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Random What do you call your elders, or other family members?

~kira~

~kira~

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
162
I was at a family gathering earlier with my gf and her family. They were at our house hanging out. On two separate times I called her parents by their first names. I was slapped both times and told to call them either mom or dad or Mr or mrs. I was told I'm disrespectful and rude and was heavily lectured.

I didnt mean to be disrespectful. But first I only call two people mon and dad. And that is it. Not even step parents get that title. I'm sorry. But why is it disrespectful to call someone by their name? I dont like when people refer to me as mr. I like people calling me by my name. Just curious on the answers, and replies. I cant remember the last time I used Mr or mrs. Actually I do. The last time I referred to a lady as Mrs she yelled at me and said I was rude. Lol. I dont understand this at all.

What ever happened to everyone being so cool and nice and just going with the flow? It seems like everyone gets mad about everything now a days
 
Oh no. When you are talking to your girlfriend's parents always call them Mr. or Mrs. and whatever their last name is. You should only call them by their first name if they give you permission! Even then, I wouldn't be comfortable doing that.

I always called any boyfriend's parents by their last name. So if their last name is Adams. It's "Hi Mr. Adams!" Or "Hi Mrs. Adams!"

I guess you don't know any better, but you better stop calling her parents by their first name. That's humiliating and it would be grounds for being dumped in my book. It's about showing respect.
 
I agree and disagree.

I was raised to have an absolute respect for anyone older than me and to be prepared to help anyone younger. BUT not everyone raised the same and different cultures are more accepting of even children calling there parents by name.

I do think though that its a bit rich to take offence or call it disrespectful just cos someonme doesnt address you the way your used to.

In the OPs situation there is not a snowflakes chance in hell of me calling them mum and dad. Sorry but I only have one of each and I have to show them respect first. I actually wouldnt have called them anything at all and thus avoided the problem. Its a good skill to learn cos sure as hell at some stage in life your gunna forget someones name...........or just become an Aussie and call everyone mate.
 
Yeah the idea of referring to in-laws, or anyone else besides your parents, by "mom" and "dad" is absurd to me too

With that being said, you were slapped and heavily lectured for referring to these people by their first names? Do you live in some kind of conservative/religious subculture or something?
 
Burnt Offerings said:
Yeah the idea of referring to in-laws, or anyone else besides your parents, by "mom" and "dad" is absurd to me too

With that being said, you were slapped and heavily lectured for referring to these people by their first names? Do you live in some kind of conservative/religious subculture or something?
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"Mom and dad" is a bit much. I don't agree with that at all.

You guys are missing the fact that he should not be calling his girlfriend's parents by their first name. It is hugely disrespectful. It should only be Mr. Adams or Mrs. Adams as an example.

It has nothing to do with being conservative or religious to have that kind of respect. It's common sense not to call you partner's parents by their first name. It's about showing respect. You're from the US. It certainly shouldn't be a foreign concept to you.
 
Getting hit for something like that, having someone lay hands on you, for such an oversight? No, that's not my culture (thankfully)
 
Whether it's polite or not, yeah it's polite. I'll usually use some more formal term of address depending on situation, meeting SO's parents would be one of those situations. A lot of parents will introduce themselves by their first names though and the obsessive formalism in personal situations like family etc. isn't really a big thing here, outside of some religious Christian/Orthodox communities
 
And even if parents of a significant other introduce themselves by first name, they are just being polite. They should still be Mr. and Mrs.

I can't even imagine someone calling my mom or dad by their first name. I'd get rid of him, especially if he does it again after being spoken too. That just shows the person has no sense, no understanding of respect and it's embarrassing.
 
My in laws request I call them by their first name and/or mom/dad. I dont think it's disrespectful. If I was to call my mother in law mrs.xxxx she'd just look at me and say "mrs.xxxx is my mother, shall we get her on the line?" And laugh...

I'm not rly comfortable calling them "mom, dad" even after years of being in the family. First of all her bio parents are seperated so step dad is not rly dad, and her biodad is super sentimental so I do refer to him as dad or pops (much like my own dad) but more out of deference to him calling me "son".

I call my parents mum, mom, mother, dad, pops, father.

Trying to figure out what our kid is going to call them as neither mom's are super fond of grandma... She's already calling my dad popop (like pop pop or dads dad). My mil wanted to go by Lola (which is Puerto Rican for gma I think? Even though she is Japanese...) Idfk it's all too cobfusing. Maybe we should sit down and have a serious conversation about it... I fucking hate serious convos though.

I call my grandparents grandma and grandpa
 
OP is talking about what he should call his girlfriend's parents. Tired of sounding like a broken record, but when he is dealing with them, it should only be Mr. and Mrs. until they give him permission to use first names. Obviously they find it inappropriate for him to call them by their first name. Sheesh, didn't know it would be so difficult to understand.
 
I was raised in the american south, so most people older than me are sir or ma'am, unless asked to call them something else, significant others parents included....
 
Tubbs said:
I was raised in the american south, so most people older than me are sir or ma'am, unless asked to call them something else, significant others parents included....
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Some people really hate the “Sir/Ma’am” thing. Being in the North and getting yelled at cured it for me, unless I just fall back to it out of mental laziness or panic.
 
Yea, op why don't you tell them to chill the fuck out?

I suggest starting with their first name, so it'd go something like this, "Hey Sharon, why don't you chill the fuck out?"

Or, "hey Paul, I'm gonna go tongue punch your daughters fart box, when I come back I expect you to be in a better mood, capeesh?"
 
They came into your house and lectured you for not referring to them by their royal titles?

Should have Jazzy Jeff'd them right out your door.
 
Yea, who was slapping you op? Gf or her parents? This seems like a dominance thing. Don't get bumped in your own domain.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
OP is talking about what he should call his girlfriend's parents. Tired of sounding like a broken record, but when he is dealing with them, it should only be Mr. and Mrs. until they give him permission to use first names. Obviously they find it inappropriate for him to call them by their first name. Sheesh, didn't know it would be so difficult to understand.
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OK so here is what your not getting.......... you are assuming that everyone else in the world has been raised identical to you.

I distinctly remember as a kid going to a friends house and he addressed both his mum and dad by there first names. It was one of those moments in life when you realise that not everyone is identical and that its OK.

Me personally, I am not real keen on people calling me by my last name or Mr or sir but provided its delivered in a respectful manner then I find that far more important.

Words are just a bunch of letters arranged in different orders. The manner with which those words are delivered provide the real clues to the true intent of those words and if they are respectful or otherwise.

Does that all make sense?.
 
~kira~ said:
On two separate times I called her parents by their first names. I was slapped both times and told to call them either mom or dad or Mr or mrs. I was told I'm disrespectful and rude and was heavily lectured.
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I must have skipped over this part previously.

So first time was quite innocent. The reaction was to slap you, educate you and lecture you.

So then you did it again?

WOW.

Unless you just wanted to be a complete twat and stir the pot then surely you had just 2 reasonable choices.

1. Ask them to leave..........

2. Cop it on the chin.......... cos gf

Ohh and one last bit of advice. If you get slapped for doing something and choose to do it again just to be a complete twat then please learn from my considerable experience going down this path and be ready to duck the slap. ;)
 
DopeM said:
Yea, who was slapping you op? Gf or her parents? This seems like a dominance thing. Don't get bumped in your own domain.
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I think everyone's wondering that. Regardless, you should definitely beat them.
 
Damn the slapping is way over the line. A reasonable thing to do would have been to say they really prefer to be addressed as Mr or Mrs (or whatever). If you keep doing otherwise after that, THEN it is disrespectful (but still, slapping is absurd). Someone expecting someone else they don't know to address them a certain way based on values they hold but that not everyone holds is both ignorant and unfair.

As for what you should address elders as, it totally depends on the person. I have friends whose parents insist on me calling them their first names, they think it's weird not to. And then there are people who would think it's weird if I do call them their first names. My parents want their childrens' significant others to call them their first names or mom/dad if they want to (only my brother's wife calls them mom and dad though). Some cultures are much more obsessed with respect and have different ideas of what respect is though. For my family, it's perfectly respectful to call them their first names, after all, it's their names.

But considering how some people feel, I do call adults I am meeting on a "this is someone I know's parents" basis, Mr or Mrs. And if it's a stranger I'm meeting, I'll address them as they address themselves to me. Just because it's best to not offend someone and it seems safest. Still, if someone slapped me for getting it wrong, I'd be fucking pissed.
 
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