What happens when sober?

[jose ribas da silva]

I am afraid that one day I will be sober and when this happens I'm going to look at the time that has passed in my life (the best years of youth) and think: "what have you done with yourself?

Throwing away the best years of my life to live in a constant paranoid state, overthinking, analyzing and analyzing myself to the last possible drop and consequently starting to think of millions of unrealistic aspects and, worse yet, allowing these aspects to dominate and guide my life, causing my family to suffer, losing friends because of my stupid actions when high or when depressed and full of anxiety because of excessive drug use. All my insecurities that arose from this, all the career opportunities that I have lost, all the girlfriends and potential girlfriends that I’ve lost to drugs (now I am alone).

I can tell I don't even know who I am. I started doing drugs at the age 15. I am 34 years old, and since I started I have never stopped, which means that my whole adult life has been lived under the influence of drugs, every day. I don't know who I am as an adult, this is sad.

Sometimes I think to myself that everything could change abruptly in my life, for it would be enough if I stopped using drugs. This thought give me some energy to try to quit them. However, this energy usually survives only for two days, at most a week and, after that, everything returns to the previous situation.

 

[14YearsOfFlux]

I was right in your shoes. Read through my recovery journal for details but I was EXACTLY where you are now. Down to the year. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Who you are is still intact, you just have to lift the veil so you can manifest it. DM me if you want.

Recovery Journal

Flux vs. WD, Round 1... FIGHT! What's up, Bluelight? I've been reading for years and this is my first post. If this is in the wrong spot, please move it. It's time we talked. Background: I've been an addict for 14 years. Longer without knowing it. As a teenager, I used to steal moms 5mg...

www.bluelight.org

 

[Mafioso]

Getting sober does involve a lot of that. Pretty much anytime you make a change for the better it's followed by some regret of not making the improvement sooner, even more so when the change has been put off and procrastinated.

I think that regret will be there regardless of the change or not, the only difference is that when you change for the better, you can appreciate the positives and improvements, and even get a little hope.

 

[Ganjcat]

Most people keep taking drugs and ignoring all negative consequence ignorance is bliss after all

 

[curtamagurtTHC]

I am afraid that one day I will be sober and when this happens I'm going to look at the time that has passed in my life (the best years of youth) and think: "what have you done with yourself?

Throwing away the best years of my life to live in a constant paranoid state, overthinking, analyzing and analyzing myself to the last possible drop and consequently starting to think of millions of unrealistic aspects and, worse yet, allowing these aspects to dominate and guide my life, causing my family to suffer, losing friends because of my stupid actions when high or when depressed and full of anxiety because of excessive drug use. All my insecurities that arose from this, all the career opportunities that I have lost, all the girlfriends and potential girlfriends that I’ve lost to drugs (now I am alone).

I can tell I don't even know who I am. I started doing drugs at the age 15. I am 34 years old, and since I started I have never stopped, which means that my whole adult life has been lived under the influence of drugs, every day. I don't know who I am as an adult, this is sad.

Sometimes I think to myself that everything could change abruptly in my life, for it would be enough if I stopped using drugs. This thought give me some energy to try to quit them. However, this energy usually survives only for two days, at most a week and, after that, everything returns to the previous situation.

I've felt the same way and the truth seems to be that yes, while it is frightening to be so distant from your true and sober self the journey back to the old you is the best trip I've ever taken. Keep telling yourself that you will get to the place you desire most in life if you stay the path. this is one of the biggest reasons us addicts stay high , because weve become comfortably numb. You've been numb emotionally, mentally and spiritually for alot of your life just as I have. And it will take everything you've got to get your life back. But it will be worth it, even just to see the sun rise and appreciate it sober for one day it's worth years of recovery.

 

[Xorkoth]

I was on weed daily or almost since 17 and then opiates from age 20 to 30, when I finally got off. I'm 36 now, and I still use drugs, but mostly just psychedelics and weed, and I have a lot of sober time too. Honestly, being an adult isn't a whole lot different than being a kid, or at least, it doesn't have to be. You just have more responsibilities and more history. It's hard not to but you should try not to let your past define you. There's nothing you can do about the past, but you can do anything with the present if you try hard enough. But all too often we build up a very negative reinforcing self-destructive internal narrative where we don't believe we can change, that we believe we are worthless or flawed or not worthy of a better life. When if you could take right now just as right now, it would seem much clearer what to do in many cases. I guess what I'm saying is, that what I found when I cleared my head was the same guy I thought I lost 10 years earlier, still the same person, I just had been hurting so much I forgot who I was.

It's never too late, keep your head up, just try to do the right thing a day at a time.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

You start feeling things again.
Personally I get so totally overwhelmed with guilt over all of the terrible things I have done and the people I have broken I feel like I have to get high again immediately to make it go away. The one time I didn't I had a huge panic attack, mentally checked out, and "came to" with black eyes, a cracked orbital socket, a split lip and over 600 cuts all over my body.
I think I'm one of those people that's far gone enough to the point where it's best to just keep the drugs up.

 

[awesome31311]

You can finally feel things the way they are again, you can cry again, you can appreciate sex with your girlfriend for what it is again

 

[jose ribas da silva]

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has responded this thread. I have recently found Bluelight and since then it has helped me a lot to deal with my addiction issues.

I have been addicted to four substances: cocaine, alcohol, benzos, and weed.

I started doing drugs at age 15. At the time, I was mainly drinking, smoking weed, and taking some medications with alcohol such as benzydamine hydrochloride and benzos.

In the course of time, other drugs were also added to my life. I have fell in love with psychedelics and used to have dozens of mushrooms growing in my living room. An assiduous attendant of ayahuasca rituals, in addition.

It was when I was around 25 years old that the nightmare called cocaine began. I had a girlfriend whose cousin was a dealer. Summing up: I had very good cocaine in my hands without even paying for it sometimes. Yes, I know, this is the dream of all junkies and I have lived it, unfortunately.

The consequences were years on a downward spiral. I will not tell the same old history, you all know it. In the beginning I was in heaven and now I am in hell.

 

[Ganjcat]

I just feel low energy nothing else really if I lay down it will go away ive gone through some rough times no guilt though I've never stolen or done anything like that even if I did I wouldn't let it bother me I would embrace the guilt and sorrow not try and hide it