Why am I incapable of trust? 3 year relationship still having issues..

[FreedomCalls]

So I have an incredible girlfriend who really has never skipped a beat when it comes to trust. A few times we took a "break" because of my selfishness, and during those times she may or may not have seen other people.. but I did too.

I am a 100% hypocrite when it comes to this shit... For a long time I was incredibly loyal but now I can't say I'd pass on an opportunity...
and I do love her I really do.

I'm not trying to play the self pity card but why in my brain do I think this way? Like we have our locations on on our phones and
if anything seems amiss I instantly get so incredibly anxious it's like I can't breathe for absolutely no reason and assume the worst...

Why am I wired to believe that people lie? That people aren't faithful? That she would cheat on me? Why can't I just let this shit go and stop worrying..

because we all know what worrying about something that may or may not happen does.. it's a waste of time and energy and absolutely fucking pointless.

 

[Mlgjp8612]

Have you been cheated on and done wrong in previous relationships?

When i was 18 i went through it with a guy for 2.5 years. I loved him and was done dirty.the whole time. For ten years after that i couldnt trust anyone. You were guilty til proven innocent. It took me ten years to somewhat get past what had been done to me.

 

[Medbithead]

You sound like a great guy but sharing your respective locations on phone seems like a stretch . I mean what would you do if you discovered something you didn’t like

 

[FreedomCalls]

You sound like a great guy but sharing your respective locations on phone seems like a stretch . I mean what would you do if you discovered something you didn’t like

She can see my location as well, and honestly if I discovered something I didn't like I'd ask her, make a logical decision and if necessary break up with her. I don't think it's that unreasonable I don't check it all that often just say she goes out with her friends or something

Have you been cheated on and done wrong in previous relationships?

When i was 18 i went through it with a guy for 2.5 years. I loved him and was done dirty.the whole time. For ten years after that i couldnt trust anyone. You were guilty til proven innocent. It took me ten years to somewhat get past what had been done to me.

Yes I have, it was a short relationship not as damaging as the one you speak of, but it still hurt a lot. Trust sucks doesn't it. I'm glad you've broken free from the fear

 

[Shady's Fox]

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

You need to work on yourself, your confidence. I would get involved in therapy. People with trust and jealously issues are usually quite insecure.

 

[Lucy20]

No relationship can survive with no trust

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

It starts with having your location on your partners phone & ends up really soon.........

 

[atara]

I am a 100% hypocrite when it comes to this shit... For a long time I was incredibly loyal but now I can't say I'd pass on an opportunity...

Psychological projection - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

it's not really that surprising that if you're not trustworthy you'll find it harder to trust other people, is it?

like honestly i don't exactly believe in the goodness of people or have any idealistic notions of trust but i'm able to trust my partner in practice because i know that i have self-control and i'm not a shithead so i'd never do that, and so i believe other people are at least capable of making the same kinds of choices

 

[pofacedhoe]

people often expect others to behave how they themselves would

 

[axe battler]

You're projecting. You've said you wouldn't pass on an opportunity for cheating, so you feel she's the same as you.
If she is as amazing as you say, you need to reassess your loyalty to her! Then you may feel better about your faith in her.