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Was pain your motivator to sober up?

sonicwhite

sonicwhite

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Joined
Aug 8, 2012
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Okay back in 06 I had been hurt so bad...In may of 05 i went thru a psychosis. I think it was do to coming down off meth and my ex breaking up with me that thru me over the edge. I had this psychosis for seven months. two of those month's I was locked in jail. Okay I get out and after getting on abilify I started to come back to normal but I had seen all the things I lost. Like my ex, day's in jail.....And just my pride because it was a humbling experience. So when 06 rolled around and IDK if I'm supposed or allowed to talk about this. But I needed something to get me out of the rut I was in. I turned to my faith.....I started to notice that when I would smoke weed, my head would go off to places and I would imagine the strangest stuff. During that period of august of 05 to june of 06 I was still using meth even tho I had become psychotic and was still out there. And I used E sometimes and I even tripped shrooms which I turned to my faith and I had no withdrawals. No burst's to be compulsive. Everything just seemed to make sense for me. It was the first time since I was thirteen that I wasn't on something like weed or screwing ppl over because I wanted my next fix. So my goal in life is to help others Thats my motivator. What's your's?
 
Yes.


Today I am five days clean and sober. (I have to admit that I had some tobacco this afternoon).


But I used to smoke and drink every day, was a cronic hash/weed smoker, and my main pleasures in life was doing stupid amounts of meth about 2-3 times a month. All I would look forward to were these drugs, thinking about them would relieve every anixiety and take me away from every thought I had.

In the end I was in great mental and physical pain, (and still am to some degree). But it was not before the drug use became very unpleasant that I decided to stop. I can't yet explain in detail what has happened to my mind and life, except the term "deterioration". A loss of function in every sense.

I find life to be painful in a different way, when off drugs. Reality comes back and one starts worrying about other things than being a "drug addict"; I'm back to feeling the feelings that made me start drugs in the first place :/. But hey, let's fix the problem from the beginning.

I look forward to the day when I can say with certainity that I do not want any drugs. That life without artificial stimuli is indeed better, and I will be content with that. But there is a difference between your inner urges and your best knowledge and will.
 
Yes the pain of horrible daily hangovers that got worse from the large quantities of alcohol I would have to increase drinking because of tolerance, the fear that I'd die of an OD from alcohol or die like Jimi Hendrix from puking in my sleep, blacking out for days at a time, vomiting, waking up drunk, anxiety over the fact that I was drinking so much I might have to wind up in the hospital from drinking too much at once-which didn't happen but don't press your luck apparently I'm really weird or different when it comes to alcohol according to my doctor and other medical professionals- and living in a daily nightmare that I'd repeat all over again that afternoon or night that I have no wish to ever repeat.

I see or hear about a lot of my old "friends" or drinking buddies, or acquaintances doing all of this to themselves with alcohol and some of them are my age or around my age. I don't hang out with these people anymore and I don't consider them to be friends anymore either. I have other people actual friends who do drink but they are fine with my sobriety and I can talk to them about anything and they don't judge me, or try to get me to drink like my ex-friends did.

Good luck getting sober sonicwhite and everyone else who wants to get sober or away from using drugs.

I also would like to help people but I realize that probably the biggest factor in getting sober is when a person really wants to, and is serious about it and stopping using their drug(s) of choice.
 
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Ya the pain of meth come downs all the time plus the psychosis/detox I had in 05 kinda lit a fire under my butt to stop. Man, I know what you mean.
 
My biggest problem is that I am not a heavy user, so I find it hard to find a motivation to really get strait. Other than the fear that I am headed in a bad direction. I have chronic pain, and that really muddies the water. Ok, I can tell I have no answer to your question, but wanted to at least say that it is a great question! My overall goal (not the right word) in life is to love people and to be with them during whatever struggles they may have, without pretending that I can fix their troubles.
 
I hated what I had become...I thought to myself shit or get off the pot. So I tried to top myself. I kept hoping the next shot would do me in. One fathers day I finally got to the point of writing a note, drawing a bath and fixing a twenty six bag shot.

They turned out bunk. I ended up having a life changing moment. Maybe I'm here for a reason. I started on the road to recovery...I started reevaluating my life and decided to reach out to family for help.

Priest I know what you mean about fair weather friends...and snakes. It is really hard to have truly meaningful friendships when you use. Its all aquaintences that use each other non stop.
 
I guess in 06 I just made up my mind to do good and it felt so good the first time in my 11 years of being a demon that I was finally doing good for a change.
 
partying in the beginning was fun and exciting
Getting hammered after awhile was funny and fun
Using hard but keeping my life going was exilersting
being addcted at first was romantic

but in the end as my real friends cleaned up, died, or got lost or busted.. I looked around and the people I eventually found myself with and the way they were living and the way i was living were SOOOOOOOO far from acceptable to the real me.. I dont know about a bottom but i was as far from where I wanted to be.. I looked around a realized that with all i was and all i accomplished I was here.. hanging with people utterly lost like I was or in some cases bad evil people whose souls seemed to halve left them.. there was no longer a good sliver to my life that i was actively cultivating.. I was a hard core drug addict first and foremost and there wasn't much else that i was doing.. what i was doing and the path i was way down made me ashamed and mad.. but it also made me determined and that coupled with a love and respect for myself that never died paid off. I looked at where I was and where I want to be and then realized that getting to wherever i wanted to get was as easy as believing in my self and continuing to push in the right direction no matter what. still belive and I'm still pushing baby
 
Pain was definitely my motivator. I hit bottom hard, and fast... my addiction got real bad, quick. Within 4 months, I found myself detoxing in jail twice, and one day I woke up and looked around at what my life had become. The second I realized that I was now resorting to petty theft and robbing people to simply get well, a switch turned on in my brain. I asked myself what the fuck I was doing, made a promise to myself that day that I would never again do something scandalous for a bag/make getting well someone else's responsibility, and began mentally preparing myself and waiting for the day I would either a. run out of money, or b. a dry spell hit, at which point I'd get clean. Well the day finally came that I ran out of money, and I stopped. Ironically enough, a dry spell did hit a few days later too, it was only ironic because I'd never experienced a dry spell while I was using. I remember thinking, "Thank God I quit before that happened" and feeling bad for all the people who were experiencing the dry spell while not yet wanting to truly quit. Mostly though I was just glad that it happened during the worst of my withdrawals, cuz I couldn't have relapsed even if I'd wanted to (which I didn't).

Sorry, went off on a tangent there lol, but yes... pain - lots and lots of it - was definitely the trigger for change.
 
For me it's the pain of what might have been. I will not be haunted by the idea of all I could have been, I promised myself that I won't be a story of what not to do. And in the depths of withdrawal I remember a quote from pin head from "hell raiser" "ah the suffering the sweet sweet suffering." The fact I feel sick from tryin to get off subs is because I'm alive. More alive then drooling on myself burning sheets.

The pain of wasted potential is the only pain I promise I will never know. If I need to I will spend a month shitting and puking to achieve my goals in life, it is but a small sacrifice.
 
I think almost all go thru this whether it be drug's or booze. It seems that pain and seeing something beyond ourselves and a life better then being tied down to something that consumes us is the motivator......I love life.....One of the biggest motivator for me. I think that when we start to realize that all are friends (so called) left us and families have tried to pull us out of the rut. We just begin to realize how precious life is.....Give ya'llselves a pat on the back for seeing what alot of ppl don't see in life.
 
It is definitely the pain of my comedown, I just cannot feel normal and not feeling normal scares me. If my comedown never happened I would've abused more alcohol and drugs and ended up in a black hole that I will have a hard time getting out of.
 
This is the order of pain I went through;

1. The pain of knowing that I could be a better son, worker, student and person.
2. The pain of knowing that I was where I was in life through my own choices.
3. The pain of going through withdrawal over and over again. Often simply because I took all my drugs at once and never saved any.
4. The pain of being so addicted to drugs that I couldn't hold down a job long enough to have a steady drug habit.
5. The pain of not feeling comfortable outside of a psychiatric hospital because I am mentally and physically worn down through a combination of psychiatric issues, not taking care of myself, and being addicted to a number of drugs for a long period of time.
6. The pain of drinking and smoking cigarettes all day because I reason I'm not doing drugs. Everyday I can feel myself dying.
7. The pain of knowing again that I was where I was through my own poor choices.

That made me quit the needle. 20 months so far but I wasn't counting. Lets just say the last time I used a needle was...memorable.
 
sonicwhite said:
I think almost all go thru this whether it be drug's or booze. It seems that pain and seeing something beyond ourselves and a life better then being tied down to something that consumes us is the motivator......I love life.....One of the biggest motivator for me. I think that when we start to realize that all are friends (so called) left us and families have tried to pull us out of the rut. We just begin to realize how precious life is.....Give ya'llselves a pat on the back for seeing what alot of ppl don't see in life.
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Well said.

I also got sick of the "game" of drugs and how research chemicals exploded and were being sold as acid and how the L that was around was low ug/mics unlike when I had it when I was younger, and it was very, very high ug/mics. Anyway I've experienced classic psychedelics like LSD, cannabis, and Psilocybin at high, moderate, and low doses so there's no point in getting stuck in the cycle of repeating things over and over, and over since if you do this you don't evolve or grow at all.
 
As they say... "At first it was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems."

That's how it unfolded for me
 
I was spiritually, emotionally and physically broken when I went to treatment and began my journey in recovery. I spent the 6 months prior to rehab in my room, watching Netflix, taking my 75mg prescribed dose of methadone and then smoking 1-2 100 microgram fentanyl patches. Nothing mattered to me. I had at that point dropped out of university to use. I was robbing, stealing, hustling. Cut off all of my friends, family, etc. the only person I really saw during those 6 months was a methadone doctor or drug dealer or people I was getting money from. I went to treatment and didn't even realize how fucked I was and honestly didn't want to get clean but I was there and I met a guy who said try the steps, stay clean for a year, sponsor a couple guys and if you aren't happy I'll buy you a bundle when I hand you your year coin. I honestly tried it out just to prove this motherfucker wrong lol. But, luckily for me I was wrong and the program worked and I'm incredibly happy. Being spiritually, emotionally and physically broken was definitely the motivating factor for why I agreed to attend treatment in the first place.
 
I imagined myself as my own parent and baby.

Who takes care of a baby? The baby's parent.
Who takes care of you? You.

If you are feeding yourself drugs, you are terrible caregiver to yourself.
 
Yes pain is a big motivator. I felt like a hamster running on a wheel. Constantly running in circles and getting nowhere in life.
 
My primary motivator is wanting to be sanctified and holy before God. Secondary would be the pain addiction brings. I can’t lose control.
 
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