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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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Carl be very careful not to OD man. One time I got a sketchy batch of H and took a slightly larger than usual shot. I blacked out and stopped breathing for God knows how long. I came to with the worst headache of my life and blood on the floor. I truly believe God saved me that day because it wasn't my time to go. I would have died at 27 years old and devastated so many people. Moral of the story is, if your shooting H never ever take risks, or assume that you can handle this or that. Thats how people die.
 
^
Thanks for the concern. I do test shots before I load up 3+ bag shots in case I get something that is significantly better.


I need a new crowd of friends though. I just relapsed on 2 bags, which isn't too bad, but I literally had to do nothing. I just called up my boy who I would cop with and he fronted me 2, even dropped them off in my car. Earlier today he was texting me telling me how he was glad I was doing as well as I was so far, but then as soon as I ask he just gives me heroin. I think he thinks he's helping me out because I'm asking for it, but I need a friend who would be man enough to tell me no.
 
Carl,

Please clear out your PM box so I can send you a message. I am not going to pretend that I have been where you are right now, but I can empathize with the feeling of hopelessness. Let me know in this thread or send me a PM so I know when it's a good time to contact you.
 
All of my dreams are nightmares and I frankly get tired of it after a while. The best sleep I can get involves not remembering anything I may have dreamed. :|
 
All of my dreams are nightmares and I frankly get tired of it after a while. The best sleep I can get involves not remembering anything I may have dreamed. :|
I had a bad dream last night and ended up kicking my bf really hard accidently before i woke up

Also i am a lil lonely my mom and bf are upstairs getting tipsy w some red wine and neither of them are my fav people when they drink
 
I know I've reached a psychological tipping point in my addiction, where any use puts me in a mental state where I'm liable to do something irrational, radical and irreversible. There's no such thing as catching a buzz and just having a good time anymore. I literally lose my fucking mind when I'm not sober, and if I can't find a way to stay clean I'm either going to take my own life, or go to prison for a long fucking time for something stupid. And I don't want that. I just... I forget so easily the pain this shit puts me and the people I care about through. Something's gotta give, I'm sick of this desperation I feel all the time, both clean and intoxicated. What the fuck have I become?

I guess this is a good thing though. At least I KNOW that drugs will no longer provide the relief I've sought for so long. I just need to find the balls, and the method that works for me to stay away from them.
 
my brother is just bipolar enough that he can't really deal with being the guardian of his two dogs. one of the dogs has started to go downhill pretty rapidly - it's probably just arthritis imo, but may be worse. i am now in the position where either i make a vet appt for her on monday or it may never get addressed. so tomorrow i have to have this probably terrible conversation with him about it. ugh.
 
^You're a good person for doing that for your brother and his dog. I hope the conversation goes well.

I'm at pretty much the end of the line with my job now. I found out that when I recently called in due to a huge snow storm which halted the buses and cabs for two full days (I don't have a car), the absence was counted against me. It shouldn't be a huge surprise to me, but it just reinforces that this company expects their employees to risk their fucking lives to come into work. When I started working there, it wasn't like this. They had monthly "food days" and if someone died they'd give us as much time as we needed off; friend, family member, pet, whatever. When my grandfather died I got warned for leaving work after talking to my father on the phone and finding out. Then they misplaced all the paperwork and I had to go through all the hoops again to make sure that I wouldn't be further disciplined for the rest of the time I missed for his funeral.

It's been almost 8 fucking years now. I should be given some form of respect there, but instead I just see that dwindling more and more. I've become convinced that the people that work in HR at my company aren't human at all. It's increasingly tempting to give my two weeks' notice, but I'm terrified of not having a job and being unsure of how long it would be until I could find something else.
 
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