discoburger88
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2016
- Messages
- 11
Hi All,
I've lurked in these forums a lot in the past and even go so far as to say that user experiences on bluelight were one of the most helpful resources for no-bullshit tips on safe drug use. Thanks to everyone's posts I'm happy to say that after 3+ years I'm finally 2 weeks clean of oxy and subutex. I have no shame telling you guys that I had a really hard time withdrawing, I don't mind admitting it, if that means I'm a "pussy" or somthing else, thats fine, writing this is helping me get through it and if no one reads a lick of it, I don't care, but if it helps one person because they can relate to it, like so many stories on this site have helped me then it was worth it...even if it doesn't I enjoyed writing it.
Call me Waffles,
I've made it 14 days, but that comes with a caveat called "160 1mg Xanax footballs:will I get addicted/am I already on my way?! , let me explain....
Its a tale as old as opiates and I'm not going to beat it to death by re-writing it in my own words (wait yes I am, sorry) lets just start off by saying: a few years ago I started using oxy just on the weekends (lol)...and we all know how that story goes. Fast-forward a year I am now using opiates daily (duh) and am snorting, ripping, and insufflating up to 300 mg a day, 10 30mg smurfs was about where my recreational tolerance intersected with my spending limit....obviously $350 a day makes for an unsustainable habit, so it became less and less about trying to get high and more and more about finding the does that would keep me from suffering withdrawls (3ish 30mg pills a day to avoid discomfort). I quickly learned that even after a year of steady use you can get very addicted to opiates....I was somehow able to sustain my life, stay fit and active, while continuing to feed the monkey on my back its minimum 90mg for about 2 years. Finally, I got to the point where mentally I Knew (capital K) what my habit was doing to my life and I no longer had the urge to continue it, so I tried to quit. Withdrawls were terrible, I didn't taper at all, but I could have handled it if my current girlfriend didn't call me a "bitch" and told me to "man up", we broke up during the first few days of my withdrawal. Obviously this kicked me off the wagon and I used again.
At this time I had a psyc. (MD/The Villain) I was seeing off and on and I finally confided in him about my drug habit, he prescribed suboxone (with the nalexone). I knew practically nothing about the drug so I began at around 8-10mg a day, which he deemed the proper amount, but did not propose a taper plan...he wanted me at that does long term, fuck him. The nalexone in suboxone felt like it was blocking not just my opioid receptors, but also all the other receptors in my brain so I switched to subutex (just bupe) that made me feel better. I was snorting 4-6mg a day or taking (orally) around 8mg. After a few months at this dose I began to feel really dull, I no longer liked sex, music (which i fucking love) and reading (double fucking love)...I may have been taking opiates for too long to know, but I think I actually will take reading and music over sex, weird....
anyway fast forward 1.5 years-ish I'm using oxy intermittently, I'll stop the subutex one day then the next day wait until I can't stand it and go on an oxy bender for like a week, quickly learn that my tolerance is REALLY fucking high, 300mg will barely have me nodding by day's end, I quickly realize that you can't YoYo between oxy and subutex (Mr.Robot (tv show) got it all wrong), but even this is a good realization because it finally takes me to a point mentally where I am flat out Knowing that I am done with opiates. A cautionary note: subutex is NOT and SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT be used in the long term, I feel that bupe addiction cannot be denied, I also feel that my withdrawal from it was far longer than an oxy withdrawal would have been, feed any MD a bag of dicks if she(he) doesn't prescribe sub/bupe properly as the tapering drug it is...limit use to a few short months.
Jump ahead to here but two weeks ago, at day 1 of my withdrawals. I have stocked up Xanax, Clonadine, Calm Support, Ambien, tea, soup, easy-food-type-shit and with the support of my current and awesome new girlfriend I dive head-first into the abyss. First 2 into the 3rd day tired as fuck can hardly move, 3rd-12th day can't sleep more than tiny naps even with the aid of 3mg Xanax combined with .10-.20mg of Clonadine. Could days really be this long? I thought they only had 24 hours in them.... don't they? Anyway I manage to last-out and otherwise slither, writhe, twitch, shiver, and insonminacally (made that word up, go me.) lumber through 14 days of psychotic hell (its not all in your head, but, sadly, alot of it is
)
2 weeks in (aka Today) my stomach is finally untying its knots, and the introspective/existential nightmare is finally ending, the world is a lot brighter, but its beginning to be brighter in a positive way. I'm reading daily and I have so much new music to catch up on I'm like a kid at Christmas. But just like Christmas has a Krampus so too does my story have its villain and, yes, you guessed it it is that previously alluded to MD, (Dr. Quack?) that miserable doctor who had previously prescribed me subutex to begin with has (at only my slightest suggestion) prescribed me a dose of 5mg xanax per-day...WHAT?!! Like an idiot I have been taking anywhere between 3-4mg with my regular 12.5mg Zolpidem (Ambien) each night and am now growing concerned about my scarily/rapidly escalating tolerance to the Xanax. I would really kick myself if I traded one addiction for another, but am torn between taking 4-5mg (dose increased due to tolerance) and not sleeping. At this stage I feel like I really really need good nights of sleep as that just hasn't happened for the last 14 days, but I don't want to stop chasing one dragon in lieu of chasing another. I tried to learn my way out of this current box, and with my newily discovered love for reading I dove a pair of worthless/no-sex-having-withdrawal-balls deep into the forums to learn how quickly one can build a dependance for Xanax. Alas, I had to post because my story is slightly different from anyone else's I could find. If anyone has ANY guidance other than that of the ghastly Doctor Quack (MD) who will prescribe me whatever I suggest, I would love to hear it.
Few withdrawal tips since I just did it, I've bolded all my positive tips, because readers like that...all readers like that.
Firstly, you need to mentally Know you are over your drug, then do not take suboxone (bupe) for too long because that withdrawal is fucking long, same goes for Methadone...
....DO NOT BOTHER WITH BENZOS FOR SLEEP DURING WITHDRAWALS, they really won't help you sleep that much. Infact I had many nights where my body was so drugged that it was immobilized, but my mind kept flitting around, I was stuck in bed, but I could not sleep I even got a terrible "Old Hag Syndrome dream" (a pretentious way of saying "sleep paralysis") one night...no bueno. My advice is to only take benzos for any panic attacks that occur during your withdrawals, not as a sleep aid...you will not sleep, its best to just accept it.
ABSOLUTELY DO take Clonadine, this shit helps so much with the chills and it relaxes you. the chills are my least favorite symptom, this helps that and my 2nd least favorite symptom, the damn restless legs.
Calm Support, didn't seem to do shit, it is full of all the right supplements that apparently help with withdrawal, but alas I don't think there is a magic bullet here.
The BEST cure for withdrawal is support, no joke. You need someone who will listen to you blather on and on about how miserable you are for a few days and prepare you soup.
RUNNER UP...books on tape. Download some fuck-off huge series of books on tape and let your mind into the story, I did like 2 books of Stephen King's Dark Tower series, sad I finished it during my withdrawal though...these books were wayyyyyy better than tv and you can take them everywhere with you.
Love to hear any advice or feedback, criticism, or whatever. I know it was long, it rambled and it circumambulated but it was kind of therapeutic writing it so thanks for reading it.
I am not a doctor, these are just my experiences and my personal advice. Obviously you can't OD from books on tape and support, so I don't think my cures are too outrageous.
Best,
Waffles
I've lurked in these forums a lot in the past and even go so far as to say that user experiences on bluelight were one of the most helpful resources for no-bullshit tips on safe drug use. Thanks to everyone's posts I'm happy to say that after 3+ years I'm finally 2 weeks clean of oxy and subutex. I have no shame telling you guys that I had a really hard time withdrawing, I don't mind admitting it, if that means I'm a "pussy" or somthing else, thats fine, writing this is helping me get through it and if no one reads a lick of it, I don't care, but if it helps one person because they can relate to it, like so many stories on this site have helped me then it was worth it...even if it doesn't I enjoyed writing it.
Call me Waffles,
I've made it 14 days, but that comes with a caveat called "160 1mg Xanax footballs:will I get addicted/am I already on my way?! , let me explain....
Its a tale as old as opiates and I'm not going to beat it to death by re-writing it in my own words (wait yes I am, sorry) lets just start off by saying: a few years ago I started using oxy just on the weekends (lol)...and we all know how that story goes. Fast-forward a year I am now using opiates daily (duh) and am snorting, ripping, and insufflating up to 300 mg a day, 10 30mg smurfs was about where my recreational tolerance intersected with my spending limit....obviously $350 a day makes for an unsustainable habit, so it became less and less about trying to get high and more and more about finding the does that would keep me from suffering withdrawls (3ish 30mg pills a day to avoid discomfort). I quickly learned that even after a year of steady use you can get very addicted to opiates....I was somehow able to sustain my life, stay fit and active, while continuing to feed the monkey on my back its minimum 90mg for about 2 years. Finally, I got to the point where mentally I Knew (capital K) what my habit was doing to my life and I no longer had the urge to continue it, so I tried to quit. Withdrawls were terrible, I didn't taper at all, but I could have handled it if my current girlfriend didn't call me a "bitch" and told me to "man up", we broke up during the first few days of my withdrawal. Obviously this kicked me off the wagon and I used again.
At this time I had a psyc. (MD/The Villain) I was seeing off and on and I finally confided in him about my drug habit, he prescribed suboxone (with the nalexone). I knew practically nothing about the drug so I began at around 8-10mg a day, which he deemed the proper amount, but did not propose a taper plan...he wanted me at that does long term, fuck him. The nalexone in suboxone felt like it was blocking not just my opioid receptors, but also all the other receptors in my brain so I switched to subutex (just bupe) that made me feel better. I was snorting 4-6mg a day or taking (orally) around 8mg. After a few months at this dose I began to feel really dull, I no longer liked sex, music (which i fucking love) and reading (double fucking love)...I may have been taking opiates for too long to know, but I think I actually will take reading and music over sex, weird....
anyway fast forward 1.5 years-ish I'm using oxy intermittently, I'll stop the subutex one day then the next day wait until I can't stand it and go on an oxy bender for like a week, quickly learn that my tolerance is REALLY fucking high, 300mg will barely have me nodding by day's end, I quickly realize that you can't YoYo between oxy and subutex (Mr.Robot (tv show) got it all wrong), but even this is a good realization because it finally takes me to a point mentally where I am flat out Knowing that I am done with opiates. A cautionary note: subutex is NOT and SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT be used in the long term, I feel that bupe addiction cannot be denied, I also feel that my withdrawal from it was far longer than an oxy withdrawal would have been, feed any MD a bag of dicks if she(he) doesn't prescribe sub/bupe properly as the tapering drug it is...limit use to a few short months.
Jump ahead to here but two weeks ago, at day 1 of my withdrawals. I have stocked up Xanax, Clonadine, Calm Support, Ambien, tea, soup, easy-food-type-shit and with the support of my current and awesome new girlfriend I dive head-first into the abyss. First 2 into the 3rd day tired as fuck can hardly move, 3rd-12th day can't sleep more than tiny naps even with the aid of 3mg Xanax combined with .10-.20mg of Clonadine. Could days really be this long? I thought they only had 24 hours in them.... don't they? Anyway I manage to last-out and otherwise slither, writhe, twitch, shiver, and insonminacally (made that word up, go me.) lumber through 14 days of psychotic hell (its not all in your head, but, sadly, alot of it is
)2 weeks in (aka Today) my stomach is finally untying its knots, and the introspective/existential nightmare is finally ending, the world is a lot brighter, but its beginning to be brighter in a positive way. I'm reading daily and I have so much new music to catch up on I'm like a kid at Christmas. But just like Christmas has a Krampus so too does my story have its villain and, yes, you guessed it it is that previously alluded to MD, (Dr. Quack?) that miserable doctor who had previously prescribed me subutex to begin with has (at only my slightest suggestion) prescribed me a dose of 5mg xanax per-day...WHAT?!! Like an idiot I have been taking anywhere between 3-4mg with my regular 12.5mg Zolpidem (Ambien) each night and am now growing concerned about my scarily/rapidly escalating tolerance to the Xanax. I would really kick myself if I traded one addiction for another, but am torn between taking 4-5mg (dose increased due to tolerance) and not sleeping. At this stage I feel like I really really need good nights of sleep as that just hasn't happened for the last 14 days, but I don't want to stop chasing one dragon in lieu of chasing another. I tried to learn my way out of this current box, and with my newily discovered love for reading I dove a pair of worthless/no-sex-having-withdrawal-balls deep into the forums to learn how quickly one can build a dependance for Xanax. Alas, I had to post because my story is slightly different from anyone else's I could find. If anyone has ANY guidance other than that of the ghastly Doctor Quack (MD) who will prescribe me whatever I suggest, I would love to hear it.
Few withdrawal tips since I just did it, I've bolded all my positive tips, because readers like that...all readers like that.
Firstly, you need to mentally Know you are over your drug, then do not take suboxone (bupe) for too long because that withdrawal is fucking long, same goes for Methadone...
....DO NOT BOTHER WITH BENZOS FOR SLEEP DURING WITHDRAWALS, they really won't help you sleep that much. Infact I had many nights where my body was so drugged that it was immobilized, but my mind kept flitting around, I was stuck in bed, but I could not sleep I even got a terrible "Old Hag Syndrome dream" (a pretentious way of saying "sleep paralysis") one night...no bueno. My advice is to only take benzos for any panic attacks that occur during your withdrawals, not as a sleep aid...you will not sleep, its best to just accept it.
ABSOLUTELY DO take Clonadine, this shit helps so much with the chills and it relaxes you. the chills are my least favorite symptom, this helps that and my 2nd least favorite symptom, the damn restless legs.
Calm Support, didn't seem to do shit, it is full of all the right supplements that apparently help with withdrawal, but alas I don't think there is a magic bullet here.
The BEST cure for withdrawal is support, no joke. You need someone who will listen to you blather on and on about how miserable you are for a few days and prepare you soup.
RUNNER UP...books on tape. Download some fuck-off huge series of books on tape and let your mind into the story, I did like 2 books of Stephen King's Dark Tower series, sad I finished it during my withdrawal though...these books were wayyyyyy better than tv and you can take them everywhere with you.
Love to hear any advice or feedback, criticism, or whatever. I know it was long, it rambled and it circumambulated but it was kind of therapeutic writing it so thanks for reading it.
I am not a doctor, these are just my experiences and my personal advice. Obviously you can't OD from books on tape and support, so I don't think my cures are too outrageous.
Best,
Waffles
