Mental Health veterans of anti-depressants, please read ... would welcome suggestions

[MrsGamp]

I have been on anti depressants pretty much constantly since I was 20 (am now 46).

At first it was tricyclics (Deptran, Sinnequan), then SSRIs (Lovan, Cipramil), then finally SNRIs (Pristique, Cymbalta).

Currently I am on 60-120 mgs Cymbalta (fluoxetine) in the morning plus 30-45 mgs Avanza (mirtazapine) at night.

I concede of course that excessive drinking plus my moderate Valium intake would inhibit the action of my anti-depressant meds ...but still, it seems odd that at such high doses of two antidepressants, I am still so dark a lot of the time.

In the past I've found that SNRIs work best, but only if it's an SNRI I haven't already tried, and then only for a few months. For eg Pristique was great initially - I felt "myself" for the first time in years, but after about 3 months I started having mild depressive symptoms again, like early waking, the "morning sads", and general flatness, inability to get interested in anything, etc. So the dose was increased and then increased again, until I was on about 200mg per day, at which point I was switched to fluoxetine, which does nothing.

As a side note, the sexual dysfunction from such high doses of anti-depressants is upsetting too.

An added nuisance is the horror withdrawals I get if I miss more than two doses (brain "zaps", nightmares, sudden and scary mood swings - crying all the time, or mindless rage - even physical nastiness like restless leg ...)

As I have posted elsewhere, in desperation I've taken to Dexamphetamine (from drug dealer, not prescribed). It does help, of course provided I stick to low dose. Lately have binged on Dex a bit which has stuffed me up - have had mood crashes from that: but if I stick to no more than 25 mgs per day it seems okay..

However it IS very expensive.

I was hoping for,suggestions as to new anti-depressants or combinations of anti depressants that have worked for,others in the long term.

Or even if anyone has found they've fared better without anti-depressants at all (?) and how to safely stop them.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I too have tried wellbutrin, among other ADs, and for me it was the best. Stimulating, helped my non diagnosed ADD, helped me quit smoking, and no sexual disfunction for me.

In regards to bipolar, lamictal killed my depression but they won't put you on it unless you have bipolar. Maybe if you have borderline PD it may be prescribed for mood swings, no clue, but all other SSDIs (which lamictal isnt) makes me manic abd have all sorts of side effects.

 

[MrsGamp]

I too have tried wellbutrin, among other ADs, and for me it was the best. Stimulating, helped my non diagnosed ADD, helped me quit smoking, and no sexual disfunction for me.

In regards to bipolar, lamictal killed my depression but they won't put you on it unless you have bipolar. Maybe if you have borderline PD it may be prescribed for mood swings, no clue, but all other SSDIs (which lamictal isnt) makes me manic abd have all sorts of side effects.

what is an "SSDI"?
have never heard of that ...

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Whoops i meant SSRI.

SSDI is social security disability income, which i get.

 

[MrsGamp]

One of my favorite topics!

I can obviously only give you my personal opinion based on experience:

I've been on antidepressants off and on in my life. Tryptanol a long time ago i.e. a tricylic (which had a bad effect on me), then Prozac some years later (for quite a few years and which worked wonders), stopped for a few years, then put on Wellbutrin by some idiot (this almost wrecked my entire life with the effect it had on me), and then back on Prozac again, then another short break, and back on Prozac again (and still am). Personal opinion: my life would have turned out WAY better had I been put on Prozac all those years ago and just stayed on it forever i.e. without the breaks in between. As many here know (maybe you've even read one or two of my posts on this very topic): some of us are simply genetically predisposed to depression (and addiction) and that's all there is to it. I'm in a very bad place myself right now in spite of being back on Prozac. But I can tell you that I was a LOT LOT worse before starting to take it again. What I'm saying is that while you may THINK that whatever you're taking isn't working as well as it used to or as it should: consider the fact that you may be feeling a LOT worse without them. And I do mean a LOT worse.

As to how to make you feel "better" again (as you have felt before): I don't have the answer. Suppose I could only state the obvious i.e. try a different antidepressant, increase the dosage, the usual suspects. Wish I could help further.

Thanks ... I've never tried Wellbutrin: you mention having had a shitty experience with it but some other posters have advocated it.

Of course, there's been a lot of horror in my life over the last ten years ... I suspect even a non-depressive person would feel at a loss. My mother committed suicide 7 years ago. And almost exactly one year ago I ended my relationship with very violent partner (and only because I almost got killed ...).

My daughter's father has also kept up a steady campaign of cruelty - since I left him, he's used the family court. in 2016 he simply stopped bringing my daughter to stay with me in order to evade paying child support. He was contravening a court order, so I went to the Family Court to get order enforced. To my surprise, the only option for enforcing the parenting order was to have her dropped off and picked up in a police car ... I said no because I thought she'd hate it.

By then I hadn't seen her for four months and her Dad did a number on her - told her I was a total loser and not worthy of her respect. For about 18 months I barely talked to her.

We're in regular contact again now, and she has said she would like to live with me next year, when she is beginning university. I really hope it happens: at the same time I have cultivated a lot of bad habits in her absence, and I must admit it frightens me to contemplate the amount of straightening up I'd need to do in order for her to live with me again...

sorry this is all a bit off-topic. Need a vent. Started counselling recently. but somehow I never seem able to talk about the things that really matter to me with my counsellor. She's always going on about letting go and mindfulness and so forth, but I have a lot of grief and rage ... and I dont what to do with it.

If only my daughter's father hadn't disrupted our relationship ... that's broken me. That's broken me. I adore my daughter. It seems like I might yet have a chance to fix things - but I am so tired sometimes. There's been so much horror and (at the risk of sounding histrionic) injustice. Much of the time all I want is to play dead ... I am afraid of risking any more rejection and loss.

But while I am down, I guess the ref is still counting, so to speak!

Plus I am completely unemployed. That doesn't help>

 

[NYCityguy]

I was on every conceivable anti depressant for years over 17 years. I felt like a lab rat with new medicines and different dosages. It was a nightmare all the side effects. But I trusted my wife and did it for her. I had like a book to try to remember what to take each day. Then when I left my wife I stopped all the meds. Prozac ability Wellbutrin ambien a ton more too

I slowly became a natural self medicating individual. I never looked back never had an issue and feel great 10 years late!!

 

[NYCityguy]

I’m my case I decided to self medicate to eliminate my symptoms like when I got pissed off very badly instead of take Xanax. I would smoke some weed. I chose to self medicate as needed with recreational drugs. Instead of being a pharmacist dream. The side effects were horrible. And the dosages constantly had to change. It was insane. For real. I’m happy I gave all that up

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have been on anti depressants pretty much constantly since I was 20 (am now 46)..

Or even if anyone has found they've fared better without anti-depressants at all (?) and how to safely stop them.

I was diagnosed with depression, with symptoms similar to yours, as a teenager (now 51) and over the years have tried the whole gamut of anti-depressants with little effect. However in my 40s a psychiatrist finally noticed what a dozen others had missed over the years and that was that my depression was counterbalanced by periods of extremely high functionality which ultimately switched over to mania that was sometimes productive and sometimes destructive. My depression was rediagnosed as bipolar disorder.

It turned out that SSRI’s which I had been on for the previous several years frequently exacerbate mania and are contraindicated for people with bipolar. It was gutting to learn that my manic episodes, which had been getting worse over the years, wer actually likely being triggered by my prescribed meds. Actually stopping the anti-depressants was relatively easy using tapering and/or easing one into the other when I was simply changing them.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, as my depression still occurred quite a lot even when I was properly medicated against mania my psychiatrist again rediagnosed me as having Treatment Resistant Depression as part of my bipolar and recommended Electroconvulsive therapy. I didn’t think twice about having it as it promised a permanent or at least long-lasting and pharmaceutical free answer to my sometimes debilitating depression.

After a series of 12 treatments over 12 weeks I felt a little discombobulated for a while but instantly free of any sense of depression or anxiety. Although I have had minor depression (possibly drug comedown related) a few times in the 5 years since then my major depression has completely disappeared. Obviously ECT has a bad rep, and there are risks with the required full anaesthetic, but in my experience the side effects are pretty minimal (mainly a few memory issues).

 

[supersonic89]

Cymbalta is not duloxetine? Haven't tried venlafaxine? Of the typical antidepressants I think it is the one that helped me the most, in part because it is much more stimulating than others. Plus it makes me lose my appetite, which is great (depression makes me gain pounds).
At the moment, I am taking tramadol for my depression. It is the off-label drug that has given me the best results. The effects are instantaneous. It's stimulating, it makes me want to do things and it makes me happy. I know it's dangerous and I'm probably addicted by now but at least I'm happy.