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TDS What was the lowest point in your life as a result of drug use?

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
159
For me it has to being threatened with homelessness and the police talking to me saying if I keep pawning off my parents stuff I'll end up kicked out on the streets or in prison and come out with a criminal conviction
 
Joined
Jul 29, 2019
Messages
218
Location
The Source Energy
Offending someone who mattered so much to me. They still do. If I can somehow undo the offense (I can't) or rather change my ways I can try to redeem the sin.

I also pawned stuff that belonged to my parents. Not like their jewelry or something like that but like my dad's tools he had at the duplex he rents out that he so graciously has been letting me live in rent free for years now. I actually payed him half a month's rent for the first time in years this month which I guess only happened as I let this really cute girl move in. Enough about this babe man this relationship won't grow without sobriety anyways!

I am so ashamed of it I can't really bring myself to talk about it right now. I didn't beat or assault anyone. Kind of like a secret misdeed committed virtually/remotely but it didn't impact them for the worse in terms of causing any real harm to them. Just a loss of trust and respect. I mean I am ashamed and would not have done it sober. I was in the depths of a binge and it became a pattern for a couple years which makes it harder to come to terms with.
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
7,197
Butt naked on my grandmas bathroom floor with EMS hovering over me. Waking up in the hospital tied to the bed because apparently I was being "belligerent" in the ambulance. Asking my brother to bring me clothes when he came to get me out. Going back and getting wasted again the same night.
 
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schizopath

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
152
Location
Finland
Got fucked up on benzos and lyrica at a festival -> borrowed friends car ->went to buy drugs and beer -> lost half of my shit after i came back -> started to raid the nearly tents cause i was sure someone had stolen my shit -> got arrested -> broke my arm at a night-cell.
 

ThatSpaceyKid

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 10, 2015
Messages
316
Location
Colorado
The lowest time would have to be the last 3 days... I finally had 8 months clean from drugs. I am in a transitional living center. I finished the 6 month rehab portion. I was working. I was happy... I actually thought I was free from meth and like there was a reason to live. I had hope. I was on step 6. My relationship with my family was getting much better. I had every thing I'd wanted... Ya know... I was doing so good... But then I started letting sex control my life. Constantly trying to fuck. Getting rejected a lot... Then I met up with 2 people... Who did meth.. I wasnt gonna fo and at first. I was set in staying clean. My gut told me.. Dont go with them but I did. It started with 1 hit of meth.. Then before I knew it I'd smoked several grams. Today I resorted to shooting up meth again. Which is some thing I'd never wanted to do again. 😢 Over here in rehab like a fucking dumb fuck thinking I'm hiding it... When I look like shit. I'm losing weight. I havent slept in several days or ate. I've been laying in bed all day for 3 days now. I missed work because I was to high today from shooting up. .. I'm sure every one knows I'm using and that there talking shit. And I'm in here sad as fuck. Pondering how the fuck ima tell my parents I relapsed just when they finally told me they were proud of me. And that they can be at peace... I cant get kicked out. I sure hope they dont UA me soon... If they do I have thought of ways to beat it... I cant live like this anymore. But I also cant live. I hate meth . It's the reason I'm so miserable. But I love it... Its fucked up. This relapse only took 2 days to jump from smoking to shooting up. I skipped the weed, booze, and other gateways and went straight for meth... I want to live. But... I also dont want to be alive anymore some days. I just wish I could change or die in peace. I'm a piece of shit low life.
 

RRJ31337

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
45
Shot up heroin yesterday infront of my co workers, then had 3 co workers help me look for a half bag of heroin i dropped. And im the fucking Supervisor lol...
 

NorwegianElkhound

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 21, 2018
Messages
48
Getting kicked out of the drug court program and serving a year behind bars as a result. Getting into drug court because of drugs was bad enough, but at least at that point the program gave me a chance to have my charge dropped and live a "normal" life. But god damn, the day I was terminated from it was the worst day of my life so far. And the 9 and a half months that followed where I basically lived in a dungeon around a bunch of psychopaths.
 

NorwegianElkhound

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 21, 2018
Messages
48
Offending someone who mattered so much to me. They still do. If I can somehow undo the offense (I can't) or rather change my ways I can try to redeem the sin.

I also pawned stuff that belonged to my parents. Not like their jewelry or something like that but like my dad's tools he had at the duplex he rents out that he so graciously has been letting me live in rent free for years now. I actually payed him half a month's rent for the first time in years this month which I guess only happened as I let this really cute girl move in. Enough about this babe man this relationship won't grow without sobriety anyways!

I am so ashamed of it I can't really bring myself to talk about it right now. I didn't beat or assault anyone. Kind of like a secret misdeed committed virtually/remotely but it didn't impact them for the worse in terms of causing any real harm to them. Just a loss of trust and respect. I mean I am ashamed and would not have done it sober. I was in the depths of a binge and it became a pattern for a couple years which makes it harder to come to terms with.
I'm ashamed of mine too. If you want to talk about it, shoot me a message. I'd really like to get mine off my chest too.
 
Joined
Jul 29, 2019
Messages
218
Location
The Source Energy
I can think of a personal one that bothered me for a bit. I'm over it.

I almost sucked dick for weed. Like I almost sucked a guy's dick just to smoke weed with me. We exchanged pics like he thought it was a hookup but I am not gay. So he lives down my street it turned out and is actually a nice guy and he ended up asking me about what I wanted to do and he was able to talk me out of it. I mean he asked if I was really gay and wanted to do it. We just smoked together which was cool and he didn't try to fight me or force his dick in my mouth (I woulda beat him silly anyways I'm thinking). Too bad we had to meet like that but it wasn't like I sucked dick for weed, just almost. Not even for weed dude, just to get high.
 
Joined
Jul 29, 2019
Messages
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Location
The Source Energy
I'm ashamed of mine too. If you want to talk about it, shoot me a message. I'd really like to get mine off my chest too.
I've told a psychologist before. I cried when I told her. She didn't say it was healthy but she also didn't seem to think it was as bad as I thought but I know it is not healthy nor right.
 

Shady's Fox

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 12, 2017
Messages
1,890
Location
Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
For me was not being able to see my daughter. I did the whole fuckin book, been sober for 12 yrs. After I went out from rehab they forgot me, I bought an apartment and got my daughter back. My wife, nah, she divorced. I did the papers. Bout what happend in the court I don't even wanna get into because I think I will smash this screen and I go way into the subject, but that basically it's. Not being able to see my girl, was.. ugh, can't find my fuckin words. But good news, we already have a family, I meet a woman who had a ''mother in her blood'' and had one kid. Both girls.


Now, I have a victorian house in Alaska, and good for life.
 
Joined
Jul 29, 2019
Messages
218
Location
The Source Energy
Profesor, no offence dude but you shouldn't have wrote this. Don't say this out loudly in public, you will lose few teeths, friendly advice + weed isn't a drug, so when we talk bout drugs, take it off the list.

For me was not being able to see my daughter. I did the whole fuckin book, been sober for 12 yrs. After I went out from rehab they forgot me, I bought an apartment and got my daughter back. My wife, nah, she divorced. I did the papers. Bout what happend in the court I don't even wanna get into because I think I will smash this screen and I go way into the subject, but that basically it's. Not being able to see my girl, was.. ugh, can't find my fuckin words. But good news, we already have a family, I meet a woman who had a ''mother in her blood'' and had one kid. Both girls.


Now, I have a victorian house in Alaska, and good for life.
Weed is a drug dude. Just because it is a plant does not mean it is not a drug nor can be addictive.

Also I am anonymous here. This isn't public man.
 
Joined
Jul 29, 2019
Messages
218
Location
The Source Energy
Actually the lowest point might have even happened when I was only like 16. I learned of the behavior from a friend who did it to his parents. Another kid actually took out enough money to buy a new Mustang or something. Not sure why we were trying to rob our parents but like our weed habit was that bad. I mean I took money out of their bank account as I knew their card pin. They found out and it was really one of the most emotionally devastating things I have ever dealt with.

I think I apologized after tripping really hard on mushrooms and acid or that is when the guilt ate me alive. Coming down from that trip and thinking about what I had done. Was it that trip? The only time I hippyflipped?

Parents don't let your drug using kids know your card pins. Not all drug using kids will attempt to take money from their parents. I guess I viewed money as something not that important in terms of how difficult it can be to make for some people. Money matters. Budgeting matters.
 

ApocalypsePlease

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 9, 2019
Messages
9
Homeless and living in abandoned houses. Reusing the same needle to shoot dope enough times that I could hear it pop when it went in and out of my skin. I ended up in this place- it was the apartment above the crack den I hung out in. This place looked like an episode out of hoarders. The kitchen was unusable. There were no lights, but I know the place had electricity because there was a little TV in the living room. I was kind of paralyzed in disgust and fear at the condition of this place and the fact that I was willingly there. (A lot of the local prostitutes would go there to get high or crash. Just because it wasn't the streets.). One of the first people who came out was an old man with no legs who came crawling out on his arms. He would lay in his bed shouting that he was a victim of elder abuse, (in a way he was) but as soon as his check came in every month, he sent his stepdaughter out for some big fat crack rocks, so apparently he would only scream that when he thought people were getting high in the living room and not bringing some back to his bedroom. The first time I stepped in that place, it was scary and I could feel my fight or flight response going crazy. After two weeks it was normal. I was getting paid about $30 to put my bare junky feet in some guy's face and kick him while he jerked off. (And I was a street kid so sometimes I would go days without showering.). It was definitely the lowest point in my life, but you'd never know it now. Actually, no one in my current life does know anything about that time in my life. I have a minivan and a 3br house in suburbia 😂😂. It can get better. You just have to want it.
 

HoldBack

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2017
Messages
219
Location
San Francisco, CA
You would think the low point would be all the gay prostitution when I’m definitely straight.

But it would probably actually be stealing several thousand cash from my parents gun safe right after getting back from rehab.

H/crack/benzos...
 
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