Using MDMA therapeutically

[onthemend]

Greetings everybody,
I've been lurking around here for a little while getting a feel for the forum and I've completed an "About Me" page - this is my first post.
I think I probably don't fit the Bluelight Demographic (if there is such a thing).
I'm 44 years old, married with children and I use MDMA therapeutically - I don't dance (although I hope to some day), I don't even get out very much. My wife and I like to take a pill each and talk. That's all we do - just talk (actually, now that I think of it, we talk, cry, talk, hug, talk, breathe, talk, cry, etc.). We've found these "talks" to be enormously important for our sanity, our relationship and our lives in general.
My query is this: Does anyone know of any online forums that would suit my particular interest in MDMA? Is there anyone out there doing what we're doing?
Cheers,
-P

 

[hoptis]

Hi and welcome to BL

I was going to reply to your original post in New Member Introductions but I didn't have time before.

I think it's a bit of trap to go in thinking that the BL demographic revolves around youth and dance music, it might seem that way from reading some forums but when you dig a bit deeper, it's certainly not the case. It may simply be a case of younger people having more time to post.

There are many people who lurk, like yourself, and hopefully some of them who have had similar experiences will pop their heads up and add their response to this thread.

In the meantime, here's some related recent threads on BL that might interest you, though they are not AUS-specific

Do you use ecstasy for non-recreational reasons?
therapeutic usage
E Has Made me the Luckiest man Alive
rolling after death in family

Out of curiosity (you didn't mention this in your other post either), how did you come upon the idea of using MDMA in a therapeutic context?

 

[Pleonastic]

I started using it in a dance/party environment, but wouldn't ever again. I think you'd be surprised at how many people use MDMA in a very similar way that you do. And the demographic here might sometimes seem to be all young party people, but that's just because they often have the loudest voices. There's plenty of people from all walks of life that post on bluelight. Stick around and add to the diversity! :D

 

[onthemend]

Therapeutic Use of MDMA

Thank you for the welcoming and encouraging responses - I shall certainly stick around.

Out of curiosity (you didn't mention this in your other post either), how did you come upon the idea of using MDMA in a therapeutic context?

I have "suffered from depression" (to use that hackneyed expression) since I was a teenager and became disenchanted and even angry with what I perceived to be useless therapies and therapists. I used to say to people "I need stronger medicine than this" without knowing what that medicine could be. I twigged to the fact that there was something special about MDMA - users I met seemed "switched-on". I web-searched "MDMA therapy" and read Shulgin's comments as well as some personal accounts and decided that I had to try it.
My wife and I now say "medicine" when we refer to MDMA. We aren't trying to be ironic or funny or euphemistic - this is exactly how we see it and use it.
Gotta go now. I'd be happy to share more of my experiences if anyone is interested.
Cheers.

 

[zaineaol.nu]

dude... don't start using MDMA to treat ur depression...

Thats not cool...

MDMA Depletes seretonin... not a good thing.. by all means do not combine it with any SSRI medications your taking... as it's not likely to do anything.

Could you please fill us in one what medications you have been prescribed in the past? currently using and the like.

Have you ever considered 5-htp?

I suggest using 5-htp after using mdma to replenish any seretonin you may have lost. Also take note of damage you may be doing to your 5HT receptors in your brain... there are lots of aspects to think about if you plan to self medicate... perhaps talk to a doctor who's not biased.

 

[onthemend]

Therapeutic MDMA

For a long time I resisted medicos' attempts to prescribe anti-depressants. I finally relented and took Zoloft and some other SSRI whose name I can't remember (not together) - that was about ten years ago. I didn't like the feeling of unreality I got (and the loss of libido) and so stopped taking them. I haven't used pharmaceuticals since then.
Maybe I should point-out that I've only used MDMA about 5 times and at very long intervals - about 6 months. This is partly because I believe in moderation (ie, using a minimum amount of "medicine" and integrating the insights into daily life) and partly because I find it very difficult to obtain the stuff!
5-htp sounds interesting - I'll look it up.
Cheers.

 

[zaineaol.nu]

Interesting... (hazzard just call me zaineaol, and forget the .nu part.. it's coz i had to make a new account when bluelight changed )

Actually... the relationship issues i have could be solved with mdma, as at the current time my g/f and i have some communication issues i believe mdma has the potential to solve - the issue here is tollerance - i double drop on a regular basis, her tollerance is quite so attuned, but it's there - the magic is gone for me altho i find it easy enough to have a deep conversation, and perhaps that overwhelming feeling that it once had, which lead me to believe the emotions felt on mdma are false may not come to hand and i can seriously use it to open up...

I think i'll give this a try very soon, and perhaps suggest the idea to her tomorrow cheers for the enlightenment...

Also, as the late BT would say,

Welcome to Bluelight

 

[pacdan]

***DISCLAIMER*** (The following post is about how xtc has affected me, no intended to be a guide to dealing with depression with xtc as everyone is affected differently)

I use to have minor depression and self esteem issues growing up until early twenties. I first started dropping pills as all my mates were doping it(not peer pressured at all, just wanted too see what the big deal was). Over the next two years of low - moderate xtc use i found that i had not felt down at all(besides the odd comedown) and my confidence and self esteem had greatly increased. I now feel like a shadow of my former self and can communicate on a whole new level. :D

 

[zaineaol.nu]

Meh... she was un eager to try these methods...

Damn females... bleh...

You win some, you lose some...

 

[chugs]

Greetings everybody,
I've been lurking around here for a little while getting a feel for the forum and I've completed an "About Me" page - this is my first post.
I think I probably don't fit the Bluelight Demographic (if there is such a thing).
I'm 44 years old, married with children and I use MDMA therapeutically - I don't dance (although I hope to some day), I don't even get out very much. My wife and I like to take a pill each and talk. That's all we do - just talk (actually, now that I think of it, we talk, cry, talk, hug, talk, breathe, talk, cry, etc.). We've found these "talks" to be enormously important for our sanity, our relationship and our lives in general.
My query is this: Does anyone know of any online forums that would suit my particular interest in MDMA? Is there anyone out there doing what we're doing?
Cheers,
-P

just a few questions (ok half-dozen)....

How did you find Bluelight?

Prior to taking MDMA what were your attitudes on illegal drugs?

Are your children at a teenage type age level. Will you disclose your use of MDMA? Do you talk about your use with your peers?

Do you test your pills?

What was your first time like? Have taken other substances (LSD maybe)?

Not that i'm try to solict or deal drugs but i'm interested in how a older man, new to the scene obtains MDMA.

I think MDMA is a great substance for home therapy. Uused in moderation and with care i believe it is a substance that reopens paths that were long closed due to bored, indifference, pain and anger.

It's only when it's abused, like with so many candy kids, that's dark side opens up and swallows you.

 

[Pleonastic]

I use to have minor depression and self esteem issues growing up until early twenties. I first started dropping pills as all my mates were doping it(not peer pressured at all, just wanted too see what the big deal was). Over the next two years of low - moderate xtc use i found that i had not felt down at all(besides the odd comedown) and my confidence and self esteem had greatly increased. I now feel like a shadow of my former self and can communicate on a whole new level. :D

If I cut and paste this post and submitted it under my own name, not a word of it would be a lie. That's pretty much my exact situation, obviously with a few minor differences, but still - the basic arc of the story is the same as my own.

It's great stuff when used like this.

 

[zaineaol.nu]

We used to, then we stopped doing drugs together period really...

Makes you wonder.

 

[Fry-d-]

onthemend don't be fooled into thinking Bluelight is just full of teenage kandy ravers, far from it.

As hoptis pointed out there is a fair few threads around bluelight on the topic of alternate MDMA uses if you can hunt them up, feel free to bump up an old topic if you want to raise new points. I've edited the name of this thread to make it more obvious what its about.

Welcome to Bluelight

 

[kittymeow]

See if you can find a book called Ecstasy - The Complete Guide by Julie Holland

It basically discusses the use of MDMA for therapy and also a lot of background info on how it became illegal and its chemical makeup etc. Maybe its not entirely relevent but it is a very interesting read and shows that not everyone who takes the stuff is 18 and listens to dance music.

 

[onthemend]

More About Me

just a few questions (ok half-dozen)....

How did you find Bluelight?

Prior to taking MDMA what were your attitudes on illegal drugs?

Are your children at a teenage type age level. Will you disclose your use of MDMA? Do you talk about your use with your peers?

Do you test your pills?

What was your first time like? Have taken other substances (LSD maybe)?

Not that i'm try to solict or deal drugs but i'm interested in how a older man, new to the scene obtains MDMA.

I think MDMA is a great substance for home therapy. Uused in moderation and with care i believe it is a substance that reopens paths that were long closed due to bored, indifference, pain and anger.

It's only when it's abused, like with so many candy kids, that's dark side opens up and swallows you.

I found Bluelight simply by searching for "MDMA" or "ecstacy"

I'm no stranger to illegal drugs. I used to be a pothead (do kids say "stoner" these days?) from about age 17 to 22 and I took LSD 3 times (all unpleasant - pretty much psychotic). Later in my twenties and early thirties I took amphetamines ("speed") recreationally - I quit because it was no longer fun, it was becoming an addiction.

My boys are aged 6 & 8. I don't intend to lie to them about this stuff but with that intention I feel a responsibility to do what I'm doing as safely and responsibly as I can.

I disclose sometimes when I feel secure and when I feel that I won't be judged.

No, I don't test my pills.

First time was magic. On my own in a warehouse studio/office in the evening after everyone had gone home. I intended it to be a "cerebral" experience (because I tend to be that way) and it mostly was cerebral but I felt very in-tune with my body and it felt wonderful to alternately stretch and relax. I spent the whole time lying on my back on the (carpeted) floor of a dimly-lit room. I wanted to have a minimum of sensory input.

I obtained the first 2 pills from an old aquaintance whom I bumped into after many years. He helped me out once but didn't want to do it regularly (& I don't blame him). I think he didn't feel comfortable enough to pass me on to his contact.
Next time, I got some pills from a guy down the corridor at work. Turned out that he was unloading some crap (speed? Sudafed?) pills that he'd been ripped-off on.
Most recently, an aquaintance at work got me some but she doesn't have a regular supply. I don't want to bother her (or my other contact) any more - they know I want pills but they're not offering to help and I don't want to be more painful than I feel I've already been.

I like what you said: "it is a substance that reopens paths that were long closed due to bored, indifference, pain and anger."
I agree - I have many paths like that.

Cheers,
-P

 

[neville]

achieving the MDMA effect naturally and permanently

Hello this is my first post, I dont usually post on the net but this topic really interests me so I thought I'd put my two cents in.

I've had a keen interest in psychology, spirituality and human potential (and MDMA) for a while and just wanted to share what I have read about Dr. Arthur Janovs 'primal therapy'. His outlook (shared by many from different modalities) is that most humans whether we consider ourselves 'normal' or not are in fact neurotic, which is caused by traumatic events from early childhood which are repressed in the unconscious, thus creating a deep split in the psyche, meaning we dont really 'know who we are'.

He has this to say about MDMA:

"Those who take it find that they are truly in ecstasy. Why? Because they can feel again. They are euphoric because they are finaly i touch with themselves. The drug releases enormous amounts of seratonin, and lowers inhibition. The problem is that in very high doses it can kill seratonin cells, and in very rare instances it can kill the person.
Ecstacy does allow some great insights because the defence level is interrupted and there is access to the feeling level. Despite these insights, and despite the profound change the person thinks he has undergone, the change is temporary. The pain has not gone away, one has simply bypassed it for the moment. There is a way to accomplish all this in a natural way, for if you dont you've got to go on taking drugs like ecstasy. If done naturally you recapture yourself permanently." :D

Primal therapy along with other related approaches advocated re expressing these buried emotions in order to "become yourself" again. This is far from just a trendy "new age" idea, it really is a science, if you can get your hands on one of his books you can see the scientific depth to which they take this approach.
I know personally that when Im on E the feeling really is a more natural one in every way. I feel free of the barrage of useless thoughts which just seem to restrict me the rest of the time. If this therapy was available where I live Id jump at the chance, why not?
Everyone whos had true MDMA can testify to the incredible "aliveness" of the experience, any activity which is trying to reach that state permanently seems like a a worthy experiment to me. I doubt that it means you would walk around with a gurn face all the time lol, I think those side affects can be put down to the fact that the drug is doing a BIG thing in a very short time, and is itself an amphetamine like substance.
Anyway seeing though this forum is full of people who love the feeling of MDMA I thought this would be interesting to consider.

 

[onthemend]

Hi neville (& all),
I'm glad that you were lured out of your lurk!

most humans whether we consider ourselves 'normal' or not are in fact neurotic

A thing that I read at Hedweb struck me as very significant after my first MDMA experience, ie., "....most of us are doomed to display the quasi-psychopathic indifference to each other characteristic of the MDMA-naive state." Isn't a defining characteristic of psychopaths the inability to empathise with others? I wonder whether we all fall somewhere along that continuum from Psychopath to Buddha. I wonder whether MDMA is like "Jump Ahead Twenty Spaces" in the Game of Personal Growth - a glimpse of something to strive for in daily life.

Despite these insights, and despite the profound change the person thinks he has undergone, the change is temporary.

I'm not sure whether I totally agree with Janov's assertion - I think that once your consciousness has been expanded, it doesn't return to its previous shape (that's a paraphrase of something I read somewhere).
I gotta go and eat my (late) dinner!
I'm enjoying this discussion.
Cheers,
-P