND JUDGED?

How can some drunk ass alcoholic of a mom go and tell MY BUSINESS to all her dumbass drunk mom friends about MY LIFE?

why is it a BAD THING I want to try methadone to straighten my life out? Why is it that when I went from IV HEROIN JUNKIE to a suboxone patient I'm some piece of shit?

Listen you fuckers (not you Bluelighters ... them) MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A DRUG ADDICTED SHIT SHOW. IF I NEED SUBOXONE ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO TALK ABOUT OR JUDGE MY PATH. OWN YOUR OWN FUCKING PROBLEMS OF KILLING 9 BLUEBERRY LEMONADE VODKAS A DAY.

I'm so tired of OTHER PEOPLE CONTROLLING AND JUDGING MY LIFE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. IF I DIDN'T NEED FINANCIAL SUPPORT I WOULDN'T EVEN SPEAK TO YOU. (my own fucked up judgemental family)

EAT A BAG OF FENTANYL AND GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I'm so tired of people acting like they know what's best for me. YOU DON'T. YOU CAN TELL ME TO BE 100% SOBER WHEN YOU PUT THAT BOTTLE OF KETTLE ONE DOWN. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE.

I'm pretty close to embracing no family and fighting out homeless / fighting / struggling to pay rent verses this NON SENSE I DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS.

I KNOW WHATS BEST FOR ME OTHERWISE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. IF YOU DON'T SUPPORT MY ACTIVE STEPS TO SAVE MY LIFE AND DON'T COMPREHEND CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER STUCK A NEEDLE IN YOUR ARM GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.

straight up sick of the bullshit.

straifh




o
 
That's rough.

I know it's easy for me to say and harder for you to do but try and ignore this nonsense coming from others. I'm not saying you should go full stoic but try your best to not let anyone's opinion of you shape what you feel you need to do for your own benefit.
 
I have never had the needle part but I’ve certainly had the judgement. I had to cut off a lot of people for my own sanity before I learned how to just not let them effect me. I am still to this day judged by the way I was years ago so I just had to get used to the fact that I won’t ever change anyone’s mind.

And yes, hypocrisy is rampant, especially for people who are in denial about their own addictions. I am pretty sure most of us have also been the hypocritical addict from one time or another. I know I was in denial about my drug use for a long time. The fact I just tapped out and removed and tapped out and removed a few times off this paragraph tells me I’m still in some denial about it.

It can be rough when you don’t have a strong support system. It is a good thing that this forum exists. You just need to do what you need to do for you and tune out the negative as much as you can. It’s not worth wasting any energy on.
 
Thank you both. That's what I have been trying my best to do is to not let any of the negativity get to me and just be grateful for the good things my family and those around me do for me.

Sometimes it's just hard to be appreciate things when they do stuff like childish gossip or make sarcastic negative remarks about my choices. I got enough struggles in my own head and my own life to not have to deal with the extra bullshit around. But I try to give them compassion for all the shit I have put them through. Sometimes it's just frustrating.
 
I can imagine how frustrating it must be to not have people around you who are supposed to be close and supportive not being that.
Do you have any friends who are supportive?

I dealt with most of my bullshit with the help of my friends. Though, mostly because I didn't want to involve my family in order to not make them worry and feel upset. Nothing beats a solid friend.
 
Sorry to hear you're not getting the support you would like/need from those around you.

At some point you will have to learn to let go of those feelings of anger around the lack of support you are getting otherwise they will feed back in to your addiction. You have some legitimate reasons to be angry but allowing those to take over your mental state will only be counterproductive.

The reality of being addicted to illegal drugs is that some people will always look down on you. You will find your recovery process much less distressing if you can learn to accept that you cant control how these other people are thinking and that putting energy in to how you are thinking and behaving is what will really get you well. By learning to turn the other cheek you liberate yourself to focus on your own progress.

Some people will never be educated out of ignorance, and some can be but it can be a slow process that takes a lot of energy. Your energy us far more valuable being spent on your own progress rather than trying to change others. I'm not a 12 stepper anymore but there is A LOT of power to be found in the serenity prayer:

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.'

If you dont believe in god (like me) just change the word god to something that represents a better understanding of how the world appears to you (for instance appeal to yourself, ask yourself you have the power to achieve those things). Negative emotions like anger and sadness are often born of expectations not being met......for instance in your case you expect that your mother should be more sensitive to your plight and more self-aware around her own issues. Sounds reasonable to me but unfortunately reasonable doesnt come in to people's decision making process sometimes, it's up to you to recognise when someone isnt capable of changing their thinking at the moment and not waste your energy trying to do that. Concentrate on pushing your energies in to the things where you can really have a positive impact on your life, putting it in to trying to change things or people that you cant change will mean your expectations are not met and so you will experience anger or sadness and then not only will you not be having a positive impact on your situation you will be filling yourself with negative emotion that will actually hinder you.


Tldr: you are in a shit situation but you have control over the way you respond to it. You can choose to get angry and upset and be be filled further with feelings that are going to push you back towards using, or you can look at the situation and say ok I feel like I'm being treated badly here and that I deserve better, but I can see that these people are not ready to hear what I am trying to tell them at the moment so I will not waste my energy there and I will j stead put it in to something that will benefit me and push me towards positivity.

It doesnt mean those people can never change or never be taught, but maybe not now and by you. Be the example of change in those peoples lives that makes them look at their own lives and question their own motivations and behaviour. Change them through the strength of the positivity of your actions towards yourself and the way in which your life will improve because of doing that.

💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
 
OpiateKiller said:
Thank you both. That's what I have been trying my best to do is to not let any of the negativity get to me and just be grateful for the good things my family and those around me do for me.

Sometimes it's just hard to be appreciate things when they do stuff like childish gossip or make sarcastic negative remarks about my choices. I got enough struggles in my own head and my own life to not have to deal with the extra bullshit around. But I try to give them compassion for all the shit I have put them through. Sometimes it's just frustrating.
Click to expand...
You have family right here at BL. Although I don't know you well, do this for number one. I had to cut the toxic people out of my life. The triggers. We are all behind you here and FUCK the naysayers. You did the right thing.
 
Basically, she always held the same stigma and then some. Now she has an opportunity to hit you harder with it now that you're getting onto the strait. Being better, you'll notice it more too.. but absolutely people in recovery get hit harder with this fucking BS a lot of times because assholes are opportunistic.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Sorry to hear you're not getting the support you would like/need from those around you.

At some point you will have to learn to let go of those feelings of anger around the lack of support you are getting otherwise they will feed back in to your addiction. You have some legitimate reasons to be angry but allowing those to take over your mental state will only be counterproductive.

The reality of being addicted to illegal drugs is that some people will always look down on you. You will find your recovery process much less distressing if you can learn to accept that you cant control how these other people are thinking and that putting energy in to how you are thinking and behaving is what will really get you well. By learning to turn the other cheek you liberate yourself to focus on your own progress.

Some people will never be educated out of ignorance, and some can be but it can be a slow process that takes a lot of energy. Your energy us far more valuable being spent on your own progress rather than trying to change others. I'm not a 12 stepper anymore but there is A LOT of power to be found in the serenity prayer:

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.'

If you dont believe in god (like me) just change the word god to something that represents a better understanding of how the world appears to you (for instance appeal to yourself, ask yourself you have the power to achieve those things). Negative emotions like anger and sadness are often born of expectations not being met......for instance in your case you expect that your mother should be more sensitive to your plight and more self-aware around her own issues. Sounds reasonable to me but unfortunately reasonable doesnt come in to people's decision making process sometimes, it's up to you to recognise when someone isnt capable of changing their thinking at the moment and not waste your energy trying to do that. Concentrate on pushing your energies in to the things where you can really have a positive impact on your life, putting it in to trying to change things or people that you cant change will mean your expectations are not met and so you will experience anger or sadness and then not only will you not be having a positive impact on your situation you will be filling yourself with negative emotion that will actually hinder you.


Tldr: you are in a shit situation but you have control over the way you respond to it. You can choose to get angry and upset and be be filled further with feelings that are going to push you back towards using, or you can look at the situation and say ok I feel like I'm being treated badly here and that I deserve better, but I can see that these people are not ready to hear what I am trying to tell them at the moment so I will not waste my energy there and I will j stead put it in to something that will benefit me and push me towards positivity.

It doesnt mean those people can never change or never be taught, but maybe not now and by you. Be the example of change in those peoples lives that makes them look at their own lives and question their own motivations and behaviour. Change them through the strength of the positivity of your actions towards yourself and the way in which your life will improve because of doing that.

💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
Click to expand...

Thank you for this. I really appreciate it all of it more than you know.
 
Alex_1991 said:
Basically, she always held the same stigma and then some. Now she has an opportunity to hit you harder with it now that you're getting onto the strait. Being better, you'll notice it more too.. but absolutely people in recovery get hit harder with this fucking BS a lot of times because assholes are opportunistic.
Click to expand...

Amen to that. People always got a reason to beat you down but if you don't give them the space to do so they got nothing on you. Appreciate you family.
 
OpiateKiller said:
So when I went on suboxone I had my mother gossiping, my girlfriend gossiping, everyone I know talking down on my choices...

Like going from a savage fentanyl/heroin IV drug habit to suboxone is some crime?

Why is it that when I try to make decisions based on my life history to try and better my outcome and my ability to function and succeed that I'M GETTING NEGATIVELY TALKED ABOUT AND JUDGED?

How can some drunk ass alcoholic of a mom go and tell MY BUSINESS to all her dumbass drunk mom friends about MY LIFE?

why is it a BAD THING I want to try methadone to straighten my life out? Why is it that when I went from IV HEROIN JUNKIE to a suboxone patient I'm some piece of shit?

Listen you fuckers (not you Bluelighters ... them) MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A DRUG ADDICTED SHIT SHOW. IF I NEED SUBOXONE ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO TALK ABOUT OR JUDGE MY PATH. OWN YOUR OWN FUCKING PROBLEMS OF KILLING 9 BLUEBERRY LEMONADE VODKAS A DAY.

I'm so tired of OTHER PEOPLE CONTROLLING AND JUDGING MY LIFE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. IF I DIDN'T NEED FINANCIAL SUPPORT I WOULDN'T EVEN SPEAK TO YOU. (my own fucked up judgemental family)

EAT A BAG OF FENTANYL AND GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I'm so tired of people acting like they know what's best for me. YOU DON'T. YOU CAN TELL ME TO BE 100% SOBER WHEN YOU PUT THAT BOTTLE OF KETTLE ONE DOWN. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE.

I'm pretty close to embracing no family and fighting out homeless / fighting / struggling to pay rent verses this NON SENSE I DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS.

I KNOW WHATS BEST FOR ME OTHERWISE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. IF YOU DON'T SUPPORT MY ACTIVE STEPS TO SAVE MY LIFE AND DON'T COMPREHEND CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER STUCK A NEEDLE IN YOUR ARM GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.

straight up sick of the bullshit.

straifh




o
Click to expand...
Cut them off. Love them from a distance. Toxic shit like this is why we put needles in our bodies. We are all broken children inside.


When you take a step ahead and someone has something bad to say about it, and they belittle you or discourage you, they're trying to keep you down. For whatever reason. You are under no obligation to keep a toxic person around because you're related to them.
 
OpiateKiller said:
Thank you for this. I really appreciate it all of it more than you know.
Click to expand...

No problem, one love.

Making the decision to take control of the way you react to other people's behaviour towards you is gigantically empowering. I often find it helps me to consider why someone might be behaving in that way, and I find the answer is often that they must be in some form of emotional distress themselves and that helps me divorce myself from any negative emotional effects they might have had on me.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Sorry to hear you're not getting the support you would like/need from those around you.

At some point you will have to learn to let go of those feelings of anger around the lack of support you are getting otherwise they will feed back in to your addiction. You have some legitimate reasons to be angry but allowing those to take over your mental state will only be counterproductive.

The reality of being addicted to illegal drugs is that some people will always look down on you. You will find your recovery process much less distressing if you can learn to accept that you cant control how these other people are thinking and that putting energy in to how you are thinking and behaving is what will really get you well. By learning to turn the other cheek you liberate yourself to focus on your own progress.

Some people will never be educated out of ignorance, and some can be but it can be a slow process that takes a lot of energy. Your energy us far more valuable being spent on your own progress rather than trying to change others. I'm not a 12 stepper anymore but there is A LOT of power to be found in the serenity prayer:

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.'

If you dont believe in god (like me) just change the word god to something that represents a better understanding of how the world appears to you (for instance appeal to yourself, ask yourself you have the power to achieve those things). Negative emotions like anger and sadness are often born of expectations not being met......for instance in your case you expect that your mother should be more sensitive to your plight and more self-aware around her own issues. Sounds reasonable to me but unfortunately reasonable doesnt come in to people's decision making process sometimes, it's up to you to recognise when someone isnt capable of changing their thinking at the moment and not waste your energy trying to do that. Concentrate on pushing your energies in to the things where you can really have a positive impact on your life, putting it in to trying to change things or people that you cant change will mean your expectations are not met and so you will experience anger or sadness and then not only will you not be having a positive impact on your situation you will be filling yourself with negative emotion that will actually hinder you.


Tldr: you are in a shit situation but you have control over the way you respond to it. You can choose to get angry and upset and be be filled further with feelings that are going to push you back towards using, or you can look at the situation and say ok I feel like I'm being treated badly here and that I deserve better, but I can see that these people are not ready to hear what I am trying to tell them at the moment so I will not waste my energy there and I will j stead put it in to something that will benefit me and push me towards positivity.

It doesnt mean those people can never change or never be taught, but maybe not now and by you. Be the example of change in those peoples lives that makes them look at their own lives and question their own motivations and behaviour. Change them through the strength of the positivity of your actions towards yourself and the way in which your life will improve because of doing that.

💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
Click to expand...
Have u ever considered becoming a counselor? That was rly good Man.
 
Thankyou!

Nah it's not for me, if nothing else the cliche of recovered addict counsellor would be too awkward for me to wear :LOL: Also I dont have the patience to be a counsellor, I'd end up getting angry and just shouting 'You're the fucking problem!' at half of my clients.:D Theres more than enough people needing advice on here to keep me busy anyway, I also think theres a great value in being able to deliver something that someone might find genuinely useful through a medium such as this which people can access easily and for free.

I am however very much reassessing my life choices around my employment, I'm trying to become a writer because I feel that I'm fairly good with words and I need an outlet that is more creative than my current employment.
 
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