Jwilder0311
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2020
- Messages
- 56
My “DOC” has always been opiates. However, I got to a point where I was so over the lifestyle that I decided to try and quit. If you are like me then you know how this goes. You look for any way out that presents as little sickness as possible. How is that usually done? Often times by finding a new vice. For me it was cocaine. I started with the powder first and of course it worked. I was off opiates. However, my new vice proved to be way worse in my opinion. The cocaine was great but it often times sent me into panic attacks. Which then led me to using benzo’s to alleviate the comedowns. Now I am addicted to two monsters. This then led to a shortage of powder. My dealer said, “well have you tried hard?” I hadn’t and he assured me it hit faster and harder. It did. I loved it. This led to me being the worst me I have ever been. I would do anything to get it and of course the addiction to benzo’s just escalated. I couldn’t have one without the other. The things I would do for it were just not my usual behavior. When I say it seemed to turn me into a monster I mean that in ever way possible. One day while using I collapsed. I went to the doctor and it turned out that I was putting way too much of a strain on my heart and body. He told me, “You can’t keep this up much longer before your body has enough.” If I didn’t quit I would surely die. You see, opiates never got me to the point cocaine did. Obviously, it wasn’t healthy for me and all drugs lead to one of three things...death, rehab or jail. None of which I wanted. The cocaine just seemed to be leading to these at a much faster pace. It came to a point of so much fear and hatred towards it that I finally told my girlfriend, “never again” and that actually took. From that day I never touched cocaine again. For me it was the worst or the worst. That may not be the case for others, but for me it was surely the devils drug. It took me down through there. I still struggle today with opiates l, but it’s managed a lot better and it has never done to me what cocaine did. I don’t know what led to me writing this post, but maybe in some weird way it will help someone else. Cheers.
