There is a big disconnect on the internet, if that's what you're referring to, which allows people to communicate without having to think about the consequences. Because we're all behind a screen and because the other person is not present it's almost like it's not real and there are no repercussions to how you behave. After all, you're just talking to an avatar, right? You don't know this person and you don't have to build up a basic representation of this person in your mind in order to then relate (empathically in this regard) and align yourself with them. This is why trolls love the internet because it gives them the opportunity to project out onto others in ways they cannot do very easily in the real world.
In general people put other people down because they themselves are not happy. It's projection in it's most basic form. Projection that often comes as a form of release because they are not just not happy but they are suffering as a result. Being unhappy is one thing that with mindfulness, self control, discipline and a proactive response to your inner world can be mitigated. Many people are unhappy but don't outwardly project this onto others, at least they try their best not to anyway. On the other hand when this doesn't happen because of the inability of the individual this is projected out as the suffering that it is and now this persons unhappiness is being thrown at someone else like it's their unhappiness to own too.
How someone behaves is often indicative of how their inner worlds are right at that moment. It's obvious when you think about it because when you're angry at someone your world really is full of anger at that moment. Perhaps when you're really angry your world is on fire and there's lots of feelings going on, lots of emotions, thoughts, beliefs etc. Say you want to get revenge for your girlfriend/boyfriend cheating on you, at this moment you're projecting this dark place out onto others, namely your girlfriend/boyfriend. And that's where there's a difference between what is going on in your world and what is going on outside and when you should be able to understand the difference between the two, assume responsibility for responding to both and work out the best way to go forward.
Some people just don't have these coping skills, or better still, coping mechanisms. This could be for many reasons. I think a lot of it has to do with their upbringing. Many people continue to practice dysfunctional coping mechanisms their entire lives even though these coping mechanisms started as ways of dealing with bad things in their life in less than ideal ways. They become hardwired into your brain and neuroscience can prove the links between certain events in life and how behaviours form to create hardwired curcuits that can sometimes be very hard to break. We often choose to take the path most travelled but we have to ask what path are we taking and why did this path get forged and is it the best path? Can I create a new one? And so when you're experiencing a very negative, bitter, resentful and toxic person you're often looking at someone who has all the wrong tools to deal with life and as of yet has been unable to break the chain and start over. They are on the wrong path and have continued to keep walking down the path, perhaps even desperately running hoping for an exit. The exit comes in their awareness and decision to assume personal responsibility for themselves. This is a hard thing to do, especially for those in denial and whose identities are based on what are essentially lies, delusions even and a whole life history of broken, superficial and destructive choices.
The consequences of this are usually a very long history of dysfunction albeit in relationships, employment, mental and emotional health, lifestyle choices etc.
The option to change is always there and that goes for the most toxic among us. Will that option be identified and taken? That is the question.
Until then it's better, in my opinion, to just understand that some people simply are not ready to make the decision to change.
The desire to change has to more than the desire to stay the same, I read that somewhere and it's a very fitting saying.
Some people aren't at the point where the desire to change is MORE than the desire to stay the same. We are creatures of habit. Moreover, we are creatures of habits that sometimes have become subconsious. When our lives are operating from this place we have very little option but to draw our pictures of reality from a part of our lives we assume very little responsibility for. That's why it's extremely important to bring what is in the subconsious into our conscious awareness. Many people live their lives not assuming much of their lives are in fact patterns they have never even acknowledged, consiously and mindfully that is. They assume their life is their own but much of it can in fact be a product of something is very similiar to sleep walking.
There could be a number of reasons why it seems more appropriate to this person to not deal with this. Among them is potentially lots of repression and repression occurs when theres stuff we don't want to face but know we should face. That could be from trauma, developmental environment, relationships, conditioning, memories (linking back to potential for trauma here as memories are heavily emotional and much of trauma is linked to emotions). When that builds and builds and builds we have bucket loads of shit that seems easier to just shut the door on. Alas, the vicious cycle of peoples behaviour, in a nutshell anyway and probably not explained very well.
And that's why it's easier to just be an asshole because who wants to sort that shit out, right?
That's the way I see it anyway.
If you're experiencing any of this just know you're loved and there are people out there who care and even though it seems like your world revolves around this right now just know that it doesn't and what you're experiencing is the projection of someone else's darkness and their lack of responsibility to deal with it, and not your own darkness nor your responsibility to deal with yours.
Peace
