• 🇳🇿 🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇨🇳 🇦🇺 🇦🇶 🇮🇳
    Australian & Asian
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Why are you scared of being alone?

BREAKaBEAT said:
Love validates.
Click to expand...
That's a beautiful answer breaka...I don't know if it can be broken down to just that answer, but it's an awesome answer for its simplicity and for what it encompasses. :)

I used to live in terror of losing people because so many people I love have gone away or died...I'm a lot more well-adjusted about the whole thing now, I think moving to another state where I had to fend for myself taught me that...when I found out that I can actually thrive if I'm left to my own devices when I have to.

It's not so much being alone that scares me, it's losing people...it may sound like the same thing but it's not really. I could be content to live isolated from the people I love as long as I know that the people I love are okay and as long as I get to have some form of contact with them.

...which also kind of ties into my whole relationship issue too, I guess. I'm more scared of losing people than I am of being alone; so I would rather not have a relationship, because I'm always scared that it's going to end...I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I get it.

My head is a funny place, eh... :)
 
Raz said:


...which also kind of ties into my whole relationship issue too, I guess. I'm more scared of losing people than I am of being alone; so I would rather not have a relationship, because I'm always scared that it's going to end...I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I get it.
Click to expand...


Totally makes sense to me. It seems like a stupid reason, but it's honestly one of the highest on the list of why I don't know if I can be in a relationship any time soon. The end part freaks me out... and remembering how messy my head has been after breakups.
 
katmeow said:
It seems like a stupid reason, but it's honestly one of the highest on the list of why I don't know if I can be in a relationship any time soon. The end part freaks me out... and remembering how messy my head has been after breakups.
Click to expand...


excuse the weird analogy, but thats like not eating icecream because you don't enjoy doing a shit.

its silly to live you life thinking "what if i....."

it's better to live your life saying "i'm glad that i.."


live for today.

as no-one knows how long they have left.....
 
^^^Agreed...

And the quicker things are over, sometimes the better :D
 
I think id like to take a step back......

Im scared of finding the right person, married until im 45 having a divorce...............then being left alone!

I dont think i could handle being alone from that age! nor even now for that matter!
 
Wow, I guess I'm just a loner by nature. I don't mind my own company, and don't mind being alone that much. I mean, sometimes it shits me off a bit, but it's not exactly scary, I guess I'm just pretty used to myself and being by myself. :)

-plaz out-
 
^^^ I agree with a lot of what you said. If you look at my first post, I guess that's why I started this thread, because it's one of the things I'm not afraid of. Ultimately, we're all alone in the end... I was curious to know why so many people do become afraid of it.
 
I agree with Plazma. I'd probably rather not be single, but I couldn't really care less at the moment.

I notice when I'm in relationships things like reading get neglected. I can't do without reading :)

On a slightly related topic how good is the dialogue in that scene of Donnie Darko with the therapist.

"The search for god is absurd?"

"It is if we all die alone."
 
a fear of being alone is closely correllated with a fear of rejection..

because if you are alone, it means that someone, somewhere along the line has chosen the company of others over your exclusive company.
 
I really like time by myself and I have no real fear of being alone.

Saying that, I haven't spent more than 3 days alone in about 1.5 years so things will most likley change when I am alone.
 
muzby said:
excuse the weird analogy, but thats like not eating icecream because you don't enjoy doing a shit.

its silly to live you life thinking "what if i....."

it's better to live your life saying "i'm glad that i.."


live for today.

as no-one knows how long they have left.....
Click to expand...
I completely agree, and that's exactly the advice that I try to follow in every single other facet of my life. It bugs me that I'm held back when it comes to relationships because I know it's only me holding me back.

Still, that truth is a bit harder to accept emotionally than it is intellectually.... :\
 
I am certainly not scared of being alone in the current sense - i'm 22 and I really do enjoy my own company - I've often said if there weren't so many people I liked, I could easily be a hermit ;) One of my favourite little maxims is, alone rather than lonely - I don't really have an issue with not sharing my life with anyone at this stage.

I guess though, when I look at it honestly, I am scared of being alone forever. I've had meaningful, semi-long-term relationships, and yes, some of the connection and intimacy experienced in those was absolutely wonderful, and can't really be replaced by anything (though I think the bond I share with my close friends is just as good in a different way :)) - so basically I'd like to think that even if I wasn't with someone "forever" or "the rest of my life", I'd have a few more of those meaningful relationships with people along the way, and I guess the governing purpose of those is to hopefully find someone who you are ultimately compatible enough to commit to.

I'd like to think (as C0TB mentioned earlier) that I could find someone who I not only felt interested, attracted, connected and comfortable with - but that they would reciprocate those feelings. It's certainly a fantastic feeling to know that someone wants to put in time and effort discovering your many layers and facets. :)
 
^^ i'd like to agree with that totally. I've just come out of a serious relationship and however much i'm hurting right now i think i've grown so much because of it. I'd hate to think i would never feel that way about someone but I think we all just really want to find someone who cares the same about you as you do them.
 
i guess i am affraid of being alone, but with that i think i would love to be stuck on a tropical island alone for one year. my only other fear is driving/riding in vans/minivans
 
katmeow said:
Totally makes sense to me. It seems like a stupid reason, but it's honestly one of the highest on the list of why I don't know if I can be in a relationship any time soon. The end part freaks me out... and remembering how messy my head has been after breakups.
Click to expand...

I think that's a perfectly valid fear or aversion. Sometimes when you've been through enough losses or seen enough endings, it makes you wonder if starting something is worth the hassle.

Especially if you can picture the problems to come, or the endings. Usually this happens if you've been through too many losses or endings, sometimes consecutively, without the chance nor space to recover yourself. It boils down to an equation of being with someone VS the potential heartaches and ending that is to come. And sometimes you've just had it.

While some are ever hopeful and looking forward to something, some of us (including myself) just see it in a different light.

I also think this whole fear of being alone is to some extent in us at a very basic level, whether it's some genetic thing or whatever ... when you think about it, we're still animals which like to roam in packs, hence civilizations, societies, etc. We just happen to have opposable thumbs.
 
Vurto you fucking thespian!

I'm scared of being alone because I have to talk to my other personalities.... or I end up on bluelight. I dont know which is worse.
 
Yeah I'm afraid of being alone.

Part of I think is the instinctive drive to reproduce (hard to do on your own).
Part of it is our nature as social animals.

My personal justification is having a significant other adds purpose and meaning to my life. When I'm single I fail to see the point in living. Sounds depressive I know, but I just don't see the point in working, earning money, socialising, exercising, looking after myself etc etc.

When I'm not single, it motivates me in my life. All aspects of my life are suddenly given purpose and are a means to greater things.

Unfortunately when things fall apart as they so often do, having all purpose and meaning in your life evaporate away in a heart beat can be fairly devestating.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top