Benzos WEIRD psychotic symptoms long after xanax abuse?

[LordOfTabs]

well, ive been reading bluelight for years, finally im making my first post.
ANYWAY, when i was about 15, my mother started medicating me with 1mg xanax a day for anxiety (which i dont remember having, i just remember her asking me if i wanted one and what was i supposed to do, say no?) anyway, that got out of hand quick. by the time i was 16 and a half, i could take a fist full and still stand still and function BETTER than normal. but one day early on (before i even took more than 1mg a day, although i was on the stuff for a few months) i woke up, and noticed that my walls were moving inward and outward as if they were being shrunken and growing larger, it was all in my peripheral vision at the time so i wasnt noticing it alot. eventually i started to get to where i couldnt really focus because things were moving so much. so id take a xanax because that gave me anxiety real bad, and i noticed really quickly that xanax made everything stop moving and feel normal. being young stupid and having a what seemed like an endless supply, i shrugged it off and started making sure i always had a xanax on me for social situations.
it wasnt long before i discovered you could stay awake for days on end with adderall, and then i found out after my first time taking it that the come down, sucks. so i would take massive ammounts of xanax to either fall asleep or just relax and chill before the next dose of adderall (the adderall wasnt en every day thing for longer than 3 months) i dropped out of school and i diddnt get a stable job until i moved away from my mother and quit taking her pills.

This goes on until my 18th birthday, by this time, im trying to go to a doctor to get my own prescription, thinking i actually NEEDED xanax to see strait and focus. it wasnt until i actually got in that i was given .25 mgs of xanax, and also zyprexa. (an ANTIPSYCHOTIC) obviously 60 .25 mgs of xanax went fast due to my tolerance. anyway, i decided one day that the xanax could be the whole cause of my problem so i cut them cold turkey (just after taking 8 milligrams at once the night before and staying up all night feeling like jellow watching tv. i was physically sick for about 3 days, and kept taking my zyprexa (10mg i believe) every day. i was told my anxiety was causing the "hallucinations" and thats why i was prescribed the xanax. so i was convinced, until i realized, i hadnt had a benzo in 4 months, a few drinks here and there, and i still have weird distorted vision and anxiety, focus issues, a little shaky, pain in my eyes ect. so i went to another doc and he put me on prozac for anxiety, geodon for the vision, and ATIVAN (.5mg twice daily) for anxiety.

when i take the ativan, or any benzo for that matter, all my problems go away, even if i dont feel a euphoria or any side effects of the benzo. i have zero tolerance for them as well. i guess my main question was, what does one have to be able to tolerate as far as xanax goes mg wise to be considered addicted? and if anyone has a simliar story with stimulants and benzos, do you have weird vision or any sort of weird feeling in your eyes and depersonalization like feelings, and have you taken any other prescribed drugs for the vision? i really need some good advice from some seasoned benzo vets here, not that id take it as professional medical advice, but more an outside perspective of hope, and maybe even someone to assure me that it will pass. ive been reading bluelight since i started taking xanax but i never thought id be making a post like this.

Please read and if you have any similarities or experiance with a situation like mine please share here. i couldnt find a good thread regarding benzo abuse with stimulants, or anybody mentioning trying an antipsychotic to help with the mental and perseptional issues that come with w/d and PAWS. this is my first post so if something needs to be changed, moved, or reworded for rules sake please let me know as i just started posting an hour ago.

 

[speedballs_over]

A fine first Post!

Welcome, we do our best to help, but always use your sober, informed judgement and consult medical professionals for anything of consequence- b/f consuming, when anything goes wrong, doesn't seem right - please use an abundance of caution, they'll allways be more problems that could have been avoided, granted this is a harm reduction board so by nature harm is constantly among us, our goal - reduce it!

That's not a lecture, an introduction to what this sub-forum is about. Welcome!!!

Ok... Here's the thing, I see these nearly identical posts a few times a month, or even week. That's fine, you came to the right place, imo.

I repeatedly try suggesting returning to a benzo and doing a proper taper (Ashton Manual), only remaining on the benzo long enough to stabilize a dose and hold a couple weeks, then begin very slow taper.

Many disagree - wait out the symptoms they say.

I want someone to try my approach, better someone who has (I cannot give medical advice...), let us know did return and proper taper help, hurt, hinder... How did it go?

I reluctantly mention GABApentin / lyrica - that's a whole new GABA mind and body fuck for many.

Best.

 

[LordOfTabs]

im basically on here so i can help others as well, but my problem was im not sure if i should still be feeling as bad as i do after so long. i havent taken benzos regularly in almost a year. and when i did take them, never more than the equivilent of 1mg xanax. but i think im going to take your advice (consulting my doc of course) and continue to taper and keep looking for an anti psychotic, that doesnt effect GABA directly, that can stop these visual symptoms. seeing as youve aparently seen posts like this one, i have two questions.
1. did they show any improvement what so ever as long as they discontinued benzos for good? and 2. have you heard of anybody taking any medication such as zyprexa, geodon, prozac, for symptoms and mood? id really hate to be treating a drug addiction like a full blown mental case, but better to be under medicated than over in these cases i think. i havent told my doctor about my past drug abuse, but ive strongly implied it because im afraid he will deny me a benzo or anything for anxiety, because thats a serious issue.

 

[speedballs_over]

Q1. did they show any improvement what so ever as long as they discontinued benzos for good?:

A: Most are in process when posting and when they, if they get better, do not tend to post results, hence my calling for more post-recover anecdotes. You can search around this forum and the recovery forum.

Q2. have you heard of anybody taking any medication such as zyprexa, geodon [I do not know this one, I'll look into it, unless this is a non-US trade name, I know by something else], prozac, for symptoms and mood? id really hate to be treating a drug addiction like a full blown mental case, but better to be under medicated than over in these cases i think. i haven't told my doctor about my past drug abuse, but i've strongly implied it because i'm afraid he will deny me a benzo or anything for anxiety, because thats a serious issue.

A: HR practices opinions differ on suggestions about disclosing past "addictions" / "dependencies", I use quotes b/c I feel none really gets at what we go through. It's perilous to disclose in some areas, and even b/w physician and physician in the same practice (they enter your health info - or their assistants) - will they or won't they enter into your records as an addiction issue? More and more I would *guess* yes. I won't give advice. Consider the pros and cons - if you're ready to never get a controlled drug prescription again except in very serious conditions (until cannabis becomes legal) you may cut yourself forever.

Have you tried small amounts of cannabis, esp/. at night? A solid Indica?

SSRIs and SNRIs, etc... difficult for me to be unbiased. They backfired on me in my early 30s. Lead to a ton of heartache, I recovered. It was very ugly. That's one, one person perspective of a year on Paxil early 2000s.

Others report excellent results with that class of drugs. A short trial may help, but these substances are physically dependence inducing to varying degrees in various people. Not recommended for those under 21 - higher % suicide events accounted for some suicidal events during clinical trials as different, less serious side effects - bastards.) This side effect has arguably occurred in older populations as well.

You can PM me if you'd like. There's a LOT of info on these issues on here. Keep watching, reading, go back a few pages and you can read all day and night about your situation.

 

[dopamimetic]

Yeah, Lyrica / Pregabalin / Gabapentin might well solve these things as it helps to alleviate the overexcitation currently occurring in your brain, as well as restoring the GABA neurotransmission ... just taper it off slowly after a few weeks!

Or even the openly accessible phenibut has similar properties, but it might be more addictive than Lyrica- the pharmacological profile doesn't explain why, but from the reports it seems to be so..

Antipsychotics are toxic weird shit in my eyes, the whole theory about blocking dopamine to stop psychosis is flawed. It's just their sedative and antiserotonergic properties that are helpful ...

 

[LordOfTabs]

ive decided to just stop taking everything and taper off the benzos. ive been 24 hours without any medication, or benzos but I think they changed something in my brain in a positive way. yeah I still have a lot of benzo symptoms, but its weird I can think in a strait thought pattern, and im not all wired and obsessive as I was 3 hours ago. ive never experienced this before, I was on the lowest doses of every medicine I was on anyway. I am thinking the Prozac got my serotonin levels too high, but when I quit it I don't think they shot down to where they were, or lower. what are your thoughts? I know long term use of SSRIs can elevate mood and thus alleviating some anxiety, im not a rocket scientist but I assume its not going to stay this way. but I also figured this, if benzos encourage communication between GABA, and anti psychotics discourage it, wouldn't the withdrawal result include a crash in the drugs effectiveness to block these communications, if not slightly altered as the levels diminish? if that's the case it could be temporatily be what is causing me to not feel so bad today as I normally would. not to mention the stopping of the antispychotic would also slowly start to raise dopamine levels back up. I know it seems like I just did a bunch of paranoid internet research but I know for a fact that benzo withdrawal has no good days as good as I was today. ill give an update tomorrow and see if things are going as good still. ill be so happy if I found a way to feel half way sane during this long process.

 

[UpInFlames]

Speedballs,

If getting me onto a new med for bipolar goes well and I'm stable for 6 months at a therapeutic dose, my pdoc will be doing what she calls a "diazepam taper" which she says will get me off of temazepam and lorazepam in about a YEAR without much discomfort or residual sumptoms.

I have never taken these meds recreationally. I got hooked on them because I had an idiot shrink up in the Northwoods who prescribed them anxiety and insomnia and just kept refilling the RXs...for 10 years!

If I go on this diazepam taper, I'll be happy to report to the group during the process I am currently on 1mg of lorazepam 2x daily, and 30 mg temazepam at bedtime.

I do not get a high from the meds. The Lorazepam relaxes me and prevents panic attacks, and the temazepam, unfortunatelly, is no longer doing much for sleep. I was when I quit taking it because it wasn't working that I realized I had a major problem.

 

[LordOfTabs]

Starting to feel absolutely hopeless at this point. Just took 2mg xanax before 7 oclock this morning. I've lost all ambition for my job and family, and friends. Can't wait for these withdrawals to get worse yay.

 

[dopamimetic]

Cold turkey isn't the way to go in most cases really.

Look into things like pregabalin / gabapentin / phenibut / baclofen / memantine etc. to gradually taper off and restore your brain's equilibrium!

 

[speedballs_over]

Speedballs,

If getting me onto a new med for bipolar goes well and I'm stable for 6 months at a therapeutic dose, my pdoc will be doing what she calls a "diazepam taper" which she says will get me off of temazepam and lorazepam in about a YEAR without much discomfort or residual sumptoms.

I have never taken these meds recreationally. I got hooked on them because I had an idiot shrink up in the Northwoods who prescribed them anxiety and insomnia and just kept refilling the RXs...for 10 years!

If I go on this diazepam taper, I'll be happy to report to the group during the process I am currently on 1mg of lorazepam 2x daily, and 30 mg temazepam at bedtime.

I do not get a high from the meds. The Lorazepam relaxes me and prevents panic attacks, and the temazepam, unfortunately, is no longer doing much for sleep. I was when I quit taking it because it wasn't working that I realized I had a major problem.

Sorry to delay my reply to this post. I believe you have a good p doc, hers/his is the most educated approach the proper taper method. At your benzo dosages with the switch to Valium plus the year time frame your doc told you about all point directly to the application of the Ashton style to your situation. This is very good!

The Ashton method ("Ashton Manual") - is you haven't heard of it - is the current gold standard for benzo withdrawal that has proven since the 90s to be most effective at reducing previously high relapse rates and mitigating to a large degree the emotional and physical issues some experience during and post withdrawal, as you know.

With this I would think you'll have a much easier time this round, just don't push the taper faster that the Ashton Manual instructs. You can find it online, Chapter (section?) 3 contain the schedules for withdrawals you'll be able to piece together yours from the various tables - if you wish. You doc is likely doing the same and has before for others. Mine had and is for me as I write this to you.

Although your case of two bezos to come off will complicate slightly - first convert each you take to it's equivalent as solely diazepam (you should find the tables for conversion in the manual itself, or do a search for them and compare a few results some vary - the Manual is right on, ime).

Then use a diazepam taper schedule from the tables that starts at your calculated equivalent dose - after your doc makes the transition ("cross-over") to just Valium (diazepam) at very close to your researched dosage - if they don't match well try to figure out which one of you got the math wrong. My doc and I laughed and struggled for a half hour at about my ninth appointment during the taper - we couldn't figure out how to write out the scripts to get me 27.5-mg/day Valium taking it just twice a day as 10s and 5s. Funny... but important to get it right, the pharmacy doesn't double check these things. But will help if you ask the pharmacist (US).

 

[David Wooderson]

I had crazy hallucinations when I was detoxing from benzos, most people dont have any idea what they're getting into when they pick up a benzo habit.
I remember watching the news on TV and the people on TV were talking about me, I remember thinking my life was like the truman show, as crazy as it sounds it was crazier experiencing.
Best of luck and stay away from those pills, but for others reading this if you have a benzo addiction you should really do yourself a favor and get treatment.

 

[LordOfTabs]

how is the best approach in asking a new pdoc for a valuim taper? my psych thinks i have GAD because when i started seeing him i thought i had mental issues. he gives me ativan (lorazepam) which i dont like, one it barely at all helps with symptoms, and second, its a short acting like xanax. which i DONT want. my hallucinations have stopped, but im experiancing extreme lethargic moods and lack of ambition whatsoever ( i alsojust discontinued my anti psychotic, which DID stop the hallucinations (yay geodon) but id rather have those than the physical symptoms and rebound anxiety. fucked up there.
is there a way i can start immediately with a taper, without past record of addiction? if not, im doing this all on my own. and i will kill myself if it gets worse/doesnt stop in 6 months, my last clean spell, i had visual problems, but only3 days of anxiety and no lethargy or depression. now i cant even keep food down. ive lost 10 lbs in the last 3 months with zero excersise and over eating junk food, but i just keep puking 5-8 times a day.

 

[LordOfTabs]

well, even though nobody has replied to this, thought i should update,
with alot of will power, ive kept tapering down with ativan, and suprisingly, ive been doing alot better. i dont care what anyone says, tapering is the way to go. if your any less than the day before, its a positive.