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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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Eveleivibe said:
Feeling a bit down at mo. All these weeks of trying hard to get positive vibe in my life, rid myself of negative energy n the anger in me feels like its just for nothing. Try hard to please ppl, interact n it's pointless. I'm always gna be hated, the one in the wrong. Why am I trying just to get torn apart n rejected? :(

Evey
Click to expand...

you're not alone evey

this is how I feel right now

very dejected and depressed
 
went outside and got some stuff done today and felt great. took the dog for a run.

now im back inside and hate life
 
I'm feeling incredibly unmotivated, so I procrastinate as much as possible...then I suddenly have heaps that Needs to be done & I'm overwhelmed & don't know where to start! I always feel better while I'm doing something, & afterwards when I've accomplished an activity or job,- so I'm hating that I just don't get up & do stuff. Just start, & get it done!!
 
Runtoparadise said:
I'm feeling incredibly unmotivated, so I procrastinate as much as possible...then I suddenly have heaps that Needs to be done & I'm overwhelmed & don't know where to start! I always feel better while I'm doing something, & afterwards when I've accomplished an activity or job,- so I'm hating that I just don't get up & do stuff. Just start, & get it done!!
Click to expand...

This could be me talking. I guess I will never grow out of my need to procrastinate--what a shitty habit!:\
 
I'm feeling better today, but don't know how long it'll last. It sucks that this whole thing has made me go for extremely outgoing and funny guy to some weird shut in who avoids everyone. I'm just hoping I didn't bring up some latent mental illness, or one of the ones I used to have

Chinese food should be showing up soon. I tend to starve myself when I'm depression, so I figure I'd treat myself or whatever
 
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My girlfriend and i are going thru some difficulties right now..
Mostly all of the trouble has been caused by my recent trend of guilt tripping her over petty things like not sending me enough text messages or not showing as much affection as my retarded mind thinks i need..
Afffection is vital in a relationship, but lately my extremely low serotonin levels have been sending me into needy-overdrive, to the point where my clingyness is turning into everyday outlashes at her for not meeting "my needs".
I dont mean to bring her down when telling her that she isnt fullfilling my needs, i just approach the topics in completely the wrong manner.
Its such an issue now.
I need to respect her forr who she is, and i need to learn to be more independent without her.
A lot of my issues are tied up with my outrageously growing coke habit.. this is the first immediate change that needs to be addressed in order to get our relationship back on track...
But still, take that away and i guess i am still a lot more affectionate than her :(
Control & balance.
Control & balance.
I love her so much.
 
Yes I belive that jealous people not so fun to be around it takes the fun out of things. Just an drive down the street and you looking over to see who was walking down the street with your bf in the car can be a chanlagen for you it could be just some new moving in the neighborhood and curious to fine out puts you in an spot of not expressing your self and shuts you down can't talk with him about anything pertaining to new experience toldly ! To bad for him I bet you would HAVE a lot more to offer ! Than he is willing to hear ;( !
 
I can understand the bules lately myself so that I can have peace in my own life I am just so sad but everyday seams better I worrie a lot about how my tomarow Will be but if I look back at tomarow it was tooken care of so just stay in this day and tomarow is already gone as yesterday??
 
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An inter-independence is always good so I use it I don't need any body or any one to feel good or HAVE their permission to look and feel good I know that down in side when all is done I am great and good looking gay man and all I need is to know that is myself.
 
tripnotyzm said:
My girlfriend and i are going thru some difficulties right now..
Mostly all of the trouble has been caused by my recent trend of guilt tripping her over petty things like not sending me enough text messages or not showing as much affection as my retarded mind thinks i need..
Afffection is vital in a relationship, but lately my extremely low serotonin levels have been sending me into needy-overdrive, to the point where my clingyness is turning into everyday outlashes at her for not meeting "my needs".
I dont mean to bring her down when telling her that she isnt fullfilling my needs, i just approach the topics in completely the wrong manner.
Its such an issue now.
I need to respect her forr who she is, and i need to learn to be more independent without her.
A lot of my issues are tied up with my outrageously growing coke habit.. this is the first immediate change that needs to be addressed in order to get our relationship back on track...
But still, take that away and i guess i am still a lot more affectionate than her :(
Control & balance.
Control & balance.
I love her so much.
Click to expand...

It's so hard to find that balance in relationships. We base so much on need and call it love. When your needs are so huge that they are driving a wedge between you and your partner you need to take every source of outside support you can find (counseling, good friends, family, Bluelight). Remember that whatever you are looking for in her you can find in yourself.<3

And yes, the coke is making everything worse so keep at it, Tryp.<3
 
tripnotyzm said:
My girlfriend and i are going thru some difficulties right now..
Mostly all of the trouble has been caused by my recent trend of guilt tripping her over petty things like not sending me enough text messages or not showing as much affection as my retarded mind thinks i need..
Afffection is vital in a relationship, but lately my extremely low serotonin levels have been sending me into needy-overdrive, to the point where my clingyness is turning into everyday outlashes at her for not meeting "my needs".
I dont mean to bring her down when telling her that she isnt fullfilling my needs, i just approach the topics in completely the wrong manner.
Its such an issue now.
I need to respect her forr who she is, and i need to learn to be more independent without her.
A lot of my issues are tied up with my outrageously growing coke habit.. this is the first immediate change that needs to be addressed in order to get our relationship back on track...
But still, take that away and i guess i am still a lot more affectionate than her :(
Control & balance.
Control & balance.
I love her so much.
Click to expand...

It's so hard to find that balance in relationships. We base so much on need and call it love. When your needs are so huge that they are driving a wedge between you and your partner you need to take every source of outside support you can find (counseling, good friends, family, Bluelight). Remember that whatever you are looking for in her you can find in yourself.<3

And yes, the coke is making everything worse so keep at it, Tryp.<3
 
As I heard few years ago, there isn´t a single problem that does not become worse with the use of Coke or alcohol. Don´t understand why only these two substances were brought up but I have listened to this many times and it does make sense.
Also, I do believe that in a relationship the 'power', so to speak, must be alternated in between you too.
 
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plmar said:
Feel hopeless and I despise myself for who I am and the fact I'm not taking any action to change it.
Click to expand...

Just realizing this is an awareness to change it, and an action by posting it on BL. It takes a long time for some to just admit they need to change something in their life. You are on your way perhaps <3
 
I wish I knew some peole. You know? Like, HAD FRIENDS...??? Welp, I guess I'll keep entertaining myself with these awesome ass posts!
 
Serious WHAT is the POINT in changing or making any effort when no one is going to give you the chance n always quick to think the worst in the you? And the one person you were friends with doesn't want to know anymore even though ive soent two months apologising n isnt i wasn't well at the time n was thus irrationak.
Whats the point?
Last week i was starting to get into crystals, energies n feeling some sort of happiness. Now im right back to feeling depressed n finding no energy or motivation in anything again :(

Evey
 
I have over 3 months off suboxone now

I still wake up feeling depressed or angry at myself, or both, almost every morning

it leaves a bad taste in the mouth so to speak, it's hard to pull away from it

I fear never getting back to being truly happy again, but I'm still going to try because I deserve it.
 
another one of my friends passed away and died of a heroin overdose last night. i dont understand, why am i still alive? how is that not my family grieving right now?

RIP Adam

im going to miss you
 
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