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Mental Health where is the line between medication and addiction? for those of you who are dual diagnosis, how do you manage

Zephyn

Zephyn

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Joined
Oct 31, 2020
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Whether i'm in withdrawal from psy meds is still up in the air to be determined. But yesterday I took 2mg xanax, 60mg adderall (insuffulated), and 900mg pregabalin. All modest doses for my tolerance. My day (and day after) was splended. Being able to function so well i cleaned up my flat, finished a work project that I was behind on, socialized a bit (when in my normal, sober state, i am like totally antisocial and have even lost recent friends due to flakiness, and when i go to social functions i dont really talk as much, i used to solve this with psychedelics but im in no place for those right now). Even as an occassional treat that would be good. I've been (ab)using stimulants since i was like 15, (im 28), but i used to have control over them, until i tried meth like 20 times in a few years. Last time i got a full script for adderall i blew thru it in 24 hours and went into a psychosis. i wouldnt have even considered the 60mg the other day except it was all that was available. it didnt set off any major relapse flags, and i havent sought more out even though i have a doctor i could readily fill a prescription with. should i consider vyvanse? or just get back on nootropics? perhaps tell my doctor i want 10 total instead of 30 or 60 adderall?
 
i might add that in my natural state, i have trouble even brushing my teeth or feeding myself even if i have food. getting out to go grocery shopping is even worse. it might just be depression? or bipolar..
 
ive never chosen a drug, and used to only use anything other than psychedelics only occasionally, psychedelics like 2x a month usually. i should probably get back to that but my life isnt stable enough for that now.... was thinking of getting some 2c-b and microdosing that lol... or some mushrooms, though that id save for mostly microdose. but i feel like those who pick a DOC have a better chance at functioning maybe, idk, for me if i avoid meth and heroin i think i can not wind up in a situation where im homeless again. but im constantly trying to fill some void, whether it be every 3 days or every day
 
Zephyn said:
Whether i'm in withdrawal from psy meds is still up in the air to be determined. But yesterday I took 2mg xanax, 60mg adderall (insuffulated), and 900mg pregabalin. All modest doses for my tolerance. My day (and day after) was splended. Being able to function so well i cleaned up my flat, finished a work project that I was behind on, socialized a bit (when in my normal, sober state, i am like totally antisocial and have even lost recent friends due to flakiness, and when i go to social functions i dont really talk as much, i used to solve this with psychedelics but im in no place for those right now). Even as an occassional treat that would be good. I've been (ab)using stimulants since i was like 15, (im 28), but i used to have control over them, until i tried meth like 20 times in a few years. Last time i got a full script for adderall i blew thru it in 24 hours and went into a psychosis. i wouldnt have even considered the 60mg the other day except it was all that was available. it didnt set off any major relapse flags, and i havent sought more out even though i have a doctor i could readily fill a prescription with. should i consider vyvanse? or just get back on nootropics? perhaps tell my doctor i want 10 total instead of 30 or 60 adderall?
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Maybe lowering the dosage could help, but if you would want to eliminate the pharmaceutical aspects, nootropics would be good I believe. I’m bad with advice n I know I’m some random but if you ever need an ear I never mind listening. Suffering from depression really sucks, in my experience anti-depressants didn’t really help at all. You’re not alone broski, sending positive energy n hugs your way. Tripping can be therapeutic, I would just drop enough to still keep touch with yourself if you do it alone. Thinking about bad thoughts before going into it can mess you up, I’m sure you already know that. Very very cliche idea is writing how you feel down, I don’t like writing on paper but I’ll type it on Snapchat as if I was going to post it then save it to my eyes only. That or the note app, even recording yourself speak. It gets some of that feeling out sometimes. I know this was kinda off topicish. Personally I have a little array of issues but something that actually helps me a lot is my uncles dog. He likes to cuddle and I think it has a positive effect, have you thought about an emotional support animal?
 
Yeah
SeasickCat said:
Maybe lowering the dosage could help, but if you would want to eliminate the pharmaceutical aspects, nootropics would be good I believe. I’m bad with advice n I know I’m some random but if you ever need an ear I never mind listening. Suffering from depression really sucks, in my experience anti-depressants didn’t really help at all. You’re not alone broski, sending positive energy n hugs your way. Tripping can be therapeutic, I would just drop enough to still keep touch with yourself if you do it alone. Thinking about bad thoughts before going into it can mess you up, I’m sure you already know that. Very very cliche idea is writing how you feel down, I don’t like writing on paper but I’ll type it on Snapchat as if I was going to post it then save it to my eyes only. That or the note app, even recording yourself speak. It gets some of that feeling out sometimes. I know this was kinda off topicish. Personally I have a little array of issues but something that actually helps me a lot is my uncles dog. He likes to cuddle and I think it has a positive effect, have you thought about an emotional support animal?
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Yeah it was a nice day and all, but I decided I am not to be trusted with my own prescription, at this point in my life I simply doubt I could control it. I think that means I'm at least making somewhat healthier decisions. Sucks though as they are super medicinal for me ! I'm going to get back on nootropics, maybe try some new ones
 
Zephyn said:
Yeah
Yeah it was a nice day and all, but I decided I am not to be trusted with my own prescription, at this point in my life I simply doubt I could control it. I think that means I'm at least making somewhat healthier decisions. Sucks though as they are super medicinal for me ! I'm going to get back on nootropics, maybe try some new ones
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That’s probably the best thing to do, it’s a big step o: ! I wish you the best of luck :)
 
This is me to a T. I cannot be trusted with any euphoric pharmaceutical so I have to stay away from them altogether even if they are indicated.
 
I can control my benzo use, and gabapentinoids. I use them differently than prescribed, so I guess I abuse them, but I keep it to no more than a few times a month, twice a week at most. Having a limited amount of my prescription helps. But with stimulants I lose control.
 
Well at least you keep your benzos and gabas under control. That is a major plus. I have never done a stimulant so I don't know how moreish they can be. I have certainly read the horror stories though. A few times a month of abusing pills isn't so bad but I imagine going overboard with stims would be awful. In my using days if I would get say 60 Vicodin for the month they would be gone in 4 or 5 days. I just couldn't stop popping them. They just can't be in my presence. Kinda like out of sight out of mind. But I'm older and have had my glory days and I finally had to say enough is enough already. I just take kratom now. Are your stims scripted ( adderall ) or meth? How often do you use?
 
I would say the line is using drugs for function or recreation. Everyone's line is different and it can be blurry. I think it's a personal question people must ask themselves, assuming they would be honest about it...

I have no real need for cocaine in my life in any situation... you can't be like "well I functionally use cocaine to wake up in the morning"...
 
tbats the thing, i function way better in general on like 60mg or even less of dextroamphetamine, but i cannot stop at that dose if i have mroe, so its better i avoid amphetamines in generak
 
If you can’t stop at the point at which your life gets better and keep going that’s where you draw the line. I concentrated wonderfully on 40mg of A-PVP back in the day.. I pushed the envelope to up to 100mg a dose and it was an amazing fucking rush but the shadow people showed up real quick with a nice reminder that reality was I was fucking up.. I continued for a while but you can’t go on that way forever.
 
Zephyn said:
tbats the thing, i function way better in general on like 60mg or even less of dextroamphetamine, but i cannot stop at that dose if i have mroe, so its better i avoid amphetamines in generak
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I hear you there. I was always more productive and happy when I was popping opioids. Only problem was I wouldn't stop until they were gone. I will never be able to trust myself around them again. The compulsion to take until they were gone will never leave me. So unless I have a traumatic injury and am hospitalized ( God forbid ) my warm fuzzy blanket now resides only on my bed instead of in my brain. I really wish you strength as I know what its like to abandon your crutch. I'm still limping without it but the days ARE getting better.
 
I'm 29, did it the 1st time when I was 21. 3 bouts of sobriety 4 months was the longest. What I can tell you from my end is medication absolutely helped me stay off meth but be careful you don't end up just trading one high for another. I was on ssri's for depression and 1 mg kpins daily even when I was out of rehab and living with sober roommates for a while and doing IOP classes. I kept seeing my psych, and at one point I told him I didn't know if I should trust myself being an addict, to self administer my meds.. I'll never forget what he told me next because it stuck with me. He said "Take it only as needed, exactly how it is prescribed and you should be fine." Idk if he understood what I was saying or didn't care or what but I actually took that shit to heart cuz I felt like he had faith in me to do it right and I did. He eventually tapered me off. Now that I think of it tho it wasn't long after that that I started doing G again and stopped taking my mods.

The biggest mistake on my part over the last decade was fooling myself into thinking I've got time to figure shit out. No one tells you that time gains momentum each year that passes the next is much shorter than the last. Also, if it's been years... don't get hung up on some image of the past or fading dreams of way back when. Regret is less than useless if it doesn't inspire change or transformation. This drug will change you. No one is better off, but some fare better than others depending on your mental health and groundedness before. Damn dude, 15? Your brain ain't shit developed yet! Fuck...
 
Shardzvark said:
I'm 29, did it the 1st time when I was 21. 3 bouts of sobriety 4 months was the longest. What I can tell you from my end is medication absolutely helped me stay off meth but be careful you don't end up just trading one high for another. I was on ssri's for depression and 1 mg kpins daily even when I was out of rehab and living with sober roommates for a while and doing IOP classes. I kept seeing my psych, and at one point I told him I didn't know if I should trust myself being an addict, to self administer my meds.. I'll never forget what he told me next because it stuck with me. He said "Take it only as needed, exactly how it is prescribed and you should be fine." Idk if he understood what I was saying or didn't care or what but I actually took that shit to heart cuz I felt like he had faith in me to do it right and I did. He eventually tapered me off. Now that I think of it tho it wasn't long after that that I started doing G again and stopped taking my mods.

The biggest mistake on my part over the last decade was fooling myself into thinking I've got time to figure shit out. No one tells you that time gains momentum each year that passes the next is much shorter than the last. Also, if it's been years... don't get hung up on some image of the past or fading dreams of way back when. Regret is less than useless if it doesn't inspire change or transformation. This drug will change you. No one is better off, but some fare better than others depending on your mental health and groundedness before. Damn dude, 15? Your brain ain't shit developed yet! Fuck...
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I'm not a hard-core stimhead, I've done meth less than 20 times (sessions) and don't plan to do it ever again. It ruined things like Adderall for me where I used to maintain control. I went thru a couple short stints with coke/crack and opiates as well over the past couple years but back in the day just did dextroamphetamine less than once a month and a shitton of mephedrone and mdma. I didn't try meth until I was 25, about 3ish years ago. Even the use i did, coupled with heroin and crack seriously fucked my brain up. Like I cannot be content anymore. But yeah I'm high everyday at least with weed for 15 years. The past couple years and even up until this day, I feel like I cannot get by with just that anymore, so probably an especially bad time to try adhd medication. I used to take a lot of psychedelics but haven't felt comfortable anytime recently and don't especially think its a good idea
 
Yeah... were basically in the Stone age of understanding all the different drugs in relation to the human brain. Yeah we have come a fuck of a long way in research but I'm thinking of tha future you feel me like growing our brains with STEM or some shit.

Sorry... on a weird spiral into sleepness it's the twilight before the night night.

Where are you on this planet rn?
 
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