I’ve been reading some rather odd articles on the subject, saying girls change into real women once they lose their v card, what a load of nonsense. I know women with kids and still childish as them! Religion says it changes the soul to less pure, is this why the world is evil? I was thinking would I be better off with a virgin or is it impossible a lady around my age now? I just feel uncomfortable going where another mans been before or is this prudish? I want to be safe from stds as well! Why am I going through this shit anyway, I should of lost my v when I was 17, so frustrated now I might end my life! Last message from me for a while I need a break!
When you say virgin, do you mean completely sexually inexperienced (as in has never masturbated or had any self-penetrative sex) or do you simply mean never had heterosexual penatrive sex? You can be a “virgin” if you’ve never had a real penis inside you but be more sexually experienced than most, you could already have a preference for inter course without ever having had sex with another person.
Your perspective on religion’s influence on sexuality is entirely your own. If you believe having sex defiles someone instead of building heir identity and knowledge of self/personal preferences then that is you’re own belief and you can maintain it. If that is the case you could try to seek out people who have never engaged in personally sexual nor coupled sexual acts (there are people out there who practice this) if it helps you feel better. But just know many of these people might hold religious beliefs where sex shouldn’t be conducted until marriage (and the realization that you are sexually incompatible after marriage can take a big hit on relationships that have already been cultivated for years).
I too have had fears of being sexual with others because I thought they would give me STD’s or STI’s, but you have to understand that your fear of those diseases/infections have less to do with the other person being “dirty” and more to do with your own distrust of other people. If you found a partner who truly cared about your wellbeing, they would disclose their STD/STI status to you to make sure you are comfortable and safe.Yes STD’s and STI’s can be scary but you can contract some forms of them without having explicit sexual contact (Ex. Mono or Herpes from kissing/sharing drinks/sharing chapstick, BV from ph imbalances, bacterial infections from unhygienic practices on genitals, etc.).
It is okay to be uncomfortable by a partner’s past sexual encounters, this feeling often arises from jealousy and feelings of incompetence because you are comparing yourself to their past partners (or current if they have others). There is likely a deeper problem surrounding intimacy and fear of rejection. It may seem unfeasible but it is possible for you to overcome feelings of disgust about your partner’s sexual history. This can result when your partner’s experience enables them to have better communication skills with you when it comes to sex so there are less feelings of pressure/fear, and it can also result in your partner being able to satisfy you better wherein your own understanding of your sexual preferences increases.
It just takes time and assistance to overcome such fears of intimacy. If sex is that intimidating, I would recommend starting small with less sexually explicit behaviors (kissing, hugging, cuddling, caressing, affectionate communication) and finding partners who are likeminded or in the same boat. Also speaking with a counselor can help you address yourself fears and concerns
