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Why are you scared of being alone?

katmeow

katmeow

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Aug 20, 2002
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Reading through the What are you afraid of? thread, it seems a common response is that people are afraid of ending up alone.

I don't know if it's a by-product becoming self reliant due to spending so much time single, or the fact that I've already faced some big losses in my family and know I can deal with the deaths of those I care about, but I've never worried much about being alone.

Yes, I have other fears (probably some which would seem baffling to some people ;) ), but never fear of ending up on my own.

So tell me... why are you scared of being alone?

Kat :)
 
I think its a combination of our human nature to be with someone and also the expectation that society places upon us (even if its sub-consciously) that we need to be mated off.

Great topic Kat, I look forward to peoples perspectives on this :)
 
mainly because i've been alone for so fucking long now - that will typically do it to you.

but anyway, breakabeat has it to an extent, but it's also the fact that when you really find that someone you connect with, it can't be beaten. it's a real special feeling.

i guess it's as much a yearning for connection as it is a fear of loneliness for me...but are they one and the same? :)
 
I feel the same Katmeow. Just before i met my husband, I suffered quite a few losses. My parent divorced and moved away from brisbane, I had moved to an unfamiliar part of Brisbane by myself, i'd broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years and had lost contact with alot of people from my past (it was a good thing though). Sure, I went through periods of lonliness, but it also taught me that i'm never alone, because i had me. It was a hard lesson to learn, but, i believe, an invaluable one. It taught me that, for me, feeling lonely and feeling alone aren't one and the same emotion.

Now that i'm married, it's great, because i don't feel like i'm not alone anymore (as some may do when they find themselves in a relationship), i look at it as a bonus, as i have someone else to share my life with. :)

i guess it's as much a yearning for connection as it is a fear of loneliness for me...but are they one and the same?
Click to expand...

Well, the dictionary defines them similarly, and i suppose that you could look at it as alone meaing that you are physically somewhere by yourself, and because of that, you feel lonely. I don't look at it that way...everyone feels lonely from time to time, it's natural, but i'm never alone, i have myself. :)
 
Hey Kat

I think this is an awesome topic!

I use to be someone who was scared of "not having someone". Mainly because I had always been in fulfilling relationships and at that time my life seemed to revolve around that one individual. Basically I had always had someone to support, comfort, love, and be a companion to me.

It took about 12 months for me to learn to be happy being alone. Being on my own and making the best of the time I had by myself. Even now I don't feel that urge to "need someone" anymore. I'm quiet happy being me and meeting so many new people in life.

In another sense, I do fear being without Family. Unfortunately I only feel close to a very select few people in my Family and to loose them would really tear me apart. I do fear loosing them and without them I would feel very alone in this world.

However, such is life and I believe that really we are only as alone as we allow ourselves to be. We have the ability to make friends, meet new people, establish relationships, become couples, etc.

I don't think you need to be with someone to feel as though your not alone. I have plenty of friends whom I spend time with and they fulfil my life.

Also the family I do have now I love a lot and love to see.

So yes, ultimately maybe being alone is something to be scared of, but again, you are the creator of your own destiny.

shals :D
 
onetwothreefour said:
mainly because i've been alone for so fucking long now - that will typically do it to you.

but anyway, breakabeat has it to an extent, but it's also the fact that when you really find that someone you connect with, it can't be beaten. it's a real special feeling.

i guess it's as much a yearning for connection as it is a fear of loneliness for me...but are they one and the same? :)
Click to expand...

Christ
this topic almost broke me =\


Why do I fear it?
Because I'm insecure, I guess :\

I'll come back and edit this in the near future. Its about time I figured out why, I guess :)
 
I'm not. I think I'm more scared of having to spend heaps of time with me. Other people can distract me.
 
^ Ahhh perfectly expressed.

I don't particularly like my own company. When left on my own I become depressed and cynical and critical and bitter. I need people to surround me and smooth away my flaws. Unhealthy? Probably.

I also don't like being single. There is something so special about knowing someone has chosen you out of every other person they've ever met. I think BREAKa is right, love validates... but it's not necessarily a bad thing. It can give you a safe little corner of the world to retreat to.

I think only very strong people can face the world completely on their own and I have so much respect for them.
 
I've been single over a year now. Got to the point where i was sick of it and wanted someone and then got over that and happy being single again and now i think i've fallen for someone but don't know how to tell him :\

I'm not really afraid of being alone. I have my little boy (although he's nine so he's not so *little* anymore i guess) and don't see him moving out *too* soon lol and he keeps me company. I have heaps of friends who i get to spend time with alot. I have playmates even when i get *that* sort of lonely ;) Not teh same thing though i guess all of the above :\

I think i'm just scared of not finding love again rather then being alone but i have hope that i will and it's just not the right time for me and they will come when it is (i guess?) *sigh*

:)
 
I can relate to this fear, but I don't think mine is totally a fear of being alone...
Mine is more based on a fear of having nobody to understand me..

And as wrong as it sounds, nobody to validate my feelings and emotions, and thoughts.
Having nobody to show me I'm real, in a way..

^And not necessarilly a romantic sort of relationship.
Just somebody who understands. And has the urge to assist me in this life.

<Philisophical C0TB ;)>
 
i am complete when i have someone i can love and make them feel like a princess... by doing this, i feel like i am actually a worthwhile person... and it doesnt help that i am a complicated creature....

so far in my life i only ever come across one person who truly made me feel like i was an important person.. and she lived over the other side of the world.... i was only with her for 2 years.... so 23 years of lonliness really bites....

yeah, i've had relationships as well, but never true companionship...
 
i definately agree about the expectation/s of society thing. i've spent long periods of time not seeing or talking to any of my friends- or anyone really (apart from my family) and i've been perfectly content. i just go about my normal life and do whatever it is i want to do. it's only after a while that i think, ok.. this is sort of weird... i better go out and see some people before i become a loner or hermit or something. but the main reason why i think that is because of society's expectation.

i enjoy spending time by myself, but yes, sort of what CHILD-OF-THE-BEAT was saying about needing that 'validation' in a way. thoughts can get overwhelming at times... and seeing people can remind me that i'm sane and make me feel more normal.

i think the hardest thing would be growing old together with the person you love. having to accept the fact that you're both going to die... and whoever dies first will leave the other all alone. :(
 
im afraid of being alone because if my hand cramps up once more, it may just be forever :(
 
ez_555 said:
i think the hardest thing would be growing old together with the person you love. having to accept the fact that you're both going to die... and whoever dies first will leave the other all alone. :(
Click to expand...

That is very true indeed...on the flipside though, if you don't open yourself up to finding that one person (or 3 or 4 or however many, friends wise), you miss out on the however-many years of fun, love, laughter and shared moments. When my great uncle was in a nursing home, i befriended quite a few of the other residents, and there were those that were never married, lived solitary lives, alot of them regretted it. Also, using my grandparents as an example, when my nonna died, my nonno was devastated. they'd been married 55 years. But, that was 11 years ago, he's still kicking along, and he believes that when he dies, he will see my nonna again. When she died, he said that, no matter how lonely he feels, he wouldn't trade that time with my nonna for the world. :(

:(*misses my nonna* :(
 
I guess my main reason im scared of it, is because i can see myself in my mother and it freaks the shit out of me. (single parent, no partner...ladida)

I guess i am a solitary person, i like doing things by myself, i was an only child with a single parent so i grew up very self reliant, which is why i do lots of things on my little lonesome. I guess i might just lack some skills when it comes to knowing how to keep a relationship, or whatever, cuz i always seem to like my own company- it keeps me safe.

But it can suck. Immensly. I have my cat to keep me company for the time being :p
 
Maybe it's just the only child/single parent thing for me as well, but i don't really fear being alone.

I love having someone there for me, supporting me and making me feel as though i can get through anything... but if i didn't have that person iw ould still go about my life the same way i always have.

I don't fear being lonely, but sometimes it does get me down. When this happens, i tend to just fill my life with stuff until it seems full again... it's a good skill to have - if you're never bored, then you don't have time to think. when you don't have time to think, you can't be lonely.

Ok, so that's how i deal with what i am feeling. Not necessarily the best way of doing it, but it keeps me going.
 
Yeah, following on from what you just said Cosmic Mist- ive always led a really busy life growing up, doing lots of sport, music, and other extra activities so ive never really been bored either. Keeping busy keeps you from being lonely.
 
CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT said:
I can relate to this fear, but I don't think mine is totally a fear of being alone...
Mine is more based on a fear of having nobody to understand me..

And as wrong as it sounds, nobody to validate my feelings and emotions, and thoughts.
Having nobody to show me I'm real, in a way..

^And not necessarilly a romantic sort of relationship.
Just somebody who understands. And has the urge to assist me in this life.

<Philisophical C0TB ;)>
Click to expand...

^^ That's exactly it for me too. I quite enjoy my own company... I adore "alone time". But there's only so much you can discover and uncover on your own, without someone as a sounding board to bounce it off. The soul is much more content with a partner.
 
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