• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

When will I feel normal

It won’t be as bad as it feels now for much longer, at 2 weeks those physical side effects should be over mostly.
(The stomach cramps and irritation and I won’t mention the bathroom visits)
It does take a little longer for sleep to return but I’m betting you had insomnia issue pre opiates anyhow, most of us do.

I did and still do use Valium when it gets too much, but I have a rule, no 2 nights in a row as benzos are hard to come off too.
If you’re serious about not going back you’ll have to do some of those seemI fly stupid things, warm milk, hot bath.
Or you’ll do what I did and just replace one with another

I went from opiates to alcohol.

You’re doing amazingly tho, your facing the hardest challenge there is in addiction.


Stay strong!
 
Thats a big relapse bruv but fuck it it brings you down but its all part of it. If you just want to maintain for a while thats fine . Rio you such a smart person this is a blip these things happen . How many relapses did i have . Remember those words you told me about being hunched over some foil smoking a bit of brown. I kept at it because this drug swithes on you so fucking quick. Can you remember your first rattle . You can keep feeding the cunt but 10 years down the line you still be there it ruins you i was lucky financially but i look at photos of my kids and wife that is a blurr 13 years wasted on the gear . You know and i know you carry on you be stuck where you are now . Still feeding the cunt body fucked and a smart mind just wasted. I lost my youth to drugs 25 yearsof abuse . When my first child was born i was in my car smoking gear then walked back into delivery room fucked the midwife saw it how my wife who left her country for me . I feel shame i dont want to see you waste yoir youth its a thing you will miss. What you need brother ill help . Dont waste your years . I wake up and think since 15 to 43 i wasted and its like being punched in the gut. Dont let that happen to you
 
Can you get any pregabs they a fucking wonder drug for heroin withdrawal . Take a high dose but they so fucking addictive max five days . you will still a little shit afterwards but the wd is such a headfuck .
 
since mid august till 6 days ago. I invited a friend who uses to move in with me, which stopped the usual financial limits that stopped me from just carrying on. This time I just kept using until I was literally at the brink of everything collapsing around me - my job, my family, even facing eviction - and then managed to pull myself back. There was a time I was entertaining the thought of becoming a homeless heroin addict in fucking November. Thank God I've come to my senses.
See the thoughts you had about being a homeless drug addict we all had them .I my darkest time when I was fatigued but cant sleep. I eat I puke it up just fucked no joy everything black I contemplated giving myself to heroin . Thought fuck it the business I will keep 25 per cent that will keep me afloat just give my wife the rest she can go back to states. now im clean that thought the idea I could give my family up and just become a lifetime addict I feel shame such shame . This drug is so hard to escape from it takes it all but once you got some clean time in little things dont bother you because we been in hell.
 
Thats a big relapse bruv but fuck it it brings you down but its all part of it. If you just want to maintain for a while thats fine . Rio you such a smart person this is a blip these things happen . How many relapses did i have . Remember those words you told me about being hunched over some foil smoking a bit of brown. I kept at it because this drug swithes on you so fucking quick. Can you remember your first rattle . You can keep feeding the cunt but 10 years down the line you still be there it ruins you i was lucky financially but i look at photos of my kids and wife that is a blurr 13 years wasted on the gear . You know and i know you carry on you be stuck where you are now . Still feeding the cunt body fucked and a smart mind just wasted. I lost my youth to drugs 25 yearsof abuse . When my first child was born i was in my car smoking gear then walked back into delivery room fucked the midwife saw it how my wife who left her country for me . I feel shame i dont want to see you waste yoir youth its a thing you will miss. What you need brother ill help . Dont waste your years . I wake up and think since 15 to 43 i wasted and its like being punched in the gut. Dont let that happen to you

Thanks man, you're totally right. Thanks to drugs I have nothing to show for the last 6 years, and I'm tired of years going by and still being in the same place. I need to turn it round before it's too late. I'm getting by on 2mg subutex which stops me getting sick but doesn't leave me fatigued like higher doses, and I think i'll stay on that for a while and then taper it down when I have some stability. My mood is all over the place to be honest, as it always is in the early days - I just hope it doesn't get so out of control that I end up lasing again. How did you get through the depression/boredom/cynicism? I get into such a dark place that using seems like the only solution. I know it's just time in the end but how do you persevere in those really dark moments?
 
Thanks man, you're totally right. Thanks to drugs I have nothing to show for the last 6 years, and I'm tired of years going by and still being in the same place. I need to turn it round before it's too late. I'm getting by on 2mg subutex which stops me getting sick but doesn't leave me fatigued like higher doses, and I think i'll stay on that for a while and then taper it down when I have some stability. My mood is all over the place to be honest, as it always is in the early days - I just hope it doesn't get so out of control that I end up lasing again. How did you get through the depression/boredom/cynicism? I get into such a dark place that using seems like the only solution. I know it's just time in the end but how do you persevere in those really dark moments?
You not gonna like the answer but you plod on through it. I had months of depression and to this day my sleep is fucked.Something changed in me the steps that lead to a relapse I started making it a game with my mind. I talked to you before about the excitement of the relapse getting the gear that first hit of crack and you got brown . Thats all fake the high from the first hit that not natural and you got the comedown to come so you smoke some gear. We fucked out our brains while everything around us moves on. For 10 years whatever I earned on my outside job I spent at the end I was on 43 000 pounds year thats a fucking house. This the hard bit bruv you just got to see you goal then one day you will laugh at something funny then you know your back.At this point nothing around you matters taking other drugs As a addict will cause a fuck up . .You once told me that you have to let your mind heal naturally I just would keep that in my head. You are a very smart guy you know your brain just wants gear ignore it dont expect a quick return we fucked our brain chemistry up it will heal. Today a gloomy day in the south east I miss my kids miss my wife my only worry for tonight was cooking dinner . Thats it compared to my daily juggle of smoking gear in morning taking raw opium while at work smoking gear at home getting gear planning events with family . Clean life a little boring you have to drop friends you love not because they bad but they use.Just. get through this stage Im telling you bruv get some pregabs. In my last wd they covered it you know you wd because your lower back and legs ache a little plus you get sneezing fits but thats it . You could stop the subtext.
 
Rio my brother its 3 24 in the morning and im up sleep still fucked maybe I was always a insomniac but the gear covered it. How I miss those heroin induced sleeps I used to be helped to bed by wife .Got my dealer pal living with me he got a beautiful staff I love the fucking thing it sleeps in my room. Just called my wife my fucking cousin has fallen of the wagon thats why I'm apart from family. Those subs I've snorted some before make me feel well shit .Basicly bruv three months of shit 3 months after that you back to normal. The boredom of normality is something you get used to.
 
You're right man, I guess drugs were the short-cut, so trying to get off drugs means accepting there's no short-cuts anymore and that I have to just endure some shit before things come back to normal. Did you have mood swings or were you just depressed all the time when you stopped? I've only ever used pregabs for withdrawal before, I never really enjoyed them they just fucked me up then made me fall asleep. Thankfully I'm physically OK at the moment - can sleep, eat, etc no withdrawal, the subutex has taken care of that, it's just the mental battle ahead of me.

so yuba are you in the US or the UK? how come your cousin relapsing means you have to be away from your family?
 
You're right man, I guess drugs were the short-cut, so trying to get off drugs means accepting there's no short-cuts anymore and that I have to just endure some shit before things come back to normal. Did you have mood swings or were you just depressed all the time when you stopped? I've only ever used pregabs for withdrawal before, I never really enjoyed them they just fucked me up then made me fall asleep. Thankfully I'm physically OK at the moment - can sleep, eat, etc no withdrawal, the subutex has taken care of that, it's just the mental battle ahead of me.

so yuba are you in the US or the UK? how come your cousin relapsing means you have to be away from your family?
How you doing my brother hope you staying strong. I at the beginning during detox I felt so horny bruv 3 tugs and im done. At the 10 day mark I got pregabs felt euphoric but stopping that in a couple of weeks I hit a massive low I could not shift it and the fatigue was a killer that fucking fatigue what always made me relapse. This time around with the words you and ash told me . I did a detox with some valis and tamazepam because I never liked benzos. I basically had three months of this fucking drug stripping me bare I was so low I would cry in the mornings because I had to do it again . After the first month I started having odd days where I would be like I just had a hit on the pipe . That was more pain because the first couple of times I thought im better then the next day you back down again that lasted 3 months improving a tiny bit with each week. I say 3 months but thats the time it took me to be what I think of as normal. I dont want to scare you but you was always there with the truth during my bad days. Your words about not using during recovery and let brain heal thats what stopped me using drugs to get through recovery. When I attempted to use any drug during recovery It would lead me to just swap addictions Bruv you can do this maintain on subs for a bit if you want . I back in uk because my cousin who I lent money to for a 50 per cent share in a business that he thought of and I pulled 60 000 out the bank for. The business took of like a rocket I not do fuck all that was the agreement I just lent the money for 50 per cent of profit if it took off and if not a life time of it being thrown in my face by wife in any argument . I was lucky. He now has not only fallen off the wagon but also a cliff. We become financially secure because of my cousins hard graft building it. Now he not well I have to step up I was taught by him how it works . We have convinced him to get help so he has done his detox and now in those places you go after he be there I think 3 months. I hate it here because its to easy for me to slip I know every cunt and can get anything . I fighting and winning I have to do this rio that is my brother . In the states im to scared to smoke the shit they call heroin so its easier plus weed is legal in my state so can get edibles and good weed . It is what it is also my wife is pregnant so I worry about her health she is 43 . Its Saturday so I do a couple of 300mg pregabs to just get of my head but last week that went into Sunday so it looking like I will have to stop these . I had a prefab wd a few times and it is a mental head fuck only time I thought of suicide so not risk that. We are fucking addicts mate we won't be safe with any drug. Im alone here the gear kept my sex drive down and now I not do gear im horny. I have cheated on my wife shitload of times in my crank and coke days heroin stopped that. This morning I been thinking of my wife friend she not satisfied by her husband my wife would always tell me. So all morning I been planning on a risky adventure in my mind. So in order to not cheat on wife my min d is telling me to do gear that would be the honourable thing . Plus pregabs make me more horny im a idiot. Its a massive risk me being here but firstly he a brother and secondly our bills are paid by the catering company
 
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I know my posts are hard to read. But I spent my high school years on crank so not learn proper grammar im so sorry I get confused reading my shit back
 
Addiction and cheating has run through my family. My grandads two brothers were lifers to opium in the Punjab never married did raw opium to their dying days. My Dad a was a functioning alcoholic and cheat . My two brothers cheat but now they not risk comebacks and go Reno also got abuse problems . My uncle my cousins dad a hulk of a man but a gentle sweet man total opposite to my fucking old man died of liver disease and now his only son battling his shit . And me a junkie who cheats on a wife who I been with since 15 who I love so fucking much . What a fucked up family . I fucking craving either a women or gear both going to end up hurting my wife .Im sorry bruv but today a hard day my mate out he got his stash in his room but the cunt locks it or could get some but im fucked on pregabs driving dangerous . My door always open to you rio just me and m,y dealer mate his gear so good he a few notches up the ladder for 12 years I got my gear at his prices only in Punjab have I had better heroin . And its driving me crazy he out until tonight I could force it open but we had a safe in their and my wife told keep his gear in there and im no safecracker . I only meant to do 2 300mg capsule but im just about to have another hopefully knock me out and wake up tomorrow and these cravings end or knock one out that stop the sex cravings Im fucked so gonna regret this message and the only thing I know in grammar a full stop not put that in thats it no more prefab days I got five strips of seven capsules left I could either have a mad weekend or fucking flush the cunts
 
I went 3-4 months clean recently from opioids (only percocet/oxy and maybe a morphine tab here and there) and of course some things were more enjoyable about life but other aspects were horrible. I was still struggling with depression and a lack of motivation. Is that normal to experience for 2-3 years of regular abuse?

The past two weeks I'm back to old habits if not worse because I was tired of fighting it and coping, and of course my depression/anxiety is totally gone. It sucks so much that I feel like I'm held hostage by something more powerful than me. Probably going to stop cold turkey and just use kratom regularly to cope. I believe that I set my progress back greatly. I can't lie though, no depression is incredible to feel. I actually like life moreso now than when I was sober without lying about it, because I'm more functional lately and have a lot more energy. Thanks for reading
 
Thanks so much for talking me through your recovery timeline yuba! I have no problem reading your posts, but our American friends may have a little more trouble since you type like you talk. I enjoy that though, makes me feel like I'm actually talking to you when I read your posts. Telling me that it took three months to get better mentally is actually encouraging, not discouraging, since in the last 2 quit attempts I've made it to around 40 days before relapsing, and I've worried at times that maybe the mood swings are just my personality and would be something I'd always have to deal with since 6 weeks in they still occur with regularity, but knowing that if I can go 3 months I will see an improvement is encouraging. Fuck it though, if it takes 3 months, 6 months or even a year or two it would still be worth it - I just have to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't handle mood swings just forever, permanently going up and down on an emotional roller coaster without using eventually.

yuba, my take on this may be disputed by others, but I've always thought cheating isn't immoral as long as you never let your wife find out. What she doesn't know can't hurt her, and I think having some casual fun with another woman that she never finds out about will cause her infinitely less pain than her having to watch you relapse and you doing that to her again, right? Sounds like the pregabs may be messing with your mind a little tho bro, maybe it's time to put them down for a while? Have you been relying on them a lot recently?
 
Thanks so much for talking me through your recovery timeline yuba! I have no problem reading your posts, but our American friends may have a little more trouble since you type like you talk. I enjoy that though, makes me feel like I'm actually talking to you when I read your posts. Telling me that it took three months to get better mentally is actually encouraging, not discouraging, since in the last 2 quit attempts I've made it to around 40 days before relapsing, and I've worried at times that maybe the mood swings are just my personality and would be something I'd always have to deal with since 6 weeks in they still occur with regularity, but knowing that if I can go 3 months I will see an improvement is encouraging. Fuck it though, if it takes 3 months, 6 months or even a year or two it would still be worth it - I just have to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't handle mood swings just forever, permanently going up and down on an emotional roller coaster without using eventually.

yuba, my take on this may be disputed by others, but I've always thought cheating isn't immoral as long as you never let your wife find out. What she doesn't know can't hurt her, and I think having some casual fun with another woman that she never finds out about will cause her infinitely less pain than her having to watch you relapse and you doing that to her again, right? Sounds like the pregabs may be messing with your mind a little tho bro, maybe it's time to put them down for a while? Have you been relying on them a lot recently?
how you doing my brother. Man that post of mine . I crashed out after that woke up now . The pregabs a Saturday thing worked fine but last week I went into Sunday and now today I did 900 mg time to leave them for a while I've already had 3 wd from them and they are brutal worse mental head fuck then wd from gear 6 days of the lowest I've been. But they so good for opiate wd that I keep strips just incase . Bruv im nit trying to scare you but three months is to normality for me but you will keep see improvement weekly at first then daily. Rio you can do this. There already light at the end of the tunnel you not being content on being on the brown is the start to being clean. I could tell you its easy but its not . The last detox I not make mistakes of the past. No more trying a 4 day methadone detox I read about. I brought some peoples take home by day two I abused it by drinking to much . Then having a hard detox and getting through that and day ten pregabs abused them . Can you see where im getting . I used benzos last detox for anxiety and sleep issues because I never saw what people see in them. That worked so either do a slow taper on the subs or use comfort meds you not like. This thing will hang over us for life but the grip loosens .Im only fucked because 1 I got my mate renting my house and he has t loads of good gear and will leave the room to do his thing but I still have to see him fucked . Imagine the cravings I get then 2 this towns I know I can get what I want . In the states I am content I think its sick how they have all that shit put in their gear so would never smoke it and weed is legal im content with putting kids to bed smoking a joint talking with wife the edible would be coming up either try with wife not now she pregnant but when not I would try if no joy listen to music s until edible knock me out for my 6 hours sleep . It is something to look forward to something I missed after stopping heroin and unlike uk the Mexican butcher I get my curry meat from does not have ground poppy pods for sale . The cheating part I have the punjabi mentality that its ok for a man to cheat as long as he comes home. Its not right but ts ingrained so never cared about the old man getting his end away I was quite proud my old man could pull a bird . My wife not let me have sex until married in a way I was happy she not a slut again fucked up punjabi mentality . That lasted years . So whats a cranked up teenager meant to do I would screw around at high school she would find out plus I would not have cranked up sex with wife I love her . I never had sex with wife on crank or coke fucking a night of pounding away still not shooting your load no way she my love. I always did it close to home then when I hurt her here in uk by sleeping with someone she knew I saw the hurt so changed course and began using escorts. Heroin saved my life and marriage by taking away my sex drive . I would make love to my wife out of duty on the gear . Now I make love to wife and still have to knock one out in shower. Im fucking 43 and still these urges. Her friend is a a 37 year old milf she flirts but she loves my wife her best friend she would tell me to fuck right of and tell m,y wife.Her husband needs a slap how after seven years of marriage hundreds of sex sessions and you still do not know what your women wants and likes fucking knob . That women will cheat 100 per cent but never with me she a great friend to my wife and I like her so won't ever tryBut im am in danger of a relapse here im making excuses just to justify using .But what can I do this business has got me two houses one here one I brought in states csah money for kids put away and thats from the graft of my cousin I only put money in. Sorry about the long message fucking pregabs make me either talk to much or type to much shit.Hang in there my brother just do enough subs to take worse of it away . What are your plans keep maintaining for a while sort you shit out or quickly of them .
 
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I went 3-4 months clean recently from opioids (only percocet/oxy and maybe a morphine tab here and there) and of course some things were more enjoyable about life but other aspects were horrible. I was still struggling with depression and a lack of motivation. Is that normal to experience for 2-3 years of regular abuse?

The past two weeks I'm back to old habits if not worse because I was tired of fighting it and coping, and of course my depression/anxiety is totally gone. It sucks so much that I feel like I'm held hostage by something more powerful than me. Probably going to stop cold turkey and just use kratom regularly to cope. I believe that I set my progress back greatly. I can't lie though, no depression is incredible to feel. I actually like life moreso now than when I was sober without lying about it, because I'm more functional lately and have a lot more energy. Thanks for reading
How you doing mate Im months clean and still have low days . Dont believe those charts you see where it says detox is like a really bad flu and lasts 4 days then better by ten days. I do know some people that did not get paws but know lots more that struggled with the depression and lack of motivation . 2 or three years is enough to get your brain used to opium I used heroin for a few months and one day thought fuck it im not getting any coke today so dont need the gear and that first rattle scared me to keep using horrible feeling to know you got a addiction to gear scared the shit out of me . You are more stronger then the gear my friend use comfort meds for the worst of it. A relapse not the end of the world also this feeling you have now that you more functional after using opiate is because you given your brain what it wants the minute you stop its gonna try to fuck you up so you use again. That cycle has to be broken and even with comfort meds for detox know there is some pain involved . The hardest part is paws because it just goes on and on and on . But the brain does heal im still healing now . I was up for a relapse this afternoon but now fighting the cravings is easier. I like life better with heroin but it makes you its slave andit runs a clock . My mate a animal but he still has to obey the clock ok our usage was a lot different to most we hardly ever ran dry I had enough gear pods raw Indian opium to last me weeks but we still obey that clock . It is powerful like you said but I got out so do a lot of people and so can you. Exercise eat well get stocked up on comfort meds and kratom and go again. A relapse makes us feel bad but it is only a bump in the road not a mountain we think at the time. Keep me updated mate ask whatever you want I can only give my expierance and recovery is different for everybody stay strong and in detox try ignoring your brain it wants gear and he now your enemy
 
How you doing mate Im months clean and still have low days . Dont believe those charts you see where it says detox is like a really bad flu and lasts 4 days then better by ten days. I do know some people that did not get paws but know lots more that struggled with the depression and lack of motivation . 2 or three years is enough to get your brain used to opium I used heroin for a few months and one day thought fuck it im not getting any coke today so dont need the gear and that first rattle scared me to keep using horrible feeling to know you got a addiction to gear scared the shit out of me . You are more stronger then the gear my friend use comfort meds for the worst of it. A relapse not the end of the world also this feeling you have now that you more functional after using opiate is because you given your brain what it wants the minute you stop its gonna try to fuck you up so you use again. That cycle has to be broken and even with comfort meds for detox know there is some pain involved . The hardest part is paws because it just goes on and on and on . But the brain does heal im still healing now . I was up for a relapse this afternoon but now fighting the cravings is easier. I like life better with heroin but it makes you its slave andit runs a clock . My mate a animal but he still has to obey the clock ok our usage was a lot different to most we hardly ever ran dry I had enough gear pods raw Indian opium to last me weeks but we still obey that clock . It is powerful like you said but I got out so do a lot of people and so can you. Exercise eat well get stocked up on comfort meds and kratom and go again. A relapse makes us feel bad but it is only a bump in the road not a mountain we think at the time. Keep me updated mate ask whatever you want I can only give my expierance and recovery is different for everybody stay strong and in detox try ignoring your brain it wants gear and he now your enemy

I agree :( In the beginning you control it, but then it controls you. And you don't even realize it until it's way too late. Thanks for telling me what I went through wasn't abnormal. I thought I was going crazy still struggling with a lack of motivation and some depression here and there.
 
You're right about relapses man. I think every day of sobriety makes staying clean that little bit easier. Moving forward a little helps put our fuck ups in perspective. but man I gotta be honest, I'm sure if I had money like you I would be still using or (more likely) dead by now. I feel like money insulates you from some of the worse consequences of addiction? Maybe you disagree since you've lived it - grass is always greener on the other side etc. The fact that you've quit when you could have comfortably carried on using into the forseeable future is really inspiring to me, tho. Are you counting days still??
 
You're right about relapses man. I think every day of sobriety makes staying clean that little bit easier. Moving forward a little helps put our fuck ups in perspective. but man I gotta be honest, I'm sure if I had money like you I would be still using or (more likely) dead by now. I feel like money insulates you from some of the worse consequences of addiction? Maybe you disagree since you've lived it - grass is always greener on the other side etc. The fact that you've quit when you could have comfortably carried on using into the forseeable future is really inspiring to me, tho. Are you counting days still??
Bruv I agree I would buy great gear not in massive amounts but a couple of weeks worth from my mate who sold in big bulks . Apart from the first few months when we still getting to know him so 11 and a half years he would take his bit out and deal sell to me at the price he got it.So I smoked my gear at night until I hit the sweet spot and know I aint got to worry about morning smoke it was always there. I would buy from normal dealers just to stay in loop incase my mate got a tug. So no waking up needing to rob to get sorted no getting shit gear. There was three of us me him and his pal who also wasnmyn dealer mates partner we called each other posh junkies we would go out coke and crank gear. The only wds I have had are one where im stuck in traffic and could not get home wedding reception ran late and shit like that or when attempt detox . Fuck bruv this side defo better. I feel for you guys I can never imagine trying to get money while you have statrted wd but would have to cause of wd. Even if I had given my wife all of it and kept 25 per cent I could have maintained my using had a flat and lived a comfortable life. I did the math lucky not choose that. But the part where money not make the difference is the feeling of not wanting it no more I had smoked so many years that would have to had broken promise to wife of no going on the needle the sweet spot had gone .
 
Stopped counting days ages ago . Once I was kind of normal I stopped the target had been reached.
 
I agree :( In the beginning you control it, but then it controls you. And you don't even realize it until it's way too late. Thanks for telling me what I went through wasn't abnormal. I thought I was going crazy still struggling with a lack of motivation and some depression here and there.
Im was the same as you fatigue lack of motivation and depression trust me bruv it does get better hang in there. Be selfish these few months should be about your recovery and dont think to much about other shit dont be in a hurry then get frustrated .A few months to heal you will get b better hang in there
 
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