What led you to stop using drugs?

[jose ribas da silva]

In my case, during a long a time I thought drugs were improving my performance. I was a hero with cocaine; on cocaine, I could work long periods, present results to large audiences uninhibitedly with more creativity and resourcefulness.

With psychedelics and cannabis, I was opening my mind to unknown pleasures. So much knowledge to be acquired, new ways to see life, to interpret Nature and society.

With benzos, I could finally relax and sleep well

I have also thought that drugs were improving my performance regarding sex and flirt

Nevertheless, I’ve recently realized, as it was supposed to be obvious, that everything was a lie, actually I was working, in every respect, much better sober than high on any substance. Drugs are a castle of lies, it seems obvious but it is not, it takes a while for an addict to realize this. In the beginning, it is like “living the dream”.

This perception hit my mind, shaking it, and it was sufficient, from that point I am constantly working to get out of drugs. It has been working, not perfectly, but yes, I am not drinking 15 beers per day, taking benzos only when extremely necessary, and sniffing only when extremely necessary (=P)

I am currently too paranoid for psychedelics, my mind has been fucked up over time, but still appreciating MDMA and cannabis.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

psychedelics were easy to give up because i can't handle them. i think most people grow out of them. i wanna take lsd one more time before i die, but like in my 60s and if i die before then i won't miss it.

i haven't quit everything completely -- or i have before but not at the moment, you know -- but my current effort and previous efforts mostly have to do with mental illness. yeah hard drugs will fuck anyone, but i cannot even be smoking weed because i'm crazy and eliminating as many factors as possible will help me pinpoint and address that crazy.

all i like are depressants, and they always collect their toll. and crack, but smoked cocaine feels more like a depressant than a stimulant. especially because i've never been using crack and not heroin. if i do opiates, i'm gonna be depressed as fuck. if i do benzos, i'm gonna be anxious as fuck. you can't stay ahead of it. if i'm doing heroin i cannot do enough of it not to be depressed. eventually i'm using and depressed at the same time and there is no point in that. same with benzos. eventually my tolerance gets so high that i'm taking so many fucking pills i can't remember what someone told me yesterday yet i'm still anxious. the honeymoon period does repeat itself with relapse, but only for a few days with opiates and a few weeks with benzos. not worth it.

drugs make life harder. people are dupped with alcohol big time. addicts and the mentally ill know not to drink because they can't, but everyone else is poisoning themselves lightly enough they don't realize it.

i just need to get rid of benzos right now. they're always what i can't get rid of. even opiates i feel no (constant) pull toward. fucking benzos. most addictive drug -- ime, imo, etc.

good you've identified a problem and are working to fix it. best.

 

[Chris42393]

Money and withdrawals. Too bad I'm not a billionaire.... (IV heroin and hydrocodone were my drugs of choice... well pretty much any opiates for that matter lol)

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

There were so many reasons. Right now it is because I don't want to die from Meth or suicide as a result from the debilitating effects that Meth use and mental health illnesses cause me. For me. Heroin wasnt my cup of tea. It was a waste of money and time and is a boring drug... Not to mention I died from a heroin OD in November 2017. Weed is because I couldn't and cant smoke it in rehab... But also because weed makes it hard for me to maintain or find a job. It also makes me return to or want to use crystal meth. Pills because heroin became cheaper and pills weren't my thing... I hit rock bottom. I was lonely. I was suicidal and did not want to live my life. I was making myself sick. I was hurting my loved ones. I was getting violent. I was getting into trouble with the law and a little push from probation helped. Meth has ruined my fucking life. I regret ever IV it. I couldnt function any more. It was getting pretty abusive at home with my parents and brother and sister. I was tired of being forced into detox or taken to the hospital because of psychosis. I was and still am in and out of rehabs. I just did 8 months in rehab... I was working for past 2 months... And I relapsed... Now I get to spend another 6 months in rehab... Its gonna be my 5th attempt at rehab.... I've spent 27 months of the last 3 years in rehab . I was tired if always being desperate. I was in such a deep state of psychosis for almost 4-5 months last year.. I've lost all my friends. I've lost my friends and family's respect. I never had shit and was always needing..... I was tired of being suicidal and having the ambulance and police come because I was holding a knife to my throat going to cut it. Or I was doing heroin to try to OD. I an tired of hiding it and of hiding.... Tired of lying and keeping track of my lies... I'm tired and dont want to face jail, or prison because let's face it if I keep doing meth that's where I'm gonna end up. I'd be lucky to end up dead... I just want to live man.. Every single time things were going better, I had hope, I was doing good... I found a good relationship or friendship... Meth came and ruined every thing... I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of having to stab myself to get high using IV. I'm tired of my reputation haunting me... I'm broken and sad because my family has been destroyed almost by drugs...... I'm only 23 years old and life has been so fucked up from drug use. Before my own addiction I was the victim of my uncle's, cousins, and aunties addictions.... We withered away as they did over time from their drug use. I just want my mom and dad to be proud of me.. Bc they just think I'm a waste of time and space and that I'm worthless. I deserve a better way of life because I'm not trash. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be free and able to progress in my life.. my parents deserve a good life. To see their son happy because none of their kids are happy. My brother and sister deserve to live their lives too and to have their brother back... I've been gone for so long... I missed out on our late childhood years because of depression and trauma.. I lost our teen years and early adult hood years together because I've been and am so hopelessly addicted to meth... I dont even know my brother and sister and we all lived together for years.... I feel like an only child...

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Some cool posts so far in this thread. Here's just a simple list:

Weed: Stays in your system the longest for my drug tests.
Coke: Too expensive, too short lived.
Meth: Only garbage meth in Massachusetts.
Heroin: Makes me vomit and nodding is boring.
Benzos: Make me sleepy.
Alcohol: Makes me feel disgusting and do disgusting things.
Psychedelics: Feels like a loss of control and hard to find.
Empathogenics: No friends to do them with and hard to find.
Steroids: I don't even lift anymore, bro.

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

There were so many reasons. Right now it is because I don't want to die from Meth or suicide as a result from the debilitating effects that Meth use and mental health illnesses cause me. For me. Heroin wasnt my cup of tea. It was a waste of money and time and is a boring drug... Not to mention I died from a heroin OD in November 2017. Weed is because I couldn't and cant smoke it in rehab... But also because weed makes it hard for me to maintain or find a job. It also makes me return to or want to use crystal meth. Pills because heroin became cheaper and pills weren't my thing... I hit rock bottom. I was lonely. I was suicidal and did not want to live my life. I was making myself sick. I was hurting my loved ones. I was getting violent. I was getting into trouble with the law and a little push from probation helped. Meth has ruined my fucking life. I regret ever IV it. I couldnt function any more. It was getting pretty abusive at home with my parents and brother and sister. I was tired of being forced into detox or taken to the hospital because of psychosis. I was and still am in and out of rehabs. I just did 8 months in rehab... I was working for past 2 months... And I relapsed... Now I get to spend another 6 months in rehab... Its gonna be my 5th attempt at rehab.... I've spent 27 months of the last 3 years in rehab . I was tired if always being desperate. I was in such a deep state of psychosis for almost 4-5 months last year.. I've lost all my friends. I've lost my friends and family's respect. I never had shit and was always needing..... I was tired of being suicidal and having the ambulance and police come because I was holding a knife to my throat going to cut it. Or I was doing heroin to try to OD. I an tired of hiding it and of hiding.... Tired of lying and keeping track of my lies... I'm tired and dont want to face jail, or prison because let's face it if I keep doing meth that's where I'm gonna end up. I'd be lucky to end up dead... I just want to live man.. Every single time things were going better, I had hope, I was doing good... I found a good relationship or friendship... Meth came and ruined every thing... I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of having to stab myself to get high using IV. I'm tired of my reputation haunting me... I'm broken and sad because my family has been destroyed almost by drugs...... I'm only 23 years old and life has been so fucked up from drug use. Before my own addiction I was the victim of my uncle's, cousins, and aunties addictions.... We withered away as they did over time from their drug use. I just want my mom and dad to be proud of me.. Bc they just think I'm a waste of time and space and that I'm worthless. I deserve a better way of life because I'm not trash. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be free and able to progress in my life.. my parents deserve a good life. To see their son happy because none of their kids are happy. My brother and sister deserve to live their lives too and to have their brother back... I've been gone for so long... I missed out on our late childhood years because of depression and trauma.. I lost our teen years and very adult good years together because I've been and am so hopelessly addicted to meth...

One more thing... I'm sure a lot of us have that one person or people whom we do not want to become or be compared to. For me it's my uncles Martea and leslie. Leslie is basically a hopeless alcoholic whose done some shitty things and is disregarded by the family and tossed aside.... Martea is an addict in our family... Who is a piece of shit. He even steals from his own kids and my grandma raising his kids because him and his wife got too fucked up and are both in and out of jail all the time. He also stole from us too ... He was their golden child but fell to drugs and now they tryna save his ass or some shit and killing themselves... This is why I wanna quit

 

[jose ribas da silva]

My little demon is now cannabis but it was cocaine for a long time.

Since age hit me and my friends (I am 34), the nights have not been the same, I mean, people get married, kids, jobs, etc. It would be my case as well, but drugs have not allowed it to happen. Anyway, when I have found myself in this situation, single, 34 years old, working over 8 hours per day, tired because of the excess of capitalism, most of the friends married or in a stable relationship, and with cocaine out of the script, what could I do?

No one wants to be single for the rest of life. As time goes by and age comes, this situation turns out to be increasingly difficult to overcome, as the mentality is not the same.

I have been forcing myself to hang out, at least three days per week, alone, solo work, which means that I drink like 3 to 5 beers of 300 mL along with some joints. This mixture, a soft mixture, puts me in a pleasant mindset. I feel confident to approach women and I am doing it with low rates of success, but it is better than zero and, certainly, it is better than not trying at all.

But what annoys me is that these low rates could be “easily” transformed into very high rates. I am not boasting, I am relatively handsome, beautiful car, nice clothes, and I can pay for my drinks. However, weed has been killing my performance, it increases anxiety and decreases the self-confidence, without mentioning the effects on the physical appearance and on the discourse (mine got fairly stoned, both). In addition, I am all-or-nothing kind of person so that I smoke a lot, from morning to night, it is sink or swim.

What the hell, I am forcing myself to go out on my own and approach women in order to fight my drug-induced acquired social anxiety, how can I do this sober? Holy shit, it is very hard but I need to do it, I need to stop smoking as soon as possible, on the contrary, I will get older and older and there will not be a way to do so anymore.

I know this is a minor problem in comparison with hard drug-induced problems but it is big problem for me and I used this opportunity to unburden myself from this secret.

When I was constantly doing cocaine, I was a very promiscuous person, having sex with women of doubtful reputation, prostitutes, transgender, some times without protection, luckily I am clean of pathogens, but now without cocaine and other crazy stuffs , it’s been hard, hard to find a woman to love for the rest of my life ^^.

Thanks for reading

 

[jose ribas da silva]

There were so many reasons. Right now it is because I don't want to die from Meth or suicide as a result from the debilitating effects that Meth use and mental health illnesses cause me. For me. Heroin wasnt my cup of tea. It was a waste of money and time and is a boring drug... Not to mention I died from a heroin OD in November 2017. Weed is because I couldn't and cant smoke it in rehab... But also because weed makes it hard for me to maintain or find a job. It also makes me return to or want to use crystal meth. Pills because heroin became cheaper and pills weren't my thing... I hit rock bottom. I was lonely. I was suicidal and did not want to live my life. I was making myself sick. I was hurting my loved ones. I was getting violent. I was getting into trouble with the law and a little push from probation helped. Meth has ruined my fucking life. I regret ever IV it. I couldnt function any more. It was getting pretty abusive at home with my parents and brother and sister. I was tired of being forced into detox or taken to the hospital because of psychosis. I was and still am in and out of rehabs. I just did 8 months in rehab... I was working for past 2 months... And I relapsed... Now I get to spend another 6 months in rehab... Its gonna be my 5th attempt at rehab.... I've spent 27 months of the last 3 years in rehab . I was tired if always being desperate. I was in such a deep state of psychosis for almost 4-5 months last year.. I've lost all my friends. I've lost my friends and family's respect. I never had shit and was always needing..... I was tired of being suicidal and having the ambulance and police come because I was holding a knife to my throat going to cut it. Or I was doing heroin to try to OD. I an tired of hiding it and of hiding.... Tired of lying and keeping track of my lies... I'm tired and dont want to face jail, or prison because let's face it if I keep doing meth that's where I'm gonna end up. I'd be lucky to end up dead... I just want to live man.. Every single time things were going better, I had hope, I was doing good... I found a good relationship or friendship... Meth came and ruined every thing... I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of having to stab myself to get high using IV. I'm tired of my reputation haunting me... I'm broken and sad because my family has been destroyed almost by drugs...... I'm only 23 years old and life has been so fucked up from drug use. Before my own addiction I was the victim of my uncle's, cousins, and aunties addictions.... We withered away as they did over time from their drug use. I just want my mom and dad to be proud of me.. Bc they just think I'm a waste of time and space and that I'm worthless. I deserve a better way of life because I'm not trash. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be free and able to progress in my life.. my parents deserve a good life. To see their son happy because none of their kids are happy. My brother and sister deserve to live their lives too and to have their brother back... I've been gone for so long... I missed out on our late childhood years because of depression and trauma.. I lost our teen years and early adult hood years together because I've been and am so hopelessly addicted to meth... I dont even know my brother and sister and we all lived together for years.... I feel like an only child...

Quite intense post man, I hope you doing well = D. It seems you have the right mindset to quit, you are sad and angry with yourself, these are good elements to quit. also, you so young, you can change your life since you have figured out that life is about family and friends.

 

[srv45]

Unmanageability

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Welcome to Bluelight, @srv45

 

[srv45]

Thank you madness00!
I used to come here for years to read, but haven't been here for a while.
Clean for 7+ years now.....

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

7 years.. that's awesome!

What made you decide to come back?

 

[srv45]

My kid takes Kratom and browsing views about it, as well as seeing if anything has changed in my old world....

 

[DoctorMolecule]

Trying to hide use from my wife became more and more challenging. Tired of needing something to give me energy or relax me. Tired of always needing a fix to feel right and treat people right. Using lost it’s fun and excitement.

 

[Phoenix1984]

What made me want to stop using drugs was the realisation that no amount of substance, in any combination could possibly hit my sweet spot anymore. The high I wanted was impossible to reach and my unending quest to attain it repeatedly put me in dangerous situations medically/physically/mentally.

 

[MaggieV]

Law school. There is a saying that law school is a jealous mistress.

I sure loaded up on caffeine, though.